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Safinna.live, Jenny – fansly.com/r/Jennifer_Darling, Mary`s inst – audrey.swn, 20 y.o.
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A million sounds like a lot but can be burned through fast. If you really want… setup a trust and tell people the conditions and if they meet the requirements the trustee may approve it.
Depends on the age range of men in question
Horny teenagers and early 20s? Sure
Someone in their 30s or 40s? Not so much
Yes i am planning to get more social, but it's naked cuz it takes a lot of energy out of me?
Bro, don’t date people who get “hangry” that’s baby mode, especially if you live! in a developed country with food readily available.
It was all material stuff anyway while my current relationship is much more involved.
> She’ll wonder why she (who is a much better person, I assume) doesn’t deserve the same treatment.
Isn't that a problem with her insecurities? I keep thinking of the sex example.
I got ASD (Autism spectrum disorder) vibes reading the post, for whatever that's worth. It looks like I'm not the only one who had that feeling either. I won't pretend to be very familiar with it though and I hope you or anyone else reading this won't be offended by me mentioning it. I really don't know a ton about it.
If that's the case though, I think theres plenty of resources for partners of people with ASD and you could start there.
Get a hold of your jealousy or she’s going to leave you.
Yeah its pretty horrible people assuming the worst of my partner and relationship but just think im blind to it. Through experience i know what an abusive relationship looks like and would never put up with it. Volunteer work sound good. Idk what more people would want my partner to do to prove he isnt abusive. Hes still a very involved partner, gives a lot of money to my savings, we make decisions together, we are equal parents, when we buy a house he plans to put my name on it, i get plenty of time off for myself. Theres so much he does to make things a equal as possible. I probably have it better than 99% of stay at home parents.
Yeah why I don’t date anyone who votes democrat ?
She dm’ed him, so he should shut her down. Maybe along the lines of:
Hey, are the pics you sent for your tinder profile? They don’t do much for me but maybe some desperado would enjoy them. Also, I’ve let know that you’re sending me these so she knows what a skeeve you are.
Yep, wasting the cost of a wedding is still cheaper than divorce.
Bump
It's all well and good he doesn't want these rights to be taken away from people, but these rights are being taken away from people regardless of if he thinks it's warranted.
I understand his internal struggle from a religious standpoint making him want to remain neutral, so as to not betray his friends or his belief system, but he needs to recognize that his disinterest in involving himself puts him by default on the side of the oppressor.
There are lots of things that have room for compromise in a relationship, you have to decide if basic humans rights is one of them for you.
Im all for motivating a partner to lose weight with tough methods but the intentions have to be pure. That they care about you and wanna help you become the you you want to be and for health. This just sounds like hes doing it for himself, that he wants to build and sculpt you for his own pleasure.
Do not tell your family until you decide to divorce. Why? Because if you reconcile, they will continue to hate her.
Your friends will not think less of you. Just the opposite. They will rally around and support you.
Confide/vent to at least person. It helps.
I mean, you are pushing him, but the man clearly needs a push! It’s naked because you don’t want to act like his parent, but he needs to actually try to get a job.
Does he have adhd or autism? I know some people get triggered by the demands and it makes their brain literally unable to do it, so maybe you could find a way to offer help without the pushing? That’s if he is neurodivergent.
If he’s neurotypical, I think it’s more than reasonable to tell him that you support and love him, but his lack of employment is a big burden on you and a strain on the relationship. It’s not fair for you to be a the sole breadwinner when he’s completely capable of working.
I would tell him that you understand his struggle but aren’t able to be the sole provider. You deserve to see some real effort being put into this. Maybe even offer to send him jobs from LinkedIn or indeed? But tell him you really need to see him actively applying for positions because otherwise it appears he is not trying to get employed.
Tell her and if she doesn’t believe you when you explain the whole truth then she isn’t the one, or be riske and do what I’ve done, tres leche
You're right this is different. Keep quiet.
Fair enough. You know the situation best. I think that would rattle me a bit too and I’m a pretty secure person and sounds like you are too.
Did she unblock you and send you the link? Or show you on her phone? She could have lied about the things he said about you, since you still haven't met him. And if she isn't willing to unblock you I would still be deeply suspicious.
