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Get away of him please, stop fooling him
Fiancee: Two Es, Two boobs.
This is a stupid fanfic prompt
Thank you ?
I didn’t claim anything lmao cry to someone who cares man. I just think it’s hilarious you’re all up in arms about a source but didn’t bother leaving one backing your side until you got called out ??♂️
Why?
Damn I could just imagine the smell of your house ?
Being in pain is no excuse to be an asshole. Yes, you should go out of your way to be considerate during her period. But if she’s treating you horribly, don’t be around her when she’s on her period. She can take out her frustrations on her friends if she absolutely has to. And if she chooses not to be an asshole to her friends… Interesting, she was able to make it through a period without being an asshole, sounds like she doesn’t have to be an asshole to you
i think you said it perfectly right there. you understand that it’s about her insecurities, and you don’t want to hurt her or upset her, but it’s sad that she doesn’t support you. i think it might help to just compliment her and tell her she’s beautiful and you love her the same as you did before you made those changes. it seems like she thinks you’re gonna move on
Why use a condom if you can use a college textbook.
I couldn't respect myself and go through something like that. Your wife didn't miss out on anything she made her choices. She can still make choices, but I would reccomend it being between you or a completly different lifestyle.
You need the dignity of having your own worth beyond whether or not your wife choses to stay with you. She needs to make a choice.
A year and a half is not a mistake. That is half your dating history?!
Can anyone recommend solutions?
Leave this guy. Have sex with men who care about your pleasure as much as you care about theirs.
Well, your daughter never met this man, I don’t know why you think she’s entitled to receive money from his death.
I have been thinking about therapy and probably going to
You’re defending a hoe. She has a history of sleeping around. When ever she speaks of Jake, she speaks about him in high regards except the break up.
I am so glad you have her. I feel the same way about my MIL. She has been a wonderful friend and source of comfort and strength. I aim to treat her like I wish I could treat my own mom. Words of thanks, being there for her, gifts, dinner, helping her whenever I can.
Nice one – I remember your post, so glad you might the good call and I hope the best for you in the future!
You have only met 3 times in 13 years? Yikes. Why are you wasting time with someone you never see? This is not a serious relationship on either side.
You are not put on this earth to make him whole.
Say that as many times as you need to.
If he can’t make the changes on his own, then he needs to consult someone who he cannot manipulate or influence.
The biggest problem is that people in his situation are really bad at self-reflection and objectivity, which are the two really basic elements required to make significant change.
If he’s not interested in the accountability and schedule of seeing a therapist, he’s not genuinely looking for change.
He was so drunk that he didn’t realize what he was doing.
Mmmmmm no he wasn’t
Abuse
Something that helped me after a bad breakup with the bedroom issue is I moved the bed to a different part of the room, got new bedding that my ex never touched, and rearranged the pillows so I slept dead center instead of having sides of the bed. It made it all feel different instead of like they’re missing.
Every day it’ll get a little easier.
He's cheating or close to
Chances having a child with some sort of mental or physical issue greatly increases with maternal age. Has she talked to an OB about that?
Oh yeah, that's your life now. You're doing all the right things but with an ex like that with custody, you're kinda stuck. Just don't let it come between you and be the safe place for the kid. Maybe have a countdown board (in an adult only space) that countdown the days you're drama free, so it has some levity. Don't allow it to taint your other time, keep firm boundaries.
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She went into your kids room and sliced her open and you are co sidereal working it out???
The fuck is wrong with you? Why isn't she in fucking jail? I am glad you are divorcing but why in the fuck did you not have her arrested and why is she anywhere near your kid still????
I'm 16 she's 36 my uncle's around 40
NO DO NOT TRY AGAIN. Her moral POV and yours vary greatly and this ugly monster WILL rear it's head again.
Totally remove this girl from your life (TG you on-line in another country) {{{{Heal UP}}}} . Tell the mutual friends to not give you messages from her. Find a woman who cherishes and values intimacy the same way you do. In the long run you will appreciate that endeavor.
If you want to remain on good terms with Will, don't sleep with him. He's already in a bad mental state right now and I highly doubt a rebound is going to do him any good.
Give him some space and let him grieve the relationship
If you knew what you wanted, then your judgement would be better.
Playing the field has it's limits in getting to know yourself and others. And if you play it too much, you will end up jaded & dillusioned. Speeding a process up doesn't necessarily make it more efficient. And that you keep on attracting the same unwanted type (etc), is illustrating the limits in how much you're actually learning (or being able to properly concentrate on people) in this current approach.
Contemplation, streamlining and decisiveness really have a lot going for them. You can't concentrate on scoring a the right kind of goal if you're juggling loads of balls.
