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Had a similar situation with my previous GF. Found texts or pictures or something in my phone that I genuinely didn’t know were there. Definitely validate her feelings but also understand you didn’t do anything wrong and shouldn’t be made to feel like a villain. Sounds like you already apologized and validated her but if she can’t meet you half way and acknowledge that you’re only human and that this is a very hot stop for her and the relationship, you may need to step back as well and reevaluate. Again, her feelings towards seeing you with an ex in the way she did totally makes sense but if you’re putting in the work to mend things over and make sure she feels validated and heard and she’s still not coming around, gets to a point where it’s no longer fair to you.
Jesus fucking Christ go kill yourself mate
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That's called mind fuckering!
It means that he knows he's wrong but intentionally destabilizes, confuses and manipulates you.
Most of the other comments have already covered the “she’s hiding you theory” but another one could be she’s “soft launching” the relationship. It’s a trend on tiktok where girls don’t show their boyfriends in photos, but rather two drinks in their Instagram story, or a guys arm around their shoulder in the selfie but never showing his face.
I personally think it’s stupid; but some women are into it as they don’t want to have their feed clogged up by someone they’re not serious with.
That being said, threatening the police is never ok and you should break up because that is a mass overreaction.
Stop
You both need to want to address this for their to be any chance of salvaging this. Touch matters. Sex matters. Time to have a real discussion about whether to keep going or not. It would take a big commitment from both of you.
You need to just ask him to do it more regularly. It's gross that the maggots were in there. It should not be that way.
He wouldn't get so overwhelmed if he did it more often.
Social media is really crap for relationships. You both should unfollow every app.
He's too old and has too much bagage.
She is traumatised by her past relationship, and was judging through her past partners behaviour. She can change, and if she wants to she will. She regrets her actions, and would not do them again. She has lied initially, cause she did nit want to lose you, but she does feel guilty about so she told you now.
Honestly I see green flags here. Leaving her over this would gigantic mistake on your part. Nothing here makes me believe she would betray in the future.
Your wife is actively telling you she loves her child more than she loves you. She wants you to move away from your family and friends and where you have lived for a long time, just to be near her child and family. She is a Hippocrite. A massive one.
Since you both want to live near your respective families, you need a decider. In my opinion, since you have both lived in the current place for an extended time, that is the default and you shouldn’t be expected to move against your will.
Your wife is of course free to move if she wants to, and you are free to stay. I would counsel against moving away from your own family under the circumstances you describe. It will only end up with you being sad and upset and feeling trapped.
If your wife’s biggest concern is related to insurance accross state lines and not that she wouldn’t see you everyday, then it’s nude to believe you aren’t a meal ticket for her, rather than a husband.
Just as a final point, are you sure her son and family want you both nearby? My SIL lives interstate, and her favourite rhetoric is “poor me, my mum isn’t here to help me and you get help all the time” to my wife. But she moved away. It was an active choice she made, and my MIL floated the idea of moving to be closer to her to help etc and it was rapidly shutdown by SIL.
he sought out their advice regarding his dissatisfaction with our sex life during brunch with them and their wives
This on it's own isn't particularly bad, different people have different comfort levels with this sort of thing and unless you specifically told him beforehand that you're not comfortable with him sharing these details I can see why he thought it might not be an issue, but I imagine it would have been nice if he'd asked first anyway.
I expressed my discomfort with this and that I felt disrespected
Totally reasonable boundary to lay down. This is the part where a partner who cares about you would normally apologize for making you uncomfortable and open a dialogue to figure out where the line is so that he can continue to feel supported by his friends without feeling like he's betraying your trust.
He says this is the way he and his friends have always hashed out issues and that he won’t accommodate my request
Here's the big issue. You've told your partner that his behavior hurts you and you want him to stop and he's basically told you that he's going to keep doing the thing that you specifically asked him not to do.
To me, this is a pretty clear indicator that your partner does not respect you. Instead of respecting that you have a say in this relationship too and meeting you halfway, he's decided that what he wants is more important. How often does this sort of thing happen? Because something tells me this isn't the first time.
How would you explain why this is insensitive and disrespectful?
Honestly? I wouldn't, I would just full on bail from this relationship. You tried to set a very reasonable boundary with your partner and they told you to your face that not only will they not respect the boundary, but they'll just lie to you about it (lie of omission is still a lie) going forward. Someone who supposedly loves you basically told you to go fuck yourself after you made a perfectly normal request.
I'm not sure why you think you deserve this sort of treatment, but you don't. If your partner needs support or relationship advice then he can get a therapist, otherwise he's just prioritizing gossiping with his friends over your privacy which really says a lot about the state of your relationship.