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If everyone feels the same, then you could all go complain together. He's a crappy roommate, but all of you are crazy if you've not realized this is the way.
Honestly idk, I’ll have to ask
Just ask him.
“Hey, want to grab some coffee sometime? It's a shame that we haven't taken the time to meet up yet!”
I’m with your husband.
He is no obligated to have people in his home ( your home) that disturb the peace.
Your husband comes first.
You need to talk to her and tell her she cannot stay with you in your home. But you can help her stay in a motel/ hotel and on the basis that she gets proper mental care and under the care of therapists.
You’re not her therapist. You’re not a hotel. And it’s not his job to canter to her mental illness.
We never want to believe the worst in the people we love, especially when it comes to something super serious like assault. This particular situation is so grey that it'll take some time to figure out how these realities intersect and what you feel about it after. We appreciate updates for sure, but take your time with this!
….and this is Your problem, How again?
Its your brother, right?
And its your Brothers' wife, Right?
Where do you fit into this shit, other than because you are intrusive?
Mind your own Business and let them work their shit out. FWIW.
Only certain thing, for better or worse, they won't ever have the same relationship they had previously.
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The reason Ive said this is because some people wont SHOW their bad and violent side until you tell the truth. Ive just heard many stories from many trans people that date, and most of them are horror stories. I cant put myself in their shoes, but the least I can do is sympathise with their struggles and maybe realize it cant always be that easy. Plus, youd be surprised how many people there are out there that have a fetish for trans people so its not always easy to say it up front.
But ofc, many do just that, be upfront
This is the behavior of a sexual predator. You're fiance probably isn't the person you think that they are.
I think marrying this person would be one of the worst decisions you could make.
I think the fact that this is your first relationship is also just proving the point.
You have no experience in relationships and don't know what to expect, so anything he does you'll assume is fine, even if it isn't.
Huge issues here and I suggest to take your cousins advice and that of hundreds of other people and break this off.
Unfortunately, that is how it is- in most states anyway.
So many people don't find their passions or their career goals until later on in life. People become authors at 40 or 80. Some people have no career goal and are just content to work any job that pays the bills. Both are normal and perfectly fine. She seems happy as she is?
A broken relationship is a broken relationship and that trust can NEVER be recovered. Even if you two went to date once more he would be so so aware of every single move you do, who are you friends with, etc
Do you really want to go down the toxic spiral of “I want you but only sometimes”? Isnt the kind of unhappy relationship you guys have what made you cheat in the first place?
As some other people said, it is just toxic and he may also find it justifiable to cheat back because “if you can justify this because you are unhappy then so can I”
Just dont, pack your things up and get out by your own volition so both of you can be freed from this relationship, one of you two need to take the first step, because you are conscious of whats going on, imo, you shouldnt wait for him to take it or he will take it when someone else comes by even after you reconcile (cheating I mean)
It sounds like he has moved on. It hurts, but you need to start doing the same thing. Sorry he broke your heart. You will heal.
L
Just because a dude has a low sex drive doesn’t mean something is wrong with him?
You're right, this situation does involve a large amount of nuance, and there's no way that a post in a subreddit would be able to show that
Hey, you're young, plenty of fish of the sea that dont sleep with their ex and then blame it on mental illness.
What a jerk. Him even bringing it up to them is totally unnecessary and stupid.
So your bf drove you and picked you up and made you dinner for something non emergency related, and you are upset because he wants to unwind?
Ok I am all for change and growth, but you can't make him change or grow. He needs to do some of this work on his own but it sounds like he isn't interested at this time.
you cant 'change' him but you can definitely let him know that you wont live! that way and you wont on-line with someone who would. If he doesnt show consistent effort to make changes to his hygiene and cleanliness or his surroundings, you WILL NOT live! with him and may not stay with him. you have to be firm and direct but not accusatory or demeaning.
Heartbreaking isn’t it
Right! She was probably afraid that it would be a dealbreaker for him. But he deserved to know, sooner rather than later. In the end, if this is the case, then she’s a bit of a coward for not having the courage to tell him as soon as she was certain. Waiting so close to the wedding was not the best idea.
A couple of my friends had crushes on him that he didn't pick despite them being more beautiful
You've been with a married guy for 3+ years??
Jesus dude this sounds exhausting. Are you supposed to not have eyes? Is this really what you want for the rest of your life? Think about that seriously. Youve2 been together 4 years. You've got, hopefully, a good 60 years of life left. That is 15x as long as you have been together now. Do you want that? Get her in therapy for at least a year before you get married. Unravelling and dealing with this will take time.
