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Ufff girl I’m sorry you’re in this. I don’t have advice really because I’m in a similar position, maybe you have to think about what you want and desire from a relationship, and if he can’t offer you that….. xxx
Girl ?
Well I would suggest getting what makes him happy, but practical is the best option for 2 month relationship. After one year, then buy him the sword. IDK your “relationship intimacy” level or open mindedness. But even after 20 years with my SO, I tell her the same thing. Her with a bow. I got her a couple grand of gifts, 40 roughly total. So she went out and got me as many. The gifts to me mean a lot. But the time and affection means more to me with her.
Why would I resent my friend it happened before I even liked her, and the problem isn’t that she sexted a guy the problem is that it was my friend. It isn’t that any of them did anything wrong because they didn’t the issue is that it was my friend
I have left the relationship, I’m moving out into a different apartment. I feel like having happy parents (no matter how that looks) is what is best for our child. We are trying our best be keep things civil for the sake of our daughter. I have brought up going to the doctor multiple times and the only response is that ‘they don’t help me. They never have answers.’ His license is revoked so I offered to drive him to the doctor as long as he made the appointment. As far as getting a male family member or friend involved, he would be red in the face pissed if I told anyone in his bro-group about how much pain he is in and how often he has the pains
Not weirder than pretending to sleep ?
Have her stay a few days at her brother’s house and take care of the baby so she realizes how very hot it is. They can get a break and she can do the diapering, mom can pump so she can do feeding with no sleep, basically everything the parents do and see if she still wants one.
You're insanely insecure.
Sweet people don't have violent outbursts in public because someone told them rightfully to mind their business. Sweet people don't make it seem like you should be thankful that he's chosing to hit his own stuff and not you. Sweet people don't manipulate you by making a statement that they would never hurt you, when they displayed their ability to break objects in anger. Your gut is telling you this is serious, and you need to trust it. He's making you question your intuition, as a way to break you. This will escalate eventually, and you will be on the receiving end of his anger. Without serious therapy and possible medication for him, for your own safety you should get away.
i'm scared this will happen to me if I try to break up with her.
You ARE way too young. You are me twenty years ago. We were high school sweethearts. And because we had dated so long marriage felt like the logical step…. At 20 and 21. It had gotten a little rocky right before. I knew I shouldn’t go through with it but was scared to call it off, so I swallowed my fear and went through with it. It turned out my fear was correct. We were too young.
The fact is you both are still maturing. You won’t be the same people at even 25 years old. Turns out the only we had in common was our past. We didn’t mature well together.
There is no rush to get married. If your gut says no DO NOT IGNORE it. The older I get the more I realize the smartest person in any situation is my own gut. We are wired for self preservation. If you sense a disturbance in the force, believe in your own sense of self.
Time for you to post a ring history to them to read. make it a copy paste reply to everyone
I know I’ve been kicking myself over why I didn’t just say ‘oh no that’s not what I meant’ or something but it felt like my brain froze . I just remember my face being like a deer in the headlights and running to side hug him instead. He accepted immediately and hasn’t mentioned it at all.
We’ve been together for just over 3 years, so I’m absolutely sure he know I didn’t mean any malice. But I also know intentions don’t matter when someone’s feelings get hurt.
I’m struggling to know if the non-verbal apology/ hug is enough for that comment, or it needs to be addressed fully. I do see what you mean about if I bring it up again it might open it up again though.
she’s less than a year postpartum. this man is a dog.
He sounds like a winner.
But yea, he can block you all he wants, but he'll still need to pay support.
Very hot to tell if she likes you for you, or for the idea of you. Try it out. You have nothing to lose. But don’t hang the rejection over her head or she’ll walk away.
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There's not much you can do about this sutuation but listening to him and stay around him (unless he says he needs some alone time).
Break up.
I read nothing but the title.
Leave him.
So I think having her on the phone while talking to other people is rude, not because they were women but because I'd want the person I'm on the phone with to talk to me and not other people around.
That being said, you keeping her on the phone could have helped your case that no flirting was taking place on your part since she could hear what was said.
Overall, the other comments are right – she can voice her feelings but can't forbid you from going. You have to decide how much you're willing to concede or compromise here. Could she go with you sometimes? It's perfectly ok to understand what she's saying and still not agree with it. It sounds like she needs to do a better job of communicating though. She should be able to explain why she doesn't want you to go, even if that means admitting she's got insecurities.
