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Malia ^^ I, ‘m very shy, but I like to tease <3, 18 y.o.
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NO my son doesn't call him Daddy I just said that he will EVENTUALLY so that was definitely a misunderstanding completely on my end so my fault for that
Plus I was the one who urged him to move in especially because his apartment was bad he originally felt like it was too soon at first but I kept begging and begging him till he finally said yes
So no zero signs of pedophilia
Yeah…but your not. Your selfish, immature, and obtuse.
I have a masters degree in clinical psychology.
You should be cordial and try to remain composed. You don’t need to stay there. Make an excuse to excuse yourself. It’s okay to plan it in advance with your husband. Treat them like strangers in a nice restaurant. Just remain polite and try to keep it to small talk. Good luck.
How the fuck should we know?
Ask him, or don't since you aren't married and he's your ex-husband and none of this should matter.
Because he wants her to be a free therapist
I have no idea when his trial is. Both been going back and forth to court a few times and have a court date this month
Return the gifts and dump her. Easy peasy.
She isn't your girlfriend. You are her side piece/rebound.
I am sorry, buddy, but accept it and move on. You will be better off.
And that was a huge flag that had “I'll never step foot in a kitchen except to reheat leftovers in a microwave” written all over it. He made it to 36 without ever having to cook and clearly doesn't want to so he'll always find someone who'll do it for him.
Move in so a year down the line we can get an inevitable update on things going sour. Pls. I need it.
This is a major red flag. She kissed somebody back and then lied to you that she didn’t. You’re not making it a big deal, it is a big deal!
Ground ball. Dump her and move on. You already wasted two years on this person that you should’ve dumped six months in. Keep forgiving her cheating and keep getting cheated on.
Not to be rude or diagnose someone, but does your man has a dash of the ‘tism??
Go to the doctor. You didn't mention having been about it, so if you haven't that's the first thing you need to do.
What are other areas in the relationship like? Is it possible she's just using you for what you can do for her?
He saw a man’s name on a mysterious second phone. That’s the difference. If it was his wife’s usual phone I totally agree with you, but considering the circumstances I don’t think he did anything wrong by investigating further.
I mean, if the shoe fits. And it def does with everything she’s described.
She cheated on you with a third person. Doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman. Replace Amanda with Jarold, and the result is still the same. She fucked another person while in a monogamous marriage with you. Would you react the same and stay with her if she fucked Jarold on her night out?
As a 44 year old woman – this is INCREDIBLY creepy, and if a friend of mine were saying ANY of this to my 18 year old child, I would be telling them to get the fuck out of my house.
You need to stand up for yourself, since your mother apparently is unwilling to do so, and tell him to back off because it's not complimentary or positive, and that he is making you uncomfortable.
You shouldn't be downvoted for asking a genuine question. I think your point is exactly mine—he wasn't (or didn't mention in the post) presented with the opportunity to fix things. She has already downloaded apps and is in the beginning stages of new relationships. In the course of four years a lot of things happen, good and bad. Presumably, at some point she voiced concerns or expressed issues with the relationship, but whatever happened she ultimately decided to move on and is checked out. The only reason she hasn't told him it's over is essentially cowardice… She does still care about his feelings and have a life with him and wants to present herself as good and moral, so things will have to come to a head before they can actually have the conversation about it being over. Probably when he confronts her about the apps.
How do I know all this? I've been in this exact situation before, on both sides.
Here’s the thing, cheating is cheating. It doesn’t matter what they have or don’t have.
All she had to do was communicate and maybe something would have happened that was mutually agreeable (per your own words) between you both, but she took the route of telling you she was drunk and was enjoying it. So if she is in this situation again and hanging out with friends and guys, will it be the random guy next time because she is drunk?
Can you trust here again? Are you going to stay up all night questioning what she is doing now? What do you want to do?
yeah he sounds like a total keeper!
well after seeing this that’s probably why he seems okay with it. hello fiance. now i wonder about the 3 of yall trying to set up some fwb/3some thing? i wouldnt go for it personally but just cause its not my thing doesnt mean its not yalls. yall could work out the details yourself but like, keep your relationship closed to the 2 of yall, emotionally. k is away a lot anyways right? ig when hes in town yall could hook up or whatever. make sure ur all getting tested regularly, esp him if hes seeing others too
Break up with him! Luckily you caught this early. Some people won't show their true selves for months/years. Also slightly weird he's interested in dating a 19 year old imo. Maybe another red flag. ?♀️
Yeah, break up. What kind of pathetic whining is this? Also, he could just as well speak Chinese because he really can’t express himself well enough and it’s not your job to decipher his bullshit.
nah the fact that he had his back to you and was talking to his male friend and his female friend is so disrespectful. and the fact that they didn’t even wait for you at starbucks and they also constantly flirt infront of you is mad disrespectful. he prioritizes her. don’t allow yourself to be a third-wheel and dump this guy. him and his female friend disrespect you. you deserve so much better OP.
