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you were both in poly relationships or you were both cheating garbage?
Really hope it's something like that
Just tell the husband, it's her mistake, if it comes out later, maybe the husband gets to you. Better be before her. She fucked up, not you.
Did she have therapy for this? Because it's an issue she is going to need to fix. Don't change but just keep doing you.
They're your standards to set. If it bothers you then date someone who doesn't do that. Lots of ppl aren't ok with their partners watching any porn.
Leia actually said it to Luke first, in ESB Cloud City before Vader's trap was sprung. But for some reason people only attribute the line to Admiral Ackbar in RotJ.
Yeah I read that and went “yeah you fucking are”
Okay so he keeps lying and gaslighting you, he insults you and you've only been dating 4 months and he's already pressuring you into marrying him?
If I were you I would be asking myslef how I got together with him in the first place.
It seems like his friend was doing that. He was ignoring OPs “sinful” ways and being a friend to him.
I'd hate to see your shower
Nothing worse than a friend you have to babysit in social settings.
Now I know people have open relationships and are happy in it but I am not one of them. I am a simple guy who wants a monogamous relationship.
Tell her that. Just because she can imagine herself being in an open relationship doesn't mean that she wants or needs to do it.
I'm glad you're at a place where you're okay with food now. Food is very important for you. I hope many more days of good food days 🙂
One more thing to be aware of though, theres also been cases of the actual birth mother showing as not having the same DNA but then they find out she has some special rare condition where she really has 2 different DNA’s inside her. The child really was hers, but genetically the daughter took the secondary DNA that isnt shown on moms DNA tests.
Its been years since i read the story so i dont have the exact details and probably said some things wrong, but its wild to think that you can give birth to a kid, theyre 100% from you and nobody else, but because of a rare DNA Quirk theyre born and are 0% related to you
Protect your child from literal pain. The grandparents are not important in this situation. Hire a babysitter of find some other solution.
A car is a big gift. It comes with a lot of strings. There are taxes, the insurance price may change, it’s not something that everyone can afford to accept as a gift. Even if she can, her boyfriend may feel that it is his place to provide for her, not yours and that your gift is in some way pointing out his deficiency. Also it seems like the kind of gift you get for someone you are more than friends with. He might feel threatened by you because it seems like you are into his girlfriend.
He took his own life, he dealt with addiction for a long time. Had recently relapsed prior
Restraint is another form of physical abuse. You should tell him as much. Don't take all the guilt here on yourself.
This was waaaay too long with no point. What advice do you want?
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Uh… why does your ex wife know about the status of your current underwear…
If it keeps eating you up then I'll vote for sending him a message that you do not appreciate his change I'n behavior without saying something about it. But be prepared for him to act like he did not change but then ghost you after anyways. But maybe sending one will help you close off that chapter.
You didn't answer the question.. what she will love about Toronto? What she'll do there? Will you live! in DT or somewhere else? She'll only have you there, are you enough for her happiness? Are you loving and caring boyfriend?
Seriously weird.
Why does it matter if he’s bi or not? There are 4 billion other women on the world and he hasn’t spent your relationship wishing he slept with them. He wants you. Just like you said, you’re bi but I doubt youll leave your bf to sleep with men/women that aren’t him.
He needs to make the choice and make it final. Either commit to you or leave you and try and have sex with a guy. He can’t have his cake and eat it too, and if he EVER brings it up again you need to make that very clear.
is it an addiction? is he going to school or working? Is he capable of functioning as a 21 year old man? Can he maintain an election with you? Is he looking at porn to jerk off and then going about his day?
He's also there for me when I'm not doing well. And I am aware that we will most likely both die before he's done refusing to get help. The matter is, there's nothing and nobody else I'd rather spend my life with – being alone would be just as much a waste of my time as being with him.
No
Completely agree.
The “my wife can't take birth control, so we have 6 kids” excuse is nonsense.
It's like they both forgot that condoms exist. Hell even pullout method, while not reliable, is better than nothing.
I wouldn’t be cold, that can work against you. I’ve found that being friendly and polite does a lot more to disarm people. But I definitely recommend taking a more active approach and see where it leads you. Someone ignoring you in front of him is blatantly rude, so next time introduce yourself, or ask him to, and just start talking to her. In addition to taking charge, his reaction will tell you a lot.
I'm usually an introvert but when I drink I'm this fun, partying type of person. A mutual friend told me the next day that D had called him (since he's our only mutual friend) and told him what happened and that i had come on quite strong and rejected me. So that plus the fact I had drank myself to a point of a black out and unfortunately get abused by someone else in our class that night. Plus there was a guy in our class at the time that apparently claimed we were together but we werent and threatened D after this to stay away. It's all just a lot of bad first impressions and things I don't think you can really come back from.
