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The fact that he excludes you from so much of his life would be enough reason to get a divorce, add in everything else and I cannot fathom why you are still there.
He says he loves you, but none of his actions show that, he doesn't even seem present enough to be a reasonable parent.
You aren't crazy to want to leave, but you are if you stay, because you know he is being unfaithful deep down.
all the best.
A long term affair in an unmarried relationship makes no sense. Just break up.
She is comfortable with profound deceit or she has a need to be polyamorous and lie about it. Not someone I would trust.
did you ever worry what if one day he meets someone and im not the one he wants to come home to because that lowkey what scares me also happy 9 🙂
He shouldn’t even consider driving if he’s even the least bit tipsy. Telling him not to drink and drive is not controlling at all. He sounds incredibly immature and doesn’t understand the horrible consequences this could have. I know people who have driven their cars into ditches and had to be on house arrest for months, then had to pay thousands in fines and attend AA meetings, then had a Breathalyzer in their car for a year. Thank god they didn’t kill someone.
Not going to argue that he’s probably not the best fit for you, he’s not going to change, so you need to decide what you are going to do.
In your example, I’m sorry, but the issue was you.
He had a date all planned out, you forced a change because of a new job, yes a job is important, but in forcing him to change it you showed him exactly the same attitude as you are complaining about in him, that your relationship is secondary to other people and things.
And yes you forced him to change, what other option was available to him? Tell you that you ruined the plans and have you upset with him? That would have gone down worse than what he actually did.
You also ended the evening early (or at least early for him) because you needed to be at work @5am the next day. Working backwards you would need to be up 4:30am at latest, sleep for 7 hours, so 9:30 bed, but wait 9:30 you were at his place, 40 minutes from home, so take the drive into account and you should have left there 20 minutes after the coworker got there. So the “wasted time” of not spending it with your bf was bs, as you wouldn’t have been there anyway.
So again, he is not likely going to change, but if this was his attempt at change, you put a stop to any further attempts.
I mean if u dont like his face and height at all then u shouldnt be dating him, thats the harsh truth
They should have communicated to OP why she wasn’t invited to THEIR wedding it’s not up to OP to have to do that. So op is only good enough for her parties but she wasn’t good enough to be invited to their wedding such good friends.
I think your boyfriend is a fuckboy.
I hear you.
Please continue to advocate for yourself and your mental health, though, use the county resources.
If you’re not getting the help you deserve from those resources, let them know and ask them to help you find second opinions/referrals.
You deserve decent medical care.
Thank God he rejected you omg, you're incredibly young ?
I honestly wonder why men ever cheat when none of them ever finish other than with their wives? Especially with sex workers. It’s a mystery for sure. ?
I think it was a stupid question with no good answer and you didn’t help yourself out with how you answered either. Honestly this is also partly an age thing, the drama of being 20 – good luck op
Do yourself a favor, don’t post this on AITA, because, yes, you are the asshole.
You have my pansexual bow
Devil's advocate here
One thing to consider is her personal history. By the sounds of it she has a nude time communicating very personal issues.
However, sometimes people have traumatic responses to affection when they have experienced abuse at an earlier time in their life.
I certainly can't say if this was a factor in your experience, but it is more common than you think sadly. If this is the case she will need to learn to communicate her needs to her future partners.
A more experienced partner might know who to do this properly, but less experienced people can and should learn this too, so perhaps there's not a need to find experience partners so much as there is a need to communicate well, with trust
LOL, yes, that's a little better!
I how OP is reading all the comments.
Shes compared herself to me but only really personality wise.
You sound like you're banging your head on a brick wall now ?
Is he ever nice to you?
OP has to be 24. Most 33 year old women wouldn’t put up with this bs. I mean many 24 year old women wouldn’t either but it’s a higher chance than a 33 year old.
I appreciate you for telling me about this. I'll read into it. She does have a lot of trauma that she's dealt with growing up. Her parents are very, very abusive mentally and sometimes physically, and she's had to take care of her family since she was young. She often talks about how she may struggle with some kind of autism, or something called Alexithymia, but due to her parents controlling her life, they would never allow her to leave the house to see a specialist or to get any kind of help.
Nothing is ever a big deal unless you make it a big deal. If you don’t really care, then why mention it?
I said the name, not a name. We both agree that names are important. I disagreed with the way that he valued the name, a way that imposed identity onto someone else. And the value he assigned that name was more important to him than understanding why someone might want to change it.
I know what you're trying to argue. What you think you're arguing is correct. I'm telling you that you aren't aiming at the right target and so you picked the wrong argument.
Thank you for the comment! I appreciate it
If they can’t afford therapy, how will they afford a divorce?
It happens in movies all the time. Tell him movies also show time travel and flying people.
Rock paper scissors is broad but also sorta friend based. You wouldn't RPS with strangers but your homies for sure.
Leave, not only is he a cheater but he is violently threatening you.
Right, not sure why no one has mentioned turning this insomnia into a nice side hustle!
Did you marry that person? How long were you together? How did it ultimately come to be that you decided to end things?
Trust me, me talking to him would've gone much better (most times) than me ignoring him. He stays saying hi when II see him. Somedays he make a little small talk, some days it's just a hi.
So basically he spent 4 months during the separation talking to talk but after being back together for thirty seconds he already doesn’t prioritize you?
