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You can't have a kid with someone who can't even make up their mind about wanting to have one. He either does or he doesn't. His indecision is forcing suffering on you. I would leave him until he can finally figure out what exactly he wants, because he doesn't get to control you based on his whims. It's disgusting.
Okay so let me get this straight.
You both split the bill, $800 each or so. No need to pay this back since she live! there and paid for living there. She want everything that have been *USED* paid back in Full CASH/Money. Instead of just taking the items?
No, this is not fair at all. I would just give all the items back and buy my own if I need.
U mean mj
You might be reading into it too much. He might actually just want a casual fuck
Yes you can. As soon as I saw my bf for the very first time, I knew what I wanted. I talked to him right away and our chemistry was so electric. We started dating 2 weeks after we met. Now we are 3 years together. No issues and our love just grows, not backwards.
Hmm, imo it’s probably just who he is then. All relationships have compromises and that could be one of them for sure. It’s just up to you if that’s a deal breaker or not.
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Hurting you is acceptable to her. Hurting him is not. That's not how a committed partner thinks.
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He has the ‘right’ to be a bigot just like any other bigot? Do bigots have rights? Or do bigots just have bigotry they choose not to address in themselves? I think it’s the latter.
He's using you! Please respect yourself and find someone who chooses you to be number one.
Neither him or your mother are in charge of you unless you allow them to be. Unless YOU relent to their demands.
I actually think there is a solid chance she will NOT stay with him. I think you're applying your situation to the context of mine and it is not in reality like that at all. Actually she's not making up stuff, it's all very serious. She told me that it's gotten so bad that her friends are telling her to either leave him now or be prepared to deal with his shitty behavior forever. And she told she has no hope he wille ever change because they've been stuck in this loop together for 3 years.
You're entitled to privacy, even from a wife. The fact that she regularly messages people whi l e pretending to be you definitely raised my euebrows, thats really odd and crosses some boundaries. I'd get an app that you can write in and lock her out with a pin.
And you don't think it would also make her feel good to be able to treat her SO from time to time, that maybe this is something she wabts to do? As long as it's for the sake of your fragile pride, screw her feelings? You're putting your feelings of wanting to be the sole provider above any feelings your girlfriend may have.
Do you think that joke about having someone gay was their misguided way to let you know that they suspected that you were gay and that it was ok? You should be grateful that you have parents who support you. Now go apologize to your Mom.
furries know they are human it’s like a fandom for animals calm down
She has sex just fine.
Oh, dear God. You know symptoms of a long-term illness can change in severity frequently, right? TN has flare periods and different triggers. It can also go into remission before a relapse. And if she has a problem with her facial nerves, TN is a possibility as likely as any other.
And if she's not horny for her husband, it may be because of her unspecified facial nerve illness or John or a low libido. Or maybe it's because she's married to someone who thinks it's necessary to write paragraphs of nonsensical shit with all the flair of a horny 15YO with a victim complex.
I don’t even care if it’s a sexual thing….as long as you’re not hurting anybody, you do you
I mean it definitely should be. They aren’t the same thing at all! But the overwhelming majority of men in here are telling OP that his wife has a libido, just not for him. Which is soooo wrong.
One very funny memory I have is of putting my toddler down in front of a fun activity they enjoy, jumping in the shower with the bathroom door open. And just as I have shampoo in my hair seeing a little hand reach in to close the door, and thinking “oh shit, they're up to something mischievous”, and having to exit the shower like a bat out of hell.
So, you tried to talk about a lack of intimacy and him not initiating things physically. And he flipped this into criticism of how you act at parties?
Do you not see what a manipulative tool this guy is? He builds you up to tear you down so you'll stay with him. Look up emotional abuse. Hell, look up “negging”
The only thing you're doing wrong is staying with someone who plays these horrible games to hurt you. Wake up.
He’s talking to you about running? First time that day, tell him youre done talking about it and you will be swimming. Second time remind him yourself not talking about it let him know if he insists on bringing it up you wont be able to speak with him. Continuing to speak on it , disengage (leave the room, put headphones in, turn your attention to your children.) do not respond to his provocation. If he gets physical or belligerent you should not be married to this man.
Everyone projects an image. I’m not the same with my girlfriend as I am with my best friend, or my family, or my colleagues. It’s not necessarily deceptive
Your husband is a dinosaur, tell him he stay home and sulk while you go out and enjoy your life with your kids, life is too short to listen to emotional terrorists like him.