She's for the streets man. Get out. You don't deserve this.
Don’t drink
What about the next time he decides you need to stay home? Will you be able to justify it then, when you get fired, or miss something important because HE knows your body better than you do? Unacceptable.
Do you know why they broke up? That seems like something that should be discussed. Maybe they called it quits because they weren’t “in love” anymore and just thought it would be better as friends. While this doesn’t happen super often, it does happen. With them being friends beforehand, there’s a good chance of this. There could be numerous reasons why they broke up but you need to discuss that relationship before you allow it to affect your current relationship.
End of the day, you guys need to have a chat and discuss how you’re feeling before it gets worse. I understand he’s the first guy you’ve trusted in a while, but you can’t put that weight all on him either. Remember, interdependent not codependent.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
It sounds like they started dating when she was 17 though. A kid. If she has since realized that she might be polyamorous, or even if she’s just curious about other people, that’s understandable. She’s human. She shouldn’t pressure OP into something he has no interest in, obviously, but she’s not a bad person for asking.
I definitely think the guy is into you if he’s asking you out for drinks. That dude don’t care if you’re dating Godzilla, he’s shootings his shot. Men and women can be friends but it usually doesn’t start like that.
Regardless, your bf sounds like a real loser with this whole “beta/tamed” nonsense, so hey maybe this guy asking you out isn’t a bad thing
Lmfao I’m glad I’m not the only one who has very visceral thoughts towards these morons
It’s less the “I like you” part, more the “do you wanna do something about it?”
For me, it’s important enough that it’s discussed before the first date. If the potential date don’t want children at all (or wants 3+) then that’s an automatic dealbreaker for me. It’ll save us both time to just get that out there immediately.
If it’s just casual, then it doesn’t really matter (though obviously bc/abortion/STDs etc would need to be discussed first).
Why is everyone talking about gym memberships , that last long text looked like she was lining up evidence
Just cancel you card and change gyms , I would want serious space from this person
I would be tempted to look at it like a clumsy first couple months resulting in a relationship that started AFTER that. First couple months of any relationship can be surreal at times.
Still 6 wonderful years from then on, right? That's what, 72ish months of a relationship with no hiccups?
It's still fresh in your mind….give it some more time. But definitely look at it like the relationship started 2 months after it did and it took that amount of time to fully win her over.
As someone who's partner asked for an open marriage (and I said “no” for the same reasons you list), I would highly recommend – if you want to work through things – start couples counseling and insist on transparency and on your own boundaries.
Frankly, it is likely that he already has someone in mind. This is not an “out of the blue” sort of request from my own experience (and reading).
What's the legit proof?
wow you are a coward
The fact that this made it to a Reddit post is a bad sign. It’s a bad sign that he’s fighting so much for an apology on something so small. It’s a bad sign that you refuse to apologize for something that you can acknowledge had a negative impact on him. You both sound pretty exhausting honestly. It’s absolutely dumb of him to be pushing for an apology here, but it’s also absolutely dumb of you to refuse to give one since it’s clearly important to your partner and doing so would have no negative impact on you.
For me, the issue would be that my partner was more focused on my physical appearance more than my health. Looks matter, but I couldn't be with someone who would break into tears because I gained a modest amount of weight during a time where I had a heavy academic workload.
What if you get a chronic disease that impacts your ability to bike or run. You could still be healthy but staying below a certain weight could be almost impossible. What about the general decline in your metabolism,wrinkles, etc from natural aging? You definitely need to talk about these things because it'll just continue to eat at you and your self image.
Yeah girl this isn’t healthy or ok at all. You got get outta there for your sons sake
So even with that adjustment my calculation comes in at approximately 60% of costs covered by you.
What do you think is a realistic assessment of the chore split here? Keeping in mind that she also does all your cooking and work meal prep too by the sounds of it, something you'd find hugely inconvenient, right?
Like seriously. Did you do the math here. Because even with you scraping the barrel you still come off looking shockingly bad.
How do you know?
call animal protection and ask them what they need from you to go forward here, reddit can't tell you that, they can.
WTF is your problem here OP?
You both think it sounds hot, she told you she's fine with it and wants it, you are both consenting adults, it's a super tame fetish.
Be careful of what you wish for. You obviously wanted him for some reason and now you have him. He won't change and now you are stuck with him, YOU have to be the one to make changes unless you want to stay in a very obviously financially abusive marriage.
It sounds like you put up with a load a crap to get a ring and now you realise you made a VERY poor bargain.
Please don't have kids. Either get tough and keep your money or divorce. You don't have to be nice about it or get him to agree , he is also stuck with you remember!
I'm glad to hear that. I hope you get out of this relationship. He is not going to get better.
Looks weird, but is correct.
I was with my ex for 10 years and we're still friendly with zero sexual attraction. We also shared a dog.
