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The whole post is overly dramatic and utter insanity. I see a lot of obviously fake posts, but this one is meant to incite hysteria and it way too dramatic.
I did have friends who where girls when I was in school, but I went into a male dominated profession so I havenāt had many since. What is the context? Are these work colleagues?
You were groomed, and he's upset you aren't the young little fertile stepford wife he always wanted. Cut your losses and block him everywhere.
Some people are into this but I would suggest she is the best person to advise you on what. Her idea might be a slapped bum. Your idea might be a punch on arm. So best the two of your journey this together: there are subs in Reddit that you can get more detailed advice on this from as a couple.
Actually thatās the best part. It makes breaking up so much easier.
Be happy you have seen this side of him now and not before you are further entangled
States usually will not waive parental rights unless there is someone else to take responsibility, so lf he was married and his wife wanted to adopt the child. I would not at all be surprised if you get hit with child support, especially as he is struggling. Sooner or later he will realize that money will help him hire help with the child. You want to act basically as though you were a surrogate for a single dad, but in reality you are a non-custodial parent and if he has 100% physical and legal custody your child support will be calculated based on your income.
What the f*ck
Congrats on your life
Tell him you aren't in it for an open relationship. Dump his selfish ass and find a real man who knows how to treat a lady. Oh and the whole open relationship “on his side” is disgusting to even suggest so you really need to find someone who isn't a creep.
Choose yourself and your children over your husband. Life is too short. Apologize to your children and tell them you want to be in their lives more. Take those sign language classes. Hug your son all you want. You don't want to on-line with regrets. Please tell your husband that you will have the type of relationship with your kids that you want and he can have the type that he wants, or none at all if he prefers. I know it is hard when you have a controlling husband, I do know that firsthand, but stand up for your kids and live! your life the way that you want to. Otherwise one day your husband will pass away and you will be all alone, wishing you had your children and grandchildren in your life in a meaningful way.
She must have been so weirded out and confused. Honestly she might even be wondering if you (and your brother) are into some kinky stuff and you were testing the waters. You should have just said, āOMG I had such a crazy dreamā¦ā and told her about it.
This sounds so exhausting.
Iām not out of the woods quite yet, still waiting on divorce to finalize. And I know the custody will be a battle in the future
You are wrong, the thirst traps were repelling not enticing.
, pay close attention to all his non-verbal movements.
Shitty advice. What if he got nervous because he thinks she is going to divorce him and he did nothing ?
You should approach this situation by breaking up with this poor girl. Leave her alone. Let her move on.
Dodge a bullet m8
Time for a divorce. She essentially went into the sex trade without so much as letting you know beforehand.
Is commenting on this subreddit your full time job?
As of this post (and the day just started) you've commented 27x.
Based on your profile you do this everyday.
Theres no way that is healthy for you or this sub reddit. This isn't a subreddit to ask UsuallyWrite2 for advice.
Yeah there is something on that phone that would end your marriage, and he knows it.
I would honesty take it to a foresnsic place to see and recover the data, if he didn't break the main board it might be possible to replace the screen and get the data.
Idk bro sounds like you have a logical one here, does seem worth it. If you want to compromise do a male / male / female threesome or you should probably drop it lol
Heās completely exhausted it sounds like. You even admit he does more than you. Maybe you should get up at 6 and take care of the baby and let him sleep in in an hour exchange for him staying up later.
The baby isnāt going to be a baby forever and you will both get more sleep soon. Thats probably the ultimate answer to this.
He wonāt, youāre being stupid and naive.
This is an emotional topic for OP, and sheās pregnant, yes, but do not make the lazy assumption that sheās hysterical. She might just be but that doesnāt make you incapable of making important decisions and thinking through things. Women have brains, even when they get pregnant.
Thereās fault both ways yes, but her spending the night at a platonic friends house (before either of them even knew she was pregnant), isnāt going to hurt her the way you think. In fact, that will likely hurt him if she has held on to the texts. You donāt see it, because you donāt experience it. Iām married to a good man, and it sounds like OP is now too, and Iām honestly hoping you are too, I just want you to think about her perspective. You can love and trust your partner 110%, but at the end of the day, women are most likely to be killed by their boyfriends/ husbands. Itās an undeniable truth. You add on to that that the man has had controlling behavior in the past, has accepted ZERO accountability, and is angry with you? She had every right to block him, she had to think of the safety of herself and the babies she was growing. Iām not saying she was right, Iām saying I understand where she was coming from.
