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OP states later that the married man was in an open relationship so there was no “cheating” at all actually.
Sounds like OP is just jealous and bitter. He needs therapy.
That's a complicated one.
You're right. If your partner is coming over, you expect a degree of attention. Warranted.
On the other hand, he could be going through a challenging time mentally and your place could be an escape for him.
But in return… I wouldn't view quiet places as more constant escape. I would view my reletionship/gf as an escape. She is a source that makes me happy. Why wouldn't I want to spend time with her if I was down.
I think you'd be okay with bringing it up. You're feeling like a pit-stop. Which isn't right.
What part of his post suggests he doesnt have a life?
You set up some simple ground rules, and then you let yourself have fun.
Ground Rules: 1) Your guest does not visit your house when your kid is there. This means finding other ways to meet: his house when someone else is caring for the kid, you swap babysitting with friends, you pay for a sitter, someone watches him, etc. 2) Do not let your kid form a bond with this person. This is going to be casual and kid won't understand. 3) Use very strong birth control. Any other kids you have are fully and entirely your choice, at the right time for you, and that's it. So get very good birth control. Then enjoy!!!
4) Do not let anyone shame or guilt you about this. If they do, do not react. This is your life and your body and sex is wonderful and healing. Get yourself some.
Maybe. But I don't tolerate shit. If someone who says they care. Do something to upset me and don't try to change / remedy it? That just show they don't care.
In my example offering the kind help is the last step to try and break through any issues they may be facing. If you cannot respond to that level of support. Then you're only going to get dragged down too.
I ain't saying she's a gold digger…
You talk to her about her feelings.
Ask her on a date.
Nobody here can tell you what she’s thinking because we are not here. But she defiantly wants you based on everything you wrote.
I definitely see what your saying. Afterwards he did tell me he assumed I would only be talking to other women, idk why he would assume that as we talked about me speaking with men when we set the ground rules. But he did ask to close our relationship once he read my conversation on the dating app.
well he got his dog from a puppy mill, so i’m assuming he doesn’t know as much as he thinks he does….
“Dickful thinking” is when your dick convinces you to believe someone is into you when they're just being polite or friendly. Occam's razor: you're reading into this something that isn't there. You will cause problems for yourself if you do anything to “pursue” what you think is reciprocated interest
Well according to every man in this thread when he watches porn he’s imagining fucking that girl so tell me how that’s not supposed to make me feel uncomfortable
Your partner’s intelligence is not the absence of your own.
Lacking understanding about things like calculus and data structures doesn’t mean you aren’t an intellectual. He may understand that a bit better, but you understand how to communicate with and teach kids better. His knowledge is no more or less greater than yours
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This woman isn't right for you. What you're experiencing now would become a lifelong experience if you do. It's causing not what being married is about.
He is a predator who has been grooming you for years. Get away!!
Treat yourself & enjoy your days off! You just got the worst part of your year out of the way & have a whole new chapter ahead. Best of luck.
It's awful. I'm glad he didn't write it, but I would steer so far away from him. He will make simple things complicated.
If you are a white guy, you have no business saying that. Maybe it will take you losing a girlfriend for you to realize this.
nah she want the d how u oblivious af ??
I wouldn’t even listen to that comment at all OP
I don’t see how you wanting to keep your wedding day, which is ALL booked and paid being the day before, makes you high maintenance at all.
Like ok you have some mental issues too and your emotional support cats are very important to you and I get that as my cat is also my ES and is very important to me and I wouldn’t lend her out to anyone. But your fiancés brother is taking manipulative to a whole new level. Like if I had a manic attack (as I’m bipolar) the day before my siblings wedding, I would still go to the wedding but if I was like your fiancés brother (hypochondriac) and had to stay in hospital I would NEVER the day before anyone’s wedding let alone my siblings, tell them to postpone it. Like what kind of crap is that?
I’m sorry to say OP but I feel like this will be the rest of your life if you marry this guy. Plus taking your meds for his brother is disgusting.
Hope you show all these comments to your fiancé so he can see how far whipped he is by his brother. And that you can do so much better than someone who puts you, your feelings and your whole family on the back burner because his brother is a POS.
First of all, you go do what makes you happy. Second, it really matters what your goals are when choosing what type of activity to do. Swimming is a full body work out. Thread-mill running is not one of the things I promote for weight loss. I do recommend it for improving your overall fitness as a part of a cardiovascular training.
To avoid this argument all together just plan an intake with the gym. They know their S**t. But only do this because you want to. See, I’m not usually into catering to this insanity so I would’ve just left his ass on the treadmill whilst I go swimming no explanation given. But by your own admission you need to get out from under his thumb and put your foot down. If he won’t listen to you maybe he will listen to actual trainers but your first priority should be making him listen to you and your wants and needs. Not whatever this selfish controlling BS is.
