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I don’t blame him. In many aspects this is irreconcilable. I am very sorry that your ancestors caused so much unrest across Europe, which you may not directly wish to identify with. In fact, I think this is still going on now. You asked about what to do. Wait it out for a while if you are in the mood, then walk.
You mean he's carrying his portable communication device with him?…IN HIS POCKET?
Would you prefer it be up his butt?
I asked -OP-:
“I have to ask, I've always wondered about this – do you know anyone else, who acts like this and is in a happy, long-term relationship?”
Do the people you know act like this (Original Post) in a happy LTR?
I asked a question, but I didn't ask “Does anyone in a happy relationship not talk to anyone of the opposite sex”
It looks like you're getting some kind of tone, which is completely unnecessary.
Posting it to her is not maintaining no contact.
No contact means absolutely no contact in any form at all. It doesn't mean you can skirt around her request by being cheeky with the boundary she set and posting it to her. It means zero contact, of any kind.
Posting to to her is not respectful of her, and goes completely against the no contact rule in place.
He sounds like a narcissist to me. After having several experiences with this type of man I suggest you run fast and far and cut all contact when you do. This is the type of man who will destroy your fucking life at his convenience. This guy sounds so toxic and horrible I honestly can’t even believe you’re with him. And he’s gaslighting you by trying to make you feel bad for calling him out on being an absolute liar. He chose to lie about having a life-threatening condition. He took away your choice over your own body. To me, I consider that assault. And can you even really believe what he says about what the doctor told him? For all we know that’s another lie and he just doesn’t wanna use a condom and doesn’t care enough about your health and safety to do so. Get away from this guy before he ruins your fucking life. You don’t owe him an explanation. You can literally send a break up text and block him. Because I guarantee when you go to break up with him it’s going to be dramatic and manipulative and he’ll say whatever you want to hear to keep you staying with him. I really hope you make it out of this without being collateral damage for a narcissist.
New bank and credit cards. All new accounts for any delivery. Lock down your credit. That way they can not set up new ones.
I believe that right now it sounds like the healthiest decision you can make is truly going to affect each of you in different ways. Questions like these are normal in these circumstances, because a relationship with this progression is very “forever” in a way since there is an engagement in the possible mix which leads to marriage which ideally is something you want to stick with for the rest of your life. So, that is a huge commitment.
It sounds like you two have had a pretty strong relationship from the brief description we have since you mention you have communicated to a degree the emotions your feeling. While not explicitly which at this time I would say is a smart decision. One thing I will say and this is something you should definitely keep in mind is do not make any rash or impulsive decisions and do not discuss this with her until you have gone through it thoroughly and have determined at least some course of action or have firmed up your intentions. Mentioning this at an early or developmental stage opens her mind to the insecurity of your relationship and the possibility of it ending. Creating unnecessary doubt or worry because of a way you are feeling now but may not in the future is not something you want to put on someone because truly there are some battles that do not need to be externally expressed to your partner at certain stages.
There is a lot of details I feel that are lacking for me to really give advice on what you should do, which also tells me that these thoughts and feelings while valid are at an early developmental phase. They are not necessarily something that would be relationship breaking because frankly a lot of what you mentioned is part of the long term relationship struggles that you overcome. Not in a way that you overlook it, rather, you reason with it and understand it.
I would say maybe the relationship needs challenged, not in a negative way but maybe you need to have a conversation with her and just talk about what you want and what you are looking for and ask her the same. From there, try to give that and see how it goes and then if you are still feeling the same or if she is not receptive then it could be time to get a third party involved.
I appreciate this! It’s good to know that I’m not the only person feeling this way. I’ve thought about therapy as well. Good luck to you, too!
Your advice could help me nip this in the bud
She still hangs out with the guy she cheated on you with? Man she doesn’t care about you or respect you one bit. It’s scary she has no remorse. I regrettably cheated before I regretted it so much I never spoke to that person again. Sounds like she doesn’t care.
