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Casually tell her that you like her. “You know, I like you”. Might work
Maybe do it over video chat. You have been apart a long time. It might make it easier on you both
men are less risk averse than women
What are you even saying lol
I have been where he is. He's probably convinced your relationship is worth any sacrifices either of you could make. He's probably convinced you will come around and love him like Stockholm Syndrome but that in your case He's not doing anything illegal or immoral so he has the right ideas for you.
You're probably done with the gaslighting, the concerted efforts to win back your favor, the self resentment on top of resenting him for trying to keep you.
Men typically want peace, freedom, to know where our next meal and piece of tail are coming from. And we are willing to fight for all of those until we have them. Then we expect to 'own' them until we no longer desire them and they're just there as toys in a box – or in the words of songstress Christina Perri, a Jar of Hearts.
Ask yourself this – is there ANYTHING he could do or say to repair your relationship and resume building a life together? If the answer is no, go home to your parent(s) and offer them 2/3 what you're paying now so you can save thr other third to get back on your feet. If they'll take less, GREAT.
If the answer is yes, but it's unlikely, do what I said above.
If it's feasible, tell him he exactly what he needs to correct – he has 6 months to show marked improvement in what's wrong with your lives. And you do the same, tell yourself what to correct and do it. Tell him at the end of the 6 months, it's action on the decision time. If there isn't significant e ought improvement OR you still want to leave, DO LEAVE. If you've already done this (and been clear about it) then call time of death. You BOTH deserve more.
Me and my wife have been together now for 17years. It was supposed to be a one night stand. We ended up falling in love. Neither of us started out thinking it would be a lifelong commitment, yet here we are. At one time maybe that's what it was meant to be. But he fell in love. Odd that he would say that to a kid who 7 years ago was like what? 9 or 10? That part was a bit shocking to me i guess
Lol. This is just wrong. Go to any college town and see 100 versions of a similar joke from people who will be normal adults in 5 years.
Block her. She’s abusing you, and causing huge amounts of stress. It’s great that she was there for you, but right now she’s causing way more harm then good.
“Is this cheating?” Cannot be a serious question.
Good! Hope things go awesomely for y'all!
i would focus on the real issue, his adhd, not the age gap like u did
boomer
I know man, I’m just in love with her. It’s been a long time since I opened up to anyone and I’ve been hoping she will do better but no one ever changes, not truly. Thank you, brother.
Take your time.Be honest about your feelings to her.It might be that you are just not ready to commit to a marriage yet and you are comfortable the way things are.Things change however,people change.See if your GF is willing to consider allowing more time and if you feel differently later.
The fact that you love her unconditionally is more important than anything else.
Yes, that is literally what people are talking about in this thread. Jeez, almost like you shouldn’t just trust someone because they’re a woman you’re fucking.
I don’t think I could ever forgive a man for doing this to me. I don’t have any advice. I’m just so sorry you have such a shitty baby daddy
About a year of being together.
You’re all assholes for putting what you want over what a child needs. First off, you’ve been dating this guy for seven months and are already putting restrictions on how much involvement he can have with a child that might be his, because you want his firsts to be with your children together? And you think he shouldn’t have involvement with this child because she should have just had an abortion like you did?
That sounds absolutely psychotic. I feel bad for this child. Also any children you two might have.
He’s never used my car to see her. There was another time after the bus, but that was with a rental car (not out of the ordinary- he rents them sometimes). He was in the same town she was in for an event and she reached out and he went over there. I saw the messages they only reconnected after we broke up (4 years no contact).
He has been amazing to me. He’s been amazing to our family and stepping up way more than before with my hectic schedule. Going to church with me. Having several date nights a week. Things have been great between us so honestly I would’ve never suspected it.
This is his responsibility. Not yours. Him telling you to do more to make him feel better is just ridiculous. He’s refusing to take ownership of his feelings and putting you in charge of them. That’s a very immature thing to do.
I guarantee if he just ‘faked’ it for a week or so and actually tried to remind himself what it was like when he was happy, he’d see the world with a whole new perspective. It’s great he tried things, but he needs to keep trying and stop putting you in charge of this.
Does he have a good friend back in another city? Perhaps send him there for a long weekend or surprise him by bringing his friend to him. Maybe that will help him recharge his batteries a bit.
How do you treat the dog?
Not all consent is verbal, yes.
But there is no consent able to be given when she was asleep. She happened to wake up.
It's all well and good setting a boundary, and she should do that if she wants to stay with him. But I'm sure it's a pretty standard boundary to not grab someone's hand, and make them touch your genitals without asking. Especially when they're asleep. And these types of moves shouldn't be made before a boundary is placed in the first place.
