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OP, your GF's abusive behaviors cannot be excused — but perhaps can be explained, especially if you would speak to a psychologist in your city. They may be due to her having very weak control over her own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills she had no chance to learn in childhood). My exW has that problem. If it is an issue for your GF, you likely would be seeing 4 other red flags.
The first is a strong abandonment fear. I therefore ask whether, a few months into your relationship, she started showing strong jealousy over harmless events involving other women — or tried to isolate you away from your close friends and family members? She would view your spending time with friends/family as your choosing them over her. Moreover, she usually would hate being alone by herself.
Second, you would be seeing her rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein she tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in her frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”
Third, you generally would not see her directing her anger at casual friends, coworkers, or total strangers. She usually gets along fine with them. Rather, her outbursts and temper tantrums almost exclusively would be directed against a close loved one (e.g., against you, a sibling, or her parents).
Fourth, you are convinced that she truly loves you. But you frequently see her flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing or hating you) — often making you feel like you're walking on eggshells around her. Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do. A few hours or days later, she can flip back just as quickly.
OP, have you been seeing strong occurrences of all 4 of these red flags?
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We could become swingers hehe
Was your family Christmas starting tonight (Christmas Eve where I am) or tomorrow? Or are you on the other side of the International Date Line from me?
Your boyfriend is a dickhead. I do the exact same thing for people and it’s how I show them that I love them. It’s kind of my love language to people. My friends, family, and husband love it. My husband always asks me why my food tastes so damn good and I always explain that it’s because it was made with love. Your boyfriend sounds like a manipulative prick.
What kind of hotel closes at 9 pm and doesn’t accept arrivals after that time??
Nice idea to Google. I tried but didn't see any leggings in any of the pictures. Also none in the suggested search term you provided. Are leggings business appropriate? (The trousers are essentially leggings in terms of fit, they just aren't shiny.
For that reason, I also don’t wish to run it by him prior to getting the perspective of others on whether this is appropriate or not.
You should either not post it or run it by him before posting. Nobody here will know exactly the boundaries your boyfriend feels comfortable with aside from him.
Are you living together after only three months? It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known each other, that is too soon in a relationship. Tell her to stay at her friend’s house. Her jealousy will get worse with time and so will her physical and mental abuse. She doesn’t trust you and you can’t trust her. Time to end this now. She crazy.
No ? 4000€
It is better but still a problem. But like I said more manageable than 20000€
This is a really great read, and absolutely on the money, thanks for sharing.
Oh my goodness. I didn't believe thinking these days could be so skewed but the amount of being who take offense to the gf getting this gift and calling her selfish.
For goodness sake, it's a nice gesture and shows she is listening and paying attention. You could've spent your $350 on something else. One day you'll find a partner who will buy you a watch, but not the one you want and in fact it'll be exactly opposite of what you would wear, then you will appreciate your current gf's thoughtfulness.
i don't think i can accept this, it's even harder this way
I’m sorry OP. But damn I can only imagine if y’all had kids and you were sick. It would be really bad. Do you ever think of that??
I don’t condone violence, but I am rolling at the comments in his post. people are saying that they would have hit him with the cutting board.
Okay but what does any of that have to do with the fact that he said “oh thank god your present didn't work out, that would've sucked” in response? That's an objectively shitty thing to say to someone who was, as you've said, trying to do something nice.
We don't even know if OP explicitly told her that he wanted to buy it himself for sentimental reasons or if he just said that he was excited to buy the watch when he could afford it. Her decision to buy it for him is completely understandable if he said the latter.
Your stbx (hopefully) partner sound like a vile person.
He is cruel and a toxic partner to you. Please let him go away for good.
The answer is no, being a victim of rape is not cheating. And you not discussing on the incident with him is not cheating. You're traumatized and it's on your timeline when you can talk about it.
Your so-called 'partner/hopefully stbx bf' is a horrible person to be with. I suggest dumping him and working on your trauma.
Are you his teacher or counselor or mother? Stop trying to be all those people and leave him. He's old enough to know better and you are complicit in “tolerating” this by staying with him. Grow up and find a better partner and human being.
As a woman, I’d break up with anyone who thought he got to tell me what I could and could not wear.
Constructive criticism (that color isn’t great on you, that shirt/pants combo kinda clashes, etc) is not the same as controlling what they wear because of how much skin it shows. One is based on taste and the other is based on insecurity.
If she wanted to walk around in her bra and panties it would be her business, not yours. Get over yourself.
You’re going to dump the love of your life because of this? That’s ridiculous. She did nothing wrong and you can’t let it go
Whether he’s there or not it won’t change the result. Just take the test.
Your boyfriend sounds psychotic and unhinged. Absolutely nothing about his behavior is even remotely acceptable and if I were you, I'd be talking to a divorce lawyer yesterday.
Im already burnt out. We’ve done this so many times.
He said you can, so why don’t you? Does he forbid it? Have you knocked on the door? I just don’t get this. But anyway, the best advice has been given: You shouldn’t do this anymore. “Fool me once,” and all that.
OP I’m gonna try to word this in a way you understand. Picture this: instead of being trans say your son had a chronic condition that causes horrible headaches. Day after day he has headaches and has to power through it. Headaches so bad he might have even wanted to die. Then he gets the chance to start on a pain medication. Less headaches or at least not as bad. Maybe even could stop the headaches completely. He doesn’t wanna die. But his grandparents don’t like that he takes pain medication, call him a druggie and ignore him. So you decided, instead of affirming your son taking his medicine, to tell him to go back to being miserable and possibly wanting to die. Does that make it clear to you how you’ve messed up?
Whoooosh
Her safety is a matter because THEY KNOW EACH OTHER IRL.
And regardless, it doesn't mean it's not creepy jus5 cus some men do that
Then why call it an overreaction when her boyfriend told him to piss off after two kiss attempts?
Without reading the whole post, but only the title and first paragraph, this is extremely juvenile behavior on his part even at the ripe age of 21. Tell him to grow up and that you're too grown to be dealing with that behavior and move on.
Echoing the sentiment shared by u/tossout7878…what exactly are you getting out of this relationship. It doesn’t sound like emotional security is the answer.
If you think it's bullshit then why are you commenting? Troll.
that's not spots, it's pepperoni
It does not sound as though the two of you are ready to be friends. I strongly recommend that you stop contacting her and go in a new direction. Not every relationship can stand going from lovers to friends.
I’m in the us, in the south but I know the laws vary so much from county to county. it’s possible we would have filled something out if it were a real adoption at a shelter or something. it was very informal and our county/city isn’t nosy about pets.
Communication or lack thereof is what caused most potential relationships or even long term relationships to fail. Obviously there can be other issues. The other extreme is a problem too. Men who are more physical and intellectual may not be as comfortable talking about feelings or may not read emotions well. My best relationships have been with men who had some emotional intelligence as well as sexual compatibility. The assumption that you can always make sex work is bs. It might be true for very cerebral or spiritual people but for people who are more physical or emotional the suggestion is ridiculous.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having privacy – in fact, it’s a good thing.
Hahaha! I actually started typing a reply to this before I realized. You are punny 😉
Do you know what I can do though?