Thank you for responding! Deep down I know you are right, and I know that it is over.
If I knew sooner that she felt like this, I would have made changes right away. We didn't communicate this properly. We never communicated properly to be honest.
I'm not planning on changing my daily schedule or my goals, but I feel like I could and could've made more time for her. I feel like this is what ruined the relationship, even though she says otherwise. I still love her and I'm very afraid of losing her, even though I know that that is the right move for both of us. It's just very hot losing my first real love.
He managed to let workmate/affair partner know you were onto them while managing to make you look/think you were crazy.
OP. First get some rest. Secondly, Inform another adult like your mom/ dad/ both and some of your close friends you know you can trust about it and know would stand up for you. What he did wasn’t okay and there is no excuse for it. He knew what he was doing and it’s sexual assault. Thirdly , I don’t think this is his first time because the mom was quick to apologize and diminish it. So, please do involve adults from your family in it.
They're actually making it all up anyway.
You chose to not identify what you did that makes the relationship over so the most common situation would be cheating.
People who dress up in animal costumes like those animal onesies. It can also be a fetish but I am not googling that aspect. If you’re curious you go ahead.
Really bro?! Like actually!?
Of course you’re not on the same maturity level as a 36 year old who chooses to date a 19 year old; you’re entering adulthood and he’s a loser.
Dump him and find someone more mentally mature, who will treat you like someone he cares about and not like a defective maid.
Ask him to handle it tell him you need to shut them down. Tell them your in a solid relationship and are not interested. That way your not fighting a uphill battle. Ask him to have your back too.
If he really loves you and is not interested in others he will.
Hmmmm, calling bull on your wife not knowing.
The fact that immediately on the gallery preview there were 10 to 20 pics tells me those pics were recent.
Added to that your wife is somewhat defending the friend and wants you to just drop it? Nah, red flags all over the place. Sounds like he had that excuse chambered and ready to go too, and you're absolutely right if your wife didn't know she should have been even more furious than you.
But the cherry on top of this; best case scenario if your friend is telling the truth and he stole the pics but you've never seen them before, the question has to be asked who was the intended recipient for the lewds? Obvious answer is your scumbag friend and they have a thing going on.
OP, I firmly believe you're being gaslit into thinking there's nothing going on. If I were you I'd talk with your wife again and point out the inconsistencies (her not being mad at the friend, her asking you to forgive/forget, who was she taking the pictures for since you've never seen them before and she didn't send them to you, etc). After that you can decide what to do, but my advice would be to split/separate for the time being. Way too many inconsistencies and her lack of a reaction is very suspicious.
Just saying, this has happened a few times to me. Most recently at work where he would rub shoulders, run his hand down my back or steal my pens.
I know it sounds bad but I honestly didn’t do anything, I would’ve said something if it was more explicit but with the nature of the situation it was more of a hassle to say anything so I just put up with it and told my partner about it when I got homes
It wasn’t like I enjoyed it and I’m fully committed to my fiancé and would never reciprocate someone else’s advances but a lot of the time I don’t feel comfortable doing anything without my partner there.
It’s a sad reality but it’s like that for a lot of women, maybe look at it from that perspective
Yeah, all that matters is you and her’s relationship and how you both feel about it.
Or, your game is wack, one or the other. I’m kinda kidding, the first is the adult answer, but you are being a petulant child, so the second it the childish answer.
Absolutely not okay, OP. It sounds like he love-bombed you and is now showing that controlling, manipulative, gross side.
You don't have to cook shit for him. His graduation doesn't mean you owe him crap, and your feelings are valid. He doesn't get to shut you down just because he's too emotionally constipated to have an adult discussion- you matter, too, OP. You don't have to accept this behaviour, and it won't get better. As he's shown, he's getting worse, and his refusal to discuss things means he's not at all open to trying to fix this. You can't make him respect you, unfortunately.
My husband has a work best friend. He clicked with her immediately and they make sure to have a shift together (12 hour shifts) each week. I have NEVER felt uncomfortable with their behavior towards each other because he puts me above all else. He texts her throughout the day, but not incessantly. He will put off looking at his phone when we are actively together. They are never alone together outside of work and never cross boundaries. When he first started the friendship with her, he did talk about her a lot, and it irked me so I told him. He respects me so he toned it down. A lot. He would never ignore me about how I felt.
