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Let me get this straight. Your wife left you for another man. She didn't even wait before ending things with you and you are worried if waiting a month is appropriate or not.
Go for it. But don't do it for revenge. Do it for yourself.
There's more going on then you are telling
Did u ever ask him if he speaks your language
Maybe don't repeat past mistakes? You're in a real rush to marry just anybody. Even gun toting old men with hero complexes.
I agree. I think it's a bit of a red flag that he's already saying “what you think is best for us long term.” And i think you should be upfront.
“Hey I'm flattered you feel so certain about us so soon, but it's a little early to be judging me and making those comments. We are not a couple yet. We've been on one date and i did not agree to exclusivity with you. I'm exploring my options. If you want us to be an item, then we need more dates and you need to ask, not assume.”
I'm really sorry for your loss, I understand how naked this can be, about 8 years ago I was the one that found our family dog dead…I'd just let him outside a few hours before and it was the shock of my life to find him. Keep in mind that I'd always considered him the wife and kids dog. I was never mean to him or anything but I honestly didn't really go out of my way to interact with him all that much, I just sort of took him for granted…but when I found him…it broke my heart. We ended up getting him cremated but I was broken for weeks, I woke up crying about him, had nightmares that involved him…my wife even started to worry about me as I would wake up from a deep sleep just sobbing. Now you're both young, so she has time to mature, but at this point in her life, she's missing a degree of compassion, just normal human emotion that I find worrying. Even if she doesn't really care, she should have the decency to FAKE IT for your sake. If she's really gone out of her way to humiliate you over showing emotion over the loss of a family pet in this way, I'm not sure how you guys bounce back from this. Take care and good luck with this situation.
He is an empathic soul
Nope. His behaviour doesn't match that claim.
It took a while before he finally realised he had ignored me and he cried when he realised.
Or he cried when he realised that was what it would take for you to drop it. This is not a one off incident, it's a pattern of behaviour.
Let’s look at it this way: focus on the effort he put into this. Many men don’t do this. He’s listened to you over the course of your relationship about all these things that matter to you. So many men don’t do this either. It seems like he truly cares about you and what is important to you. Hopefully you’ll learn to love the ring and when you look at it, think of how much your future husband loves you.
Woah.. calm down.
Thank you ??
As always, with the disclaimer that I, as a random Reddit user, don't know anything I wasn't told here, so it's kind of like looking at a Rorschach test or whatever, my read on the situation (as someone, admittedly a man, near her age) is that she's feeling older and was looking for an opportunity to be kind of in the position of a younger sugar baby. Making her have any kind of responsibility for the situation reminded her of the reality she faced. A lot of people have a lot of denial-based coping mechanisms, which I think is a bad thing, because like in Jurassic Park, “life finds a way.”
Hey everyone – I found the Trumper!
Yes
I’m glad it seems you guys have found a system that works for you guys OP 🙂
No, you're the one who is toxic. You need mental help.
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Considering the drama is in the process of exploding, maybe my tactic should be to try and divert their attention whenever they look they're thinking about it? Trying to make my cover story more convoluted is backfiring.
He's using you & probably doesn't actually consider you as his real woman. You should accept that you're never getting your money back & officially end the “relationship”. Then just try to grind & save as much as possible until you slowly build your situation back up.
So she works at the same company as her ex who she left because he was violent and abusive and he holds a high ranking position in the company over her? How messed up in the head is she???
Would it be a mistake to quietly plan my exit?
It would be a mistake not to.
Maybe it's lost in the rambling but I state in the post that everything discussed in the post bar her weight gain and poor hygiene have been discussed. All of it repeatedly.
And yes I do have a job (again mentioned above), I work the same hours she does.
Honestly looks like you're looking to have a problem with my post rather than say anything helpful for either of us?
Thank you. I really appreciate your help. I was feeling very alone and lost.
So it's more about not getting time with her than the guys. Got it.
Honestly I'd just talk to her and say that you feel like you're not getting as much time with her as you'd like and work on making something work.
To bars and clubs until 2am
There was no reason for him to leave the party with that girl unless it was to cheat on you. I’m really sorry, how gross of him.
Why? The modern world seems so intent on torturing people that now it's not acceptable for 2 adults only 6 years apart to be together? Lifes too short and they are happy, let them live.
