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You are under no obligation to invite your brother. Relatives ≠ family. You and your brother are estranged. There's no reason to take up one of your limited spots for someone who doesn't speak to you anyway. Do not let your mom dictate what you do. If this ruins HER relationship with him she's got a big problem. Oh, and tell her that if she brings it up one more time then you will disinvite her. She and your brother can spend the day together.
She is the one who is abusive. She's been stringing him along because she doesn't want to be alone, right OP? She is just waiting for the other guy to ask her out while she keeps her bf on the call line. Give me a break.
I reached out for a direct chat to ask something
I’ve been there. For me, the line is around loss of breath/ability to move away. You don’t have to run away from rough play, just make sure you and your partner communicate and respect boundaries.
Birth control and mental illness can both cause low libido. Also, if she doesn’t feel like you’re carrying your weight in the home that’ll affect things. Loads of women on TT discuss this quite a bit.
You're allowed to have whatever boundaries you want. She is allowed to have whatever boundaries she wants. If those boundaries are in conflict and neither party feels comfortable with a compromise, then you are not compatible.
You should probably end the relationship. Her going on and on about another person she is sexually interested in is not ok. It's disrespectful and borderline unfaithful. How would you feel if she were talking this way about a man? Probably not very good right? You might think this is different, potentially even be turned on by it. Fact of the matter is, it isn't different for her. She is bisexual and her talking about another person this way to her significant other is not acceptable behaviour.
Yeah, you lost me at the threat of breaking up if you bought your own place. Up until that point it was my story -but my partner never threatened me. That’s probably why we’re still together 20+ years later. Took us 18 years to actually move forward with marriage, and even then it was more for estate planning than for a wedding.
Girl. Once you move in, extracting yourself is so much harder. He was grown u enough to buy a condo, he’s grown up enough to negotiate major life changes in a relationship without threats and ultimatums.
And if he’s not, protect your own interests until you decide what path you want to take.
Its not your fault your brother decided to cheat on his wife or that your friend decided to sleep with your brother.
Nothing magically changes when you marry. What you see now is what you will get. I would on-line together to test him and see how he is. I think he was joking on one of the texts.
If you both are into polyamory it's workable but complicated. Otherwise one person just wants to cheat.
You don’t deserve your ex back. Let him be happy with someone that is worth it.
You are not the exception and you need to understand that. He’s not gonna stop cheating for you and you should be ashamed of getting with someone after knowing they are cheating on someone. You are no different and now you’ll be left in the dust as well. Find someone who will treat with respect and not have you wondering about where their loyalty stands 24/7
Noted. I guess my issue with it is this ex caused such an issue for us in the beginning and I’m shocked out of all people he slept with her. He spoke so poorly of her and minimized their relationship, yet would catch the bus?
Been together over 20 years. We have a list somewhere of our passwords in case another needs them. Only had to use it once when I needed to pay a bill. But we do have it just in case one of us gets in an accident or something happens.
Thank you! I’m thinking of trying a cleaning schedule that we all have to take part in equally. It’s frustrating because if she doesn’t do it we can’t help but do it ourselves because we can’t stand living in a mess. I’ve even tried having cleaning days where we all do it together and put some music on to make it more fun and that worked a couple of times but then she started staying in her room all day instead. It feels like she’s doing that to get out of it. She’s had counselling in the past so I might suggest it again.
I think this is one of those “actions speak louder than words” type deals.
He probably meant it when he said he wanted long-term, but clearly that didn't come to pass. I would say that you could leave the door open to this again…except the moving this kinda eliminates that possibility.
Take some time for yourself and then start dating again when you're ready. There's tons of wonderful people out there waiting to meet other wonderful people.
Taking responsibility for his siblings is one thing, justifying it by creating a hierarchy of feelings is another. I might be old-fashioned, but telling your spouse you love someone else more than them is just… unacceptable. That alone should be a deal breaker. I see red flags in his attitude towards you, and the present situation has nothing to do with it.
Fear of rejection? I’d bring it up after a few good dates when you felt the connection is there. If you are looking for a relationship don’t waste time with someone who isn’t.