What a douche? Did your wife condone this? Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot, would your wife be so understanding. Not cool, not cool at all. I would be pissed and I think you have every right to be.
Yes, you are screwing up by not getting your own lawyer.
What would you gain by telling them?
It's nice that they'd prefer a Christian boy, but I'd just date whoever you want for now. They don't like it? Oh well. Or just fib, say he's Christian, and let them keep their fantasy.
I understand wanting to tell them just to avoid pretending to be religious when you're not…but if it blows up, will you be stuck in the same house with them?
Or worse, at risk of being kicked out?
If I were you, I'd wait to tell them until the gamble was safer.
Thank you for this, this helped
So you wasted 2 years on him. Lesson learned. Move on! Your Man is out there waiting for you.
He has been wooing a bitch from work the past few weeks and has been giving that bitch more attention than me hence my nagging.
Why are you calling her a bitch?
Working 24/7 with her even during the early hours of morning has made me feel insecure which is why I have been nagging him. So what do I do now?
These are the consequences of an open relationship. If you get insecure, then it's probably not for you.
Thats gotta be a shitpost lmao
This is not a relationship. This is a friendship that is going to end.
This 'tick's is the death nail of any romantic relationship. For a just or unjust reason, I have yet to see or be reasoned into it turning into a success, let continues one.
I hope whever transition and whatever comes next for you is in your favor.
Your allowed to masturbate. There’s nothing wrong with that. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like your biology is faulty for have a sex drive.
And yeah, if she wants lipo or whatever then we can go that way. I know losing fat naturally is slow and can be disheartening when yhe results of naked work aren't immediately apparent.
For real. Everyone pretending like he needs to just look past this is so fucking full of shit. If any of them found out something like OP did I’d pay for front row tickets to see them take it on the chin with the grace and compassion they’re flaming OP for not having after learning of it 12 years later during an argument with his brother.
Throwing a blanket “your partner’s sexual history never matters” at this takes all nuance from the situation. I don’t think she did anything wrong by sleeping with his brother, but I think anybody acting like they can’t fathom why OP is upset about the 12 years of never mentioning it is lying through their teeth.
Is one text really invading your “space”.
She wants to know you’re ok. It’s nothing to say so and let that be it. The fact she’s hurt because it seems like you’re not wanting to assure she’s gotten home ok.
What kind of vibe are you even having with this chick that a simple text irritates you?
how insanely slefish is this!
“Sorry, I don't have any X that I can lend you.” Not a lie. You might have it, but you don't have it to lend to her. She's a mooch.
Only one person is serious about this relationship. You should really make sure she is single for her event.
couldn't say it better.
She followed you on Instagram and watched all your stories, but then next time you saw her she was not as friendly…
I’m wondering if there is anything in your stories or posts she could possibly have been offended by or that turned her off?
This quite literally reads like a horror movie to me.
This isn’t normal, at all. And it’s very clear this isn’t what you want.
If you’re scared to make an exit plan, call a domestic abuse hotline – they can help!
You mean unfollow? I currently have him muted not look at his stories and on restriction mode.
Already trying to occupy myself 🙂
Thank you, I'm so grateful for your advice, it really did give me strength. Lots of good vibes and hugs to you, friend
Mmm.. That is a good point – the longer I wait, the more lectures I will receive. I think it needs to be an inbetween though, because I just don't think I am quite ready yet. Maybe in the next couple of weeks.
You have a trust issue because . . . he was upfront and told you the truth? It sounds like he did everything basically right. You two were broken up, which meant he was free to see other people. And then he told you about it so you could make an informed decision about whether to get back together or not. His choice to delete her number and not block isn't inherently wrong, just a different course of action, and he told you about the attempts. That all signals someone you should be able to trust.
It sounds like you're problem is that you have to accept that your boyfriend has other options. I'm not saying he's going to cheat or that he even wants to be with anyone else, but you now have empirical evidence that he could get another girlfriend if he wanted. I get how that can make you feel insecure. It may make you feel like you have to work really naked to keep him, possibly even by letting things slide that you shouldn't or by doing things you don't want to do. You have to resist that.