Your husband is cheating. It’s been a year and he’s still ignoring you for her. Yuck. Leave him and be happy.
Hopefully yeah
He has a yard to maintain, too. As far as admitting it goes… is this like the “do these jeans make me look fat” question that men are supposed to lie about?
You have no context other than what OP posted. Your response says more about you than this guy.
Do the test, then when it comes back as his, leave him…
Unfortunately, as you’ve noted, this is the challenge with mixing business and personal matters. My opinion is that personal matters have to come second in most discretionary issues because bringing harm to a business can have broader affects and consequences than the individuals who are affected personally. I would suggest finding a satisfying job elsewhere and remain in an otherwise good relationship free of this conflict.
just him 🙁
Here's the issue and why it will never be equal between when men and women post here
I am also repulsed by that specific facial hair choice
There was a poll once and this subreddit is 65% women, and less than 30% men (the rest were other or refused to specify). Basically women will always emphasize with a woman being turned off by her husband, but will feel attacked when it's a man turned off by a woman since that hits them in their biggest insecurities. The thought of a man losing attraction if they gain weight or cut their hair feels bad because they are self-conscious about their own body and don't like the thought of the men they are dating caring about their appearance even after years of dating.
He sounds like a bum. If you want to be with a bum, stay. If you don’t want to, leave. Arguing isn’t going to help or change anything. He’s made up his mind. You cannot. change. anyone.
You're girlfriend is really wierd and that is not at all how you use that words. You should be cringing at her because she's an idiot instead of hurt.
The real thing is though you've asked her to stop doing something that upsets you and she won't. That is a very bad thing, she doesn't respect you at all or apparently care about you or your feelings. Even if I thought something was dumb to get upset over because it was a “joke” I'd stop doing it. It doesn't matter in that case if the person doing it thinks it's harmless, you've said it's causing harm.
Just bring him anyway. You sound like you’re making unnecessary drama and problems
Overreacting! Pre wedding jitters maybe?
This is way too much for a 2-3 month relationship. She's unable to stand up to her parents. She probably still lives with them when she's not at school, so standing up to them will be impossible for a few years. She also could depend on them for money.
It's up to you if you want to stay friends, but if it's too painful, it's better not to be. She needs therapy to deal with all of this.
It's more intimate. You are pleasing someone.
The comments aren’t loading, but you said he’s threatened to harm himself if you leave him.
That’s a classic abuse tactic. If I were you, I’d look for an agency in your area that helps women with domestic violence. They’ll be experts on abuse and can help you understand what he’s doing and why. Often a place like that offers some free counseling.
I've been reading your replies, and you're sounding more bitter each time. You have to understand that she probably was hurt she wasn't good enough. 4 years is a long time for someone you're in love with who won't commit.
And he commits to someone else a short time later. OP, it hurts even though it's over. Don't break up over this. She never would've moved on with you if she still loved him.
You never just give something in your relationship bc your partner enjoys it? Many healthy relationships involve gifts- acts of service, complements, gifted items, gift of time. I would hope most relationships involve giving because it makes your partner happy. Sexual favors can be the same. Again- this is a one No situation – if she feels negative then its out. But otherwise she certainly can give without gaining her own direct enjoyment. You don’t give because you gain from it, you give bc the receiver does and you gain joy from that.
All you can do I suppose
It worked. Did mine work?
Y'all just didn't click. Both busy and both didn't have the patience for each other either.
Maybe for next time don't skip the small talk. Make the small talk about things like what their job is and how demanding it is on their time. Ask things like how much they like texting versus talking on the phone. Things that help you decide what you both like and don't like. Skipping the small talk with a stranger is like skipping the foreplay. Y'all both need to get warmed up a little.
Times people do this and it ends badly – a lot. Times people do this and it goes well – rare.
If you met each other in a sex club in the group sex room and that kids is “how I met your mother” (bad joke to show just how rare/unlikely)… then maybe you'd be ok as it's clear you both have been cool with things like this in the past.
Including someone you know usually goes badly unless they've done this before – ie have a history of doing this with/for each other in their relationships. Most stories I've seen where it didn't go wrong used a professional as well they're more professional, they help keep everyone happy and you never see them again ie special trip to Vegas etc.