That’s so sad.
If this seems to be a common reoccurrence, therapy may be helpful. Ending relationships is never fun or easy, but it must be done if you want out of it. If you aren’t able to do it verbally, write him a letter or something.
Just ask what he plans to do with the person's things. They might want them back.
Thank you so much for this comment. I genuinely do see him and I together in the future. I want to wake up next to him every morning. I also have the habit of overthinking things as well, which doesn’t help.
What are good ways to build? I want to work on communication and trust building. I truly love him and want to learn every little thing about him.
Listen to your inner voice. It’s not like he’s in his 20’s the guy is nearly 40 with a child. He’s not joking about the sugar mama thing he’s telling you your future. He wants to step into a situation where his partner can pay the bills to not even bother with the seasonal job.
She doesn't love him.
Why? Do his feelings matter more than yours?
I don’t think so, you went far with presumptions about unknown man, sounds more like he’s just bored of having sex with OP and tries to spice it up in a wrong way without communicating properly, it’s been 18 years with a same woman
Break up – it won't work long term.
You don't have to have all the same beliefs as your spouse, but your BF is endorses right-wing conspiracy theories.
Just rip the band-aid off
You behave like a woman, in a bad sense of that word.
Oh good, a heaping helping of good old fashioned misogyny on top of absolutely terrible advice.
Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you.
Your bf sounds toxic, very disturbed and in the habit of making vicious threats.
Your reaction is waaaay over the top. I get the decision to have or not have kids is huge, but that is incredibly rude. Nothing justifies you comparing her to her toxic parent.
If she’s willing to have a conversation with you, you need to apologize like there’s no tomorrow. I would also recommend actually listening to her and why she’s having these thoughts.
34 and “older” even WITH reasonable financial security?
Your whole life is ahead of you.
Unless you are naturally not ambitious (which is 100% fine), where you might be settling is in the range of your ambitions.
Came here to say this!
Just tell him it is good to take time and not something that can be forced after only a couple interactions.
Okay ?
Do NOT move out of the house. Stay there until the divorce is settled.
Like everyone else said. Get a divorce attorney.
Will the renters insurance not cover the cost of the items, within reason? Whoever you are renting from should obviously cover the cost of repair and any damage to the unit. He very well may not have been mad at you, just frustrated with the situation. I would not offer to cover the cost without knowing what was damaged.
Are you saying you let the water sit in the kitchen? In the future the best bet would be to soak the water up with a towel and ring it out in the sink, then soak it up with the towel again, right it out again, repeat until all the water is gone. Also did you call maintenance/the person you are renting from or did you leave it for him to do? What items do you think were damaged?
If you don’t mind answering these questions I could answer a lot better on how to address it with him.
I think just see how this date goes. If, at the end of the night, she’s rushing away from you to get to her friends, then don’t go out with her a second time. Maybe, though, she was just talking & she’s usually at the disco until very late & she just thinks that’s where she’ll end up. Or, maybe she wants you to come with her & she just didn’t say it.
I'd be careful, it sounds like the beginning of an abusive relationship. A lot of abusers seem perfect at first and that's what lures victims into staying. I'd set this as a naked boundary with him and if he continues to willing hurt you I suggest you reevaluate staying with him.
I think where I’m just confused is that she took all these steps and measures with me with meeting her parents and looking for places and now that’s just fallen through the cracks.
Obviously people change their minds all the time but I just had no indication of doing this.
When you say backing off, just giving her her space to figure things out or just ending it now?
I suggest, quite often, that there is an obvious escalation ladder of sorts in a relationship where both want to introduce sex (or hints of it) in a relationship. It's one of those things where you gradually dip you're toes in the water a bit to get a feel for the temperature, and get used to the situation before introducing something that “moves towards the goal”.
If you don't mind that I'm a bit blunt, it is quite a leap forward to be naked and have sex with someone, if you are not even close to being comfortable letting him see your belly while you are working out.
And therein, you find most of the point I'm trying to make.
If it's a huge leap into the unknown, maybe you need to divide it into smaller steps?
I don't know ANYTHING about where you are today, physically speaking, in your relationship. So I'm going to keep this quite generally phrased, so that you can spot the idea rather than think of the ramblings of a random dude from the internet as a road map you need to follow. (also, I base this quite a lot on how at least a handful of my own relationships have worked, so maybe there even is some kind of half truth in this idea?)