I think it’s a huge red flag. I’d dump him
woman, have some respect… i feel second hand embarrassment from this post.
Grief since I know the dynamic of our friendship is ending.
Envy of the love and wanted feeling I remember having once.
Sad that she's not gonna be hanging out as much or never now.
My Dad proposed to my mom in a bathroom, and my brother proposed to his wife in a hallway. I fear my BF will do something similar. It sucks. You're boyfriend did something pretty cool still I'd be happy with it
If you confront him he’s most likely going to gaslight you and go off because you snooped through his phone and turn it all back around on you. I’d just leave with no explanation
If your sister can’t afford the repayments she should speak to stepchange charity.
They are an independent charity and very reassuring/ non-judgemental to speak to.
This will help get your sister a handle on her own situation, rather than just putting a sticking plaster over it.
She can also ask them about her budget for the future as I doubt you want her living with you forever.
They can make arrangements to reduce repayments, pause lenders from harassing your sister etc.
It will also mean you’re not stuck between your husband and sister. That said I think you should be honest with him about the situation. You’re supposed to be a partnership, it seems off to keep secrets from him.
Give him a biology 101 lesson and tell him it’s his misogynistic body that has determined the sex of your child.
Then tell him you will make damn sure your daughter doesn’t grow up feeling like a second class person because of her twat of a father.
Are you included in this friend group and their activities? If not that’s a red flag. Sounds like your BF enjoys having his ego stroked by her attention when he should be telling her that she needs to respect the relationship between you and him and back-off. If he continues to ignore your concerns or trivialize your feelings then you need to reassess your relationship with him. Because whether you are justified to feel jealous or not doesn’t change the fact that he’s being insensitive to your feelings.
You do realise you are on Reddit and people here actually post to have different opinions, with actual reasons or arguments, not just agree or disagree?
I do feel strongly about this, otherwise I would not comment. You reply to me expecting me not to? Good for you, I will keep doing what I want.
wildly overreact
How? By telling you your stance means you align with a cheater who puts theirs needs before that of other people? Ok. That is not what wildly overreacting means to me so there, we disagree on 2 things, internet stranger.
Thank you for this, very good post. I really am hoping for the best and will try to work on myself
I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that your dad is gone and won’t be there and I am sorry that your mother doesn’t understand. Would it make a difference if you could show her examples of other moms walking their daughter down the aisle? I’m sure you could find plenty of examples. You’re not the first to be in this sad situation. My heart aches for you. Brothers? Grandparents? Uncles? Anyone else who really influenced your life? I hope mom will change her mind. And. Congratulations. ????
I’d be hurt if my husband asked for a DNA test, but I wouldn’t say no to it. It would signal deeper trust issues going on that would be deserving of attention. But in your case cheaters always think everyone else is cheating. The trust and infidelity issues are the disease, this dna test is a symptom of the deeper issue.
What about a trial separation and she get a job to support herself? Absolutely no concept of money during a period where people are having trouble affording groceries and shelter is mine blowing and infuriating. She can work, she just doesn't want to but how many of us want to work? We work to pay the bills and save for the future. Why do you think people gamble and play the lotto, so they can win money and maybe not have work anymore.
Yeah you aren’t wrong, I mean we used to actually be friends so I didn’t think that ill of it but I do see now how it really wasn’t the best decision. So unsure where to go from here.
It breaks my heart, but I think you're right. Man, we worked so very hot for this and we both grew so much. I really thought that this was it, that this would be my person, that we could concur any issue. And just like that… alone again.
I would talk to a financial advisor with her and see what possibilities there are. I know I’m in school unmarried to use all my fafsa but my bachelor it’s will likely be all loans. My fiancé pays all bills and when I graduate ALL of my money will be going into the loans to get them paid off. While it won’t be near what she has maybe you two could plan to do the same.
