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I think just about everyone feels like that after a series of not great relationships.
Though, i do agree social media is a plague on relationships.
Great advice. In addition call the domestic violence hotline. They will help you file a police report. They can help you find safe housing. They can help you find an attorney. Please realize your safety is what matters.
Babe, married is married. He's been together with someone long enough to know he wanted to marry them, so it doesn't matter how “newly” the marriage is – he fooled you and was VERY LIKELY lying to his wife about things.
“I have no interest in a relationship with you. Any interactions from here on not-related to work will be ignored.”
He's 8 years older than you at age TWENTY, let that sink in a bit, think about it a bit. Other than the age gap he clearly doesn't respect you. Move on, break up, don't talk to him anymore.
She's probably terrified of rejecting you directly because YOU'RE HER FUCKING BOSS. She's worried you'll make her job difficult if she tells you to fuck off.
Leave her alone. Her relationship is none of your business and you're being a total creep.
You’re both grown. Focus on you. She can take care of herself.
Speaking from someone who was in the same kind of situation, stay longer and save the money. I remember moving out at 19 and feeling like I had it all handled. It is such a shock the amount of random expenses that blow up at you. You need to have a bulk of savings. Not just a little.
I got pregnant as a teen also and those first few years are so difficult and any change in routine can throw them through major behavioral changes. Apartment neighbors don't like to hear screaming toddlers all the time. Waiting until your child is old enough to understand the changes, you can take them to visit the location first, let them run around, and feel excited for their new room, etc. It makes the transition SO much easier.
You want him to replicate the dynamics of his old relationship which he is telling you was toxic. You are not compatible.
Oh I never asked her to babysit!! Never. I understand that. and I understand health comes first! This just came so out of the blue though because for months she told me she would never go and wanted to stay with us. You’re right though boundaries are appropriate which is why I’m respecting the space she requested. It was just so sudden
Yeah I’m starting to feel like I’m on an episode of Dateline. I can’t believe this is my life. It’s dehumanizing and embarrassing. I feel very helpless and that makes me feel angry.
why are you with him? it can’t be because you ‘love him’. newsflash, girl: you don’t even know him. he’s lied about small things (a car he’s driven that he hasn’t really driven) to big things (fuckin’ THIS!) to everything in between.
you don’t love him, then you love the fictional version of himself he’s been portraying to you for the entire length of this relationship.
Do you want to start this relationship over and have to do it all again? Learning things about each other, awkward second or fifth dates, not knowing if you can get olives on the pizza you’re ordering because maybe he’s been lying about liking freaking olives
do future you a solid and get out while the getting’s good
Ugh, an ex of mine did this too. Not for 2 years, mind you, just for like 6 months at the start. He picked a girl he had a crush on at school and pretended she was his first girlfriend. In reality he had never so much as held her hand. Turned out he was doing it because he was embarrassed about the fact that he was a virgin and in fact had never even been kissed at the age of about 23-24.
He felt really bad about it afterwards because he had made her the villain of the piece, inventing some scenario about how she had cheated on him or some other evil (I forget) which had ended the “relationship”.
It was so stupid.
Well this is reason enough to not get married. If you can freely talk about these things, you're going to have a bad time.
Get a prenup.
Oh yikes. He must be mortified.
Why she isn't comfortable talking about sex, it took years before she was comfortable with letting me go down on her and even then she will never explicitly request it and I wish she would as I want to do what makes her feel good and not only what I think of (After the fact she always enjoys it very much), her relationship with her parents which she occasionally talks a bit about but she for example never mentions her father in sessions from what she tells me,
I dated a woman like that for a while. Any time a guy asked for her number she’d give it out because it felt good to be asked. Of course she ended up cheating at a party because I couldn’t go.
I dont know why sex is even an issue here – the main issue is youre living w someone who isnt an adult. be done with the erratic jobs. my husband was like this and then was stable for a few years in his thirties so we get married and have kids? then it started up again. i regret thinking his unstable employment was iver bc he held it together for five years. some people are just like that and i cant stand it
Thanks for the advice. He can’t visit right now because he doesn’t have a visa and he’s working on his masters degree. He’s met my friends and family over video chat, but only briefly.
Thank you! I genuinely from the bottom of my heart feel that what I have with him is one-of-a-kind, and I'd regret it forever if I lost him. I think things can be improved on, and as you say, a huge part of the situation is due to health reasons that were out of his control for a long time. He only got the surgical fix in the last two years, so I know there's still room to improve with some more time
I asked her multiple times if she wanted me to wear a condom, not in a preference way but more like in a “are you sure you want to go all the way”, way. Look I'm not here to argue like in a amitheasshole post, I know I probably am.
Hes dating you because he thinks you're silly enough to put up with his shit. So far he's correct if theres already been so many issues.
He is and is actively looking for one. I have also never seen someone have this much trouble and I am afraid of hurting him.
You say that you video call with him 24/7, maybe use some of that time to get some telehealth therapy? That could really help with all the things you listed – becoming confident in your identity, communicating with your parents in a way that validates you, developing some independence outside of your relationship. Best of luck ?
Engaged many times and a divorcee, and still looking for perfection. You will end up single forever and see yourself a victim of high standards before you ever take accountability for the fact that you’re the constant issue here.
I mean, you could say she’s being selfish or rude, but she’s also being honest with what she wants. So be thankful that she’s been so clear with you so that you don’t have to second guess anything. On to the next one.
I am in my early 40's and the concept of dating someone in their 20's is just gross to me.
Can you tip her in cash each time she comes? Thereby topping up her agency wages? I’d also want to have a sit down chat with her and absolutely emphasise that you’re not looking to fire her, but If there’s financial pressures you’d like to work out a solution. At the end of the chat give her a decent tip to show your appreciation for her work and let her know you’re open to further discussion and that it is between you and her – not the agency. She will likely also freak out that if the agency finds out they will fire her. I guess just make it very very clear that’s not the route you’re looking to take.
You have no standing here, my dear. He's an ex and he doesn't want contact with you. If you don't respect that, you're a stalker.
And don't be so sure his girlfriend is behind this. He may just feel protective toward his current relationship and doesn't see any place for you in his life.