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why is everyone tearing op to shreds jesus people calm yourselves, she’s trying to do the right thing. she’s not the one who cheated. it’s a difficult situation, choosing loyalty to your lifelong best friend or doing the moral thing. she also said she’s not going to keep it from him?? and just needs advice on how to go about this the best way. chill kids
A lot of women feel this way and men feel as you do my wife was the same but after a long talk we agreed to move in together and live together for at lest a year before taking the next step her citizenship is a motivator for her but she also just wants reassurance that the relationship is going somewhere
Best case scenario ?
I honestly don’t really know what I want 🙁 it’s Intimidating being with someone who knows they want to spend their life with me when I have no idea what I want at all. Let alone if I want him to be there for the rest of my life
Really? When he's also a child himself?
Why the fuck are you rambling on about ‘if she adopted’? She didn’t adopt, you got her pregnant and you’re responsible for the child you created. Men acting like women’s ability to get an abortion is some kind of privilege they’ve been denied is just absurd. Men get to choose whether they get someone pregnant, women get to decide if they carry the pregnancy to term. That’s reality and you weren’t forced into anything.
If you’re determined to continue the abandonment of your child, sure, just tell her mom you don’t care about your child and she should stop texting you.
Give yourself more time to get over her. Even if you get back together now nothing will be better.
The whole problem is that she ignores me when I say that I don't want to go and acts as if she knows better. My friends do wish me to get better, and they don't badger me with request to go out with them in the same breath when I tell them I can't. If you think this is “sort of petty and small mother child issue” you are welcome not to waste time on this post. I am trying to repair my relationship with my mother as I am starting to see it going down the drain because I feel like she's not considering my feelings for a lot of things, and this is just one situation among many. I want advice on how to try to communicate better with her and thought strangers could bring a new perspective. I don't really count someone telling me that my problems are irrelevant as constructive advice.
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Why do you have to be friendly? Being friendly would definitely give her the impression that all is forgiven and you can be friends again. Don’t be chatty. Don’t ask about her day. Take the child, find out the child-related info you need to know, and say goodbye. Be civil but distant. There’s no need to communicate beyond exchanging relevant information regarding your brother. (And YES, it’s super gross and inappropriate that your dad decided to fuck the way-younger ex girlfriend of his son. The length of your relationship really doesn’t matter at all. I don’t know why you’ve forgiven him when he hasn’t even apologized or recognized that what he did was awful and disgusting.)
There is no world where his behavior is normal and understandable.
Every so often I’ll get one I haven’t heard of yet, but after my shift I’ll google it and it’s always like ‘oh that’s a twisted diva from Geneva’ because yeah everything has been invented haha
Definitely a nude situation. Is the son in question older than 15? That's a long time to wait for confirmation. All through these years, if you have had this question you have definitely been treating this child differently and he absolutely has been able to tell. I agree with another commenter, there will be no peace from the outcome. The relationship between you and the mom and you and the son in question has to be pretty bad already. What's done is done but why wait so many years?
I imagine it could be possible but you’d have to sign a bunch of paperwork. When husband and I got married we also had to say what type of marriage we wanted – whether to share assets or not… But you need to look into your own country and see if that’s a thing there , it was certainly the default where I live but we could have gotten married and ticked the other box that would have made our assets separate.
“mommy” is very sexualized, but it's more or a meme in mainstream stuff, like people commenting mommy milkers on I also see it a lot with muscular women on their comment section. There's also the mommy gf meme. Could be he's seen it a lot and it just came out.
I’m sticking to my guns here. There’s no way this relationship lasts. Previously I’ve advised that threesomes should only be had amongst people who weren’t intended to last, so advising this op any differently would be wildly hypocritical.
Add to this the fact that I suspect that the hesitancy here isn’t that he doesn’t want to have sex with two willing women but rather he doesn’t want to harpoon a relationship by bringing in unnecessary drama/emotions.
So now we have a circular logic pattern that ends back where we started.
Nerd. Just ask her out.
One advantage of coming out and asking him to do it is, he knows what you are planning. Which it seems like you want him to know.
