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Wait, so I’m clear 2 chicks forced themselves on him? Were they mma fighters, or jit jitsu black belts? Was he restrained in anyway or inebriated? We’re these chicks two times his size? Does he have some sort or chronic illness or does he have a physical deformity that would prevent him from just getting up and walking out? Something is a miss here…
Do you think she feels that all you do is trauma dump when you guys meet up? Not a lot of people enjoy hanging out with people that do this. Since you said she is avoidant, do you think she didn’t know how to let you know she didn’t like it and avoided this problem for years? A good therapist can do wonders with helping you overcome your over sharing for future relationships. Now, if this is not that at all, a therapist can still help you come to terms with the loss of this friendship. Not everyone stays friends with their “friends” forever. So you shouldn’t sweat it. This feeling will go away in time, but best go to therapy to and not let it fester.
You sound awesome. I like people that know where they stand. It show how much you value yourself.
Stay who you are and dont change to make anyone else more comfortable
no bullshit no one sends it to someone who doesn't deserve their money
It's not your fault, it's just how things are with him.. But I hope you guys can pull through.. But don't lay on your back and allow him to do all this shitty behavior.. There is no excuse for him to take it out on you, for things that happened in his past
RUN
You didn’t waste anything! You were living and learning.
It's fine but be careful because any woman who would be okay dating a 20 yr old when they are 10+ yrs older than you is just bad news , wait until you are at least 25 before pursuing women that much older than you.
Live! dating is difficult, especially considering how much the landscape of it has changed since you were on the market 12 years ago. Tbh, a large percentage of Bumble/tindr/whatever dates are awkward regardless of whether you are grieving someone. If you haven’t done so already, maybe mention on your profile that you’re a widower. You dont need to put a bunch of paragraphs specifically detailing your grief or anything, it’s just context that might be helpful for people. Many of the widowed people I’ve known who began dating again eventually married partners who were also widowed, so you might even connect with someone in a similar situation to you who understands the difficulty of trying to date after losing a spouse
Cheating on you would be wrong, and he's a shit for threatening it.
That said, kids vs no kids is the great relationship dealbreaker. The two of you are no longer compatible, and it's time to move on.
I mean look at the way he talks, he is terrified of being a rapist. This is not going to work out and/or it will not be healthy.
Anyway, let's take our hand of the trigger on the “he's a rapist” comments. Reddit is a cliche because of it.
A lot of young women learn early on that intelligence/academic success scares men off. So they lie about their intellectual interests. If OP is at all competitive, she may not be telling the truth about her knowledge of current books, news or anything, just to avoid a discussion that becomes a competition.
There are very few people with no actual personality.
From his point of view he sees your younger sister who moved out with bad credit and no savings. On top of this she is maxing her credit cards and is asking for a large sun of money. No one in there right mind would borrow money with this information. Realistically if she can’t afford to live! now how is she going to pay you back? Either you tell him the truth or you get a job.
It sounds like the cat is near the end of its life. When I first met my girlfriend, her family was giving their 20 year old cat intervenous water feedings. This is what some people do.
I agree, I cannot imagine going NC over this. I am very close to someone who had to go NC with family and it is a very damaging consequence at the end of a long line of things that would ultimately be more damaging if they continued. Not going to get into specifics, but it was not a decision made lightly and not one that required second opinions. I can't believe this is the only boundary crossing thing grandma has done. If it is, or they're all this mild, I suggest OP get a psychological evaluation. Not letting someone babysit alone (which one might choose to not allow just because someone is very absentminded or forgetful, or old school or stubborn about weird things) is very different from never speaking to them again. Geez.
if he wants to have sex he needs to grow into a respectful man and get a girlfriend
100% agree with you.
Having sex with someone, is not a handout. And he is somewhat expecting it to be, like an entitlement… not the best thoughts to develop.
He wants an easy ride without the effort to back it.
He should meet someone, develop a connection, introduce intimacy… everything done on his own accord and not use mom as a matchmaker. Otherwise he will become dependent on that.
If he pouts, let him pout. Sorry. Grow up a little for him.
And maybe, start to privatize your lifestyle from him. Him being fully exposed to your life is playing a role in this development. I think you should start sheltering him from some of these things.
My fellow redditor, I’ve lived with romantic partners and flatmates long enough to be tired of it.
But bag of dead animal fur is something I would draw the line too. There is nothing wrong with that. It’s just not my kind of crazy.
That’s what max 6 hours a week what does he do with the rest of his time off?
Its not usually that bad but it is still going every couple of minutes there are farts….
If it's about religion, maybe god has a family who can't have kids. Adoption. I mean didn't God put doctors and knowledge here or something too? Not good for the whole family to have a walking picture reminder of a traumatic event. Lots of therapy and communication are needed.
But how is that clear?
What are you asking for advice on?
Good on your son for having a shiny spine and setting boundaries for himself and his own well being when his own mother left him out in the cold.
I find it nude to believe someone that emotionally devastated would even be able to begin conveying what the other person said so calmly and in such detail. The level of detail reads like a book and people never tell a story like that especially when they aren’t dealing with something so emotional.
Who the fuck has time time to juggle 5 guys at once. My god. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.
inb4 OP reveals they got married 9 months ago and they have a 6 month old child.
While i can understand where your partner and hey children are coming from here's what i will say as the dd child out:
It sucks to knows everything that my dad and siblings did together when i wasn't there. It hurt and always made me feel left out.
Do i think it could be different here because you maintain more communication, possibly. But like you said, you don't lie to her. If she asks you'll answer. But if it's bed time anyway, it doesn't matter. Those phone calls are probably more about her anyway
No, but do you really think that I’ll take advice from this site seriously?
Apparently down votes dictate how your feelings are controlled.. maybe delete them if your karma is so precious to you.
Sounds to me like that friendship he was building was always only meant to get you into bed. Once the opportunity went away his interest did too.
1.5 mill? Only if you want to live! in the posh suburbs.
I wouldn’t be surprised if mom wasn’t okay with that. I wouldn’t want a stranger (which OP’s boyfriend essentially is) to see me in such a vulnerable state.
Just be careful because that's how some women get dragged along or played
They live! in Toronto. That's not the “average” housing market, and her fiance is apparently a flashy kind of guy if he's the type that blows through $400K in a year, gambles away $100K in a year without blinking an eye, lies about how much he's saved by double the amount, and really wants to on-line in a home over $1Mil.
The thing is it's on your parents to make this right. They have done a terrible job of being parents. You need to take care of yourself. Your family is wallowing in their generational trauma. None of this is on you. You are a veteran because you have been fighting for your life for 33 years! Be kind to yourself and put yourself first. Don't be a councilor to your parents, aunts, uncles, grands, or siblings. Do a slow slide out of their lives. Start by keeping your money to yourself, don't answer every call or every text. Get alternative SM accounts and don't follow/friend any of them while you keep your old accounts that they know open but don't be active on the old ones.
You deserve kindness, love and respect.
Then you need to just break up. Why would you not?
I’d let her. It could be good for your relationship. She might see you as an expert but when it comes to paying for services, she might think it’s more comfortable for her to pay someone else (and have more directive say on how she wants things done etc). That might not happen with you and it might end up in resentment.
Take it in a positive note and continue to be supportive. If she asks you for advice, give it. If not, don’t. Good luck!
I'm so sorry OP. You did not deserve this. She truly is the bottom of the bucket. You deserve so much better. With a child together, you will have to find some way to stay civil. I wish you all the best. Keep working with your therapist.