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No we weren’t dating yet and I told him no hard feelings I told him I didn’t care if it was every so often but to it be a consuming thing it bothered me
Why not bring it up half joking. See what happens.
Mate you're spot on
The only way people like this get away with it is because she knows he's a massive wet wipe, it's probably the reason she didn't want to get fucked in the ass by him
It's sad but true, women value dominance, he clearly is too submissive.
It's evident in the way he's handling this situation, there should be a discussion anymore it should only be my way or the high way, she needs to be told what to do not given options of what she wants
That's the only way she will learn and ever be remorseful is to be treated like a child.
She needs phones monitored, social media controlled and her where abouts disclosing
You are her new back-up plan.
Do with that what you will.
Yep, I got to:
(He doesn’t want dudes seeing me without him)
And didn't need to read further.
All great questions that weve talked about! My partner kind of just wants me to figure all of that and hes cool with whatever. Which at least wont be confusing for the child, but feels weird to me. We also both dont come from 2 parent households, so i also struggle with understanding if “good” parents would equally make these choices together. Or if its normal for something as big as spiritually can be guided by one parent.
Abusers keep their victims hooked by intermittently being excessively nice. It keeps you off balance and makes you think there is hope for change. It's a trap.
*he will always choose his brother over me*
*no way I can contact him at the moment since he's blocked me*
*he is the one that pays bills*
Dude, you have major problems.
He TOLD you he will pick his brother over you. This would have me going to the nearest divorce lawyer.
He BLOCKED you! What if you get sick or injured?
He pays the bills so he has you financially dependent on him.
Major problems you have to acknowledge and understand.
Don't think of it as a mindset, it is a deeply engrained believe, that she is not allowed to “cause trouble”.
It is basically like telling you, not to worry about a really basic every day rule, think like “Don't curse at your parents” and now imagine yourself doing that. Picture yourself telling your mom she is a worthless bitch for asking you to borrow her your car. (Or something that applies to you feeling like it is deeply disrespectful and not your place to refuse with a sprinkle of fear she would hurt you physically)
THAT is what it might feel like for your girlfriend. She can work towards letting gonof that feeling, but it probably doesn't help her to just demand boundaries.
Encourage her. Offer her to give you a sign if she needs (silent!) backup. Let her find a way to “not cause a scene” while still making her own position clear. Talk to her “we against the problem, not each other”. The problem isn't her not enforcing boundaries, it's her not feeling comfortable to do so and feeling even more pressured by you.
What can both of you do to make her more comfortable to reject people, to know she has the rightvto do so.
Going by the posts that come in on this topic, the common theme amongst all of these is that the person asking is in the position where their partner is their “first”.
We see it here with the OP, his wife was his first at everything and as with the other posts made about these topics, it's that that is the key thing to understand.
A good case in point is your own experience with your bf. You both have come into the relationship with 'history” so you are pretty much on an even keel when it comes to this. For the majority of people this is fairly standard in 2023.
The issue seems to always arise when one is way under experienced (or not experienced at all) and that lack of experience just doesn't allow them the luxury of thinking it through. All they have to go on is a general sense of discomfort where they try and equate the person that they know now, to the person they were in the past.
For those of us who have come into relationships with experience, with knowledge and with the emotional abilities borne out of past relationships to rely on, it makes no sense that people feel this way. To those who don't have that, it's a complete mind-fuck.
Holy crap. Thank you for this.
My divorce was 20 years ago but I never before realized how my ex actually leveraged our MC into her abuse.
“I have no idea what motivated him to tell me this”. The cynic in me calls bull shit in the guilty conscience and thinks that he told you a sanitised trickle truth version of events before someone else tells you. The place has probably just been raided and he's worried about the police turning up on the doorstep. So he's playing the “I was depressed, it was only once, it was only a hand job” excuse. It is probably the tip of the iceberg.
Take accountability and confront your mistakes
Thank you.
Yeah so that’s what I’m saying, she acted embarrassed the next day, saying she thought our eel would be toxic, and i said well we don’t have to talk anymore but she didn’t want that… and i like her so much, but she seems to feel embarrassed. And i was just telling her like who cares, we were drunk? ??but i see the red flags i guess… i think she thinks I’m mad
It sucks I really don’t know what to do. I still feel the same way I don’t want to leave her or didn’t want too but she insisted and I had to let go.I don’t want another girl I want to be with her I don’t even want to think about someone else.I’m sorry I’m crying rn and frustrated thank you for the advice it helps even if it’s a little
Age gaps aren’t inherently a terrible thing, but in my opinion only in very specific scenarios is it okay.
I say this as someone who was 19 and my husband was 25 when we got together. This is a grey area imo, as
1- we were at similar times of our life in that we were both studying still, he took a long time off due to illness and then working to support his parents,
2- I knew he didn’t have a history of dating younger women, all his previous partners were around his age. We became friends first through mutual work friends and it grew to become a relationship. (I was over 18 the entire time we were friends)
2- he was aware of the power imbalance that can come in age gap relationships and left every decision up to me in terms of how fast we moved and made sure never used this power to sway me to do things I didn’t want to do.
3- he was accepting that whilst he was over his clubbing / drinking / partying stage I wasn’t, and was understanding and trusted me that I still wanted to go out with my friends and enjoy my youth (without being with other people of course)
We are now married and have been together 14 years, still going as strong as ever and I can’t wait to share the rest of my life with my best friend. Making the decision to give him a chance is the absolute best decision I’ve ever made and I hate to think that I may have missed out on such happiness and love because I was afraid of what others may think.
He got a tiny bit of jokey criticism in the beginning but trust me the older you both get the less anyone will care, but at the end of the day, do what makes you both happy because it’s your lives.