Besides, you're not looking at the good part about this. He has the possibility to get another girlfriend, but he chose you. He prefers you to that other woman. He felt you were important enough to not lie to about what he did while you two were broken up and to keep you informed. He didn't want to lie to you.
The other woman wasn't worth blocking; people block harassers, not someone who otherwise take rejection like an adult. If he didn't tell her that he was in a relationship… well, that's not her business. Giving her information about his personal life may seem like an invitation to continue talking. “No” is a complete sentence: “Do you want to go out on a date with me?” “No.” That should signal a lack of interest because he isn't giving some “excuse.” “Do you want to go out on a date with me?” “No, I have a girlfriend.” Maybe she takes that to mean that if he wasn't dating you, he'd date her, so she goes looking to break you two up. That's all speculation, but hopefully it helps.
Well don't marry him, for one. Not until this is sorted. You want to online like this forever?
She edited to say she did tell him she even told him she wanted to spend the day with him and cut a birthday cake. So she actually told him what she wanted from him. He showed her that she wasn't important to him. She needs to believe it and move on.
It’s pregnancy where she can’t eat certain things. Her period, however, anything is free game. I would order her whatever foods you know she loves. Some women crave chocolate, while, I on the hand, am a salt fiend. Whatever snacks you know for a fact that she likes, plus maybe something for pain relief like Midol or a naked water bottle.
Never ever worry about or blame yourself for someone else’s actions when they try to guilt you by saying they’ll end their own lives bc of you. Let them perish if that is what they want so bad. You are a whole person with a whole future ahead of yourself. The likelihood of someone so full of themselves to act and speak like she did actually being serious about SI is very low. So delete, block, ignore, and move on.
It didn’t even come off as bragging. Just a statement
I learnt that from this post! The more you know ?
I’ll take your advice into consideration ??
He doesn’t love you.
And baby mamma is always going to be in the picture and willing to help him cheat. You stay and you’re rolling out the red carpet for him to continue his behavior.
“It was easy, it didn’t mean anything” ok so you threw away everything over nothing. Check and check. Honey want better for yourself than this.
WAAAYYYYYY TO YOUNG TO GET MARRIED. PERIOD.
Thank you so much for this reminder! I’ve always known this and I actually have been seeing a therapist for quite some time. But sometimes when you’re deep in your thoughts, what you’ve practised and the changes you’ve already made in your life kind of spirals and that’s what happened to me.
I guess that’s part of the healing process, you move 10 steps forward and go 5 steps back. And that’s okay too.
She slobbed on his knob
Dude – you cannot be this naive. Your wife is doing whatever tf she wants without regard for you or your marriage. Do with that whatever you feel you need to but people who act that way at her age don't usually change.
If he isn’t willing to cut immediate contact then that tells you everything.
This is, according to him, a “third grade crush.” You are his WIFE. This isn’t rocket science. He knows the right thing to do. He just isn’t willing to do it – and that’s a message to YOU, even if he won’t acknowledge or own up to it out loud.
You can’t force him to do something he doesn’t want to do. You can only choose your own actions, and based on what you’ve described you either learn to online with your husband allowing himself to fall in love with another woman with your enablement, or you leave.
Yes
She cheated on him a couple times very early on in their relationship, 20 years ago, when they were both in high school. I get the idea that time doesn’t necessarily heal cheating. But they were literal teenagers. There’s no way she’s the same person that she was back then, and I think 20 years of fidelity definitely outweighs teenage indiscretions.
PS fantasizing about other people is normal and totally ok, as is having periods of decreased attraction to your spouse, it’s just too bad she trusted her husband enough to write that stuff down
Problem is, if you knew about her brief infidelity, and constant urge to cheat on you, you wouldn't have stayed with her for all these years.
To her benefit, despite being emotionally unstable, it seems she was faithful to you once she got properly bonded with you. She does love, and she knows on a conscious level that you are the person she wanted, and still want to spend her entire life with. Her problems are feelings she can't control, and she is also frustrated about it.
