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Sooooo in other words your ex took the responsible route; I.e.: found someone he loved, got married, and is now planning to have kids.
You should tell your daughter to follow his example and live her life responsibly, not follow your example and get knocked up twice while not even being married
I would worry less about the strippers and more about the other girls he's doing this with.
Don’t have a child with this person my fiancé wants to be with me at all of them and even cried at the last one when he saw the baby he can’t go to the next one and he’s very upset and afraid of something is wrong he won’t be there for me. That’s the kind of father you want for your child
Why are you with this person who constantly cheats and makes you feel insecure? I know different people have different boundaries for what cheating is but what he is doing is inappropriate.
The fact that he has the confidence and audacity to flirt with someone else not just in your presence, but in the presence of his friends shows he has no respect for you.
He’s trying to turn the whole thing on you by calling you suspicious. You are worth more than you realize, and you deserve a good man who won’t cheat on you or make you feel insecure.
Sadly this happens frequently.
Don't make decisions right now.
I'm sure you have all sorts of feelings. Regardless of his cheating, you had a huge, long-term relationship with him including a lot of disappointments over drugs and also time when you really loved him. That is complicated enough. I think I would respond, saying you recognize her loss but don't want to send the ashes. She probably has mementos of him of her own. If there were more ashes, you might send some.
Then, just take care of yourself. I personally would tell your mom. She probably has all the complicated feelings as well. She loved him, cared for him, made the decision to stop supporting him, and stepped up when he died. She is no stranger to the combination of love, disappointment and sorrow that comes with the death of such a person.
That said, if you don't tell her, that's OK too. Hang in there.
How many people have to tell you that you are the problem before you believe them? Your ex, her new boyfriend, an employee at the shelter, and all of reddit seemingly think you are out of line. You seem to have burned bridges with other people in your life too since you can’t stay with any of them including your brother.
You are pushing 30. If you don’t have a job and your own place right now, those should be your priorities rather than getting back with a girl who you had the nerve to refer to as a “generous 4”.
Trickle truth is leaking down
Ex-wife who cheated on him and got pregnant by another man before I met him****
Yes honey, that is absolutely cheating.
Yeah. And it doesn't seem likely that it would be two major visits/a huge hassle/etc. like OP outlined. You can go in to a regular well woman check up and go “I want my IUD out while I'm here” most of the time, from what I've heard (as long as there isn't an issue). I know you can request one and get it without needing multiple appointments.
Speaking as a former college RA, breakup with your high school SO. Beyond your bf’s clear inability to prioritize and being ‘very very bad’ at thinking about his future, staying with your SO from high school frequently causes the issues you’re describing here (including grades, college experience, & other relationships suffering). I’ve seen it so many times with my former residents. You both need to have those college experiences that you want to have or else resentment will start to build.
Less than 2% of high school sweethearts get married, and coupled with the divorce rate, it’s known that HS sweetheart relationships almost never workout in the long term. You two are likely not an exception to that rule. You’re not the same person at 14 that you are at 18, and you certainly won’t be the same person at 22 that you were at 18 or 14. You both are changing so much right now, and it’s not uncommon to find that your paths no longer align.
You’re correct that getting your schooling is more important than any relationship. Learning to function as an independent adult is also important. Even if you don’t break up right now, you both need to have your own friends, hobbies, degree, etc. for when you likely do.
That aside, given how far he’s fallen behind in his work, I’m also wondering if he’s depressed. It’s not uncommon to have some depression kick in with the college transition, but if he’s always kinda been like this (unable to prioritize, not the best grades, not many friends), I’d say you have a pretty good image of what you’re getting, which is laziness and poor time management.
Wishing you the best, OP!
Live dating …you should use on-line dating only for sex imo.
If you want a serious relationship that’s not where you should look , I mean yeah sure you could get lucky and find a decent partner there but the chances are pretty low , depending on your standards .
The famous 1 inch punch
Your girlfriend brings nothing of real value to the table. You could literally meet those needs with a prostitute.
This is a great idea
Start a savings account. Put $200 a month in it. Call that rent. Don't spend it. Don't touch it.
When the time comes, you'll know what to do with it.
Talk to her about it. She’s gotta want to go off it.
He already made the decision to have a child with her by having unprotected sex.
This is exactly how my ex would treat me.. it is not you girl. It’s him. He’s emotionally cheating whenever he realizes it or not. Any person with common sense would see that looking at half nude women live is disrespectful when in a relationship. And so is paying more attention to another woman- it‘s inappropriate. I too felt insecure in my past relationship. It’s because you feel like you’re constantly being compared to other women, like you have to prove something. It doesn’t help either that he doesn’t make you feel beautiful, no compliments, nothing. My ex never changed. I would communicate with him that I would like more compliments, he told me “I was acting spoiled” lol. Leave, you deserve better and you know that. Deep down you know what the answer is already.
did you try to do anything to stop these interactions in the moment?
Your problem is that you haven't met your perfect match at 22 years old. That's not the disaster you think it is.
Some people have met that person by 22. A lot of people think they've met that person by 22 and they'll realize they were wrong. You seem to think you're way behind the normal timetable and you're really, really not, and being obsessed with “catching up” is only going to hurt you, not help you.
I would strongly encourage you to get some therapy to examine your feelings and figure out some better and healthier perspectives. It's not normal to be as desperate and unhappy as you seem to feel.
Omg. She is one huge mental mess with a ton of waving red flags. Is this something you really want to deal with forever?
You already know the answer. This is not the person for you. Find someone that you’re a better match with, she’s not it.
I am in love with him, I know I need to leave, but I can’t find anyone else attractive at all. I don’t want another relationship. My fear is leaving and never feeling this deeply again
You aren't in love with him. You're in love with your idealized concept that exists only in your head
I would just give away anything that reminds u of him . Couse if it was an abusive relationship theres no point in keeping the bad reminders of spent time with him
Relationships aren’t supposed to be a fight. A fight to get someone to stay, a fight to be happy, a fight to be able to compromised. No way Jose. It’s supposed to be a downhill slope, where things fall into place by themselves, where we find security, happiness and shelter in someone who gives it without even trying. I suggest you take a long naked look on the dynamics of the relationship and ask yourself if it’s supposed to be this difficult. Cause once you’ve been on the other side, you’ll know that it really doesn’t.
Dude move on this is not gonna end well for u break up take time to focus on u and move on nobody can force u in a path u dont want to