He broke up with you for a reason. I know this is very hot to do, but you need to block him and go no contact. If you keep talking to him you are never gonna move on. He is a single man, he could even be going on dates with other girls, having sex etc. I'm just saying. You will only hurt yourself if you keep him around. You need a fresh start. Take your time to heal and move on, find your own place etc. but whatever you do, do NOT go back to him. He made his choice. Maybe in the future, when you're completely over him, you can even be friends if thats what you want but right now you must go no contact with him.
This is the only way to deal with this situations. He doesn't want a relationship but wants to keep you around, so if things don't work out for him he can just go back to you.
Break up with the bum – and the friend, too.
I'm sorry about your medical problems. But being with this AH is not making things any better.
It does not mean she was always unfaithful and looking for a way out. It really if I’m honest means nothing. She could just be nice. You seem very bothered by it and have no trust in her, therefore breakup.
Hi, I'd like to clarify further if helps the confusion.
My boyfriend and I are clearly linked on our social platforms – photos together, tags and comments etc.
He has blocked her from being able to message him, so my assumption is that to her I am the next best person to contact.
To address the comment below, she drove him home after their one-night stand so knows where his mother lives as that is where he was based at the time.
I would love to be able to say my current life situation was fantasy, but its certainly not something I enjoy fantasising about, especially the part where I lose my child.
Ok now it just got stupid. You actually think it's reasonable to marry someone you hardly know just because her parents want her to get married this year and you happen to be to hand?
So what systems do work for you? Google 'inattentive adhd strategies adults' and see what you find.
Any app that will remind you of things is going to need you to tell it what to remind you of and at what frequency, no? But if you don't respond well to alarms then how do you think an app would be different?
“here are four rings I would be equally happy with, pick one”
That is exactly how it should be done. A filtered tight choice.
Not what OP did, completely wide open to his interpretation.
She's already seen a therapist in the past and she's come a long way with it which I'm happy about for her.
I guess it's just a question of time, I don't want to pressure her into anything at all, nor do I want to force her into becoming someone she's not.
She is who she is and I've accepted that and all of her qualities and traits as they make up who she is and I like who she is a lot.
I just want her to feel comfortable I guess and maybe that just takes time.
omg! honey thats financial abuse.
Start listing whats yours (debt, bills etc) & ignore his part. withdraw all your money from any joint accounts.
start packing his stuff & throw him out with it.
Lawyer up & serve him the divorce papers.
book a holiday & take a few days for yourself.
better be single than financially crippled especially from abuse.
“You” should come first not his bills.
OP said about a year
Because she can stick up for herself…
She just continues being a doormat by choice then?
He is not behaving all “sweet and loving”. He swore at you and coerced you into sending a topless picture.
A loving partner does not do that. He’s a piece of shit.
The only cat he is visiting is her pussy. Wise up and get out of that relationship
Is there any chance someone minds the kids and spends a few hours together?
Is there a place for her to take classes to learn the language? It might help her meet others who are learning as well. Or even asking a friend or two of yours to help teach her so she learns a bit quicker and also has a chance to socialize with people. Isolating herself is making it worse. So finding ways for her to interact with literally anyone would be helpful.
Thank you so much for this kind comment. I truly appreciate it. It wasn’t my choice to breakup but, yes, absolutely with this knowledge (and other things that were said/came to light during the breakup) I realise I had a very lucky escape. He’s honestly the only ex of mine whom I think is a bad person.
As someone who has major trust issues from my whole damn life NO
Trust issues does excuse this major violation of personal privacy.
Also no, it’s not strange to keep old photos. In life we sometimes can still be nostalgic over our past and as long as you aren’t still in an unhealthy place (such as ready to abandon current relationships for past ones) then it’s fine.
Her behavior is extremely controlling including the way she’s making you question your reality and yourself.
I’m sorry I made you feel this way but I wanted you to recognize how harmful is for you continue torturing with said videos.
I’ll try a different more PG13 intent. Are you familiar with Harry Potter storyline?
I will, I’ve experienced something similar with my first relationship and I would never want to experience that again