I can't blame her for hiding all of this, since it allowed you two to stay together, and I think you have been happy with her, while on her part she was faithful to you, and as happy as she can be. Obviously, her cravings for new men as well as longing for old toxic relationship are bad, but it is not like she wants to feel this way.
This isn't that rare you know? After getting through some toxic things, stable loving relationship does not fulfil certain expectations she had of the relationship. In her mind, the stability, and caring love was not what she was emotionally associating with a fulfilling relationship, even though on conscious level she knows she should.
Perhaps if she can include you in her therapeutic process, she can get over things she couldn't when trying to do it alone. Although keep in mind, this will deal a lot of emotional damage to you. Besides, being a therapist to your partner tends to ruin the relationship, and kill affection. So, I am not sure, if it is worth the risk. I guess be supportive of her, show her that you love her, but avoid trying to therapy her. You should also share your feelings of not being appreciated for what you have done for her over the years.
Engagement rings are gifts with the intention behind them being marriage. They are not considered gifts unless they get married.
Talk to her about it sober. Don’t have sex with her when either of you are drunk. If she’s just using you for a drunken booty call, have some self respect and find a girl who actually wants you sober. Also, get better at sex.
Unless your state requires a separation before divorce, they are the surest way to doom a marriage. So you should save yourself the inevitable heartache and file now. Or you can be the doormat if a man that sits around hoping she stays faithful and will come back. But that never happens. Good luck
And so far he's unfortunately right
Just act girly and frame it nicely. “Hey __ I just wanted to let you know and please, please don’t take this the wrong way, but I noticed you have a bit of an odor. I just wanted to ask, is everything okay? Do you need help with laundry? I’m so sorry I know this is so awkward but I’m just a little concerned for you, that’s all.”
Ask her to take out the trash and then don't let her back in.
You describe her mood in the weeks following her unfaithfulness as being “pretty great”. She only turned on the waterfalls once she had been found out. This should tell you very clearly that she feels no remorse for cheating, she found the experience tantalising and enjoyable, and has no problem with lying to you. She is crying because she got caught. That is who you're dealing with. She is showing you who she is, and you need to believe her, because that will not change.
You are way too into this guy to just be a FWB. 2. If he’s been your FWB for 1.5 years and never taken you on a date – he’s not catching feelings for you.
I honestly think it can spice up a relationship, and give you a different perspective.
My wife was left leaning and I was right when we first met. Over the years we have both slowly migrated to more of a middle ground.
Lol then leave him 8 months is nothing. No more thought needs to be put into this.
If you had said husband and 8 years then this conversation would be needed
Just wanted to say that I'm not diagnosed with BPD but this post could have been written by me, down to the letter. Same ages between partners, too. I think your partner probably has some emotional immaturity and believed he had done nothing wrong in the situation. I don't know how you were at the beginning of the relationship or how well he communicates with you if you're very upset, but he may have developed a habit of holding his ground or telling you how you're behaving and what needs to happen, which may be good when emotions are out of control and heightened, but is not as good when he does something worth apologizing over and doesn't feel like he should apologize. Then he can use your BPD against you and you end up feeling like you're in the wrong and can't trust yourself.
BPD makes you feel like you can never trust yourself or your emotions and makes you very susceptible to abusive partners, btw. Not saying he's abusive at all, but he shouldn't get to tell you how events unfolded or suggest you're making things up. It's about how each party feels, and if you feel hurt by what he said, he should be mature enough to talk with you about why it hurt you, as long as things are calm.
Something's going on. Is there something outside of your relationship that may be causing him to break down? Work stress, family issues, health?
Honestly, this is not sustainable in the long term. You've tried talking and it hasn't worked. You may need to put your foot down. See if he would be down for therapy or couples therapy. If not, then it really seems like he's not here for the relationship anymore and I don't think I would be able to stay.
I think your gf let you know how she wants you to handle it.
Just ignore.
If she reaches out again, let your gf know. She may say block. She may say ignore. She may say text her and let her know you’re seeing someone and want her to stop texting you for booty calls.
This actually can be a trust building exercise in a new relationship.