Anyways. You do you. Best of luck.
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None wtf
Stop flirting back if you are and just ignore her. She will probably just start doing it again with another guy once she loses your attention but at least you won’t be the home wrecker.
Your wife is the issue, if consoling hasn't helped, end it!!
Uhm…. please quote that part?
I agree with you, he is going to find other women attractive and that’s okay. I know he will look and have a snoop here and there. But to follow is one step too far.
She probably needs therapy on her own, before working on anger management or arguing skills. I think it’s a road she can’t take with you. She has to see what broke her into this way of arguing and sincerely want to change. Also, maybe she’s not that happy with her life right now and can’t voice it with you around. If a therapist doesn’t work, try a book. One that’s not simply about communication issues, one that’s about understanding yourself.
She’s not receptive to what you’re doing right now, so maybe she would be if it was her problem to be happier with herself instead of your couple’s problem that she caused because she can’t control herself.
Well, ask yourself if you think so little of yourself that you're okay with being cheated on. Once you answer that question then go from there.
Try to find a amicable qay of being there for your children but not living with your ex. Maybe try to find a place nearby to constantly be able to take the kids or visit but also build your new life without your cheating ex.
I'm flabbergasted how people don't see what's wrong about what the gf did, really. You're not obligated to tell people if you have fuck buddies but she was talking to OP with the intention of seeing if there's gonna be a potential for a romantic relationship. Things like that you should disclose to that person so they know stuff before they start anything with you.
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Your mother is right.
He’s old enough to be your dad and yet he has no money? Why is that?
What kind of future do you really see here?
I wonder what culture OP is from.
Likely one where women are deemed worthless temptresses who can’t help themselves.
Yeah I had a similar experience, never wanted kids before the age of 32-34. Almost married a woman when I was in my mid 20s who didn’t want kids (and couldn’t have even if she wanted them). At the time I was more than fine with that, I didn’t want kids. But I’m really glad we never married because once I hit my early 30s I decided I wanted to have children. Life changed, I changed. I’m really glad I didn’t get married until I was almost 35, to a woman who also wanted kids. I’m not the same person I was when I was 25, life changes so much between 25 and 35. My only advice to young people in their 20s who are thinking of getting married (especially early 20s), just wait. Stay with your partner if you want but you have plenty of time to get married. Really I don’t think most people know what they want until they’re at least 28-30 years old. Aging kind of sucks, enjoy your 20s, but know the person who comes out on the other side might not feel the same as the person you are today.
Ahh here if ya can't keep track of your own comments, I'm not doing it for ya. Get on with your day and stop looking to be right, your insecurity is on show now
I think your husband might benefit from nice hot punch ? in the face. What a asshole.
I'd there was one thing I could change about my 20s it would be to learn to TALK about important stuff EARLY. Would have prevented so many situations like this.
my grandfather and his partner were together for decades living apart. It can work for some but not everyone
It sounds like transitioning to friendship allows you two to show up for each other, in healthier ways. I can hear how confusing the feedback she gives on you is and where your current relationship currently stands.
If she really wanted to rekindle things and try again, she would bring it up or suggest doing so, but she hasn’t.
If she broke up with you, take it for what it is. Move on romantically, and accept that she wants friendship only; it’ll save you from yearning for this person endlessly.
Take the experiences for what you learned, and know there’s so many more people out there who will love you and be delighted to date you!
Guys.. She clearly doesn't want to leave her husband, why keep wasting your time arguing for it?
OP, this is how it starts, one day it's a punch but you're fine but the next time you're flying out the window, if you're that determined to stay, then he must take anger management and go to therapy.
Now about the kid, you're both right, to an extent. Telling teachers should always be the first route and he shouldn't start fights either, until they put hands on him, your son should know how to defend himself, if someone put hands on my kid, he has my permission to sweet chin music that individual.
Time to hit the road
is there a way to kinda break that down to him?
Penetration should not be painful, please go see a doctor as it could indicate a physical problem. Your lack of sexual desire could be asexuality. It's perfectly normal, not everyone wants to have sex. But it could also explain your pain: if you don't want to have sex, your body rejects the penetration and it becomes painful.
Nah, nothing borderline about it. Dude IS a predator who, at 31 years old, got an 18-19 year old pregnant and the breakup was so bad the teen didn't contact him about the kid and decided to do it on her own. At 19, she made the decision to be a single parent because the breakup was THAT bad. OP needs to reconsider her life with him because dude IS a predator.
Consider her feelings on this, she blocked you for a reason. She wants no contact. Leave her alone and continues to go to therapy to work through it.