My SO did a threesome before us, and early on asked if it's something I'm interested in, and while there is the fantasy component it's not something I actually want. I'm a jealous type, I don't want to share and I can't shake that they'd feel that way too. The porn fantasy is just that, in my fantasy I'm great, I'm big, I don't have back issues, everyone is happy, well groomed and attentive. I know reality can never match what my fantasy has, it's just not realistic so I'd prefer to keep it as fantasy.
Does this mean you can't or shouldn't, only you know this, but I'd say look very hot at yourself and what you want and what you are willing to risk and decide.
The only thing you can do to get an immediate answer is tell him you overheard the call and you feel uneasy. See what he says.
So why text every single day. You don't have to text someone everyday, you can just text them whenever you want to have sex
How much would rent cost you in the area you?
Thanks for the response. Just to clarify, when I say I am not one to call every day when I'm away, I still text her every day and send her pictures from whatever is happening in my life. There are just days when I don't have energy for a full call, or often times I just like to stay in the moment if I'm with family or on a vacation, etc. I do a good job of texting, but I think she prefers calls.
And I think I worded the “week of this” wrong. We don't do that for weeks on end. It'll happen maybe 2 times a week and then we'll get dinner some nights and go to brunch on the weekends, or cook together and watch something, or something of that sort. Maybe that still reflects that I am not doing enough, but I wanted to clarify because I think I misspoke.
Even in the days I don't want to hang out, I always text her and keep her updated about my life. That seems to work for me, but not for her.
Nah, it's weird.
My guy friend prefers female friends for this reason.
something I would never do with a male friend.
Hugs are fine.
Your boyfriend is horrid. Blaming the SA on your leaving him? Truly disgusting. Reason enough to leave him for good. Seriously. No one deserves this. And listen to your gut – he is seeing other people.
If he moves out negative wmotional consequences of potential failure would be limited. With that out of the way, we have the practical issue of reaching out to him.
Between not doing it at alk, and doing it a “unideal” way, the latter us prefferable. Write him a message when you tell him you like him, but had issues telling him directly, and was making awkward efforts to show it.
At this point you will force yourself to face him. If he reciprocates you will have to talk in person.
Good luck!
You're welcome to PM me if you would like to talk about this some more. I have personal experience, but I'm not comfortable with publically sharing what is not mine to share.
Just leave it be and start fresh.
I don’t deserve someone who has to sleep around to realise he actually misses me and likes me.
You're mistaken. He's not coming back because he 'realized he misses you and likes you'. He's coming back because you're letting him.
He wanted to fuck this girl so he dumped you and fucked her. Now he wants the convenience of having you around until he comes across another girl he wants to fuck. Rinse and repeat.
Also, this 'he wants to take things slow' bullshit. What does that look like? What is he asking for? I'm betting it's going to look a lot like him behaving as though he's single while you sit around waiting for him to toss you some crumbs.
Thank you for saying that.
I think there are a couple places where I balk (young kids, not having a career, loving in a SHCOL place, and generally not having my ducks in a row), but in the end, the delaying and standing in my own way only prevents me from being happy.
My choices have repercussions, and I recognize that.
I am working on it, so thanks for the encouragement.
It means a lot.
Right?? You are way too young to be dealing with this. Don’t have a kid for the love of God. You will be stuck doing 90% of everything plus taking care of a kid. Men like this will not be waking up in the middle of the night or change diapers. This should be the push you need to remove yourself from his life
Sounds like an emotional affair. What you beg of them, they give freely to others.
I think to answer this seriously we need to understand what the issues are between you and your parents sadly..
You could be an amazing parent and your parents could be limiting you from emotional growth in which case you should move because material possessions are one thing but an emotionally capable mother is somthing every child needs..
But if your parents are upset with you for making choices in life that you don’t see the consequences to yet because you’re young and they are just trying to give you advice or even strong arm you into it then perhaps the answer I would say is that you need to stay so that you can do some soul searching to make sure you’re emotionally capable for your daughter.
I’ve seen both cases happen over and over again. My best friend had a 1 year old when she was 19 and lived with her parents and then moved out so that she had freedom but she made some really irresponsible choices with that freedom that eventually even lead to the father gaining custody.