My fiancée and I both had recent exes when we became official. We were both contacted by them. We had conversations about it, established the boundaries, let it be known how we both expected such things to be handled. Brought us closer, and also clearly laid out guidelines so if something similar happens we both know what the expectation is, so less room for misunderstandings.
I mean, you don't sound emotionally strong or stable. Do you actually want to change this about yourself, or do you just want to secure your gf?
If you just want things to be all right and youre fine with how you are, your relationship is pretty much dead because shes not okay with it.
If you actually want to change, do it regardless of her. She might stick around until you figure it out, or might not. Make an appointment with a therapist asap, and look up psychology articles regarding codependence, emotional strength, self confidence and so on. If you wont take serious, planned steps to make a change, nothing is going to improve. Your choice.
I've been in a codependent relationship before, and it takes serious effort to find your strength and not feel helpless anymore, but its absolutely possible.
You don't need a relationship to meet your goals in life or with your daughter, but if you decide to improve you'll realize this yourself 🙂
You are a dumbass. Sorry, this is what it is. The longer you give her attention the worst it will get. If you ignore her she will come running after you tho. Women dont want a men that gives them all their energy and time (they say they do,but they dont), they want someone who can lead,has goals in life and doesnt put them 1st all the time. She even told you this,but you are too ignorant to understand.
You’re repulsive.
My partner and I are both friends with people we've had casual sex with before. We've been transparent about it (as your partner has been) and obviously not doing anything weird except hanging with a friend we had sex wtih a time or two. If you trust her and want a future, tell yourself you're feeling uneasy out of possible competitiveness or feeling one-down, but that it's a good trait in a partner that they can stay friends with a person, and be a good partner going forward, if they've had sex with someone? And if you're feeling envious give yourself some stern self-talk about that. It's been 5 months. You both did what you thought you wanted to do before you met; it isn't a competition and should not be one. Good luck.
That's ok. You should do what you want. I once had a friend who would talk about her issues for hours on end and never asked about me. This was almost ten years ago. I ghosted her and to this day I feel so horrible and guilty about it. I wish I had told her why, but I am glad we aren't friends anymore cause it was emotionally draining to hear about people's issues for hours and hours. It isn't a healthy friendship if one party feels like a therapist and doesn't get the opportunity to speak about themselves.
You are 22 years old, the time when you are supposed to fuck up when the consequences are slight.
Do whatever you feel is best.
Don’t tell her you don’t want to have sex with her be aid rod her weight gain. Tell her it’s time to change her diet and to get back in shape for her own mental and physical health. They’ll her frankly and directly so she hears you.
Have you considered pegging? If your willing to do that, and he wants to try it. That might help both of you save this relationship.
I wish you both luck.
Yeah, having a spouse as part of your support system is great, but they can’t be your only outlet and this particular issue is definitely one an outsider may be better equipped to help with.
You should talk to her about it, a number reasons I can think of why this is happening
she is a virgin and that matters to her she likes to be dominant over her partners and she wants to control you with sex you have not had a heart to heart conversation with her where you express your true feelings and she wants that she has an STD she is worried that you have an STD
the list goes on and on, us internet people will not be able to answer your questions, but she can 🙂
Bro it wasn’t just emotional cheating. If she was trying to bang guys that were nothing then someone she has an emotional attachment to is gonna be more than fair game. Please don’t believe that she just chatted with him and reminisced about old times. Come on dude, you deserve better.
What is emotional cheating? She is in love with her ex?
Love your edit!
If you were closer to as old as my ex was when she did almost exactly this to me and ended up forcing me into breaking up with her, I'd say that's fucked up to your man who you say hasn't done anything to bring this about and would surely be hurt i'd imagine. But yeah your still very young and these impulses/thoughts sound par for the course. Asking reddit about this though?? Sounds like something you need to reflect about and decide for yourself..
I'd want a fiancé that would have sex with me.
He just wasn't that into you and maybe didn't feel a connection in person.
Don't overthink it.
This is your fault for letting him back in your life.
But if I desire tighter than my wife that’s an issue yeah?
This!!
Which truly brings us full circle to his weird attitude about the hyphenated name. She wont be “his” with that!