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OMG I read her profile.
Her boyfriend is an abusive manipulative dick
Run woman, run
In one ear, out the other.
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If he doesn't want to meet, why can't you just break up over the phone?
Yeah… you did the right thing because what was she doing? She shouldn’t bring her friend into your relationship to talk to you about this. Sounds like she has to mature more because that made no sense smh.
“Are you really crying bc I don’t buy you gifts” is minimizing her feelings and is not ok. She’s explicitly told you how to make her feel loved, and you’ve dismissed it with excuses. Either you need to provide these things to make her feel loved, or you need to find somebody that doesn’t need these things. Saying “I need to think about me first” is an awful excuse. You’re in a relationship; you need to think about BOTH of you. Yes, your future is very important, but there’s nothing stopping you from being successful in school AND making your partner feel loved. If you don’t have the time or energy to do both, you shouldn’t be in a relationship.
If money is the main issue here, then talk to her about it. “I understand how she’s feeling and I’m sorry I haven’t done this up to this point. I’ll work towards fulfilling these needs in the future. Right now money is pretty tight because I’m covering ____, so can we brainstorm some low cost date nights?”
Date nights and gifts don’t have to be expensive. They don’t have to cost you a lot. It’s not about the money, it’s about the thought that goes into them. Flowers and candy are cheap and easy gifts you can get your gf every once and a while. Going on a romantic walk through a park, watching a sunset, going bowling/to the movies on the “cheap nights”, a picnic in the park, these are all great date nights that won’t kill your wallet
Been in your shoes – everyone else was right.
Took me 12 years to see and admit it, though!
That’s really early to move in together. You rushing together and separating has no consistency in your relationship.
It’s hot to measure feelings with constant instability.
Maybe you aren’t in a place emotionally to have a relationship with her? Your focus is your career because you had to move and that’s normal at your age.
Then it sounds like they should use both to be completely safe…
The dude is almost 40. That’s a conversation that should happened a decade ago or he should’ve divorced OP.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
So here’s the scoop. Me (28M) and my girlfriend (29FM) have been together for a year and half in a serious relationship. She has been saying that she wants for us to get married but I wasn’t ready for marriage because I did not have a solid job to support both of us but I considered getting engaged. Recently I got an offer for Med School in Ireland out of the blue during Christmas which I accepted without hesitation. I have applied to med school in the past only to get rejected and she was made aware from the beginning that I will be moving abroad for med school. She got mad at me for not consulting her about this huge decision. I only told her after I received an offer and I took it. I didn’t even ask her if she is okay with it but over a span of 3 days she became distant and cold. On NYE she broke up with me on the basis that I am childish, lack communication, and did not take her input into a major life decision.
I could’ve asked her and run this decision by but as soon as I saw the email I took the offer. I should of presented this to her in a way that I ask for her input and took it. I mean I didn't want to break up with her I love her very much. So AITA for taking a once-in-a-lifetime offer without consulting my girlfriend or she is breaking up on NYE. So what do you think I should do now?
EDIT: We did discuss getting engaged in the next year and working towards getting married while I am in med school. I was going to take the first opportunity that arose to go to med school, which was communicated with her. After I told her I was accepted she said pondered the idea of LDR, but inevitably I dropped the ball on the way I communicated this to her. Plan was to move back home after done with school and she would continue to work on her career and potentially transfer to Australia. I would still be open to making things work and having kids in the future with her.
I dated a man from another state as well. We on-line together now and are getting married in March.
There are lots of long distance relationships that work out!
If you don't trust him, why? There must be a reason you don't trust him, whether that's internal or external, and maybe a reason he doesn't want anyone snooping whether that has to do with you or not at all….I'd explore that question here myself…
To be fair to her, all the top comments in this post are doing their best to convince her of that
Don’t on-line with her. But ok
????
I agree. The idea that I have to share details on my trauma to justify a basic support for my boundary can be too much. Imagine having to share your issue to be respected on it, & that many people were told private things.
I don’t have to know why you have a boundary or a quirk. Couple of friends cannot be fucked with while sleeping: no painted toenails or shaving cream jokes. They don’t need to share why, it’s enough we know better. The world doesn’t need an explanation for why I don’t show if particular people are there, or hate certain tastes. I just don’t.
Eh…I could almost give her a pass on this. Each person will have boundries for what they consider cheating. There is a bunch of stuff that most people agree on, but you're going to have extremes on either end. What's important is defining it for your relationship. I would even go so far as saying that if your cheating boundries don't line up, it could be a yellow flag that you don't have similar morals and the relationship might not be a good fit.
For me, the lack of accountability is the problem. Dude is making his mistake her problem and it's four months in. I would bounce.
Lol you are so ignorant, if you can’t see how OP fucked up here you are probably just as dumb as she is.
Oh, okay now I understand.
I wonder if he's ever even worked in a restaurant. It's a brutally hot business, physically and financially, and not a great job to have when you have small child(ren)
I would tell the older girl that what happens between you and f19 doesn't concern her.
Maybe bring up the text convo with f19, next time you talk to her or see her in person, without her boyfriend, in a more round about way, so it doesn't seem like you think she put the other girl up to it.
This way, you can get a better idea of what f19 thinks now. If she's dating someone else, it's possible that her crush on you has dwindled.
It sounds very much like she is just in a kind of self protective denial.
She didn't think she had a problem, now she knows she does. She is embarrassed and very intimidated by how to fix this- especially as her job and lifestyle isn't naturally conducive to fixing it.
A lot of overweight people will try to make themselves feel better by comparing themselves favourably with people who are even more overweight (I do!)
This doesn't solve the problem but provided a temporary salve and she is grasping for any straw she can.
Sit with her and find out what she actually wants to do. Does she want to on-line as an overweight person? In which case she needs to own it, be comfortable with it and on-line as healthily as she can with it.
Does she want to not be an overweight person anymore? In which case, be really supportive and constructive in helping her. But it's not enough to want to the final outcome- she has to want to take the decisions every day and every hour that lead to that outcome. That's the nude part. It gets easier, but that is the nude part
Op,don't let him get away with that!wait until the kids are in bed and have a discussion. Remember you have the upper hand. Stay strong ? good luck
Have you considered couples therapy? Even if only to work out a more amicable break up? Guessing you probably on-line together and likely share assets. Might be worth going for a few sessions so that it doesn’t turn into a big blowout.
It isn’t cheating ? how would he feel if you sent nudes to a guy or sexted a guy – i bet he would think it was cheating then . If he chooses to go to the wedding it would be over for me
Awful but you're still young and it seems pretty clear she has no fucks left to give, making therapy more of a money pit and extra wasted time.
She doesn't seem to understand what a relationship is tbh.
Yeah you made a mistake. Sexual incompatibility is an absolutely legitimate reason to break up. Just end it. You've been together long enough to know that this isn't going to work.
What about your husband's physical ability? If he's been getting out of shape that might be stressing him out as well and cause less attraction. Also if you can start seeing progress and get excited about it, that can help your confidence which will rub off on your husband.
Sounds like couples therapy might help if you can access it.
The other reason is how have you brought up the issue? Do you know why she keeps deflecting the offers?
If I were you, I would also tell the other friends what happened. I would also file a complaint with the cops on him.