She has never once questioned herself or her actions and I think somtimes it’s good to.. it can be very hot at your age though, you’re in the middle of a new world that you’ve grown up and I know you feel adult, but in all honesty honey you are still young. You sound emotionally intelligent and I commend you for really thinking about your daughter. I hope it works out.
He's ridiculous. This is childish and pathetic. Even if he kept you in a cardboard box, some freak out there will be panting over how papery you look and wanting to sex you up. That's not YOU. Tell him to get better friends if the current ones are so unhinged.
Oh hon. Men who are so much older date women so much younger for very specific reasons. – younger women are, as you point out, naive in regard to relationships and don’t tend to see the red flags. – they find it easier to manipulate and control younger women to mold them into the partner they want. – women their age won’t put up with their bs
Ever here the phrases, “in vino veritas” or “a drunk mind speaks a sober heart”? I’d definitely wonder if there is truth in his words. He seems like a true pos AH. Doubt I’d want to stay around and spend more of my life dealing with his manipulations and disrespect. You deserve better.
May want to think long and very hot about what you want to do and if you think it’s worth trying to salvage your marriage after his threats. Also he’s not too bright if he thinks a wife with young kids wouldn’t get anything out of a marriage. Could be a good time to speak to a lawyer and discuss your options. Wouldn’t mention it to him though.
My apologies, let me clarify.
Sleeping together as in, legitimately cuddled up sleeping together, nothing sexual, ill come by and spend 3-4 days with her, she has no problem with being baseline romanticly physical with me.
Good looking out with the moving on through.
Right?? It lasted literally 2 weeks beyond that point. The dumb fuck walked into the bathroom after I shut the door and had the audacity to be disgusted when he walked in on me dealing with the realities of having a period. Stupid on stupid.
It sounds like two are not compatible, nor ready for a relationship. Take a break from dating.
Would you want him to go to a strip club or a club without you?
He's allowed to change his mind about sex, but it doesn't mean you have to put up with it. It seems selfish he gets to just change your relationship and slap it on his god.
You did the right thing and you explained this very well. No room for interpretation.
I can understand a partner feeling bad about crossing a line they didn't realize. I know I would but I'm glad he was open to hearing you.
I think your suggestions are great. You could even have a visible queue that you are open to being touched, like a specific piece of jewelry. You put that on and he know that means you are open to being touched without further requests from him.
Either option you use is great.
I do want to say, if he is still making this about him being rejected, that's not a good look. I can understand feeling that way when being told but then working through it logically.
Talk with him again and ask if he understands this is just a boundary you need to feel secure. If he does, great. If he is still on the “you rejected him” thought train, that would give me a not so good feeling. This isn't really about him, it's about what you need. He can either respect it and do what you've asked going forward. Or, he can make it about himself.
First off, it does matter to you if he wants a relationship or something casual. It's ok to admit that, and it's ok to ask for what you want. With that said you just have to let him know how you feel. If that makes him run, fuck em, he wasn't worth it.
She been hitting me up for the past 2 months after I moved on. This is what I was expecting, just had my ego shot down for a minute?. Very sensitive I guess
There's no easy way to break up with her. But her issues are hers. Not yours. It's not your responsibility to deal with her depression, provide her a living, be her social support or deal with her anger issues.
There's never going to be a “better time” You're doing her and especially yourself a disservice by going through the motions on a dead relationship. You don't need to be deliberately crass or cruel to her, but in the end it's her issues to sort out. If you think she's actually going to harm herself perhaps that's something you should report to the authorities.
Good luck.
When I read the title, I thought yes, that’s weird af but your explanation of it makes it a different situation. I think that is normal
Why does it require an advice sub to tell you to do the decent thing here?
Agree! Currently have this with my most recent ex where it ended in October. Realized after we broke up, we’re way better off as friends.
It’s only when it’s toxic or someone is still in love with hopes of things working out again, is where caution is needed.
If neither plans on getting back together, then nothing to worry about.
If the ex fiancé is holding out hope or Op’s partner is, or both? Then yes, highly not okay for them to be in each other lives.
Communication… Only thing u can do. U can try and seduce him but I mean maybe he should get checked. I can't go months with out sex. Id find someone on the side if it went months
I guess it just comes down to the fact that I don’t want him to think less of me because of my trauma
I appreciate the guarding of bachelors degrees, but they’re pretty easy to get lmfao. Maybe check my profile 😉