Anyway.
I like to think that one of the first physical things that happens in a relationship is to deliberately hold hands while being out walking. Hugging as a way to say both hello and goodbye.
An obvious step forward from that is to deliberately put yourself in a situation where the physical closeness is the purpose. Like cuddling or even sitting very close on a sofa.
Cuddling has an obvious step forward too, and that is to cuddle and kiss. And caress.
Which, I guess, easily escalates to cuddling, kissing and caressing with clothes in some sort of disarray.
And that would, at least in my mind, escalate into kissing, cuddling and caressing with clothes a bit more deliberately tossed around the room.
Which, I guess, could turn into kissing and cuddling and caressing with a deliberate few pieces of underwear left on.
And from there, it often escalates into curious exploration of certain fascinating body parts THROUGH fabric.
And … UNDERNEATH fabric.
And, eventually, without actually having underwear on either.
If you think about it, a lot in this is DEFINITELY leaning in a sexual direction. There could very well be orgasms involved. Or at least desire to have them. But it's still not what most people define as having sex. Because I deliberately left that part out.
It's just a hint at that it could be on the table later. Something to hope for. Something to long for. Steps along the way that you can cherish and truly enjoy. Steps you can stop a bit at, if your anxiety smacks you in the face and asks what you are doing and tells you to slow down a bit.
Some people kind of check off all those steps in an afternoon. For others, some steps takes a day and others take weeks. Which means that TIME is really not important here. What is important is that you get accustomed to each and every step (and, you know, infuse another step into it, if you feel that I'm missing something) so that you are COMFORTABLE EVERY STEP ON THE WAY.
Ask yourself what kind of physical touch and closeness you already have in your relationship. And try to figure out what the next logical step is.
Talking about it is something you are going to have to do, and that's for sure. But at this point, you can probably just gently nudge things in an escalating direction and see what it takes for you to be comfortable with that, you know?
The photographer should be able to photoshop the color of her dress after the fact, but you can also let her know to avoid photos of MiL.
He entertains her more than u did. Move on and stop obsessing
I'm not sure what his issue with you is either, but I think the more important question is what are you doing with this guy, and why are you letting him push you around like this? You were exhausted, and didn't even want to go out, but instead of respecting your needs, he browbeat you into getting in your car and coming to pick his ass up for a dinner you didn't even want.
And you let him!
Why? Does he have a magic dong? Do rainbows shine out of his bum? What does he actually do for you? How is being with him better than being alone until you can find a loving partner?
Beside all of these questions, his issue with you seems irrelevant.
What’s going to happen is you’re going to be a father in 2024, if you are still having sex with her.
Did; doesn’t answer my question, and the other major reply thread didn’t agree with you. And you’ve been told multiple times to ask and listen. Not much more we can tell ya, kiddo.
As someone with bipolar disorder, it's not an excuse to be an abusive and shitty person. She knows what she said and meant to hurt you. Don't let her use it as a crutch. You don't need her in your life.
Hmm. You have been married a long time. Thinking outside of this exact situation. I know that resentments, stonewalling, criticism, defensiveness happens when people arent happy and obviously that's probably a big reason as to why youre in couples therapy. (no judgements, that was my marriage but were divorced now)
Was your wife always the one who cleaned up earlier in the marriage? And are the kids grown/out of the house? Did she never clean before? Did you never clean before? Just trying to think about why she would say that after you cleaned. Just seems hurtful and I am curious why. There is probably more to it, but this situation is just what made it “bubble to the surface.”
If you're 100% sure, then he should see a urologist.
Oh, ffs, you needed to know that the ring fits correctly. You did nothing wrong and he's being overly precious. The only “moment” that truly matters at a wedding is that instant when you're declared legally wed. But that said, if this is a good relationship otherwise he'll get over this.
Yes but her coworker/other friend had conversations with that friends husband so he’s definitely on there. It’s not just an account circulating with no activity, he’s actively talking to at-least 1 person.
Your girlfriend is immature and crazy.
Thank you! 🙂
that is how normal therapy works. you sound like such a sweet and lovely person, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. but this sounds like your POS boyfriend is twisting what his therapist is telling him, in order for her words to fit his own personal narrative about the world.
someone else recommended you look in to Lundy Bancroft's work on angry men. traditional therapy DOES NOT WORK ON ABUSIVE MEN.