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But it does mean something. He can't just arbitrarily say “oh it doesn't mean anything”. It means something to you. It means that hes distracted by other women when he should be paying attention to the one hes with. It means that hes OK with making you feel like you're not enough for him. Are you gonna waste another 3 years before you dump his loser ass?
Well I am talking to them now. And it’s going well. They said they want my sexual desire to only be on them. And that’s okay with me. Rn in our conversation I’m just trying to understand them better. Thank you for the advice to talk to them directly!
Even if your clock is ticking, having kids with someone like this sounds like a nightmare. So much has to be planned for with children and it sounds like he will not be willing to do that if he’s acted this way with you for years. Also, what else could he be lying about? I’m so sorry this happened to you but I would get out
I think this person is being a little dramatic.
What I would probably do is next time they criticize a life choice or spending decision, say “hey, I really don’t appreciate when you criticize X or Y. I don’t comment on your lifestyle choices in that way because you have reasons and decisions to make as a family together. Your daughter and I have certain goals and expectations regarding how we conduct our finances and lifestyle. I don’t need your approval of every decision, but I would appreciate your respect and understand that we think about our decisions carefully. I take care of our family and my wife is happy with what I do for her and the family.”
Can we just skip back to the 8 yr relationship… You were 15 with a 22 yr old…the fuck.
The line is being crossed.
she is going through her ex cheating and has said if I have any issues withers friendship she’d never talk to him again
Seems like gaslighting.
Would bet they're cheating.
The answer is no. For years I used over the counter, birth control, and it worked just fine and when I got married I want to have a baby I went off birth control over the counter. Remember no pill and I was pregnant within a month. I guess that’s not the point the point is it’s your choice and you’re too new in the relationship and the way you do birth control it’s up to you. I do think it’s OK that you use birth control when he asks because we staying as he doesn’t wanna child right now.
He suggested he wait a year. Nothing about OP’s story suggested he demanded he not work. Who’s to say he IS going to move the goal posts?
You all keep insisting, in spite of OP telling you that this person isn’t controlling or abusive, that he is, and OP is a victim even though they have not highlighted that in anyway. You can feel what you like about the age gap, but stop creating problems that OP themself is telling everyone is not the case. You don’t know better.
Even if you found nothing checking once because you are having a gut feeling is fine. Why wouldn't you have open electronics with your partner anyway. Checking all the time it becomes an issue.
I would take it as that is just how she is, and you two are only hanging out.
It honestly sounds like he doesn’t want to marry you. There was another Reddit story similar to this and the guy later admitted to purposely getting her a shitty ring so that she would break up with him and she’d look like the bad guy. I’m betting this is the same. It’s either that or he doesn’t really care what you want. Either way you need to seriously re-examine your relationship.
Been here. You need to redefine boundaries, #1 she needs to work, #2 she needs to pull equal weight. Couples counseling might help get these messages delivered so she understands and hears you to take action. Also be prepared to leave the relationship, this won’t end well.
were you there? Im telling you how my experience was the first year. And the truth is that he didn't show his true colors the 1st year .so I'm not trying to convince you about anything.
That’s such a weird thing to lie about. This would be a red flag for me, maybe he’s a pathological liar.
It’s very possible your friend has had feelings for you this whole time.
It’s also possible he doesn’t have any romantic feelings for you, but is having a hard time adjusting to being #2 in your life now. He might be getting lonely and that’s leading to jealousy.
You’re totally making the right call not sharing a room. It has nothing to do with trust. It would simply be inappropriate. Maybe he was offended because he wasn’t expecting you to say no and now he’s embarrassed.
No matter the reason, your friend is acting immaturely. Maybe you just trying talking to him point blank and ask if somethings up lately.
This post sounds like a 2000s rom com
Nothing here talks about the pain you caused your ex, how much of her life you wasted. You deserve to be alone OP, you are in pain right now and you deserve every last bit of it.
This is the beginning of a controlling and disastrous relationship. You deserve someone who doesn't give a shit if it takes you 2 minutes or 2 hrs to respond.
Especially with a shitty ultimatum, like the one he expressed.
I’ve been through something similar, maybe I can help. Oh wait, no I haven’t.
I haven’t seen my therapist in a while. I should. But I do, I feel like there isn’t chaos when we both do our own thing.
You're 35, not 15. So you ought to be able to see that this could not have been love, because you never truly knew this person on any sort of deep level.
You kept mentioning talking to his friends, but what about your friends? If good friends of yours knew all of this, they would have called you out on your juvenile actions and reasoning. Do you not have any friends like that?
Because people can be quite mean and suggest there's something wrong that we aren't. I'm not sure how to deal with it.
Move on. Your incompatible . Also, did you give her permission to go through your bank details?
If this is how she treats your for minor misunderstandings, then that should be a big red flag. If this was something warranted and occassional, sure. Don't subject yourself to her cold shoulder. Once she is able to talk, discuss your feelings and how you need to have better conflict resolution. If she does not agree, or she makes no attempts to change, you may find yourself better off without her.