If she puts ALL money aside from her personal bills like phone and car insurance into her loans for 2/3 years after she graduates it could potentially be okay but she has to be willing to do that and not just blow it because she has it
Okay, there's a lot of strange comments on here but the most important thing is you're feeling like you have to walk around eggshells and your husband is volatile and self harms. You have a responsibility to get him the hell away from you and away from that baby. If you have somebody around you who self harms and his volatile near a child that child is going to grow up with some serious serious issues. Fix this and by fix this I mean throw him out until he can get long-term therapy or just get a divorce which would be easier and better.
You don't face childish people like this. You BF should be dumped. He does not respect you or stand by your side in your time of need. Do you really want a partner that won't stand by your side when you need? There are plenty guys out there that would treat you like a queen, respect and cherish you.
You should distance yourself from them and cut ties completely from all of them. If that were me I would not tolerate any amount of apology from them. Whet they did was mean and nasty. I would delete all messages from them and block them immediately. Listening and reading them afterwards only makes you feel guilty for something you didn't do wrong
Okay, I feel like you're ignoring some major red flags here. And I'm telling you, this guy is an opportunistic user.
What happened when you suggested he rent somewhere else? I think that's your best indication of whether or not he's just a lazy jerk taking advantage of you, or if he's literally just using you as a live-in maid who's subsidizing his lifestyle as well.
Did he get extremely defensive when you asked about renting another place? Or did he actually acknowledge that it wasn't reasonable to be paying market rent to his mother for a high-priced luxury condo?
You want to spend more time with her while she seems to rather spend her time with others. You’ve told her several times and she didn’t change anything and even said she doesn’t understand your problem.
This won’t magically change, so you need to make a decision whether this is how you want your relationship to be or if it’s too much of an incompatibility.
Bro knowledge is power and I’m learning so no worries. How does it not completely remove the testicle? The wax I’ve seen seems super strong.
Not reading this… NONE!
I have metastatic cancer and I’ve never had to have someone wait on me hand, and foot for three days and not allow anyone else into the home. This is bat shit crazy.
It clearly was if it left bruises
Lol so you married some dude after a year and now somehow feel like it’s not right ?
Sorry I can’t imagine being that stupid at 19 or r 22. Get this annulled or whatever before he get you pregnant
You’ve got nothing to explain. He isn’t 2 years old. Do you really think he doesn’t understand it’s not nice? Do you think he’s that stupid?
He’s saying it with the very clear and conscious intention of hurting you. And for some reason you are oblivious.
It’s not about whether you should keep the feeling to yourself or tell him- it’s about the fact that you shouldn’t be with someone who even for a second thinks this is a reasonable way to speak to a partner.
This guy has a history of cheating with women who are in relationships? And seems to have no issues doing so? Even though they were all in your friend group? He enjoys the game of chase and conquest.
As others have said, don’t reveal your source. Just tell her to come clean because you know what happened. Don’t let her side track you about your source.
But coming home late Then sleeping on the couch Very hot After showering Then showering again While lying by omission and commission
Looks guilty to me.
Before you confront her, study up on body language tells that a person is lying.
I’m so sorry. I’ve been where you are myself.
Ask them if its ok to have drink around them.
The original post does not imply that he is “abandoning his kids” in any way.
Oh boy, I’m going to be extra honest here. If I was in a relationship with you and did love you incredibly much, I would still be SCARED AS HELL to tell you.
Having someone emotionally dependent like that isn’t a joke, it’s life destroying.
A human being goes to work, do sports, that’s the bare minimum.. sees friends, have other hobbies, goes to travel sometimes alone…
lately she never opens her phone around me, is always facing away from me while texting or will wait to finish a text to sit down to watch a movie.
I had an ex start doing this randomly. She was cheating on me.
asked if I ever get to the point where I feel the need would she let me go through her phone. Her response was freezing up, going super tense and saying, “don’t you trust me?”
That's exactly what someone would say when you shouldn't trust them. If my wife says: “Hey give me your phone” I say “Knock yourself out” and throw it at her. Literally, she'd do the same thing if I ask for hers.
As the kids would say, your girlfriend is SUS.