It’s so classic! Just as my ex was about to move forward and make the separation he had with his ex partner permanent she brought him back in and is now asking for a marriage and baby ?
Under no circumstances should you get pregnant with this man. Don’t consider it, and don’t you dare let it happen accidentally. If you have a baby with him you will come to know regret like you cannot currently fathom.
I’ve been there, done that. I got out after 15 years. How many years will you give this??
He’s gone. Just do it. File for divorce. Do it soon. Get out.
No wonder she Kelsey was disrespectful to your side piece. Because you made one a side piece, and one a plan b.
You’ve been keeping both options on the table the whole time, they know it, and you wonder why you are an ah. ?
Your happiness depends on you, not her. Go to a therapist if you need too
Yeah that's childish. Your treating them like a child that didn't finish his meal so no pudding. How would you feel if they just said OK and got up and went out for dinner and left you to eat your meal for one? Can't just keep punishing each other. Talk, apologise if necessary and move on.
Did you decide to list all the ways you messed up just in the title of the post?
I mean. Lots of good advice.
Maybe start with asking her what she thinks is a good gift for a bf and a good gift for a gf. Does she just expect her BF to spend loads of cash on her without reciprocating? Does she just not have any money? Is this going to be a one-sided relationship, or did she not get you much because you didn't ask for much and she wants lists?
On the surface, she seems selfish. But. Benefit of the doubt. Let's ask her about why the discrepancy, but not accuse her of anything and see what she says. Move on from there.
Congratulations on being able to leave! It's not easy but you did it!
Be clear to your gf – you are a couple and as such you take precedence. If he can not deal with her meeting/being with you – he is not a friend – he is a guy with a crush.
Then tell her – it is natural that you meet her friends – if not there is something serious wrong with the friendship and she would then start to think what was more important to her.
Personally I think she should be a bit careful around him – he is clearly having some issues. Best of all
And you're offended by this why?
You think that you can just show up and get a prize?
What if she had a change of mindset and realized that she wants someone who she connects with first, instead of someone whose there to use her.
Not even a consideration at that age and length of relationship.
You need therapy because although he may be a mama's boy you're depend on ppl so you don't feel lonely. Get to know yourself, date yourself for a while. If not you'll just keep ending up in relationships that go no where.
She is getting her hopes up that you’re the one and she’s already setting all these goals for the two of you.
Some people are stressed if they haven’t found their life partner and you must check the boxes she thinks she wants. You may check the boxes for her, but does she check the boxes for you?
I think people should date for a minimum of 2 years before proposing. You need to make sure you still enjoy time with her after some of the new wears off and you need to see how she views the world and if she has a good attitude.
Women who want a family are under pressure biologically. Most of these type of women see themselves married with kids by 30. They are afraid to date someone for 2-3 years and then get broken up with and have to restart.
If she is trying to trap you by getting pregnant you need to break up with her. I think either way you need to sit down and talk about your expectations. She should be respectful of that but you also need to try to understand her side.
My mom couldn't stand my wife. She called her a b*tch and constantly degraded her. That was the way she was and she always had issues. Her main problem is that she didn't like any woman that was with me and wanted me to herself. My wife and I have been married for a quite a long time. My mom passed away, and I miss her, but I never put her above my wife.
I know it sucks, but keep in mind that it may not be personal. You could be a goddess and you might still get the same reaction. Minimize contact if you can. For me it was easy, I lived a thousand miles away from my mom and I felt bad for her that she was unhappy, yet supported my wife. We still occasionally visited, but only a handful of times.
And my wife…she was 100% in support of me having a good relationship with my mom…because her mom died when she was young.
Just because he doesn’t brush his teeth often doesn’t change the fact that he dislikes the smell of your vagina. I don’t understand why comments here are so focused on the teeth thing, and if his breath is a problem for you then communicating that is ideal. If you care about him and your relationship, it might be worth addressing the concern with a doctor. Yes women have natural smells, but some women do have uncomfortable smells that prevent their partner from wanting to engage sexually. That is a very reasonable thing to discuss even if it makes you feel awkward. Some choices are to seek a doctors advice, ignore your partner’s concerns, or consider new ways to be intimate where the smell he claims to be bothered by isn’t a factor. If his penis smelled bad to you, it would also be fair to address that, so this goes both ways.