This sounds like a business deal instead of a relationship. Break up with this guy and find someone who loves you for you, not the amount of money you earn!
Why are you with this piece of literal human shit? He told you he wanted to fuck his ex to spite you.
He likely is fucking people other than you.
Thank you, this is the route I will be taking
You have been prioritising yourself and your needs for the past few months. Don't jeopardize that for a guy that clearly only wants you for how you look.
if we were talking 44 and 16, yes, disgusting
if we were talking 44 and 23, and the person was involved with their lives consistently in a family or authority role, yes, disgusting
assuming victimhood is damaging to real victims of predatory behaviour if we are mistaken about the circumstances. if we glorify someone it is our duty to ensure that they deserve glorification. it goes the same way with vilifying.
frankly most of the commenters in this subreddit on-line in a fantasy world shaped by their own experiences and perceptions.
in real life things are much less black and white. you can be a victim of circumstances of life and not deserve your victimhood, and still commit actions that are reprehensible, and you are still responsible for those actions.
I am not blaming victims. I am characterizing the real world that is much more complex than “you're a wounded dove, or you're a psychopathic predator” dichotomies.
You don’t change him. He is who he is. If you go into this with that kind of mindset you will be very disappointed. Either accept him as he is today or he will eventually mature on his own or move on.
I really wouldn’t be talking about past relationships at all with each other, unless it was very necessary in the moment. I can validate your feelings with him being your best partner because he is your current, since I feel the same way as well. At the same time though, instead of inviting conversation about people who aren’t even in your guy’s relationship, invite conversation about each other and your experiences with him. Also, I really don’t like how he answered that question either. Yes, honesty is important in relationships, but sometimes asking unnecessary things hurts a relationship. He could’ve just answered “not yet” or something… (my opinion though, it doesn’t really matter lol) stop inviting conversation about previous experiences when it has nothing to do with you.
Daddy may also be the bad apple
No, she left a song, probably out of curiosity. Are you single as well?
“things”- you mean unborn children. No, a lot of people (quite understandably) do not see human life and animal life as being on the same level. Otherwise it's like saying “You wouldn't murder a person (so why would you murder a cow)”.
If try to play on his abortion stance to corral him into agreeing to veganism, I think its more likely than not going to end poorly on your end.
They hadn’t chosen at all yet and were acting as single people
Why the fuck are you thinking of staying in this situation? She's happy to keep cheating on you because you haven't done anything.
you see him giving affection he denied you to another.
How did you come up with that? Where did OP say that the father “denied” them affection?
She sounds like a loser tbh.
You say get out. Chuck his things out, change the locks and block his number
Films have always been inspired from real life
Feels like I’m taking crazy pills – everyone is saying either your boyfriend is maturing faster than you or acting like you’re trying to sow wild oats
Going to ONE party after working your ass off for weeks is definitely not a big deal and your boyfriend shouldn’t be making it one.
It would be one thing if it was a regular thing for you still but it clearly isn’t.
Someone willing to steal your birthday wish is willing to steal your everything…
Are you really asking if his feelings (those of a spoiled 5 year old btw) are justified here? Bc seriously….no.
What do you mean “unfair”? You work damn hot and if he wants the same wage then he's welcome to pull his finger out and work more. You shouldn't be in a position where you're feeling bad about your hard graft because your man has a fragile ego, he can fix this himself, it's his own issue. Never let a man put you down for trying your hardest, you deserve to earn a good wage.
What makes you think he'll let her take his baby away from him?
Shouldn’t be having babies then.
Yeah, document it. Sooner rather than later
You sound like a physical intimite person. The didn't really care for that, it appears. So not fitting together in that part is a perfectly reasonable thing for a break-up.
Her reaction to it also seams very childish and rather immature.
No offence but just on the limited information you provided I would have walked LONG ago before this ever happened
Why would you waste your time of a loser like this?
Document everything and dig a bit more for proper proof. What your wife have been doing is one of the red flags of cheating. Coupled with this guys history and them sneaking off during coffee breaks there is real possibility that your wife is sleeping her way up the ladder in the company.
When you have more proof contact a lawyer. After this you can confront your wife. If you talk with her too early she will just hide any evidence and deny anything.
Since you work at the same place you can also try to catch her during work, ask a friend to cover for you for a short while when she is supposed to be on break.
Sure there is a slim chance she is not cheating and hiding the conversation because of this guys reputation but it seems really unlikely.
If you don't find more proof, save what you got and confront your wife. Look at her reactions and if she tries to use DARVO on you. If she wants to save your marriage she should not be working with or have any contact with that guy.
