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Model from: lk
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Birth Date: 1995-01-18
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Unfortunately, you don't know what means ” be careful” in your age. No offence, it's just a lack of experience.
The fact you were in a previous abusive relationship makes you even more vulnerable.
Should had acted before they got married, now it id a sleeping bomb.
You've been together 4 years (living together for the past year). That should be sufficient time and experience to know whether you can commit to marriage.
but it feels like we are still discovering something new about one another
I don't see that as a problem. On the contrary, your relationship could become boring if you know everything there is to know about the other person.
or we encounter a difficult situation between us that we don't know how to navigate comfortably
But do you ultimately manage to resolve the situation with a good (or at least neutral) outcome? If so, then it's okay to occasionally have difficult situations that make one or both of you uncomfortable; it means you are able to communicate with each other to make the relationship work.
I don't want to get married only to find that we generally just don't agree with one another.
You ought to know by now whether you “generally” don't agree with one another. More time is unlikely to change that.
Every adult in my life has been through a really rough divorce and I really would just love to avoid that.
Don't let the relationship troubles of others intrude on your relationship.
What you're seeking is absolute certainty, but you're not going to get it.
You are saying the wrong thing and you know it.
You are not being truly honest.
From this post and your replies to comments an honest answer from you would be “Currently I am a no to marriage but if unknown things changes I may be open to it in an unknown future time.”
You don't want to marry her.
You have no idea if that will ever change but like others have said if you don't want to commit to her after 4 years at 26, you are likely to never want to make that decision.
You vaguely like the idea of being married eventually, but nothing indicates you want to be married now or in the plannable future to ANYONE. Nothing you have said indicates that you want to commit anything more serious with your current GF .
Your GF deserves the truth from you.
Sit her down and tell her the truth.
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When my boyfriend was sick we binged watched a bunch of movies together, if you both have computers you can stream something and have discord running so you can both hit play at the same time and watch the movie together?
If you have some art supplies in your room right now, my understanding is that Covid doesn’t transmit on surfaces with any success so you could make up a cute card or decorations, or even a little Christmas morning scavenger hunt that ends in her finding the ingredients to make very hot chocolate hidden somewhere, something like that where you can sneak out and set it up at night while she’s asleep.
Hope you feel better soon, and be careful of the post-Covid exhaustion, it is crazy!! Merry Christmas
So then I hope you understand where I’m coming from. It’s not like I’d ever believe that my girlfriend would ever hold it over me, but at the same time I don’t want her to be the one having to take care of me. I’ll gladly give her the food off my plate and the shirt off my back but I can’t accept it the other way around. It doesn’t sit right with me personally
Dance classes, Martial arts, the gym, volunteer groups, fellow students, friends of friends?
If someone did this to me they'd be getting the heel of my palm in the bridge of their nose.
She’s still acts like a child. Date a grown up
Your mom is seriously ill. You go see your mom. Your wife doesn't sound very understanding.
It’s similar to some Asian cultures where family friends are called a cousin even if you aren’t biologically related
I think “if there is no harm as the outcome and no one’s feelings are unchanged, then it’s as though it never happened and so I won’t tell my boyfriend.”
This is where you lost credibility OP….
Why are you still with her when she's so abusive to you? You say you have no place to go…don't you have friends? Family? Your own income to rent your own place? If not, why not? You're 30 years old, a grown man presumably with no shared children. So again, why are you staying with someone who is abusing you? You can live! in one room temporarily and be happier and much more at peace than you ever will with her.
You are the only one who can stop her from abusing you. Move out, and the abuse stops.
Lol the writtin, its fake 100%
He could rent a studio apartment for cheap. If he doesn't want to be contractually bound to anything, he could get a hotel room for when he sees you. But I guess that makes it sound like this is transactional and like he's treating you like an escort, which he isn't — you're not getting paid and you don't get to shower.
How does he keep up his hygiene?
Yes – she is using you.
1) stop access to your credit card. 2) she can pay her phone, she just doesn’t want too. 3) Open a joint account for joint bills. Agree that everything shared comes out of that. From there you can work out how much you both need to pay in.
As you earn more, it is fair to contribute more. However this can be done as a % of earnings. E.g. – you both out 60% of your pay check in.