Exactly. And it's easy to say you want it to be more “spontaneous and fun” (despite the fact that kids are a lifetime commitment) when you aren't the one whose life is possibly at risk/the one that has to go through pregnancy and childbirth
You have to work with him, invest your time and manufacture experiences..
My other half was the same and was completely nervous, but when he had a drink he would have a bit more confidence..so I used that and created a couple of amazing experiences when he had come home, then when he sobered up and remembered he had a bit more confidence when he was sober… (I know this sounds awful ?)
After you have spent a while taking control of the situation and teaching him what you like then he should gain a bit more experience.
Also I love knowing I’m responsible for all the greatest sexual experiences he has ever had.
This is what has kept me from any action. I’m bearing the weight so they don’t have to. It’s just been tearing me up inside and out. Do I swallow this and look the man that raised me in the eye and lie to him?
Sorry for your loss. As time goes by it will become a bit easier to accept but will always sting.
Cherish your friends those are keepers.
I would suggest slipping the ultimatum, letting her go on the cruise, and letting her know she’s single at your convenience. If the only reason she treats you with respect is that you’re issuing ultimatums, that’s going to be your life going forward, and it’s no way to live.
Her dad already knows about the situation and has tried helping her but she says she doesn’t trust her step mom. She used to live with them when she was 19 and had a camper out there on their property. She moved back after an altercation.
She tried calling a local church but they couldn’t help her also.
Don't marry this asshole.
Get angry.
Is it your mom that wrote it ?? If your mom doesn’t have any identity outside of being a mom it’s her own fault.
Break up with your girlfriend if you can’t even handle a simple crush. You’re going to have rough time in relationships if you keep chasing after the next pretty face. Also, you don’t love her as much as you think if your contemplating when to break up because another girl is hotter. You don’t sound compatible at all if you think her whole religion and culture is a “flaw” as you put it. And you are emotionally cheating if you’re choosing get a better feeling and attachment from another woman. Let he go to someone who’ll appreciate her. Return the gift or give it to the new girl or the next and the next..
Break up with your girlfriend if you can’t even handle a simple crush. You’re going to have rough time in relationships if you keep chasing after the next pretty face. Also, you don’t love her as much as you think if your contemplating when to break up because another girl is hotter. You don’t sound compatible at all if you think her whole religion and culture is a “flaw” as you put it. And you are emotionally cheating if you’re choosing get a better feeling and attachment from another woman. Let he go to someone who’ll appreciate her. Return the gift or give it to the new girl or the next and the next..
I would mention it to your boyfriend, Op.
I also picked up some ill feelings from you about your boyfriend telling his Dad about what's going on with you.
*I didn’t realize his dad also has been wanting to know of my decisions*
What's up with that, Op? I'm curious, please.
I really hate going on group trips where someone is trying to organise everything. I remember one girls trip where this one person decided we needed to plan the meals (despite staying in a beach town with a supermarket and cafes and everything) and made a spreadsheet and assigned meals and suggested menus to people. I ended up with a full cooked breakfast shift, which was dumb bc I don’t even eat breakfast usually so I would be cooking all morning like a maid for a meal I wouldn’t even meet. Sure I was able to talk to her and change it to a dinner but why should I have to go through a bunch of awkward negotiations and feel like I’m affecting everyone else? Same with the group chats, there’s always a few super keen people who dominate the plans and things become established for the group according to their desires.
I’m with your bf, people in their 30s can definitely manage themselves, as a guest I’d personally far prefer to just be given the time and place and then to be able to camp however I like camping. Trying to get people to commit into a pot luck sounds painful.
“We have a very healthy, mature relationship-“
“Why did he lie to me and what should I do?”
Aight.
We’ve talked about it some more, he understands me better and I even understand myself a bit better.
I would be more spiteful to myself if I went with him, but thank you for your thoughts! That is what I asked for
And that's a red flag if they are actively in a relationship with someone else.
They may have been the outliers, I'm still going to look at the data
Yes you can she literally let him live a lie for the past 20 years stop it. This relationship wouldn’t even exist if she decide to tell the truth but he had to find out 20 yr LATER that the person he trusted with his heart lied and cheated.
haha you got me in that one
I know I was wrong for having a conversation with someone else
What? How is that wrong? Has he seriously beaten you down to the point where you feel like you’re doing something bad just speaking to other people?
I’m trying to prove to him he can trust me but for everything little thing I get accused of cheating.
That’s because he’s cheating on you and assumes you’re like him. This is projection, plain and simple.
Thank you for the honest advice.
You are probably right, I just hoping we’ll be able to work it out. What’s weird is when we’re not talking about the issues in our relationship, it’s like everything is normal, we can talk about work, our dog, our plans for the weekend, we send each other good morning & good night txts every day, we make each other laugh and I still feel love there but when it comes to the actual issues, we just can’t communicate.
Why are you still with this guy? Leave and stop wasting any more time with him
It's not always something you did sometimes there's just no connection even if there was for u no biggie just move on definitely would not ask him what was the problem
Why do u post the same things twice to the same sub?