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You were unhappy and you weren't compatible. If your family gives you a hard time about the break up then that's all your response need be. Don't be afraid to set personal boundaries with your family.
Ultimately it's up to you but I think in this case the right thing to do is allow her to have her closure even if you have to take a little heat from it.
There's both good and bad advice given here. Consider it all, then decide for yourself.
Yes, but i feel like i shouldn't go over there cuss he told me he will send her out if I'm there but i don't want him to do that anyway. he already agreed for her to be there so why send her out now?
I guess my only worry is that if anything were to ever happen between me and this guy that it would look bad for me to be in the closet or whatever this is. I know that gay/bi people who are out don’t really fw people who want to keep that on the dl, but I know I’m thinking way too far into the future right now lol. Thanks for the perspective though.
a guy who I find incredibly attractive
What's good about him? Are you chasing the same tall, hard guy just like 99% of everyone else is? Or is this just some dumpy-but-compatible-with-you guy who's adding girls aspirationally?
How was the experience when you went out? Was he engaged? Is he only engaged in person? Did he push for a hook-up?
There's not enough information here for people to be helpful.
I do think you should drop it and let her go, it doesn't seem unreasonable at all for her to choose to go to her friend's birthday over yours.
I also think you're right to want to dial back your commitment to her a bit. If she meant what she said, she'd back it up through her actions. She insisted you prioritize one another over friends, and then the first time you asked her to do so, she blew off that commitment.
You've only been with her for a couple months. Let her go, and when she gets back, tell her you understand why she went, but you also recognize she wasn't honest with you about what she said and that you want to dial things back a bit and get to know one another better.
It isn’t an overreaction. Don’t be married to a man who humiliates you, don’t be married to a man who tells lies about you, and most of all don’t be married to a man who makes up lies about you for the purpose of humiliating you.
1) your ex is awful and does not deserve forgiveness. He breaks up with you because “I don’t want to get too attached since we’re going to college!”, fucks your friend, then wants to get back with you (even though you’re still presumably going to be going to college)? I suspect that even if he legitimately believed his own reason for the breakup, it was mostly so he could sleep around then have you to fall back on. If you get back with him it will confirm to him that he can treat you like shit, put you on the back burner, and sleep with other women (EVEN YOUR FRIENDS) while still having you. DO NOT GET BACK WITH HIM.
2) your friend is arguably worse for generally knowing the situation and then sleeping with him anyway all while making it about herself. Your other friend and your sister were put in an awkward position, sure, but they should’ve told you and it’s absolutely fucked that they didn’t do so. I am so, SO sorry for you and the fact that so many people in your life have dropped the ball. I know graduating is a super difficult and stressful time with a lot of change and this bullshit is not making it any better but I believe in you and your ability to power through. You will make it through this as a better person despite everyone who has failed you.
With that, my main advice: the ex boyfriend is terrible, do not get back with him. Your friend is even worse, do not entertain or talk with her. Do you need to be angry? No, not if you don’t want to. Confrontation will make it worse and it’s best to just phase out. Block them both on everything and ignore them, and if anyone tries to coerce you into talking to them, continue to distance yourself. As for your sister and your other friend, what they did was shitty although they were put into an awkward position so as long as this isn’t a frequent issue I’m not going to yell at you to cut them off as they were kinda just stuck in the middle. Aside from that, time will heal and you’ll be okay, just focus on college and bettering yourself. Sending love ❤️
As always: LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH. You can love a person who is terrible to you. You can love someone who beats you, who insults who, you kills you. Loving someone does not make a relationship successful.
Healthy, successful relationships require common life outlooks, goals, and expectations. You do not have that. You are both very young and have completely different political and world views. This is not going to work.
Why on earth are you mad at your sister when your husband literally text book r-worded her??? Tf?
Actually, prosecutors get exculpatory evidence (evidence of innocence) excluded all the time. There are plenty of people doing prison time because they were not allowed to present evidence of their innocence.
If he lives in a two-party consent state (all parties to a conversation must know that the conversation may be recorded), he should try to get an admission/apology via messaging.
He should then take that phone and send it to someone who will keep it forever for him (his mom?). Remember to write the password on a piece of paper and tape the paper to the phone.
He can buy himself a new phone to celebrate getting away from this … person.
There’s nothing you can do here OP. I’m as puzzled by all of this as you are and frankly it’s not your job to sort it out.
Your SIL is claiming things were told to her, and everyone involved, including the person who supposedly told her, is saying those conversations never happened.
Don’t send her an invitation, Just totally ignore her and go about planning your wedding accordingly. This is not your problem
You can’t solve a problem that you didn’t cause. Do not marry this man. You deserve someone who will love and cherish you no matter what. This guy isn’t that guy.
Men don’t leave the relationship because they don’t value the other person’s experience and because they’re satisfied having the wife roll adequately filled; they don’t want to manage their own domestic life. That’s what women are for, right???
YIKES.
You know the right reaction from a loving spouse would be to ask if you are okay and telling you you will be okay and not pressuring you into finding something else to support her lifestyle IMMEDATELY,right?
“YOU HAVE A JOB YET?”
She sounds unsufferable.
You absolutely tell her, she deserves to know.
Don't ever stay with anyone like that. He isn't teaching you lessons, he's breaking you down. You can't even imagine how much worse it's going to get if you stay on this path. I recall a story of a female friend I had, she didn't leave her abusive boyfriend and let him hurt her for years, until he held her cat out of the window of their apartment and taunted her. That was her switching point. You may think that you can withstand any pain, but people like your partner will find what hurts you if only through trial and error.
Your spirit is going to feel broken whether you leave or stay, but it'll only heal after you've left. Please be ok op.