Did you put more into the joint account than she did? And she's withdrawn half that you now won't have access to? This relationship sounds over already, and you're going to come out of it at a loss. You should be sorting these finances together
Wtf is wrong with you
NOPE do not accept this behaviour
Run for the hills girl he just dropped a bomb on you that him and his brother have essentially raped several women together and have been fine brushing it under the rug for LITERALLY EVER AND HE REAPED THE BENEFITS OF LITERALLY MARRYING YOU LIKE WHATTTT
You tell her that she can do whatever she wants you don’t care, because it’s over.
You don’t want anything to do with someone who has no morals or respect for themselves.
Bruh
Considering the timeline, did you get married mostly because of the child? Is it possible that your husband just didn't actually want children? I know you've had conversations about wanting him to be more present, but have you had honest conversations about what you both want your lives to look like? It sounds like the current situation is pretty untenable, and honestly, coparenting — or even you having custody while he pays child support, depending on how you both feel — could be healthier than the current dynamic. Do you really want to stay and raise a child in an environment where he feels unwanted or resented?
I’m gonna tell you what I wish someone told me when I was younger dating an addict. They can be amazing and have wonderful potential but you can’t bank your entire life on someone’s potential especially if they’ve made it clear that they don’t intend to get clean. It doesn’t Matter how badly you want it for them, they have to want it for themselves and until they do you’ll just be wasting your time and putting yourself on that same slippery slope. And you will do the drugs with him and find yourself in his same shoes.
Another cluttered person with ADHD. ADHD isn’t an excuse to fail at basic adulting and to make life harder for the people around you. Seriously, she needs to step up to the plate (or mountain of plates in this case) on this one. If she doesn’t then she isn’t takin OP seriously as a partner.
(Yes I know I mixed metaphors with the plate/plates – but it made me smile so I did it anyway)
I agree completely. While we should expect our SO's to stand up for us, the first step is doing so for ourselves.
This is his true personality coming out. Why do you think he'd suddenly start acting nicer? What makes you think he'll become a better person if you stay with him? Even worse, because you are tolerating this behavior, you're showing him that you're OK with it, and you'll be giving him that message as long as you stay with him.
He's shown you his real personality. He's demonstrating in front of you, through his actions, the kind of person he is. Ask yourself, why are you tolerating this?
She was 19 when they got together so immature isn't really out of the blue
Read up on the sunk cost fallacy.
Dump him, tell him why. He is incapable of supporting himself. Suggest he go to therapy when you do
The only answer you need. Time to close this post and handle business.
Is it worth it? Like I love her and would die for her but just not sexually attracted
that’s what i mean by that i suppose
You know what they say about 10 people sitting at the dinner table with a Nazi? That it’s 11 Nazis having dinner.
Your boyfriend is a racist.
It’s bold of you to do that, and kudos to you for biting the bullet and asking her. But she said no. She may or may not actually be seeing someone else and not everyone is interested in entertaining such a large age gap. As much as it hurts, you have to let it go because chances are even if things don’t work out with this other guy that doesn’t mean you’re ‘next in line’ you understand?
Feelings of insecurity can ruin one’s life.
Either move on or learn to trust her. It seems so far she hasn’t done anything wrong and you’re overthinking it.
Yes, she could cheat, and IF that happens deal with it then. For now support her in her passion and go to the parties!
Why would you even consider? We're both of you able to resort your issues? Are you both able to deal with the activities that occurred when you were not together?
You’re being played dude.
If you don't want to hang out with him anymore, then you certainly don't have to.
I believe that would be further evidence of your overreacting to this situation, but it's your choice. It will also affect your SO's relationship with his best friend, and the fall out is sure to affect your relationship with your SO. Is this really the hill that you want to die on ? Essentially, he said that you were nagging them. That doesn't sound too off base. He didn't say that you are a horrible person or anything.
This the one.
Your husband is committing himself to 8 hours a week for up to 5 years, that's the same time commitment as 40 hours a week for a year, e.g. a full time job for a year. What's his current yearly salary?
Maybe stressing that number would help your husband to realize what an enormous ask his parents are making. (And how far in the hole the business must be!)
You are perfectly justified in vetoing this in terms of the unfairness of childcare, but also, this is just a huge life commitment for anyone to be making without a lot of contemplation, and your husband doesn't seem to be thinking much.
Not sure of house and wedding budgets where you are but, if it's just spending the money that's worrying you, in purely financial planning terms the ring investment pays you a return of 8,000% in 1-2 years, and it doesn't sound like you'll be needing a mortgage.
Personally I'd think seriously whether you want to marry someone who doesn't appreciate your values and where you came from.
You have your whole life ahead of you… unless you stick around with this guy, he could potentially end up cutting it short the next time he drinks too much.
Run, and don't look back.