Depending on how he expressed this concern, you may or may not be overreacting. Was he gentle and considerate when telling you, or was he accusatory and rude, etc? Think about how he brought this up to you and decide if it came from a place of genuine concern and love. Maybe you clarified more about the relationship and this situation in other comments, if so I haven’t seen them, but I don’t think this is something to break up over or be very upset about. Try not to view this as him having the “audacity” to share his feelings with you. Assuming he is genuine, accepting his willingness to share his concerns with the person he cares about is a more positive mindset to have and could lead to a deeper, more meaningful relationship. Best of luck OP!
Are you connected with her family? If so, let them know she's threatening suicide and you are worried about her. Another option would be reaching out to police non-emergency and asking what resources exist for mental health wellness checks.
But, ultimately, you need to hand this off to someone else and make it clear that you take those threats seriously and will hand them off to appropriate resources (that aren't you.)
If he wants privacy in his discussions about me he will be smart to do it somewhere else besides a few feet from where I'm sleeping. Otherwise, he should assume I'm hearing and and the same applies to me vis a vis him.
So every guy posts his ex’s nudes?
This sub is for asking for advice, not venting your immature rants.
You duck
I Iove how your brother can pick and choose his wedding date and location, you cannot do the same with your graduation and that's somehow comparable.
I don't know where you're at but if you have a small claims court there then just threaten to take them to small claims in a text and see what they say..If you have zero proof that you loaned it to her than you might be SOL. Let this be a lesson though to never loan money to ANYONE especially since it seems as though you can't really afford to.
Wait so he's been abusive from the start , with her yet she is JUST now coming forward being a nut case blaming you?? Why didn't she blame you the 1st time he was abusive?
I have tried to ask about puppies as well but he doesn't even want to be exposed to that :/
Kinda sounds like he molested his younger sister…
Cheating doesn’t affect custody.
You don't have to stay and that is totally okay. She has to face her demons on her own because literally she can't cause other people pain because of her bs behaviour. It is mot that she got assaulted and then turned to drinking she has the drinking problem that opens up all the dangers in the world. You can't stay in that toxic relationship. She has to own up and put the work with the professionals.
That’s true. Very straight to the point. I’m hesitant to tell her because I don’t know if it’s going to bring more harm than good at this point. I didn’t see it wrong at the time and now I do, therefore I’m not doing it anymore.. idk if I just be hurting her for no reason
This is a huge lifestyle, value and relationship boundary issue that I don't think is going away anytime soon you guys don't now or probably won't ever see eye to eye about it and at least one of you is going to be had unhappy regardless. Divorce.
I don't feel cool. I'm usually pretty calm and collected but fuck this is stressful I don't know how anyone does this …serial daters are out of their minds.
Get out of this any way you can.
You are not responsible for for him and his own actions.
You deserve more than this
No…
There is literally no world in which threatening your partner with violence or a knife over a disagreement is okay. No, not even “as a joke”, or even if they “didn’t really mean it”, or even if you “made them really angry”. Sometimes an abuser will wait until you’re pregnant to start showing their violent side, since they think you won’t leave.
I never intend to date her or make her my girlfriend. That's why I said we are just friends. The love is hormonal, she is always in my mind. I only want her as a friend and I have always told her that
Why should he? He is used to the standard of living and security his parents provide. Face it…he’s not going to marry you. And even if he did, he would never change his ways and grow up. I lived through this.
Yea, maybe. I've never said anything to him and probably never will. When I had terrible acne, I was so glad when someone came along beside me and said, let's figure this out together. Clearly the things you are doing aren't working and there's a gut issue going on. Turns out, I had an autoimmune disease. We did the naked work and healed together. If nobody had told me that what I was doing was futile, I'd have gotten worse and been sick and scarred. I'm so glad someone did that for me.
sadly, that's correct. I don't think it's okay for him or anyone to make a move on a 17yo (she turns 18 this month but yea it's still not okay imo). Hence the rage I felt towards him and his superficiality.
Hello, you are too kind! I hope you find someone good for you
You’re 18. You leave. There is no reason to negotiate here.
Honestly naked to tell when you are specific about her possible pay rate ($16/hr) and vague about yours (“pay well”). Very different situation if she makes half what you do versus 1/10th etc. I make 1% of what my wife makes!!
I tried this and it worked haha BF 19 me 26