Yehhhhh I’d leave too.
If he can be that levelheaded with the authorities, then you can be pretty sure he's lying about these supposed plans to kill himself. So at least you can rest easy about that.
Contacting your family could be a problem, but you can do something about that: contact them first. Let them know you left him and why, and let them know he's been lying about threatening to hurt himself. That way, even if he calls your family, they already know what to expect, and they know he's been lying to try and force you to stay.
A reasonable thing to do would’ve been to expressed out and ask for a paternity test. Immediately outright denying the kids and then wishing for an abortion, what kind of human being does that? And then blames the woman he impregnated an abandoned for his own terrible and stupid behavior?
Not to mention, she doesn’t express any good reason for him to have thought she was cheating. Having male friends is a stupid ass reason to assume someone is cheating. Around college-age, who the hell doesn’t hang out with tons of friends of all genders and occasionally crash at their place? My friend Group regularly hung out and stayed over and none of us were sleeping together, normal people have friends and doesn’t mean they’re cheating with them. The people who think any part of his conduct was reasonable need to go touch grass.
He knew they existed the moment she informed him they existed, the moment she told him that she was pregnant. She told him, he denied they were his. That was his own choice.
I'm very supportive of the LGBT community
Continues to describe sex with a trans MAN as “F4F”
wtf are you serious? A 40 years old married creep is hitting on a teenager manipulating her and she is bad as he is?
Stop victimizing victims
he sounds like a walking redflag how did he hide that intelligence now…
Dude, just read your post again and tell what do you think any self respecting with average intelligence person would say if they read this
Hey thank you for your comment and actually taking the time to offer perspective on my question, it's great advice ?.
And I am also stumped on these comments regarding marriage, it's just such a non factor. In NZ we can't take separate mortgages on one property but we can co-borrow in a de facto relationship.
It sounds like this relationship has come to a natural conclusion. There's nothing wrong with ending things if you're unhappy.
That's like college age, it's really not that unusual. 5 isn't a big deal.
Reddit has a weird obsession with age gaps. What power dynamic does a broke ass college kid have? Did you feel like you were too immature and got 'tricked' into a relationship? You were an adult when you started dating.
You know your partner not us. I'm surprised anyone cares about 20 & 25 honestly.
'Has anyone been in a similar situation before?' oh darling, yes.
If you want to forgive him that's your decision but just know that the hurt of his cheating will not go away. You have to ask yourself whether you want to live! like how you described and if not get out now.
My mum thought her life was over when she divorced her first husband but within 2 years she was back in a serious relationship after taking some time off and having a blast. Now she's got 2 kids and a faithful husband (that we know of lol.)
My advice is don't listen to advice, ask you what you want to do, don't base your decisions off other situations. Have a serious think about your life because no matter how long you make this reddit post, we won't know your life better than you do.
I know it hurts so much. Where do you live! in general please?
You sound like a horrible person, too.
Why don't you block her and stop giving a fuck what she does on her social media?
Is she upset about her father or is she just a miserable manipulative person? I
If you leave a guy because he likes porn you’re going to be looking for guys forever. If he’s actually addicted, sure you’d have a problem on your hands, but that’s highly unlikely.
I was sad cause I sort of was like oh well this didn’t go well.
I'd communicate and tell her that. ? Kinda wondering if both of you are a little down just because you're worried the other one had a bad time. Sounds like a good time for reassurance and clearing the air!
Good luck man!
She's following up on stuff yall talked about the date, checking in with you, worrying about you, texting back…I'm just a rando on here and there's always a chance I'm wrong, but all signs are pointing in good directions as far as I can tell tbh.
Fingers crossed for what's next ?
So then you can flirt with meN or woman
He says this is the way he and his friends have always hashed out issues
and yet OP said “I have been asking him to talk to his friends more and seek their advice or support on things” so I'm wondering who's telling the truth here. Rather inclined to believe OP since the BF comes across as such an AH.
Yeah I don't see anything weird about her behavior.
Why would you need to ask this? WIFE, evidently!
Good luck living like a hostage for the rest of your life to his manipulative bullshit. U arent in a loving relationship u are in an abusive one. Please atleast get on some good birth control so u two dont reproduce and bring kids into this bullshit ur deluding yourself into.
So, to be clear: you want the best guy you ever dated to be sexual with you in a manner only you find appealing, at all hours of the day, against his better judgement and general nature.
And as part of this committed, loving, reciprocal relationship, your partner receives your sustained happiness — provided he maintains this ongoing attentiveness and role play.
Not to be mean, but this sounds really exhausting.
I am SO glad someone else said that. It can't be very good sex either*, just wham, bam, thank you ma'am if they're doing it several times a day.
*good sex for HER. He probably gets what he wants out of it
Dude you fucked up and then went to the internet for advice. Own your mistake, and next time consider your priorities more carefully. Obviously these things mean a lot to your wife.
If this is the only incident where you think she was selfish and callous, then I think you're in the wrong. Both of you were under extreme emotional stress and behaved badly – but understandably.
If, on the other hand, this is only one in a long series of unempathic incidents, then cutting her off would make sense, but be aware that it can be nude to turn an estrangement around if you later change your mind.
Bless him lol I don’t think that’s any different than women putting heels on.