Solution: your wife happily spends her money on strip clubs and you happily stay at home on your PS5. Potentially divorced. You're “owed” absolutely nothing.
12 year olds.
I mean you should feel terrible. You made a lot of selfish and immature choices. The wrong choice was chosen in every situation.
Why can’t you just break up, I dont understand. Change your number and leave… I’m sorry OP this has happened.
I need so much more information.
A guy turning down sex? No. Not on this planet. He’s getting it elsewhere
So what other major red flags did you ignore before you got pregnant with this man? Because there’s no way this is the first sign of him being an absolutely twat.
He was the disloyal one, all you did was fact check his lies.
I would breakup with him because he can't be trusted, the fact he is still trying to deflect blame shows he is not remorseful.
Ok but that's not helpful in the moment
My friend called me and apologised, but I have a nude time believing his words
No shit, his actions say otherwise.
How do I proceed next?
Block him.
Just quiet quit the relationship, stop emotionally investing, just don't put effort in at some point they'll realize and put effort in or they won't but it'll be less dramatic. They text about dinner 2 hours before just respond “sorry, won't be able to make it wish I had more notice” and go about your day. Don't attempt alternative plans just say you can't make it. Take yourself on vacation for Christmas instead of waiting on them. Build some friendships instead of putting energy into all this then you still have someone to take you to the hospital. When you mom calls you crying tell her you'll put the same amount of effort they do into the relationship and then talk about something else or get off the phone.
Wait, is she off of the medication or is she still taking it? Also what sort of medication was it? There are a few which can mess up libido for 1-2 years even after stopping to take them (though usually that's a long-term effect, not something that happens from a truly new medication).
Besides that… did she have her bloodwork done recently? Is she very stressed? Does she have a job which includes lots of physical touch (working with young kids, for example) and she might be “touched out”? Are you in the US and she is terrified of pregnancy with the abortion law changes? Did anything else in her life happen which might have killed her libido for a long time (death of a family member, being bullied or assaulted…)?
All in all, there are many possible reasons, but in the end, it doesn't really matter what the reason is if she doesn't truly want to work on it. I don't think it's productive to have any sexual activity if she's not into it – it will likely push her more and more towards seeing sex as a chore.
If she is willing to work on it, I would suggest the following:
1) A visit to her gynecologist and GP. Bloodwork and hormones need to be checked. If she is taking any medication – including birth control – she might need an adjustment.
2) Her working on her body issues in some way to feel happy again. Could be by going to the gym, getting a therapist for her insecurities, treating herself to a spa day or professional makeup course… Also note that there are a lot of meds which can cause weight gain and pimples, a med adjustment might help a lot there as well!
3) Intimacy without sex. To get her to enjoy being close to you again, it might help if you two make a rule about no sex happening and then just spending time with each other in a physically close way. Take a bath together. Give each other a massage. Cuddle on the sofa or in bed. Everything goes, except for sex. The idea is to help her relax around you and feel physically connected to you in a positive way again, which will then, with the other changes, hopefully lead to sexual intimacy in the end again.
So what is the end game here? Why doesn’t she work, get paid, or clean? I mean is she super nude and that’s why you’re ignoring the glaring red flags? Is she clinically depressed and getting treatment for it? Does she have mold poisoning?
Your husband sounds like an insecure little bitch, really.
Hey to fix something just gotta start somewhere even if it’s small
Thanks bro …
Who broke up with who in that situation?
I'm so sorry. No kids deserve that and OP being a kid tht had a similar family makes me even more sad. Yet she won't leave this man. They never do…
My dad was a serial cheater and he was exactly the same as described here along with my uncle.
My mom left my dad after constant gaslighting from him making her feel like she was overreacting and it wasn't such a big deal it was jst sex. I learnt to only expect respect in my relationships because i deserved that like my mom did.
However my Uncle used to make these jokessss with my aunt and his kids.. she stayed.
my cousins all ended up in toxic abusive relationships with men who did the same thing. Told them constantly they were too sensitive and needed to change. Then it went to ur not as attractive.. u shld lose weight.. oh we shld have a kid. Then not help with anything because its a womans job men dont do soft shit like that.
