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Alright, I’m going to provide a perspective you may not expect.
I am a child of divorced parents. I found out as an adult that my father had cheated on my mom a while ago, before I was even born. How did this affect my childhood, you ask?
It was cold. My parents were always good to me but towards each other, everything was icy. I never saw them hug, kiss, cuddle, I didn’t even wrap my head around the fact that they slept in the same bed until I was like 7. I kept writing poems about how sad I would feel all the time in the house and I genuinely didn’t understand that marriage was supposed to be a happy, fulfilling thing and not just a job you take on. This might seem crazy obvious to you as you read my words, but it was very subtle at the time. They thought it was working and for my sake, for a while it was. They were always cordial unless they were arguing, of course.
(TW – mention of conversation about sexual assault, though nothing actually happened)
Things eventually unraveled when I was a fresh adolescent. My parents still ended up divorcing due to their distrust and as a result, I didn’t know how to be in a romantic relationship. I had severe anxiety around anyone touching me, so much so that I was asked or implied to say I was sexually assaulted by my therapists at the time. It probably confused them when I said that I have never been touched inappropriately, I just didn’t know how to express affection that way and even things as simple as hugs would get my heart racing because I didn’t understand them. Romantic affection made me so anxious that I would run to the bathroom and throw up. I know this makes it sound like I could be asexual/aromantic but I promise you that even though I was having panic attacks, I very much wanted to be able to give and receive that affection. It was just extremely difficult to desensitize me to those things. Luckily I am in a long term relationship right now and I haven’t had to deal with that physical affection fear in a long time.
All of this to say, please don’t bring children into the world with someone you don’t fully trust. It sounds like the trust between you two has been long broken, and I don’t know if it’s reparable at this point. Your trust issues can be passed down to your future children in ways you don’t even know. They can always tell when something’s wrong, just like I did. I was in a childhood poetry class writing poems about divorce about 3 years before my parents actually decided on divorcing. Children are humans too and they can pick up on many subtle social cues, even if they don’t initially understand them.
A hot but necessary pill to swallow is that love isn’t enough. You can try and convince yourself otherwise all you want, but you cannot take back what you did and how she feels about it, just like she cannot take back what she did and how you feel about it. There is much more to a functional relationship than just love, especially when you decide to involve teaching other humans how to be a human.
Love isn’t enough. And that’s okay, you will be okay.
Op I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
The thing is, your wife may never end up laying a hand on your children, even if you stay with her. Intimate partner violence doesn’t always correlate with child abuse. But that doesn’t mean she isn’t * already* harming your children while only physically harming you. Children are like sponges, absorbing everything in the world around them. They model their ideas about healthy relationships on the relationships of the adults in their lives, particularly their parents. Children of parents in abusive relationships are more likely to be in abusive relationships themselves as adults, even if the parents never directly harmed the children.
You should absolutely leave your wife and stay gone. Try to document as much of the abuse as you can, with as much proof as you can, so ideally you get full custody or as much custody as possible. Seek out local resources for domestic violence. Sadly, resources (at least in the us) are woefully insufficient in general and especially lacking for male victims. But there are resources. You can get help.
You can do this. Wishing you and your children the best of luck.
Thank you for the advice.
The things she said – were they true?
I understand your point, and I agree with the fact that people shouldn't be attacking OP for wanting a relationship with his dad, but to plenty of people, cheating IS the worst thing that has happened to them. Whether it's the worst thing or one of the worst things to happen is quite literally just your opinion.
Being cheated on has been shown over and over to cause extreme trauma and ptsd, so, yeah, it's pretty bad, and it's reasonable for it to be taken very seriously.
Stop joking about it, if you joke about it he thinks it's a joke and you find it funny. It's not a joke and it's not funny so you need to communicate that this is a serious issue and deal breaker. Also do not fall for “I don't know how to do it”, you shouldn't be the one to teach him, he is capable of googling and watching youtube tutorials on his own. Once you communicate very seriously and clearly that this is a deal breaker, allow him a few weeks to show that he is taking it seriously and improving. If he isn't just bounce, he showed you he does not care.
“Mom, I'm an adult. If this proves to be a mistake, then I will handle it like the adult that I am. But I have made my decision, and you will have to come to terms with it.”
It's consensual non-monogramy if you have no idea what either word means
i really just needed some outside confirmation that we’re doing the right thing more than anything
Not to put her in a bad light but, heap of mental issues and for over 2 years I'm there for her and helping her as best I can. The Last year she became very verbally abusive and I started to lose control of my emotions as I was worn down. She would egg me on to hit her she would tell me how pathetic I was and say how easy it would be to sleep with someone else and get over me…and much more But for the first 2 years it was nothing like that
true
Sounds like she was honest with you about her plans and limitations. That's about all you can ask for in this situation. You almost seem to be projecting that her visa situation is somehow her own fault and something she's doing to you. Foreign students eventually leave, that's just the structure of that visa type. If you're finding it too difficult to spend time with her knowing she'll soon be gone then you should probably stop seeing her.
It's natural to be concerned about the size of your penis. Don't let it affect you man it's a losing battle. If you are having enjoyable good sex with your significant other why even let that answer your mind.