He CHOSE to yell at you, he CHOSE to take his anger out on you, and he CHOSE to not take accountability for his actions.
It is impossible for you to 'make him' do any of those things.
I think the two of you are incompatible and have different expectations of how the relationship should work. He seems to be incapable of communicating like an adult, and definitely not capable of respecting you as a person.
I think you need to ask yourself if you are ok with being treated this way, and not sweep it under the carpet.
you either stay with her or you don’t. if you’re going to stay, you need to talk it out and go to counseling.
I think I am interested in working past it. Especially given we have kids. My instinct, in fact, is to ignore it. But I am worried it will eat away at me.
Dad should walk OP down the aisle. Everyone knows why. He left & didn’t say goodbye. Bio dad walked out & left the parenting to mom & the man who stepped up and became DAD.
Roger never earned the honor of walking OP down the aisle. He threw it away.
This is your wedding, OP… honor the people who loved, supported and cared about you for your entire life. Not simply when it was convenient.
Grandma, nor anyone else on her/Roger’s side of family, have a say in how you plan your wedding. Don’t give in to what they think should happen. This is your day.
Idk if it’s just a girl thing. But I would have looked at the time stamp immediately.
no they aren't he lives in a different state
It’s over. Act accordingly.
Will he also have to pay all of that back child support?
Read 'the gift of fear' and trust your instincts
Shit like this minimizes the true violence and trauma of actual rape.
Yeah, you did something shitty but calling it rape is way out of line.
From the sounds of it, she had a child at 17-18 and got married at 19. Her brain, most likely, is still developing. She’s not done growing, and she seems to want space to do that. Or maybe there’s something else going on that’s not referenced in this post. But given the details herein, my advice would be to decide what your priority is for now. Is it stability? Or is it saving your marriage? If you want stability, then treat this separation like the beginning of divorce proceedings and start that process. This has happened three times in the past year, it’s untenable.
If your main goal is saving your marriage, then give her space and maintain confidence through it. If there’s any chance of this surviving, she needs to know that you’ll be there for her even if she can’t explain what she needs.
Given your age, and her age, I’d probably suggest you divorce. You’re both still young…no need to suffer through “what could have been”.
We really haven't agreed on any aspect of the wedding planning to be honest. First of all, I feel like we're rushing to put too many things together too quickly when we really don't need to be on such a fast timeline but my fiancé is pushing for the wedding to happen within the next six months. We're disagreeing about the actual type of ceremony that we want to have (cultural differences) and how big it should be, he wants a huge wedding that's going to be really expensive and I'm finding the whole idea really overwhelming. Also his family is pushing into the planning quite a bit which feels especially unfair because my family are the ones paying for it, so that's also causing a lot of friction. It's honestly just every part of it, the whole thing has been stressful. We can't even agree on colors that we might want to have.
I don't know about passionately in love, I'd say things apart from this situation (Clark or the wedding) are more comfortable and nice, not necessarily passionate.
How do I handle this?
You dump him. He lied to you the entire time you were together! What makes you think he’s going to stop NOW????
I’d bring it up to get it out of the way. Hey- do you remember putting a rug at the curb? I decided to bring it home and it looks great – had it cleaned and everything. I felt a bit awkward so I didn’t bring it up before. Simple – and if it were me on the receiving end of this communication, I’d say – I’m really glad someone liked it well enough to have it cleaned and make it a part of their home.
I'm so sorry, OP. Sometimes you believe you know someone, and then they do horrible things. When I went through a very painful divorce, I had a few friends laugh and say I deserved it. It crushed my heart. And I got rid of those friends. I still do not speak to them. You should definitely do the same to your boyfriend.
In sorry my dude? But she is definitely cheating on you. I wouldn't be convinced otherwise without video evidence.
So you were 18 when he was 32, and who knows how long y’all have been chatting before the relationship.
Tell him you’re done with being groomed and you’re going to start your own life now, he had no business being with you in the first place. He should’ve thought about his living arrangements before dating a teenager.
Take care of yourself!
Dun dun DUUUUNNN!
FUNNY! You may be right. But you have insufficient evidence to support your claim other than my statements disagree with your opinions.