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she tried to bribe her child
You basically can’t, because to be very brutal: he doesn’t deserve it. HE is the one, who needs to build your trust through his actions. This is on him, just like the task to stop lying is. Nobody can do that for him.
agree.
Encourage her to do on-line or community college! It will give her more choices in life and if he’s an asshole about it you can ask why would someone who loves you try to sabotage your future, etc.
My advice is don’t date assholes. Time to dump this one.
Are you sure she isn't depressed? When I am going through a rough period I can still maintain the facade of normalcy, atleast outwardly. One of the things that falls through the cracks is changing underwear/socks because I know people won't notice by looking at me.
If you feel like it's a problem and have talked to him before over this length of time- especially since he put his hands on u you before he even moved in- it's time to end it. Of course, immediately after the incidents he's going to be contrite and swears never to do it again. How many times has he said that? And yes, I'm sure his sober behavior is different. That's the way it is with addicts, and he won't get sober unless he wants to. Not just because you are threatening to leave. But as long as he's drinking, his behavior ain't change, and that includes his behavior towards you. (My dad was an alcoholic and while he didn't touch my mom, he couldn't keep his pants zipped for the longest time). If you don't leave, next time, leave his butt on the floor after making sure he's okay. And any time after that. He will continue to speak to you like that when he's drunk and continue not to remember it. But how long until he hits again? You need to take care of you.
You mean 4 part spam?
I wouldn’t stay.
Raising a kid is naked. Newborns are hot to love because in the beginning it’s a game of staying alive (and awake). If they weren’t cute we’d all let the fairies in the woods raise them. If he’s not in it to win it, that’s more work for you.
Don’t worry, it gets better. Newborns are hard.
The tipping point for me is that he thinks he is incapable of love and that he also doesn’t think of himself as capable of change. This means there is nothing you can do that will be able to have this man say he loves you or your kid. You are both worth more than that. You are both deserving of love.
I’d also be concerned about this spreading to other areas of his life. If he’s incapable of changing or working on himself, what else will he be not able to do? He’s not able to… give the baby a bath? Do a bedtime routine? Play make believe? Parent-teacher meetings. Take the kid to a doctor. Make appointments. Take them to sports and other competitions. Talk about the hot stuff like dating and making good friends. Discipline. If my significant other copped out of parenting because they are too damaged to be capable of love, too broken yo be capable of parenting, and unwilling to change that’s a huge dealbreaker for me.
If I’ve got to be a parent by myself, then I can do it far away from him.
According to this though, OP is paying for rent at her parents' place and phone and streaming services.
She sometimes pays for food as well, but not all the time.
I have to assume if she's just got a room in her parent's place that's she's not paying that much rent. So where's all the rest of her money, given she has a job?
What the fuck does it mean “he accepted me for my shortcomings” HES THE ONE WHO’S A WANNABE RAPIST?? ?
he said that we are preparing to get married and have kids, but we are as far from it as possible, since I clearly don't care about him (not a new complain, but I don't know exactly what he expects from me)
If he can't actually communicate what exactly needs to happen for you to show how much you care for him, I don't know what else is there to be done. What exactly is there to fix? Is it just his own insecurities of him being cheated on before and you having an open relationship prior to getting together?
I asked him “then why you asked me more time before having kids if money is not a problem?” and he answered “bc I want sometime just with you, and after kids we won't have time for us ever again” followed by “I don't see us having kids anymore, it's not an idea that brings me joy anymore”
That's bullshit. You can make time. Yeah when kids are born it takes a lot of work, but they grow up. My folks didn't put their life on hold the entire time they were raising me. They did their date nights, outings, etc. If money isn't an issue, then you can easily hire a nanny or leave the kid(s) with your mom.
My mom said we need to talk frankly about our goals and needs, but I don't think he's sincere when I try to talk about it…
If he's already not being sincere, then this isn't on you to try and fix.
and you’re still excusing his wretched behavior. you’re 100% complicit in the abuse and neglect of your children.
Thanks for the insight. You make a really good point if that’s him when he’s sad then idk what he’ll do when he’s angry.
Immediately no.
While serious incompatibility could be insurmountable, we all have to compromise. Sex is sometimes relationship maintenance.
The saying that you should never have sex if you don't want to is accurate but incomplete.
If you're in a healthy relationship, and your partner wants sex more than you do, putting in effort to get yourself in the mood and figuring out what gets you there can help to find a happy medium that works for you both.
She wanted to have sex to save the relationship after it died. If she were working on it 3 months ago and demonstrating her commitment to mutual fulfillment, this might have worked out.
Of course, it might have still failed, but now we'll never know.
Fixing his high sex drive is no less ridiculous than fixing her low sex drive.
Neither needs fixing.
What does “already planning” mean?
And how you break it to him depends on your ultimate goal of your relationship with him is.
That’s a lot of weight on a frame your size but losing weight isn’t going to impact the tightness of your vagina and he’s an asshole for rolling it out like that. DTMFA
What if he said sorry
What if he woke you up and asked you first? He didn't, he raped you, like full on raped you when you weren't in a position to give consent, which is the definition of rape. Why are you so desperate to get him to agree that he raped you, when he's obviously gonna deny it to the grave? He raped you. Stop trying to ignore the fact.
If he knew before you guys went official that should’ve been the first conversation he had with you. She’s 7 months along so you only have 2 months to prepare if you’re staying. It’s manipulative to have not told you because he knew this information may have drastically changed your decision to initiate a relationship, and he didn’t give you a choice in that. He literally told you that he did it because he didn’t want you to leave, so he wanted you to become too attached to not feel like you have much of a choice to stay. Not giving you consent to be a part of his baggage is not a great start to a healthy honest relationship. Is he going to hide every naked conversation until it’s too late for you to back out?
“I know them having a baby doesn’t involve me”?? He MADE it involve you by not giving you an earlier chance to back out of it. If you’re staying with him you’re about to become a step mother to a brand new baby who will/should take up a lot of his time, money, and energy. That changes your entire trajectory of your relationship with him, that of course effects you too!
Stop shutting down your own feelings! “I feel like it isn’t fair for me to be upset” why?! You might not have been together officially, but he was courting you and saying he’d wait as long as needed for you, then he got someone else pregnant. It’s actually pretty easy to not get someone pregnant. It’s not that he was sleeping with others when you weren’t official, it’s that he got a girl pregnant and didn’t tell you until he felt like you would find it harder to leave him.
You state you’re childfree and don’t want to be a step mother. Then don’t. It may feel like he’s the best guy ever but the best guy ever would try to manipulate your feelings to make you stay. He would’ve told you upfront “just so you know, I’m having a child this spring”. Stop prematurely rejecting your feelings just because you’re trying to be objective about the situation. HE put you in this shitty situation when he didn’t let you know what you were getting into when you started your relationship
Info..you mentioned a party afterwards that spouses are allowed to attend. Is that still happening? If she will have her own private room, why can't you stay there, as well? Has that option been brought up..?
Agreed on all fronts. That defensiveness is a MASSIVE red flag to me, because there’s just no reason for it. These comments are so bonkers, like someone was up there basically being like “oh it’s okay to flirt with your coworkers because it makes you feel desirable even if it doesn’t mean anything” like lmao that is actually not okay???? If I caught my partner texting someone they work with and flirting with them, and especially if it’s been an ongoing conversation, that’s emotional cheating, gtfo of here.