That's because he knows you won't like the answers
Sorry – there’s healthy boundaries, and then there is unnecessary aggressive boundaries like the one your boyfriend is setting.
I wouldn’t want to be with someone like this. What’s his problem? Nothing he is saying makes any sense.
Thanks so much! You’re absolutely right. I’m done with men telling me what to do or pushing my boundaries
The boundary you've communicated is entirely appropriate and your boyfriend is risking the relationship by ignoring them.
He's keeping a back up plan. He needs to act like Cortez and burn the ships.
Of cause I’m not gonna divorce him or leave him over this lol. Was wondering if I’m wrong to suggest that.
Yeah, my company is pretty generous ?
Okay lady. Have a nice night.
This is ridiculous. My wife and I have never gone to a wedding without each other – even when we were still dating. Is he ashamed of you? Are his friends Andrew-Tate-like dirtbags and he is trying to protect you from them?
You are entitled to know the exact situation – are his other friends bringing their gf's and wives. If not, why not? If they are, why are you being excluded?
Have you even met his family?
I agree…you shouldn’t be living next door to his mom. The lack of privacy and having to always be ready for her next event would make me crazy. And…at your age, I wasn’t the most patient with that kind of BS.
Problems like this rarely get better unless either….one person changes a whole lot, people can just agree to drop their issues. I propose changing the way you react to her and see if that makes things better. Should you be the person to do all of the changing? Probably not..but she’s not going to…and I don’t think the two of you are ready to agree to drop the issues.
Doing this is going to be tough. Holding your tongue, choosing your battles, coordinating ‘next moves’ with your fiancé, and putting your own needs aside.
Just make darn sure you don’t put too many of your own needs aside if you end up doing this. I worry that you’ll end up living there for a very long time…she will always be herself, and you’ll be whittled down eventually. Your bf, he’ll be stuck between two people he loves.
I don’t know much about your situation…if there other options, I’d say explore those. As someone who married at 18 (the first time), I know there sometimes aren’t a lot of options.
Take care, friend.
Oh , sorry my mistake! 🙂
He should probably move to saudi or afghanistan or somewhere else were the woman is barely allowed to leave the home alone. Because in a free society it will be impossible for him to hinder his woman from being around men. Atleast if he dont go full fritzl mode.
Uh why are you putting your dick in that? That’s nasty.
How long have you been dating this 43 year old for?
I’m speaking from experience when I say I’m your bf in this and you’re my bf.. I’m a very gassy lady and I’ve had this exact fight with him many times. Because it does happen for months on end. I didn’t want to be the gross loud farting girlfriend but it just happens. I just had to stop buying broccoli, beans and cabbage. Tell him it’s making you want to leave him and suggest some other dinner options. And really, buy the beano.
She also didn't have to go the deception route.
Yes! I can’t help but think my husband had to go 6+ weeks after each of our kids were born. A comment like that about cheating and I’d probably be in prison and him 6 feet under. Come on OP, she caused the injury and only 3 days in is talking about cheating? You deserve better!
He doesn’t have her profile pic saved. He just has their old conversations on IG ( I guess he never deleted them) he just doesn’t have many conversations on the half hot girl stood out.
So what? Guy had boundaries. Respect that.
Also, that's quite the age gap. I'm in my mid 30s and cannot imagine dating someone just out of college. A 20 year age age is really something.
Best of luck.
Even if you did casual or a hookup, you still would not have a BF.
He just got out a relationship. He sounds sound ready.
We don't even know if they do live together!
Thanks, honestly your replies have been really useful
accept the things your gf did before you both got together
We were together but not exclusively. Although again, I was literally dating other people so I know I should really just get over it. Thing is I dont see those people any more and wont ever again as they weren't friends or anything
But yeah, you're right. Its hot, Im trying to find a balance between being open and honest about my feelings, while not making myself undesirablr and unattractive as you say. I guess there's just a limit on how many times this sort of thing can be brought up before it gets tiring. I WANT to be that confident secure guy, its so hard tho!