I would have left after 15 minutes every time. This is truly so rude and inconsiderate.
He’s showing you how much he values you (zero) so believe him.
If it’s on the usual sites it’s legal.
Honestly I hope he finds out about this post, you’re being ridiculous.
If you are friendly with the boss give her a heads up about the ex's story but, just the way your ex told it. What she does with the info is up to her. Then just block and walk.
This is what happens if you date someone with a child. Their child will always come first. And that should be expected. I don’t date single parents for that reason.
Thanks for the comment appreciate it
Girl, I've been you for the last decade or so, and I'm telling you, he ain't dead. I would just about bet my life that is simply more emotional abuse. I'm moving out next week. Gtfo before it destroys you. I became an alcoholic to try to cope, and I will literally die from it. Don't be me.
Its unlikely you know anything “for sure” about this person if you have never met her in person.
How far apart do you live and is there a path to in person dating? You guys probably need to meet up and go on an actual date before getting mad she’s not being intimate with you.
If she doesn’t want to be naked on camera you shouldn’t try to force her. It’s going to make you the bad guy and you’ll push her away.
They asked a legitimate question, and it should be asked. OP said so herself that several of the videos and images are of girls she and her boyfriend know in real life. It's pretty important to be questioning whether those girls know their images are being shared, and if OP might unknowingly be one of those girls.
Non-consensual pornography is a common form of relationship abuse, and it's frequently normalized and glorified. Especially by gross creeps and misogynists like Hunter Moore.
It's a valid question. Better safe than sorry.
Dobby is a free elf!
Put it on a bus, taxi, or 18 wheeler.
Why is it up to you to wake him / make him lunch?? He's an adult. What does he do for you??
Dude, she’s a teenager.
He said he didn't realize that would upset me because we both watch porn
Oh, that's why he lied about what he was watching? Right.
Yeah no wtf did i just read.. this is a grown adult unemployed man no?
Who basically wants a handmaid/bangmaid/substitute mother/caregiver and cook?
Why would any woman put up with this bs.. shitttt i would've been gone.
Why was this tagged as NSFW?
Isn’t that the point of fwb…not having to talk?
I highly suggest a prenup if you are this shaky.
– know your self-worth
– list down boundaries & deal breaker to be agreed to together
– open policy on phones, laptop etc
– PRENUP is a must
decades ago I told my SO – “I trust you but I don't trust the environment” – he took it well & never allow himself in a bad environment that will jeopardize us as a couple.
Game developer, narcissist, you're her boss and 15 years older than her and been pursuing her since she was 18? Yup pedo and a creep.
Sounds like a really basic mise en place situation to me, dishes-wise. Except for the second pot. Then again, my husband just accidentally dumped a pot of pasta into our sink when he was trying to strain it, so I do also understand not trusting straining it over the sink. Better to rinse a pot than lose the pasta. Or maybe she grew up with a parent who used the starchy pasta water for plants and never thought to question why they used the two pot method.
Mise en place preparation makes a lot of sense for cases where the process of cooking might be interrupted. I wonder if OP's wife is getting pulled away to help with the kids while she's cooking. That, or maybe she just prefers the organization. Either way, two small bowls really shouldn't be a big deal.
” She did nothing wrong” Imagine taking all accountability away from someone who lied to him for 12 years and that didn't care about him making an informed decision about a likely dealbreaker.
You're rug-sweeping everything she did and then making OP out to be the bad guy? Get a grip man
When would you have liked her to tell you? Would that have ended the relationship? Is that what you’d have wanted? All over a meaningless hookup?
Except you know it was his freaking brother, that's not some one night stand, that's his B R O T H E R.
It's time to say bye-bye to this person. This is covered in red flags and the only reason he's freaking out is because you've started to prioritize yourself and aren't “begging” for his time and he's worried he's losing you.
If that is the way he acts at the thought of a baby – How do you think he will act when the baby is here and you all are worn out , stressed and hormonal. I would not trust him at all
Can I ask what the “lectures” will be about? You're a 30 year old woman who has been married for 6 years who is pregnant for the first time. I honestly can't see what they would possibly lecture you about.
