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First of all, tell her nothing. This is not her problem. I doubt you really need to cut her off entirely, and she's bound to have questions if you do. Still, you need to do whatever it takes. If you do this in steps, the in-person meetings should be first to go, because I imagine they produce the most intense feelings.
Never said I was. I never said they wouldn’t hurt me either
How old are the kids?
I would not tolerate this type of thoughtless behavior from a man I'm dating…I would talk to him about it, but if there's no change, you should leave tbh…he doesn't seem to be making an effort for you, and that's not ok…
You are not compatible anymore.
I think you're dating an immature man and 12 year age gap is disgusting. Save yourself and leave
I'm not going to entertain that question. I think that nasty predator here takes the blame. But at this point she is an adult as well.
(Women usually use that narrative to guilt man into doing what they want. It’s not mutually exclusive. You can support your team and value family time)
Definitely, but we have no idea how much time OP actually spends with his infant/toddler and his wife.
In her opinion, I always want to watch sports instead of spending time with the family. First of all, this is not true. I don't do fantasy football or engage with others (leave the house, etc) to watch sports. I simply turn on games while at home.
With this bit especially…one could easily assume that OP thinks that being at home is immediately spending quality time with his kids and his wife, while that's simply not true.
But on this particular day there is a big game which might never happen again. We can go to the zoo or circus or whatever clown show you like the following day or next week.
OP said that the exhibition is in the wife's language (most likely also a language she's teaching her kids), and it's no longer going to be available after.
She may be offended but because you guys have only been together 4 months, you don’t really know each other that well and getting a paternity test makes sense.
He had been in a 4 1/2 year relationship before me that wasn’t “the one”. he has fears that that could happen again. which i totally understand! but i also think marriage is deciding “are you in or are you out”. But I get it. It’s naked to feel “sure”. But I also don’t think a specific number of years is ever going to be the difference between being fully sure or not.
Commenting as a wife who was not very nice during my first pregnancy.
I don’t think I was a monster but I was an emotional wreck and extremely clingy. I over reacted about anything and everything. I honestly only realized it after my husband and I had a fight that resulted in him saying that he will never have another child.
I worked really naked and tried fixing some of it but it was really really tough.
After our baby was born my husband stood firm we will probably not have another child. I wanted another. But we decided that we will give it some time and see how we both feel about it a year later.
I was on a contraceptive pill and still breastfeeding (not had a period etc since I gave birth) and we got pregnant again. I was terrified to tel my husband because I knew he still didn’t want a second baby because of my first pregnancy.
With a lot of yoga, meditation, understanding rational and irrational reactions, I can honestly say this pregnancy has been 1000 x better emotionally. My husband and I are both happy and excited to welcome our second child into the world.
Some days are really very hot, but I feel like I’m doing well mentally. Much better than the first time.
I think you should have a gentle conversation with your wife and explain how you feel. Please don’t tel her she was a monster. I’m very sure she knows it already and the guilt is there already.
Well…you ARE prioritizing time with your family over time with her. You basically inform her of your plans like she’s irrelevant and you’ll be doing as you wish regardless of what she wants or needs.
Everyone is different when it comes to family relationships and time spent. So I’m not saying what you’re doing is wrong per se.
But to me (44F) it’s excessive and doesn’t make sense when you’re partnered.
My (ex) husband’s family all lived real close by and there were a lot of them. They had get togethers several times a week including weekends. Some were well planned out but many were kind of spur of the moment. It felt like my free time was largely sucked up spending time with them and it wasn’t fun for me. It was just too much activity and noise.
On our last Xmas together, after having already attended 5 events that week with family, we had a Xmas eve dinner to attend. Well, the sewer backed up into our basement. Literally raw sewage in our finished basement. I sent him and his kids to his parents and stayed home to shop vac the basement. Happily. That’s how much I hated the overwhelm and chaos that was his family.
Nice people but just too much. It’s not why we divorced but it was a factor.
In a tight knit family like you have, I can appreciate getting together a couple times a month. But several times a week just seems like you’re enmeshed and don’t have a life very separate from them with your fiancée or friends or hobbies. Not sure how you could spending so much time with them.
Have you two considered some pre marital counseling? I think a professional would be a wise addition to this conversation.
i think you are just stupid
stop chasing your wife you're happy she's coming home when she's done with john
she doesn't even need to hide it from you,
I have gone a lot longer than a week without having sex.
There are guys with no kids and won’t do you like this. You are 23, fuck this. Lol he has other priorities now, are you ready for that?? Do you even want that??
Married 30 years. We've gone through this plenty of times. One thing that has worked for us is date night at least twice a month. We don't have the same taste in shows, but we found some and enjoy watching them, cuddling together. Is it easy, of course not, but you have to do the work. Sometimes, if only one is doing the work, maybe it's time to leave. Before the final straw, please do your best to communicate your feelings. Good luck to you.
He isn’t attracted to you. He wants a specific type and using FB as a spank bank. FB is his porn except he has the ability to message and connect with these girls (through a fake account) to make his fantasy become more of a reality. Prepare yourself that he will eventually take it that far. Get your finances and other priorities lined up. There’s no point in him getting therapy if he doesn’t see a problem with what he is doing. He will only fix it by lying.
Maybe I have different values but if someone wanted closure/more closure or just catch up I would do it.
I guess the message is clear, she doesn't want to keep in touch so I should delete her from everything.
I wouldn’t be able to comfortably look him in the eyes again never mind touch or sleep next to him. This is not a healthy to relationship to model to your kids. Process this faster and get you and them out.