They were both adults. He couldāve asked for DNA, instead of pursuing this based on a whim his mom had 10+ years later. If he was blocked he could get to her through a lawyer. Both parties should realistically lawyer up and prepare for a long custody battle.
Sorry I forgot to mention- we did have the big talk on this, I told him I feel excluded like I am some random person in his life. He knows this very well. I have told him this multiple times- that I want to feel included, know what's going on in his life. It is not like he is completely unaware of his actions and how sad it makes me.
Your choices in a relationship always come down to stay or leave.
You've said how you feel about this and she's making the decision that she feels is the right one, as is her right.
You need to respect that and make your own decision about whether you are going to stick around on those terms.
I've tried to separate a few times but everytime I would take it back because I felt bad for him or that he could generally try to change.
I just keep feeling like I'm trapped with him emotionally. I keep bouncing back between being happy with him and falling into a depression where I realise I can't trust him.
This is really, really common, especially after a breakup you initiate. It's the mark of a good person, but also of one who needs more boundaries. You love the other, in a way, and you don't want to see them hurting. Hurting them feels unnatural, because as their partner, it used to be your job to help take care of their happiness – especially in the situation you both were in, together. And… it is in your power to take the hurt away! So you talk yourself into that, convincing yourself that the other 'can change'. Despite your misgivings, you take him back. And this makes you feel good for a while, because… you took away the hurt.
But can you also see where they don't do the same for you, now. They actively add to your unhappiness, at the moment, with their actions. Here comes your realisation that 'you can't trust him'. It's true.
You need boundaries, and distance. The distance to disentangle yourself from this emotional bond you share, in order to focus on yourself. The boundaries in order to see where your responsibility lies, and doesn't. You are not responsible for his emotions. Not even as their partner.
I think you need to go no contact. It's the hot way in the short term, but it will save you from a drawn-out process of push and pull. Good luck.
I'm in my late 30s, and it took a real long time to learn about myself, how relationships work, and what I truly wanted out of relationships. I would like to take what you put down, piece by piece, so we can both get a grasp on things in this situation.
First, what you describe isn't a 'nice guy' in internet terms. A nice guy would generally see that they were owed love, regardless of how the woman reacts. 'I gave my waitress a big tip so I deserve her phone number,' is a lot closer to nice guy thinking. Instead, what you described is a want in a relationship. IT IS 100% EXPECTED TO HAVE WANTS FROM A RELATIONSHIP. They can be things as simple as liking similar hobbies all the way up to dealbreakers like wanting vs not wanting marriage. As an old man, I've learned to preface every relationship for the last chunk of years with a serious discussion of what I want out of the relationship and compare it with what my future partner wants. 'Love is all you need,' is a nice sentiment, but everyone's version of what that looks like is wildly different.
So, to end the first point, find out what you truly, actually want and need out of the relationship. Talk with her about what she wants. If you can't to an agreement, or you can't compromise, should I need to tell you what the next step is?
Next, you already pointed it out. You wanted someone to love you as a want in the relationship and picked someone that constantly betrays your trust, just like your family did. As much as I'd like to blame your partner, you picked them. And as someone with a lot of experience in the subject, you will continue to subconsciously pick abusers until you've learned the warning signs that attract you to them. Here's a quick thought experiment. What drew you to this person and what is keeping you there? If you strip away gender, does your partners behavious remind you of a close friend or family member? Do you feel that you don't deserve love? Why or why not? If you know you deserve love, why settle on the quality you want?
Lastly, why settle for someone that is only with you because you're nice? I can list dozens of things about my partner that I love them for without thinking. If you gave me a day I could probably list hundreds. And with enough time I could list thousands. And your question at the end… is pointless? Why do you want to stay in the relationship while simultaneously devaluing what she says. Why go through the extra hoops? Regardless of what you say or do, you won't 'fix' her or the issue. You'll only make yourself more miserable and continue to second guess yourself.
I was gonna type out a paragraph but decided to just simply say.. You deserve so much better. There are people who will respect your feelings, your wants, and their partners (by not doing ANY of what you listed that he does). Run.
“Clearly everyone else is wrong” um no it sounds like you just were unable to have a functional adult cohabitation with your wife before slapping a legal title on your relationship. Not everyone wants to get married and not everyone combines finances after marriage.
Yuck. Sounds like your husband is the one pushing to meet Claire and sheās clearly not interested. Has he always been this creepy or is this just the first time youāve caught him? You must bring it up. Itās going to eat you alive if you donāt.