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I assure you that the silent treatment isn't much better for your kids.
Please try to work something out with your wife for healthier communication. Obviously, yelling and screaming sucks, but kids know when parents aren't speaking. That's just as scary as yelling.
I had both in my house growing up. Both signified that something big was wrong, and if often was.
Try marriage therapy, if needed, have your wife talk to her doctor if her cycle is that bad – whatever it takes.
I wish you all the best.
First off, his responses to you are VERY manipulative in nature towards your reasonable and understandable uneasiness about this idea. Almost everyone (save for there are always exceptions to the rule) would consider this a line they would not tolerate being crossed and shame on him having the smug audacity to try to play the victim card to add insult to injury. If it was me and he made a comment like that to me, my response would be “Up until I thought you had some common sense, and respect for me and our relationship I did not think this low of you, but I do now that you had the nerve to even ask about sleep overs with the ex and played victim to me.” I would also say “I won’t tell you what to do, but this crosses a boundary with me, in that I don’t date man who have sleep overs with their ex. You can make that decision, but I will consider us over with.”
Btw, many of the cheating posts here have similar stories and manipulation tactics that your guy is pulling.
For sure. I’m don’t think she should be alone and she will definitely need an escape plan but first she has to decide to leave and know this isn’t healthy. Then she can put a plan into place.
Thank you for the support. Much needed and much appreciated
Umm, why hasn’t anyone told him?!
Gotta say if she slept with my best friend that would definitely be a kind of sign to me that she wasn’t a very sweet girl. But maybe I’m crazy.
But he has admitted to me that he used to have a crush on her and in college would go to her apartment at night in the hopes of hooking up with her and it just never happened.
In my experience, this is not a friendship. Any friendship that started with attraction by one party is not a friendship. There needs to be a term for this…unrequited attraction is as close as I can come up with.
My guess is he does things for her he doesn't do for his other friends. He basically treats her like his girlfriend without her actually being her girlfriend. She likes this as she gets way more than she puts in. He likes this as he hopes, over time, she will notice him and choose him.
You're basically second choice as he is already in a relationship with someone else who doesn't want a relationship with him.
Most people are missing something fundamental.
His wife is being cagey and dishonest about interactions with a person who is completely sketchy. She's fostering distrust in her marriage.
We don't know what's up with her, but this is unacceptable under any circumstances.
If this is real, he sounds a bit psychotic. I would mull it over and go through other things he’s done that might seem too calculated and weird. Talk with a friend you trust and is not his friend. If there’s anything else that gives you or your friend the creeps, I would definitely consider breaking up.
(Though the fact that he hasn’t left you and your family alone when not invited is already a big flag. If you have told him that you don’t like it and he hasn’t backed off or reacted really badly to it ???).
It’s crazy that you suggested that because this just happened earlier
update our daughter wanted to FaceTime her so I decided to give her a call at 8:40PMHawaii time. Which was 2:40AM in New York. Her NFT event ends at 1am so I figured she’d already be back to her hotel. She didn’t answer so I decided to check her location. She was almost back at the hotel so I figured I’d give it some time before calling again. About 20 minutes later I checked again before calling and she ended up being in a different location quite far from the hotel.
I sent her a picture of our daughter and texted her saying she wanted to FaceTime her. No response, gave a few more calls and still no response so I gave up. She finally got back to her hotel at 4:30AM NYC time. With no replies or calls back.
That, or fake.
This is the PERFECT response, follow this person’s advice……..
Useless fucker didn't even know who was watching his kids? For how many days? JFC yeah he cares about them.
Oh ok! I didn't know I could just call. I know my mom's done that before, but that was mostly to re-new things. I'll definitely be doing that
Just take it slow and get used to the idea. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do, but just enjoy hanging out.
You both need to get tested for STD’s immediately! Don’t have sex with him until that happens. This may be the first time he got caught but it’s not the first time it happened.
What did he do that was dangerous and that he will do again? This part is very important because… I would say…give it some time for him to cool off and have a talk with him but at the same time we don't know what he did…and if it's something bad then I would say…stay with your family and cancel the wedding and take a money loss.
She should’ve said no at the onset of the relationship not lie to you several times. She does sound a little hang up on this particular ex. But you can’t delete the past.
RUN. He’s treated you TERRIBLY. He has awful motivations and intentions. No one, especially not a partner, is meant to treat you this way. These are his issues. He should NOT be blaming you.
Nothing from the fact indicates he treats her poorly. You just have this constant victimhood mentality for women in your head because you are a misandrist. Stop
Run
Nobody should ever have this kind of expectation. When you're dating, there should always be some kind of fair division of costs and it's a giant red flag that she thinks you should be willing to pay all the time
Even if there's a HUGE gap in income, like when I was first dating my husband, he was making around 60k (over 20 years ago) and I was barely making 15k. I still insisted on treating him at least some of the time and made sure that at least half of my date suggestions were cheap or free.
Honey, it sounds like you have intimacy issues. I base that on the fact that simply using proper words for sexual interactions makes you uncomfortable and you state you look away or close your eyes when encountering nudity/lewd images.
While it is perfectly okay to not be ready for sex (and please tell your gf about that) and nothing and no one should be pressuring you into doing things you're not ready for, this issue is something you need to look into. So far it seems you favor avoidance. You're not telling your girlfriend the truth, you're avoiding seeing nudity, you're avoiding uncomfortable words, and you're avoiding sexual situations. I'm gonna be brutally honest here: avoidance will not get you anywhere. You need to take this seriously and work with yourself to figure out why you shy away from any kind of intimacy, even when you're not personally involved (like on TV).
I think you're brushing off reddit-therapists a little too quickly. Sure, they aren't bound to a privacy law, but you don't need to provide your name & address for online therapy. You can even provide a fake name and adjust your real age by a year up or down; those things don't matter. What does matter is that you need to talk to someone about this and get to the root of your discomfort. Why do you feel this way? None of us can tell you, you need someone to help you look inward.
You should also start with some de-sensitization therapy on your own. Simple things like saying words that make you uncomfortable out loud (when you are alone) over and over, and looking at normal, healthy nudity. Some movie sex scenes can definitely be a bit much so definitely start lightly and work your way up! The more you repeat this, the less uncomfortable you'll be.
Please note that I'm not saying you should be okay with watching straight-up hardcore porn or shout obscenities from the rooftops or anything like that! This is in regards to completely normal and healthy nudity and intimacy only, and the “adult” words for acts and body parts. You don't have to be vulgar, but you need to be able to call things by their rightful name and not “um you know”.