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Don’t ever worry about being desperate. It’s not being desperate, it’s called showing your interest. If you want to text him, you should.
If youre not sure if he’s interested you have two options. Either wait and see if he’ll text you first, or just straight up ask him if he’s interested in being more than friends.
Well i guess thats my fault. Its not guys its just one. And he is not even friend or something but i just know him. Its been a long time since then…
So I live with my partner which is their home country, and my parents are in my home country. We recently got engaged, I got the best possible ring in my calibre, set the most romantic weekend for it that I could. She almost lost the ring one month after and we had a huge fight. My parents have only spoken 3-5 times with this person on face time and so I said they would have been dissapointed if you had actually lost it after just a month. Instead of being apologetic, my partner accused my parents to be judgemental and grudge holding people. *ps- my partner is very messy and careless which I have tried to come to terms with until this incident.
Husband gets to choose to not have her over. If she is choosing to blow up her life he doesn't have to be dragged through that.
Either sister gets her act together or she continues taking an axe to it and threatening suicide all the time, quickly becomes a method of controlling for certain people.
Having dealt with it in a friend who roomed for 18 months. The answer is just NO to their actions and your husband has every right to say it.
Pick a person and be done with it. Either you blow up your own life for your sister who won't even recognise, appreciate or get her life together. Or you choose your husband respect that he doesn't want that nightmare in his home and help her outside the home.
She won't learn until she hits rock bottom and even then she will probably plow right through to the other side. You can care all you want and he can rightly go I have had enough. She doesn't take her meds, doesn't attend therapy and such goes on random benders and blows up her life. That is all on her.
I appreciate you a bunch
It'll certainly happen again, you just need to allow it to happen.
There's no “but he wasn't a bad person.” He was a bad partner. That's all there is to it. You can't start blaming yourself. He didn't show interest in your life because he's an asshole. That in fact makes him a bad person.
You're now focusing on the honeymoon period. When everything is “perfect” while we're wearing rose colored glasses. But you've told us specifics as to why he wasn't a good partner. You need to stop focusing on him. When you're in a good relationship, you won't be questioning it.
you must be hearing a lot of stuff on repeat, or he makes a LOT of music, 2 hours is excessive. This isn't productive for either of you. So I'd try to bring up that you'd prefer to spend some time talking.
In no means am I justifying his girlfriend's behavior.
So, men literally do not notice when they are being suspect. ? If she has a crew of crazy bitches, fucking run. They probably planted some kind of cheating/chatting thought into your girlfriend's head. I've been there with my partner and we had severely lethal fights. My husband and I were dating when I started doing that shit. Women in numbers are the most dangerous thing in the world, especially if they're stupid and cannot read men. I left my friends and got married. This is just from my perspective. I always had access to my husband's phone and went crazy through it out of the blue.
But also, could you tell me how BJJ is such a masculine sport
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I agree. You just cannot tell. It seems as though your physical presence is the benefit and your thoughts and conversation is what he tolerates/makes allowances for….
1 consider
If you are not exclusive…go out on a few other dates. If you are exclusive…..tell him you want to pursue dating others.
Don't say why…keep your reasons to yourself. SERIOUSLY DO NOT FRIGGIN EXPLAIN YOURSELF. (Usually I would advocate for clear and concise communication on “why you want to pursue dating others” but I don't think he has earned it).
You seen to be missing romance, kindness, CHARM and (maybe) tactile/emotional affection.
He needs to understand what he is missing…your feminine and (hopefully) kind/loving ways.
2 Consider….
Also…consider responding to his physical comments about YOU with 1000% conversation pivoting responses about HIS body. Him: “You look good in that sweater” You: SILENCE FOR A COUPLE MOMENTS……THEN… “Hey your hairstyle seems so interesting given the shape of your head, how long have you been cutting that way?” The point is to DISARM HIM and see if he has the ability to engage and charm YOU.
Nope she’s an adult child.
I’m also a 30s grad student who teaches undergrad students and it takes a truly sick kind of person to see their students as anything other than students. For the love of God, PLEASE REPORT HIM.
let's perhaps stop treating grown women as imbeciles with no self-agency whatsoever
It's a first date play for fun and not to be a dick.
