I get that, and if OP stated that her money was needed for bills, you wouldn’t have heard from me. But her post reads that he just thinks he needs to be SPOILED now because she HAD to take several months off to….you know…give LIFE.
What kind of work is he doing, that he has a couple of hours to loaf off every day?
He's had the job for 32 years. When is the last time someone took a systematic look at what he does and assessed what additional tasks he could perform? Could you make his job part-time?
Regardless of an employee's mental capacity, if I was supervising them I'd expect them to work during their work hours, not sit around shooting the shit and annoying other people.
Is the problem that you don't want to firmly tell him he may NOT enter your office and sit down? Do you think that you would be seen as “mean”? You need to get over that.
I think this is the solution you should employ. Tell him, straight out and specifically, that he is not welcome in your office. If he whines and protests, repeat “Do not enter my office. I can speak to you briefly about any work-related question you have while you stand in the doorway.” Repeat that, word-for-word, if he tries to argue or bargain.
It might help if you make a physical change to the environment when you issue this new rule. Remove the chair. Put away the snacks. Move your desk so he cannot hold your attention. Keep the door closed. Wear a headset. Make your phone ring, answer it professionally, then dismiss him.
Stop being friendly, ever. Be a boss, a supervisor, a work acquaintance.
Learn to tell him, clearly and unambiguously, what you want him to do, or not do.
“We are done talking about XYZ. Please leave my office and return to your work.”
“Stop following me. Please return to your work.”
“Stop asking me questions that are not work-related.”
Is this man actually being paid for his work, the legal wage?
If you have to lie about it, probably shouldn’t be doing it. If you wouldn’t include your wife in every single conversation or outing it might not be a great idea to continue this friendship. Respect your relationship and the boundaries created.
i agree with everything that everyone is saying except the it doesn’t matter portion. if it’s true then i think it matters and pretending like it doesn’t will just add self dishonesty to your healing journey
It absolutely doesn’t work, unless you’re actually trying to get her to divorce you.
I get that, and if OP stated that her money was needed for bills, you wouldn’t have heard from me. But her post reads that he just thinks he needs to be SPOILED now because she HAD to take several months off to….you know…give LIFE.
The ego can be so fragile
playing drinking games is fun. exposing herself was disrespecting the relationship.
Evidence can be fabricated in a few minutes. Facebood admins are not live! criminal investigators
I understood that reference
What kind of work is he doing, that he has a couple of hours to loaf off every day?
He's had the job for 32 years. When is the last time someone took a systematic look at what he does and assessed what additional tasks he could perform? Could you make his job part-time?
Regardless of an employee's mental capacity, if I was supervising them I'd expect them to work during their work hours, not sit around shooting the shit and annoying other people.
Is the problem that you don't want to firmly tell him he may NOT enter your office and sit down? Do you think that you would be seen as “mean”? You need to get over that.
I think this is the solution you should employ. Tell him, straight out and specifically, that he is not welcome in your office. If he whines and protests, repeat “Do not enter my office. I can speak to you briefly about any work-related question you have while you stand in the doorway.” Repeat that, word-for-word, if he tries to argue or bargain.
It might help if you make a physical change to the environment when you issue this new rule. Remove the chair. Put away the snacks. Move your desk so he cannot hold your attention. Keep the door closed. Wear a headset. Make your phone ring, answer it professionally, then dismiss him.
Stop being friendly, ever. Be a boss, a supervisor, a work acquaintance.
Learn to tell him, clearly and unambiguously, what you want him to do, or not do.
“We are done talking about XYZ. Please leave my office and return to your work.”
“Stop following me. Please return to your work.”
“Stop asking me questions that are not work-related.”
Is this man actually being paid for his work, the legal wage?
If you have to lie about it, probably shouldn’t be doing it. If you wouldn’t include your wife in every single conversation or outing it might not be a great idea to continue this friendship. Respect your relationship and the boundaries created.
i agree with everything that everyone is saying except the it doesn’t matter portion. if it’s true then i think it matters and pretending like it doesn’t will just add self dishonesty to your healing journey
19 is a grown up physically. You need to find one mentally too.