How would she have shown she wasn't interested had she not woken up? How do we know their intent was to wake her up and initiate sex? We don't. I'm going off of what we're told. And what we're being told is that he took the hand of an unconscious person and placed it on his genitals. He made them preform a sexaul act without consent. That's sexual assault.
Okay, and where was this video taken? Where was it originally uploaded? And who owns the video? Does it portray anyone in a defamatory way? Think critically. You said these people couldn’t get it taken down at all (which you’ve now edited bc you know you’re wrong). Where did I say anything but these people have legal recourse for getting their video taken off the internet? Have some humility. You can be wrong sometimes.
Ugh, an asshole like that will cause everyone around him to have health issues because of all the stress he puts on everyone, I think you did the right thing OP and if your ex ever asks then tell her the truth, that it's because of her FATHER.
There are polyamorous people and even whole groups that really dislike the notion that it’s simply an open relationship when they want people to understand that they take it much more seriously than that. If you look at OPs response to my first comment, she seems to understand this.
Some family things CANNOT be resolved. You are not his savior.
It never was green. He may have hidden his red flags from you in the beginning, but they were never green. He was always like this. He was always going to do this. His last girlfriend got away, so he learned to take a little more time before showing his true colors. But they were always going to come out. You can believe what every single person on this post tells you, or you can leave your head in the sand. It’s your choice -your life – but remember you have been warned and given very sound advice. Do NOT quit your job. Make a plan to leave.
Did you ask him why? If he's not normally a jerk for no reason but suddenly couldn't get away from you fast enough because of this one oddly specific thing there's probably some backstory there that has nothing to do with you. It's hot to say if this is a giant red flag or him trying to get some space when something triggered him until he could figure out how to cope or address it without knowing the why.
She needs to not procreate with this guy at all.
How old is your baby? Do you just have the one? How is your baby’s sleep schedule? How much do you help support your wife? Around the house? With the baby? What else is going on in your life? What exactly does your wife say when she brings up the Xmas gift?
It sounds like your wife may have overreacted a little by calling 911 immediately after discovering that you’d fed honey to the baby. The recommended advice seems to be to monitor the baby for signs of allergic reaction and infant botulism. The overreaction is kind of understandable though since both those afflictions can be life-threatening
The thing about the vacuum is pretty funny. I have ADHD and that (and maybe accidentally feeding the baby honey) I can definitely see myself accidentally purchasing a vacuum that plugged into a car instead of a regular outlet. I feel like I’d be totally deserving of endless ridicule for the former and for the latter I’d be pretty distraught knowing I put my baby’s life at risk.
So I have to ask—how did you react in these situations, OP? Did you get bent out of shape when she made fun of you for the Xmas present? Did you under-react after discovering you put your baby at risk of a life threatening illness?
Did you apologize?
Also, if your wife has been under a lot of stress or is low on sleep (due to, let’s say, having a new baby), maybe you could step up an help her out more
Congratz, you got yourself a golddigger. Run.
Giving me overly clingy gf vibes and she’s not even his gf…. Looking real yikes already
I don't know about you but my routine when I get home is to change into comfy clothes, wash and moisturize my face, maybe do my evening stretches. That would be enough time for him to make a serious dent in a sink of dishes. If you do anything similar, you could give him a “last minute” warning: he gets tf off the computer right away and does the dishes while you get ready to cook or is on his own for dinner.
There's also lots that even a poor cook can do to help prep dinner (chopping veggies, fetching and putting away ingredients, washing as you go). He could also set an alarm on his phone, say an hour before bed, to remind him to go do the dishes if he hasn't already.
Those are both more conciliatory/kinder than I think he deserves, tbh. I'd rather be single than tolerate someone treating me like that. It's not the dishes, it's that you said “I'm struggling and this is important to me” and he couldn't spare 20 minutes to make a huge difference in your mental health. I know that sometimes we feel that we're being petty because it's just dishes, but it's actually about whether you can trust and depend on your partner. There's nothing bigger than that.
I read something the other day about an abusive relationship. The OP didn't accept how bad her current relationship was because her formative years/home life had been horrendous. New guy looked pretty good by comparison.
I'm going to focus on one tiny little thing: don't make fun of me or my body. If this alone needs multiple repetitions to get through his head, he is abusing you.
You do have it in you to restart. Ask yourself this: would you like to raise a daughter with him and have her end up with a man who treats her the way he treats you? Because that is the model you are building. Give yourself the love you are desperately trying to pour onto him. He isn't worth it. But you surely are. Good luck OP.
We’ve been trying actually. I graduate in the summer so we had waited until the birth would be after that. Obviously we will not be trying more anytime soon.
Start running errands about the time she gets out of work. Call her back with 15 minutes left in her commute.