If you know your chess game, then you should be able to set the atmosphere as fun rather then as a nightmare thrashing them from your experience.
Everyone loves getting whipped over and over when taking first steps in something when it is not necessary.
You're a hypocrit. I have met parents with disabled kids who regret having kids as they are worried no one will take care of them after theyre gone. Of course they cannot openly say this to their family. They suffer from constant depression, stress, and anxiety.
For you to sit here on your high horse and say that their struggles are not real is an injustice. It's fine to cry on about your childless agenda but to diminish someone else's struggles is just again disingenuous.
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you were smart to snoop. had you trusted this cheater, he would've conveniently hidden the messages and made up excuses. he'd call you insecure and jealous and call you insecure just like he is doing now. let him go, don't beg for him back. cheaters shouldn't be kept in your life and it's better you find out now instead of later with marriage/kids on the line.
Yea my ex started to make comments like this towards the end of our relationship when she wanted to make me feel bad so that I would cave to her every demand. Literally told me she thought it was getting smaller one day.
Should I bring it up again with him and ask? Or drop it and forget it
Perhaps you're right. I've never really said anything about it because I know it sounds controlling. But by staying silent about it, in a way, I am suppressing my own feelings. I guess I'll try to have a conversation with her about it in the most gentle way I can and not come off as a toxic a hole.
Going into my dms to further whine about how “everyone ends up wanting to cheat” isn’t helping your cause, my dude
“Listen, I am not some delicate china that needs to be kept in a display case for my safety. I am more than able to handle sex, and frankly, I am extremely horny. I want to be intimate again, I miss it, and it is extremely unfair that you are withholding sex with me with no valid reason. Am I unattractive to you now? Am I gross to you now? What is keeping you from giving me the intimacy that I want?”
To me, it sounds like you are still processing your divorce and that you simply might not be emotionally available to the many “beautiful, intelligent women whom have careers and are exactly what [you're] attracted to”.
You have obviously been through quite a lot with your soon-to-be ex-wife, but you don't address that even one bit in your post aside from acknowleding that 'it' has been 'a disaster'.
If I were you, I would focus on processing that whole experience instead of just looking to get with someone new right off the bat.
You need to stop thinking of your carer or finances as your defining qualities. It doesn't matter in the long run how well-establishe you are, or how much money you make, or even how good your physique is, if you can't also maintain a meaningful emotioncal connection to someone.
Announcing you wanna cheat before doesn't make things better.
I imagine going to my husband suffering from mental health problems, telling him I'm gonna sleep with someone else, cheating on him and then acting surprised his mental health gets worse? Wtf….
You're cruel and heartless for treating another human like that.
⬆️⬆️⬆️ this. Don’t feel bad. It is what it is.
He probably just wanted sex, saw that you weren’t on the same page and that’s it. Let him go, you won’t get a second chance so might as well try with someone else instead of waisting tine on him
Stop going down on him. Immediately.
Fair is fair.
NOT WORTHY OF PRAISE? Your wife is an asshole and I am deeply worried for your future child. Your wife is a close minded woman.
Hell no. Even in a SAHM kind of deal you usually still share childcare duties. He wants you to do ALL of it? 24/7 while he only works 8h a day? And ALL the chores too? You get ripped off.
Usually when people go out of the way to hide things, there up to no good
If only I had my wives facial features and the desire to invade her personal space.
Why is her not getting hurt worth more than you being happy?
Time doesn't really matter. No matter how much you wait she's likely to be hurt.
You aren't happy and she treats you bad.
Has he, in the past gone through your phone without your permission (that you're aware of)?
Break it off. If he wanted to learn, he would. He doesn’t care about your well-being, and he has put your safety and your child’s safety at risk. It’s also a huge red flag that he’s dating someone so young and trash talking another mom. If you really think your son deserves a father figure, find him one. This dude ain’t it.
Nothing to add, but the way you describe your wife makes me think of my own and it made me smile. How much you love her oozes out of the words in your posts. I wish you both the best
If you're this stressed that could honestly be why you're having a hard time meeting people.
