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Birth Date: 2002-01-18
Body Type: bodyTypeThin
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Sounds like your dodging a bullet. Last one in the mag but it's never too late to get out of a bad relationship.
This is abusive AF, on his part.
Personally, I would get a lawyer and start the process of splitting the house asset we bought together. One of you needs to buy the other one out, or you sell the house and split the profits because that isn't how you react.
He will ALWAYS pull the “get out” card, you aren't safe and secure with someone like this.
What you did was an accident, caused by him leaving his phone in the bed. You apologized but his reaction was to throw something at you which resulted in the breaking of an item. I don't care how much he was in pain, his first reaction is violence.
Holy shit. It was a fucking dream. I’m assuming you’re still pretty young so I’m not going to totally berate you, but if this has you this upset, I think you would benefit greatly from a therapist, this isn’t a normal, healthy reaction.
But you almost certainly ruined this relationship beyond repair.. she wont be comfortable telling you anything now.
Gosh I am really sorry. He is at the person that you thought he was and it’s time to let go.
Sounds like he’s a prick. You deserve way better. Leave now before you find out how much of a prick he really is. It only gets worse.
How do you want to support him?
He was “honest” until he couldn't lie anymore… Did you ask about blocked numbers?
He’s 20 and she’s 18. That sub is all like people in their 40s and 50s who’ve been married forever. He should just break up with her if he wants sex and she doesn’t. No need to check out other subs for bad advice.
He knows I don’t know where that is though. He could be 10 mins away or 3 hours away.
Thank you for this comment. And even if I didn’t want this man raising my daughter, what choice do I have? Wouldn’t it be safer for me to be there with her while he’s “raising her” to correct any bad info he might be giving her that I don’t agree with?
Thank you for your comment
Your girlfriend should be happy and excited for you! This is not a normal nor supportive reaction. The fact that she can’t get behind you over a job you’re striving to land shows some selfishness and immaturity on her part. It’s only a few hours away, not half way around the world. Go to that interview and let her figure out her own shit.
I recently got my dream position which requires a commute and although more money, less hours to start. Guess what my boyfriend did? He volunteered to pick up a few shifts at his old job yo cover the monitory difference. He also gets up before me cause he’s naturally an early riser, he packs me a lunch and cleans off/warms up my car. This is what a supportive partner does.
Probably because you’re on a date talking about a random dude he has no interest in.
Can you clarify what you mean by “no way to get home”? Do you mean you cannot afford a plane ticket or bus fare? Or do you mean that you can’t break the lease you’re in? Or that you don’t have a job back home?
Block them both.
No, it's not nothing and it's fine that it's naked. But you have to value yourself enough to not accept this.
What if it was your best friend saying these things to you? What if it was their partner who had said these things to them?
Would you say, “it's ok because he apologizes and says he loves you?” Would you say, “you're right, you are crazy oversensitive – it's totally normal for a partner to threaten self harm if you try to meet your own needs”?
My guess is no. So why are you saying things like this to yourself?
Dude … ask her! Don't waste any more time worrying about it. Be a gentleman and ask her. She isn't going to say no. The idea of not asking someone out for fear of being embarrassed at being rejected just doesn't cut it. No risk … no reward. You must do the things that will lead to happiness for you. Best wishes.
This guy is toxic, a cheater, mentally abusive, and an AH. Why is she still there? I would've left at his 1st “sexual joke.” There is TRUTH behind his “jokes.”
Ok that is true I’ll concede that. I just frankly don’t like the general notion that it’s assumed that men will cheat when women do it just as much.
Your mom could have having a depressive episode with psychotic features. She needs to see a doctor asap.
Wait, you're a little unclear on some important details. It wouldn't matter much, but you asked AITH, and motives matter more for that.
So, you said that he has physical difficulties and your size that make having sex difficult.
That looks like you're saying that, when you have tried to have sex, it either wasn't successful (meaning penetration and at least one orgasm for someone, as an arbitrary point of success), and/or had some after effect from the sex. By after effect, I mean something like extra pain, numbness, or other physical impact as well as any emotional/psychological ones if it was successful but not good.
Is his decreased attraction part of why sex isn't working, or only a hindrance to getting started?
You say you've discussed the issue, and he admitted to attraction being a factor. There's not as much info in there as would be helpful from this end in determining if you'd be an asshole to want to divorce.
Admitting tends to occur after being asked. Did he resist saying it? If so, did he ever say why he was resisting saying it? If he didn't, what was his demeanor when he said it?
Secondary to that, you mention going down on him. Are there other ways you're being physically intimate that provide you with orgasm and a sense of intimacy? If there isn't, is there a reason why other than your weight?
Now, all of that matters if you really want an AITH answer. With what you've given, it would be either neither of you are assholes, or you both are. There's no real indication that either of you is acting wrongly, it just isn't working right as things are.
Which, again, only matters for an AITH answer.
When it comes right down to it, nobody has to stay with anyone. Often, it's better to end things sooner once a fundamental problem occurs to make it a more friendly parting and reduce pain for any kids involved. Like, if instead of fucking around for a year or two, bring letting bad feelings fester and turn you both into jerks that hate each other, divorce is a much less harmful thing.
Nobody needs to be stuck with someone that doesn't find them attractive. There's a pretty damn fundamental issue. We're basically just a bunch of shaved monkeys, and if our mate doesn't actually want to mate with us, it breaks that primal need to be completed in that way. It hurts our inner ape. It's not less hurtful than cheating tbh. They both stab deep into our most primitive selves.
So, if the issue is that big, then it doesn't matter if you're the asshole or not. It's still your right to pick your mate, or leave them.
This needs to be its own comment right at the top. It was the first impression I had once I read how he treats OP. Someone so strictly controlling another person doesn't just give that up because she checked his messages.
OP, if you're safe where you are for a bit, take some time to make a plan in secret. Get some legal advice and a place to stay if necessary, get all your documents and valuables in a safe place and when you have everything lined up, let him know that you won't be fighting the divorce. By text from elsewhere, if you think he might become aggressive. If he starts to backtrack, he'll go to counselling, things will change, he didn't mean it, he's changed his mind and forgiven you, etc, file for a divorce yourself because if you don't do it this time, he'll keep threatening it, every time he needs to get you back in line. That's no way to on-line.
I don't know why you're being down voted. You're right. Exercise can help by increasing your muscle mass and therefore your total daily energy expenditure (TDEE), but losing weight is still about getting your calories consumed below that TDEE, and that almost always requires dietary changes, which have a much faster and more significant effect anyway.
Changing eating habits is not easy (source: have lost a lot of weight and still have a ways to go), and maybe some don't want to hear it, but it's almost always necessary.