This was my thought too.
I used to work with a guy that did this. He would obsessively lie about our female coworkers and how convienantly every single one of them was just dying to hook up with him. He would make a huge deal about how the HR lady was totally texting him behind her husband's back, and our boss was constantly “hinting” at an affair. The lady at the gas station that morning was just sooooo flirty with him, he just doesn't know what he could possibly doooooo about all these people who totally waaaaant him.
Yeah, no. Half of these women either didn't exist at all, legitimately had not spoken to him in any fashion, or he did speak to them about something normal and routine then lied about what a steamy interaction it was. He was never able to produce proof of these text messages or call logs he'd brag about so obsessively. He was just a gross, lonely neckbeard that desperately wanted everyone around him to think he was some sort of Casanova.
I get the vibe this situation and OPs is probably similiar.
Write her a letter. Wish her luck and that you understand but also what she means to you. She deserves to know that you're out and she deserves to know that you're able to move on.
From her perspective you're a felon who got out after more than a decade in prison. If she meets you out in the open, she's going to be scared shitless because popular media tells us people like you don't take kindly to rejection.
So when you're eventually going to meet, allow her to feel good and safe about it.
Beyond that, good luck on your life. You deserve happiness and I wish you find it.
You will begin to heal once you get out. It’s really hard to move on from a difficult relationship with everything entangled. But you can and should do it.
Inheritance are excluded from communal property during divorce
Exactly this. She seems self centered and selfish. You are a kind man who somehow didn't turn into a rage monster or abuser even when seeing his mom endure that.
And she has an issue that ur protective and caring? Everything in ur post makes her seem like her only quality might be that she's been able to trick u into staying with her for this long.
What exactly do u love about her? What does she bring to the table?
Does she make u feel valued? Or even shows ur mom respect instead of just resentment?
She doesn't sound caring at all. Or loving. Or respectful to ur mother which I'm sorry I'd be pissed with.
Please find someone that deserves ur love and actually treats u and ur mom with love too.
It’s the opposite. When you see her again, look her directly in the eye when you say hello. Really look at her so she knows that you know.
His friend group kind of sucks. I hate “friend groups.” They tolerate too much.
I would take screenshots and confront her directly. “So. I see you've been sexting this guy. You really think I'm stupid, eh? I want DNA tests on all the kids since you clearly don't cherish our wedding vows. This is cheating, no matter how you downplay it or try to excuse it.”
Divorce is better than staying with a cheater!
There are several reasons for considering porn as cheating: young age, or strict religious upbringing, neither of which seem to apply to you though the latter might. But the more common reason for mature adults is hypercriticism.
In other words, you might be feeling guilty for something in your past and so try to reduce your dissonance between your love for him and your guilt for something you might have done that would hurt him if he knew. The most common way people practice dissonance reduction in a relationship is by exaggerating the wrongfulness of minor things about their partner or that their partner does, so they can reassure themselves how they aren’t that bad.
I am a simple guy.
If a girl is into me then she isn't sleeping with other people.
I don't really care what point of the relationship it is. First date or months into it.
I call it “I'm the last dick rule”.
If we have slept together and another dick has come into the picture then I will never consider her for a serious relationship.
Honestly, it doesn't sound too promising imo.
Read her comments. He's a mysoginist, and this is the tip of the iceberg.
As a possible answer to your question about coming back from “utter repulsion”: I think logistically that would require him to become a different person, or for you to no longer feel bothered by these, frankly, pretty crappy things about him. Do you see either of those things happening in the future? If not, I don’t think there’s any new perspective that will help you re-love him. And that’s ok because he seems like he sucks. Also, super normal for that reality to set in once you move in together.
They don’t. She wants to but he doesn’t talk to her. He feels really bad about everything
Facts don’t care about your feelings
Break up with him and allow him to find someone who gives him the love he deserves. And also so you can find someone to actually love. Stop wasting each others time.
If his last relationship was also LDR, does that mean he just keeps moving across the country, waits until his last relationship dies out and then starts a new one only to repeat the process? Because that is what it sounds like to me.
As I said, nothing is excessive.
Yeah, but does he know that? Most pictures of women identified as having lip fillers are those crazy looking inflated balloon lips. As a guy, I’m pretty sure that’s the only example he has of this. Because women with natural looking lips due to lip fillers are never identified by definition. Have you showed him examples of normal enhancement? And how you envision your own enhancement?
im glad they had a good head on their shoulders, unlike OP's husband and brother in law. i swear, some men are so unbelievably evil and dont even realize it?? like what the actual fuck is wrong with them? i feel so bad for OP and all the ex girls involved with these scumbags ?