I met my partner in my late 20s. I'm now in my early 30s and have plenty of single amazing friends who either are busy and not looking atm, or havent met the right person and wont just settle down to settle down. If you're this stressed and have to meet someone NOW because you think you're running out of time at 26, its not unlikely that you're scaring potential partners away. Calm down and if you're able to try talking to a therapist about how you can manage your anxiety/stress better.
Its pretty normal to be into something in a fantasy but not necessarily feel the same in real life. Like, I’ll run around fighting dragons in video games but I’m not sad that I’m missing out on that experience IRL. Maybe you can find a similar example to explain to her why this fantasy can stay just a fantasy, and that’s normal and not a problem.
Enmeshment. That other person is part of your “sense of self” and you didn't have the opportunity to individuate away from this relationship. This is why my advice to youngin's is not to get trapped in “serious” relationships too early. But I imagine hormones might make that quite difficult.
Divorce your husband. Keep the baby. Be happy. Your relationship with your husband is over.
this is sad really. you can do it better
My ex of 7 years has a porn and toy addiction. It was SO toxic. He spent so long using them and watching the worst porn (taste wise) that that was the only way he could keep it up, let alone finish. He was able to twice. One is 6yr and the other is about to be 3yr.
I realized after we split that it had nothing to do with me. I just never stood a chance.
He doesn't know, though, that he's the one that pushed me out of the closet. So the joke's on him
Thank you. I'm going to think about it, but I believe I'm ready
not only is that having a group chat like that disgusting, he chooses to be friends with people who asked for YOUR nudes. even though he didnt send them, thats so gross who he chooses to keep company. A person’s friends say a lot about them.
he also called you ugly???? wtf that is NOT ok. there is a better man out there who will love and appreciate you. please dump this man child, you can do so much better.
If somebody else was telling you this, wouldn’t you encourage them to dump the guy?
Everybody here is going to tell you to break up immediately. I promise there’s so much better out there. This is not normal.
Eww instead of reassuring you he made you feel worse???? Yeah no. Red flag. You can dress how you want and NO ONE should make you feel less for that.
I would see this as a red flag, personally.
What he’s showing you doesn’t sound protective. His comment about “sharing”, to me, would come across as potentially leading to controlling and jealous behaviours.
It’s also not normal that his first question is about people’s genders when you’re hanging out with friends.
There's nothing much you could do. You have already shown him proof but still, he chose not to believe you. He has already made up his mind that you lied to him, no matter how much your sis or you tried to explain.
Why would you want to be with such a person?
You need to end it before kids enter the picture. You two want different things. Religious/non-religious compatibility is very important in a relationship especially if one or both parties aren’t willing to compromise.
Thanks for your response. I know the baby idea is not great at the moment. We weren't hoping a baby would fix things. But I'll be putting a hold on this for a while until this is sorted.
It's just so hard to know what is real / my gut warning me, and what is just my insecurities at play. Most of the time I trust him and I was working through the past betrayals, our relationship was getting stronger but these recent “betrayals” (He insists he hasn't done anything wrong) really throw me.
I hope my psychologist can help me through this.
Thanks again
Well before going forward please don’t delay in asking for proof. Ask her before telling him about what she said
He never did anything to make her feel unwanted. She did. Here's why: he gave her a “what's up” then said he'll lie down. At this point, the wife comes in and demands to know why he did that, to which he said, very obviously, he has a headache. All she had to do was tell the friend that he's feeling ill and tired after a hard day at work, and apologize on his behalf. If I'm the guest, I'd be totally understanding of it, and even ask her to tend to him while I excuse myself… which is probably why she left soon. Sure he could say one extra line, but if you've had a massive headache, you don't have the willpower to say much in the first place, and as you said, he was suddenly put in this situation. All he needs to do is give her this explanation and hope she's not overly entitled, because that's a good reason for his behaviour for anyone reasonable, forget your loving significant other.
Wym ?
I decent amount is being able to support ourselves, have a savings account, if in debt just pay our bills and stay on top of it, invest, take care of our children, and be able to enjoy life. I don’t think that’s unreasonable…
You seem to be ignoring people who tell you your age gap is an issue… well consider this.