No problem! It’s tough when you like someone as a friend but feel bad not liking them more. I’ve been in that girls shoes myself and I always appreciated gentle honesty over being led on.
Your times a ticking. So what if she decides to go for her doctors after? He’s going to ask you to wait a few more years ??
Take it from someone who allowed to be halted in his growth because of a jealous gf: that relationship won’t last and ultimately you missed multiple opportunities which would have been lasting. For instance: I decided not to follow through to get my master degree because she didn’t want me to be in another city during the week.
To the piece of shit that responded to me calling me names and accusing me of not reading the initial post, you can fuck straight off. I read the original post and shared my thoughts, which is what this forum is for. Reddit won’t let me see your reply so I cannot post a direct response. Just because you don’t agree with my opinion on the matter doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me or I didn’t read the original post. Seriously, go fuck yourself.
So I have a dark sense of humour, I'm English so it is kinda part of our culture, but that isn't an excuse for this. Racism isn't funny, a dark humour is not an excuse to be racist and you know knowing that makes me think that you are kinda racist.
All of this, I also want to add that on top of what this person wrote it's completely unreasonable for her to be mad over you having female friends and even saying you shouldn't talk to women that aren't her. That's a bit of a red flag, imo.
I kind of feel like this is around the time relationships get weird and its maybe a phase.. but I do agree its too soon to be feeling like this
She cheated man. I get that it’s not the same since it was with a woman, but the fact that she allowed herself to be put in a situation to cheat, along with the fact that she engaged enthusiastically despite being married, means she doesn’t respect your marriage. If she will cheat with a woman, who’s to say she won’t cheat with a man? Both of those acts betray your marriage, and she had no problem doing it this time.
Amanda has complete contempt for your marriage. She couldn’t care less that you two are married and is actively trying to destroy your marriage. She’s a threat, and if your wife isn’t willing to completely cut her out of your lives for good, there is no coming back from this. If your wife doesn’t do this on her own or sometime down the line tries to reconnect with Amanda, it will just show how seriously your wife takes this.
Either way, you should consult an attorney to make sure you’re in a good position to divorce, whether you decide to do that or not.
Money, I’m on a work contract so I can’t just quit, everything is expensive and I don’t have enough savings to cover the cost. I also don’t have anyone around here that could help. Maybe in a couple months I’ll have enough money.
He is aware that prenups exist, right? Completely valid if he does not want to get married tho, this might be one of those irreconcilable differences or just being incompatible…
As a married woman in her 30s, she cheated. I would never go up to another man’s hotel room at 1 am. She has a history of cheating even if it was prior to marriage.
Just say “thank you” and don't expect him to be able to read your mind. He clearly thought he was doing something nice for you and unless he's a regular spa goer himself he likely doesn't have a clue which ones are better (or which you'd have preferred). It's the thought that counts, OP.
OMG do NOT move in with this man. He's blaming you FOR HIS PROBLEMS THAT ARE HIS RESPONSIBILITY. On top of this, he's showing how he deals with stuff: when stuff gets naked he looks for reasons outside of himself to blame and SURPRISE SURPRISE, YOU'VE been identified as the thing to blame. Your life will be miserable if you move in with him, you deserve to feel desired and exciting, and the fact that this guy has some real issues he isn't willing to look at means you'd be spending a LOT of time explaining why you deserve attention and consideration. GOOD LUCK
I think this is really something you need to ask your girlfriend about more directly.
When she complains that you “don't get/understand her struggles at work”, you need to ask more questions about what she would actually like from you, what she feels like she is currently missing from you, and what she expects from you overall as a supportive partner in this context.
It's not your “job” to fully comprehend what her specific work struggles entail, what her work conditions are like, and so on. You're not her coworker, you're her boyfriend, and unless your respective careers have any overlap, it's unreasonable for either of you to expect the other to have expert-level knowledge of what the other goes through on a daily basis.
Your “job” here is to figure how you can best support her in decompressing when she's at home, and if what you're already doing isn't good enough, you need to talk to her about what she would actually like from you. To me, it sounds like you're already doing all of the right things, but if your girlfriend either doesn't notice those things or don't find them to be supportive enough, then maybe she has different things in mind when she tells you she feels unheard or misunderstood.
U dodged a bullet brah. She ain't the one. Move on and don't take shit like that again
And I think he would have been OK showing the text messages (even though disappointed in the lack of trust) if they were innocent messages.
She’s cheated on you before, broken up several times, etc. You gotta move on bro
Find out where and when, be waiting by the car after. Boom