Hey man just ask her out. I know it's nude and there is a lot of anxiety over rejection but just do it. If she says no and you're rejected then you know you can take your energy in another direction. If she says yes you can work on dating her and being a good partner. Just do it dude the worst thing that will happen is she says no. Rejection sucks but not knowing is worse believe me.
If she doesn't remember she could say that. It would be very bizarre if she hasn't heard about what happened, given her sister is now living with their parents. the family was at the party, they are close. It's not unreasonable to assume the husband or the parents would have messaged her either to ask wtf happened or to panic alongside their ap.
How much of a role did you having romantic feelings for another woman while married play into the reasons why you and your wife are divorcing?
You're 38, ex wife is 53, and you have a 10 year old kid- so at one point you were 27-28ish with a 43 year old?
Why is so much of your friendship with these people based on doing things for each other, especially them doing things for you? They don't sound like friends, they sound like combination maid-therapist-secretary-babysitters. And you play a bit of that same role for them. There's something very off about your conception of what friendship looks like. It's all about the tasks people do for you and how they make your life easier, and vice versa. Calling people “helper humans” is fucking weird. Why do you talk like that? What does that even mean? Are you santa and they're your little elves running around doing everything you need? You wrote this whole post but don't mention the actual basics of friendship even once – no mention of shared interests, no mention of quality time together, no mention of hobbies or things you do together (which is NOT the same as things you do FOR each other), no mention of having fun, no mention of deep conversations and genuine affection. It's all just logistics and tasks. It's weird.
Your friend M doesn't sound all that much more well-adjusted either. Why is he telling you to read a book in order to have a discussion about the situation with your other friend?
I don’t think this is the culprit in lowering your self esteem. I think you already had low self esteem and being happy with this woman makes you feel like it’s fake or the other shoe is about to drop, because you think so poorly of yourself and don’t think you deserve happiness. The problem is you are projecting this on to her when she has not done anything wrong. 2 years is a long time to hold her past relationships over her head, even silently. Maybe a thing to get over at beginning, but now you need to do some work on yourself to shake this. What’s worse is she has trusted you with her past, and you are using that trust against her.
I find the term “have to financially support her” odd. You don’t have to do that, you have chosen to do that, and if it’s burdening you, you are free to choose not to do that. This is leaning on that insecurity, and I’m guessing you offered it up BECAUSE of your insecurity. Subconsciously thinking she HAS to stay with you if you financially support her. You can always change this, sit down and have a talk about finances and make a plan. That’s what partners do.
This is the same for her trauma. If you’re doing too much, then start to suggest therapy instead of you playing therapist. Let her know you will also need therapy to deal with your deep insecurities.
She is telling you how she feels about you and you are basically saying she is a liar, with nothing to back that claim up. You have trust issues due to your insecurities, and you need to understand that those issues are yours alone to work on. My question is, are you ready for a relationship if you can’t trust anyone simply because you don’t like yourself? Trust is the number one thing you need to have to with a partner, and you are depriving her of that simply because she lead a life before she met you.
Lastly, don’t “not all men” her. When she says men are trash, understand that is her experience, and the experience of MANY of us. There are entire subreddits dedicated to the trash many men are. If you aren’t, great. She’s not talking about you. Stop centering yourself in all of that. If you looked into it, you would likely agree! Not everything that comes out of her mouth is about you.
This has nothing to do with a porn addiction. Even if he legitimately has one, it doesn’t explain any of his behavior here.
The truth is he’s just a scumbag and he’s gaslighting you. You need to wake up to that reality. Good luck.
Hey man just ask her out. I know it's nude and there is a lot of anxiety over rejection but just do it. If she says no and you're rejected then you know you can take your energy in another direction. If she says yes you can work on dating her and being a good partner. Just do it dude the worst thing that will happen is she says no. Rejection sucks but not knowing is worse believe me.
If she doesn't remember she could say that. It would be very bizarre if she hasn't heard about what happened, given her sister is now living with their parents. the family was at the party, they are close. It's not unreasonable to assume the husband or the parents would have messaged her either to ask wtf happened or to panic alongside their ap.
A few questions
How much of a role did you having romantic feelings for another woman while married play into the reasons why you and your wife are divorcing?
You're 38, ex wife is 53, and you have a 10 year old kid- so at one point you were 27-28ish with a 43 year old?
Why is so much of your friendship with these people based on doing things for each other, especially them doing things for you? They don't sound like friends, they sound like combination maid-therapist-secretary-babysitters. And you play a bit of that same role for them. There's something very off about your conception of what friendship looks like. It's all about the tasks people do for you and how they make your life easier, and vice versa. Calling people “helper humans” is fucking weird. Why do you talk like that? What does that even mean? Are you santa and they're your little elves running around doing everything you need? You wrote this whole post but don't mention the actual basics of friendship even once – no mention of shared interests, no mention of quality time together, no mention of hobbies or things you do together (which is NOT the same as things you do FOR each other), no mention of having fun, no mention of deep conversations and genuine affection. It's all just logistics and tasks. It's weird.
Your friend M doesn't sound all that much more well-adjusted either. Why is he telling you to read a book in order to have a discussion about the situation with your other friend?
No healthy 26yo dates an 18yo. Full stop. Get yourself out and safe, OP.
?
I don’t think this is the culprit in lowering your self esteem. I think you already had low self esteem and being happy with this woman makes you feel like it’s fake or the other shoe is about to drop, because you think so poorly of yourself and don’t think you deserve happiness. The problem is you are projecting this on to her when she has not done anything wrong. 2 years is a long time to hold her past relationships over her head, even silently. Maybe a thing to get over at beginning, but now you need to do some work on yourself to shake this. What’s worse is she has trusted you with her past, and you are using that trust against her.
I find the term “have to financially support her” odd. You don’t have to do that, you have chosen to do that, and if it’s burdening you, you are free to choose not to do that. This is leaning on that insecurity, and I’m guessing you offered it up BECAUSE of your insecurity. Subconsciously thinking she HAS to stay with you if you financially support her. You can always change this, sit down and have a talk about finances and make a plan. That’s what partners do.
This is the same for her trauma. If you’re doing too much, then start to suggest therapy instead of you playing therapist. Let her know you will also need therapy to deal with your deep insecurities.
She is telling you how she feels about you and you are basically saying she is a liar, with nothing to back that claim up. You have trust issues due to your insecurities, and you need to understand that those issues are yours alone to work on. My question is, are you ready for a relationship if you can’t trust anyone simply because you don’t like yourself? Trust is the number one thing you need to have to with a partner, and you are depriving her of that simply because she lead a life before she met you.
Lastly, don’t “not all men” her. When she says men are trash, understand that is her experience, and the experience of MANY of us. There are entire subreddits dedicated to the trash many men are. If you aren’t, great. She’s not talking about you. Stop centering yourself in all of that. If you looked into it, you would likely agree! Not everything that comes out of her mouth is about you.
Therapy.
Being with a girls who's had sexual relations with your friends? Personally, I couldn't be in a relationship like that.