Teach your cat not to piss in the sink.
If it's an age thing. Then it's time to put that cat down.
…so Marijuana/THC is legal in your location. Gotcha.
That's some victim blaming bullshit. Yeah, he could have communicated but that does not condone the insane reaction from the partner.
“My partner doesn't see me as a human being, he sees me as a piece of property to be owned by a man and whose only purpose is to have sex, should I keep making excuses for him or not?”
21 and 28 usually means a substantial difference in life experience. One is two years away from being a teen, one is pushing thirty. There's usually a difference in power dynamic there. 21/22 is a pretty vulnerable age.
And, judging by the post, she supported you through your illness mentally.
Sorry, you are trying way too hot to paint yourself as a perfect partner while throwing around “her issues”, “I am WILLING to reconcile”.
Willing? How gracious.
She's burnt out and you are trying to guilt trip her into staying by making your own financial decisions her problem.
It seems she's dealt with “her issues” by dumping you. Given your replies and the whole post impression, can't say I blame her.
If you think it is done and have seen no evidence of it happening now do not do it or you will blow up their lives. He shouldn't hate you because:
1) You were just a kid
2) You didn't do anything wrong
3) Your mother is the one who did something wrong
Yeah, the parameters of the trip don’t meet the template for “old family friend catching up.” You aren’t wrong to be concerned.
Totally. I don’t think I’m looking for perfection, but I’m looking for an enduring confidence in the relationship, our motivations, and our mutual goals. At least, I’d like to have that before proceeding to marriage. I think I’m just barely but measurably short of that and I think I’ll regret it if I don’t listen to this voice at least this one time.
Really appreciate your nuance and shared experience, this is exactly why I’ve been posting the question.
You didn’t save more than $150k? Why not? What did you do with all the money you made? “Blew it on life” too I presume?
Send a DM, if you want to continue this discussion further, thank you.
Based off of what you wrote I think you’re in a toxic friend group. I personally would rather be alone than be surrounded by people that seems to not like you very much. You deserve friends that are nice to you 24/7 not only when you guys are alone. I understand you’ve been friends with these people for a long time but trust me when I tell you they are NOT your friends. Cut them off. You’re young and sound like a nice person. You’ll make new and better friends.
Idk. I read it all.. I feel like its jumping to conclusions.
Remember, one year ago he said he wanted to sleep with prostitutes. It wasn’t just his friend, this is about him and he’s looking very disgusting.
If someone is suicidal you call whatever authority can legally stop them and hold them in a facility if necessary. Usually that’s the police or some kind of crisis outreach, but I’m talking about the USA.
Unfortunately this is way above your and reddits ability to solve. You need to have proper authorities involved if someone becomes suicidal.
Fortunately, Vanessa will get out of the house sooner or later and she can never speak to her father again. If her father is narcissistic, a daughter going no contact will hurt him all the same.
It is far from unreasonable to not tell them until after the 3 month mark. Most couples do not tell anyone until the first trimester ends, as it is only at that point that the risk of miscarriage drops significantly.
Do not modify your desire when you want to tell them, just to try and make it better. Do what makes you most comfortable.
The whole porn addiction thing doesnt bother you at all? just that he likes very young looking women or old looking girls..His lies don't bother you either? What do you think you should do about being uncomfortable with someones behavior that wont change?
Everyone gets to decide what is OK in their relationship. I also changed my mind after being one year into the relationship. I didn't feel comfortable anymore and told my bf immediately, that this is how I feel and we need to come to a solution. He at first was protective of porn and we argued over it, but after I told him, that sadly I cannot have a relationship with him anymore, he apologised and really changed. I felt bad for changing my mind, but I can't control my feelings for this one.
If your partner is the one who loves you unconditionally then I am sure you can talk to him about it.
Nah you’re not ready to date. I’d also go to therapy too. Grieve properly and give yourself some time. Serious time. You’ll know when you’re ready again.
I would put the wedding on hold. Let her know you need more time to get your finances straight because she’s contributing zero. I would also take that time to rethink this relationship. She’s not a partner, she’s a taker that will run you dry.
I'm a native English speaker, I've never heard or seen previous references to “the missing missing reasons” and when I read the parent comment, I assumed it was a typo.
Knowing now that it's not, I still can't make the double missing make sense, and none of the other explanations have helped.
Just to let you know, it's an awkward phrase, and not being a native speaker is not the issue!