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jules and dave, 58 y.o.
Location: Perth Western Australia
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Get therapy to help with these feelings or your girlfriend, and everyone else around you, will resent you just as much.
Guys this is obviously satire
I have extreme anxiety. My ex was also a cocaine addict. I tried it once, more to please him than anything and it sent me into such a rage I thought I was going to end up in a psych ward for my own safety. I was a mess. Punching myself, punching the stone wall outside my work place, of all places, pushing my ex, throwing things. It's a behaviour I've never seen in myself and is one I don't want to see again.
Honestly seeing how a secondary association with hard drugs ruined my relationship, my mental health, my family and my home, I really wouldn't recommend trying it or associating with anyone who raves about it. Your boyfriend isn't controlling, he's looking out for you.
Your wife is afraid of losing her mother. That cancer gave her a scare of how mortal her dear mother is. So she's trying to spend as much time with her as possible and unfortunately that's becoming a burden on you and your children. You are no longer “safe” in the privacy of your own home, feel suffocated by her constant presence and her grandchildren have reached the point of hating to be near her.
I am 100% certain that if her health would deteriorate to the point she needs constant care, she'd move your MIL into your home without discussing it with you. And I can attest to have seen marriages get ruined by that.
Your wife needs to accept that this isn't healthy. This is no longer about love, but obsession. The people I know that obsessed so hard about their elderly parents have lashed out hot to the people closest to them. Some even picking up addictions or abusive habits.
It's true that I may be thinking too negatively due to my past experiences, because you seem to have a good and stable relationship.
So best of luck to you!
OP, I'm an atheist and so is my partner. He comes from a Muslim country though. When our son was small, he was talking to our neighbour who is Algerian and she was telling he needed to circumcise our son, which he agreed was a good idea. I immediately decided that if I couldn't persuade him not to, I would simply have to take our son away, no way was I going to let him mutilate my boy like that.
He doesn't mind you being an atheist but he wants his children to grow up in the church. This would simply mean that you'd be left out of all sorts of stuff, from services to picnics to goodness knows what else.
And then whatever the children decide once they're old enough to decide for themselves, he'll either take it as a victory or blame you for brainwashing them, it'd be very difficult for everyone to remain calm with such huge differences in mindset.
I mean… it’s clear that the best solution here is therapy. Get OP help on how to deal with his historical traumatic events but how help on how to deal with abuse in the future. Isn’t that what therapy is for? Is the first step to acknowledge that somethings wrong?
The ignorance you have is screaming through the phone 🙂
No it's even worse. He's capable of telling her no, he just doesn't want to or sees the need to. OP has an MIL problem and an SO problem
Unlike the rest of those commenting here, I get it. I'm a very grumpy woman. All my life, I've had people I deeply cared about (and subsequently lost from my life) tell me that I'm grumpy, bitchy, depressed, detached, etc etc etc and I need to change. It was a dagger to my heart every time. I've worked on myself and have come to understand that a lot of my grumpiness comes from unresolved trauma due to a very abusive upbringing, and I've struggled hard to let a lot of that go. I've been in therapy for years, and have been diagnosed with ASD (Aspergers), misophonia, dyscalculia, and prosopagnosia. I chilled out a little more after learning of these diagnoses, because they gave me reasons why Im the way I am. But at the end of every day, even on my best day, I am still a grumpy person. I HATE and can barely tolerate noise, bad smells, bright lights, people asking me too many questions, and a host of other things. I have the worlds worst resting bitch face. When I am overwhelmed, which is often, I have to isolate and process. And woe to anyone who tries to push me during a period of such hibernation.
I asked my husband of 8 years recently how come he has never once chided or bitched at me for my grumpiness. He looked at me like I was nuts and said, “because that's just who you are.” And I burst into tears, because up to then I didnt realize that I had been waiting my entire life to hear that. He, and my very small circle of trusted friends, GET me. They LET me. But, I also work VERY hot to let those I love, KNOW I love them. I listen to them without judgement when they need to vent, I send them flowers for no reason, I bake for them, I take lots of time to choose thoughtful gifts for their birthdays and holidays, I check in with them and actively engage with them positively on social media, I TELL THEM I love them.
So, what I'm trying to say is, you can be a grumpy dude. But you HAVE to balance it with a lot of kindness. You also need people in your life who will accept it about you. Perhaps your girlfriend can't accept it about you. Perhaps if you start making a lot of effort to show her how much you care about her with words and actions, your grumpiness will be easier for her to tolerate.
Not all of us are happy, shiny people. And if we aren't naturally like that, we can't pretend to be for very long. And it's OK – because how do we know there is light if there isn't darkness. Just try to have more balance. If I can, you definitely can.