It could be that he’s the type of person who needs some time to himself to sort his own mess out and is ashamed about his situation and to ask for help. I know its dumb but I see some resemblance in myself.
The best you can do is stop overthinking it and just be there for him. Don’t overreach, just do what you’ve always been doing.
BUT
If this takes too long, you can try to have a talk about what’s bothering him so much. Don’t start out accusing him of anything, just hear him out and then you can start talking about your frustration with the current situation. That he needs to pick himself up or open up more so you can help.
I’m choosing to believe that he’s just completely clueless ?
I think it's entirely possible that some, or even a lot, of this is flying over his head. But I don't think it's even remotely in the realm of possibility that all of it has flown over his head. There is no chance he's not at least dimly aware she is throwing herself at him. He may not notice every single instance of it but there's no way he's failed to notice all of them.
My thing is honestly that is this a matter of a male vs female perspective? Because after speaking to one of my homegirls, it seems like because I have a female mindset I am more aware of her behavior but for him it’s like he needs concrete proof in order to act on the situation. Like is what I mentioned not enough evidence to prove that she likes him?
I think proving that she likes him to the degree that you'd need to make that argument is both impossible and not necessary. You don't have to prove she likes him, you just have to prove you're not comfortable with this, which you can do by just saying “hey I'm not comfortable with this.” If he asks for reasons why then you have plenty, but a good boyfriend would work off of “I'm not comfortable with this” and start setting some professional boundaries.
I think the reason he hasn't is less because he's secretly in to her (he may enjoy the attention but that's not quite the same thing) and more because they were already friends and he doesn't want to make their friendship weird by enforcing proper workplace behavior. But he has to, because you just can't act like this with your boss.
I’m choosing to believe that he’s just completely clueless ?
I think it's entirely possible that some, or even a lot, of this is flying over his head. But I don't think it's even remotely in the realm of possibility that all of it has flown over his head. There is no chance he's not at least dimly aware she is throwing herself at him. He may not notice every single instance of it but there's no way he's failed to notice all of them.
My thing is honestly that is this a matter of a male vs female perspective? Because after speaking to one of my homegirls, it seems like because I have a female mindset I am more aware of her behavior but for him it’s like he needs concrete proof in order to act on the situation. Like is what I mentioned not enough evidence to prove that she likes him?
I think proving that she likes him to the degree that you'd need to make that argument is both impossible and not necessary. You don't have to prove she likes him, you just have to prove you're not comfortable with this, which you can do by just saying “hey I'm not comfortable with this.” If he asks for reasons why then you have plenty, but a good boyfriend would work off of “I'm not comfortable with this” and start setting some professional boundaries.
I think the reason he hasn't is less because he's secretly in to her (he may enjoy the attention but that's not quite the same thing) and more because they were already friends and he doesn't want to make their friendship weird by enforcing proper workplace behavior. But he has to, because you just can't act like this with your boss.
So am I right in saying you have absolutely no proof? Is there any actual evidence? Or is this all based on the letter from the mother and your convo with this woman?
What makes you believe them over your partner?
What was his answer to why he cares?
My brother lives in Chicago. He does very well for himself. They have a beautiful townhouse. (Point being they are much much more toward elite wealthy than poor).
Couple months ago he had to lay on top of his two teenage daughters in the bathtub cuz there was a shootout on the street they live on. And bullets were going EVERYWHERE.
Soooooo ya. Chicago is not a safe place.
Find some non “sketchy” part of town to meet in. His family is irrelevant (to two teenagers meeting to decide if they want a relationship) so they can just stay home. Then once you're financially independent of your mother you can do as you please. P.S. the cemeteries are full of people who promised to protect someone else “with their life”.
Hi Vinny, I explained why I went. It was obviously because I was insecure and effected by my past.
If you’re trying to insinuate that I follow my husband like a shadow, I don’t. But yes it seems he does care little for me.
Could you apologise say you realise you were wrong for not being there for you other friend and promise to be there for her in the future? This might avoid her telling your gf and keep everything the same.