This is frustrating, because I disagree with everyone at one point or another.
How old is your son now? That's unclear. but we essentially have to assume still an infant.
Either way, you decided to have your son knowing Louis was a deadbeat. Fair enough; it's your life. You split accordingly. Four months into your son's life, you met Jason. You very quickly moved in with him.
There's been a lot of arguing between the two of you? Was this not an issue before moving in together? Either way, none of the rest makes sense. There's no reason Jason needs to be with you during all discussions. Separately, why is it a problem having “only” one day to hash things over? Why do you need many days? This shouldn't be a weekly discussion. It should have already been discussed.
I'd agree with Jason's frustrations if they were for the right reasons. But they're not. He's creating problems due to insecurities for absolutely no reason. The two of them hate each other; why? I obviously can make logical assumptions, but why?
Let's now talk about the birthday. You can't have your child's father and fiance in the same room? Jason needs to grow up and bite the bullet. Louis is going to exist forever.
Christmas is just an absurd discussion to have. It's nine months away. It's a decision you get to make. Given we're talking about your fiance, “naturally Jason is not invited” is completely unacceptable. You're wrong on that front. He's stupid to be upset? He doesn't want to be excluded from his fiance's/wife's stepson's Christmas. After that, he's entirely fucking crazy, so regardless of everything else I said, your fiance is an absolute nutjob.
If a man asks for a paternity test, I would argue the relationship is probably already over as well. If a relationship has such a low that someone has to go to those lengths, the trust is already gone.
I get that you wanted to protect yourself, but if the shoes were reversed and your fiance had done the same, do you think you would just be like “oh yea no big deal, I'm glad you posted my image to strangers in a public forum to verify that I'm not an asshole”?
Yeah I definitely try to avoid the topic of him when I can, especially with mutual friends to avoid awkwardness. You’re right, it’s not my problem and I’ll continue to ignore it. I just hope he isn’t trying to “get ahead of me” by trying to hurt my reputation to our mutual circles.
You do realise that people in polyamorous relationships exist, right?
Than ya I believe breaking up is a good idea. If you want kids you don't want them to feel that kind of hate from their relatives. The world is already ugly enoug without exposing them to hate in their own damn family.
I been married 17 years. I knew the first post was overreactive. I make jokes to my wife like that. This sounds like wrong time ,wrong place for a joke……
Go for it.
The likelihood is your own parents are cheaters and they're 'fine' with cheating behaviors.
I would say that it's GREAT that you have your own shiny backbone and knows your boundary. You will not tolerate cheating and I think that you did the right thing by breaking it off.
Now, if you haven't already, get yourself into counseling because it is clear that you have an unsupportive family.
Then, you need to go LC to NC with your family. Tell them this, if they keep in contact with your ex and keep pushing you to reconcile, you will not be in your family's life anymore. Then you let them choose. So if they choose your ex, it's them cutting you off, they choose him over you.
It's not your fault that you're around toxic, unsupportive family.
Yeaaaaaaahhhh, you two need to talk this over with a counselor or it's over.
Your boyfriend got insecure and accused you of being the absolute worst kind of person you could be. Regardless of whether he genuinely believes what he’s saying or whether he’s just lashing out because he’s insecure, an accusation like that carries a lot of weight, and told to the wrong person would absolutely destroy your career. Do you really wanna be with a deeply insecure person who thinks you’d be inappropriate with a student and is willing to immediately make that accusation in front of another person?
He’s a serial cheater and you already know this about him, so why are you surprised that he has another girlfriend? He doesn’t because you don’t leave him. There are no consequences.
Wow, so many skilled psychologists here – diagnosing me from one post ?
It's your call. If you don't set boundaries, it's going to continue. Good luck to you.
You don't deserve to be spoken to like that. You didn't tell her she could get hurt? Really? I knew since I was a child that you could get seriously injured with any sport like this. I understand her fear about having a lifelong injury, but blaming you is actually just stupid. There are ways to talk to you about it that don't include making you her emotional punching bag. She's just being immature and mean.
Wtf did I just read? You're upset that your cousin didn't ask how you were about missing your brother since he left? Wtf incestuous shit am I reading here?
This relationship sounds exhausting.
who is he, howard wollowitz???
Lol yet he just reached out to me to try again
Even if nothing’s happening, he lied and that’s something I’d wanna talk to him about asap.
I would just ask him about it, but as of right now, I'm viewing it as him just keeping intimate details of his life private from on-line friends.
He was doing that and for him everything was fine, but I dont want to be a part time girlfriend. Thank you!