1) Does he go down on you as often as you give him head? Why does he expect you to do it if he doesn’t reciprocate? Why do you feel the need to obey and give him what he wants, even when you’re not getting the same amount of effort back? Your sex drive may not actually be lower than his. Maybe he just sucks at foreplay and doesn’t turn you on?
2) In another comment you said you don’t want him to feel a certain way if you tell him no. Nos are very normal in healthy relationships… why do you feel the need to coddle his feelings? He doesn’t care about yours. He doesn’t ask if you enjoy giving him head, he only focuses on what he wants…
3) I promise no other girl is giving him head lmao that’s why he wants it so often from you.
4) I hope he treats you with more respect and equality than you’re showing in this post. He sounds like he’s treating you like a sex reliever…
It’s not that I’m wanting to cater to him, but I do want to know how he feels and if this would become a deal breaker so I can make my choice to leave before any possibility of future hurt. I very much know that it is my hair, my choice, and in other comments I’ve stated that I still deeply plan to cut my hair either way.
I also want to take a healthy realm of his feelings into account. I want to see how he will feel, if it’ll change his attraction. If he’ll support me because it’s different with him loving me, or if his hair preferences trump his love and attraction. I need to know this from him before cutting it off you know?
first i would go pick him up at the airport but stay out of sight so you can see how the interact with each other. then when he’s home i would just check his phone. if it’s locked tell him you wanna see their chats and be honest with the reasons why. also i would be checking that she is actually married too.
This is the only advice they should read and listen to right now, fr
I had an affair at 20 with my previous husband (I'll be 40 this year). I have been honest in my relationships after him about it. And I never ever would cheat again. I spent years trying to make up for it. My ex and I are still friends and a lot happened after I cheated with him.
I guess circumstances are a good thing to ask. But once a cheater always a cheater is bs. I would never cheat on my current spouse. And in the 10 years following with my ex I never cheated again.
Well, honestly Idk. I have a long list of things that I want to eventually fix in my life. I'm just learning to love me. I'm not worried about how long it will take, as far as I care I could stay single till the day I die. Masturbation suits me fine lol. I'm not saying if an amazing girl dropped into my life and she truly loved me that I wouldn't take the chance, I'm just not seeking it out anymore. I just live one day at a time, help out and hang out with family and friends where I can and try to keep myself otherwise entertained.
It's not ABC or D It's not you An it's not her It's not condom or lube
SO WHAT IS IT? either YOU are the problem or SHE is the problem Everything everyone has said/suggested you've shut down So the only thing left is that she's also sleeping with someone else an getting it from THEM since it's not you or her
This reminds me of The White Lotus episode where Jennifer Coolidge’s character has a date with a guy she thinks is a member of the Black Lives Matter movement
So what now? Did your father approve of your marriage? If not, can you still get married?
I’m in a pretty similar boat, I’ve gained a ton of weight in the last year due to a medical condition and am not able to lose it on my own because of the same condition. I look at myself and I hate my body. That plus a low libido due to anti depressants, I can’t get myself to have sex even though I love my partner and find him insanely attractive. That being said, my partner loves every inch of me, including and especially the parts I hate… it’s been hard but talk to him about how you’re feeling but also talk to a professional. You can work out as much as you want but if you feel uncomfortable in your body, you will never be satisfied no matter what size.
Your husband loves you, every inch of you, he seems like he finds you extremely attractive, with that there is another concern here: that you’re feeling unfulfilled. Look up 101 date ideas on google and go through the list by doing each activity to see if there is something that you two like doing together but also be open about how you’re feeling in this regard, your physical needs can’t be satisfied until your emotional needs are met ❤️
I don't think she's giving the guy the “silent treatment”, it sounds like they are going through a period of high stree arguing and she is taking time out to regulate her emotions, welbeing and gather her thoughts.
Sounds right for you to leave this situation. She's not working on it, and if she does not want to be close to anyone, why is she even in a relationship?
No one should be doing all the give while their “partner” does all the take.
he wont even take responsibility? i would get checked out at a hospital and report him. he minimized what he did and tried to make you feel like youre the problem. someone who loves you would be devastated