Paternity tests will never be mandatory so you can keep dreaming lol
Women in relationships would have a problem with being asked to do a test because it shows that their partner doesn’t trust them. The test itself is not the issue, it’s the lack of trust in a life partner that is the issue.
That’s why casual partners are a whole different standard.
I fully support a man not claiming responsibility for a child that comes from a casual hook up, until he has proof.
I’m also fine with men suing in the case they’ve been defrauded about paternity. Not sure why anybody would have an issue with that, although the courts would also have to evaluate how the case would affect the child stuck in the middle.
If you're not pregnant run. This paranoia is just the beginning.
I don't understand women like you. He's wasted your prime, you've paid for almost everything , done part of his job and COOKED while he gets to sit around and play games and you're concerned about setting him up financially? Are you trolling? Who was the primary carer for the kids, who has done most of the housework? If that's you he's gotten a free ride out of life. He's also only 41 he will have no trouble getting a younger girl to mooch off of since they might be as naive and generous as you were. The only thing he'll miss is your funds. You on the other hand have had your time, money AND energy spent with not much in return (dishes and laundry…that's it?) Please talk to a lawyer and do what's best FOR YOU. This is YOUR life, stop playing supporting role to someone else. Do you not feel rage that he's gotten off so easy? Imagine the words you would have been called if you as a woman sat around doing only dishes, laundry while your husband worked, did part of your job, cooked and managed the day to day. The law can decide how much he deserves based on his non- monetary contribution to the household/child care.
Most likely bad plumbing. My great Grandma's house had bad issues of roots getting into the lines. And those roots would easily catch if someone used a little too much toilet paper. A big wad of toilet paper (plus roots) would cause a plug and back things up and cause a huge (and expensive) mess! So that was the rule at her house. It was an old house.
You should read her comment about him receiving an inheritance
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Hey everybody. I don't even know where to start. I only got about 3 hours of sleep last night because of this.
So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. When we first started dating, he told me about an ex that wanted an open relationship to which he refused at the time. I told him I could never picture myself being in one or sharing my partner with anybody else, and he agreed.
You guys, I did everything for this man for a year. I went above and beyond for him, I basically took every part of his life and made it better. I may not be confident in a lot of things but i'm confident that I was a damn good girlfriend. Even his family sometimes would be in awe and tell him how he'll never “find a woman like me nowadays”.
Anyways, the thing is, my boyfriend was going through a lot towards the end of the relationship. He lost his job and it was just a bad time for him in general. I made sure to help him as much as I could but we ended up breaking up because I came to the realization that he was bare minimum-ing me the whole relationship.
He was the “im sorry that's how you feel” boyfriend. Or the boyfriend that starts a fight with you when you try to talk to him about how you feel.
So we ended up breaking up due to him “not having enough energy and responsibility to be in a relationship”. But we don't stop communicating.
We talk, we text, we communicate better, everything has been better since the breakup and he suddenly turned into the man I fell in love with.
One day, out of the blue, he told me that he wants to be with me until the day he dies but there's a catch. He wants to be able to sleep with other people. He wants to share me and I share him with other men and women. He says he wants to explore himself because he has supressed his sexuality all his life.
Guys, I really need you to understand that i'm not judging this part. I am just shocked. I am shocked that this is suddenly happening and the thought of him touching somebody else makes me sick to my stomach. I'm not the type of girl that handles these kinds of relationships, I want one partner to do everything with.
We've been crying together every single day over the reality of things. We have loops of conversations of him wanting it and me not wanting it and “where that leaves us”.
All this time, he was very apologetic for not telling me earlier. He was very apologetic for hurting me. For surprising me like that.
But yesterday, he lashed out. He told me that me not wanting to try is me giving up on us. When I heard that sentence, I immediately lost it. I have been such a good sport (when I shouldnt have) when he told me. I shut the fuck up about it and did whatever I could do to keep us in eachother's lives.
I'm crying my fucking eyes out writing this post and picturing him fucking somebody else. I am inlove with this man and he says i'm giving up on us because I dont want to watch him fuck someone else.
I am shattered, I am absolutely shattered. I was hoping that someday i'll gather the strength to downgrade and be his friend. This is the only way we get to keep eachother. But being attacked for not wanting this? Oh that absolutely crushed me.
I'm not eating, im not sleeping, my health is deteriorating over this. I'm so in love with this person I dont know what to do with myself. I csnt imagine not knowing how his day went or not speaking to him again.
Please.. somebody tell me what to do. Please
If in your mind it's a foregone conclusion that she'll cheat on you you clearly can't stay in this relationship. You clearly don't trust her and therefore shouldn't be with her.
Yeah, I’m painfully self aware and have BPD and constantly second guess myself, even when I was writing that comment lol. It’s exhausting! Thankfully now I now have more confidence in knowing what feelings are reasonable and which ones are my BPD going nuts.