I wouldn't stay, she sounds like a drunken party girl and they are always drama
I wouldn't stay, she sounds like a drunken party girl and they are always drama
I enjoyed it, and I think I'm ready for it, but I'm worried of going too fast into this, or taking advantage of her, I dont want her to think I only want sex, but also I'm worried that she could feel frustrated or undesired if I take too long, and the last thing I want is to hurt her or make her feel uncomfortable. All I want is to keep having this amazing relationship with her, and I'm not sure how to proceed.
Last time I posted, I got lots of help and good advices, so please, can you help me again?
Sure: talk to her about it. =)
First off: there's no such thing as “too soon” — or, rather, there is, but it's only in hindsight. My own marriage is kind of rocky right now; my wife seems to care about everything but spending time with me, and frankly I'm not entirely sure why we're married right now, since she doesn't seem to value a damn thing I am, nor want to be anything I value. Well, we slept together on the first date. If it turns out this is the end, then we can say we moved too fast. But what if we get over this hump and — as we initially planned — stay together until one of us dies? Did we move “too fast” in that case? And is it relevant if we did?, considering how much it didn't impact anything? (The problems we are having do not stem from sex.)
Besides, what's wrong with sex? I mean, yes, there is the possibility that you only want — or that she thinks you only want — sex, but you deflect that by talking, not by not having sex. Don't look at it as though sex is this bad thing which detracts from a relationship: sex is a goal of a relationship. You're looking for someone you love, sure, and someone who loves you, sure, and someone who likes your kids and whose kids you like, and someone whom you can build a life together with… Yeah, absolutely. But you know what else you're looking for? Someone to have sex with! It's part of what defines this woman as your romantic partner. (In fact, it's arguably everything that defines her as a romantic partner!) And she's looking for it too. You don't have to feel like you're dragging her somewhere she doesn't want to go when she goes there voluntarily.
And lastly: talking is just a good habit. Every successful relationship is built on two people who just actually tell each other what they want and think and feel and need: for instance, in your case, “I want to be clear with you about my hesitations and make sure we're on the same page.” If you're not in the habit of displaying this kind of radical transparency, now would be a super good time to start. =)
As someone in an open relationship who has helped others open theirs successfully: open relationships don’t work when it’s about a specific other person one of you wants to fuck. Also, don’t fuck each others friends. Shitting where you eat becomes chaos. That said, tell him no of that’s not what you want. Tell him to find other prospects. Maybe you can tone it down until he does to accommodate, but it sounds like he’s not handling any of this in a mature fashion. Best of luck to everyone involved.
It is for me
I’m totally sure he was trying to trigger past trauma… can you even hear yourself.
You should delete those emails and block her there too by the way. You didn't do anything wrong, but it was a bit messy and there's absolutely nothing in those letters that can be a net positive for either of you two.
It may be unfair. But I don’t blame him for it.
If things were reversed, if I went through what he went through. I probably would feel the same.
Sorry but I find most of these responses quite perplexing. The majority of the comments here are placing the blame on everyone else. Your partner has very traditional male interests, ie watching fights, hunting, etc, which tend to be the basis of male friendships (enjoying shared interests together). Furthermore, your own family finds him off putting. I'm sure you are quite aware what describing someone as “fine” means.
So either, everyone else is wrong and your partner is perfect or there's something wrong with him that you are blind to.
You're asking a question that is fundamentally impossible for strangers on the internet to answer as you are not a reliable narrator in this situation. You should really consider seeking real help. Someone unable to make or maintain meaningful friendships is something that should raise concerns
Thankyou! I appreciate that:)
Talk to your parents (assuming they are normal. If not, reach out to any sane close family. Siblings, grandparents, etc.) . If you have a normal family, they'll help. AND TELL HIS FAMILY. If you are close to them, they'll be furious at him and may want to help you out. And…this is divorce territory. Speak with your advisor about needing to take a semester off from graduate school and explain that your soon-to-be-ex torpedoed your life. Get all your money into your own account without his name on it as of yesterday, get his name off your credit cards (cancel and get new ones, honestly, sorry!), speak to your landlord and let them know you'll need to break your lease and ask if you can get your deposit back if you find a new renter (which is better than you not paying it and then landlord taking three months to try and get you out of the apartment). Get anything valuable that he might take and sell that's yours and keep it safe somewhere. Check into the Affordable Care Act; your family just lost a job, you can join now rather than waiting for enrollment and get yourself some decent health insurance at a very low rate. In short, tell your family and his family ASAP, get their advice and support, let YOUR job and YOUR school know that you will finish this semester but will need the summer and possibly the fall to make yourself financially stable, and find health insurance through the marketplace. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. He played around with YOUR future, not just his own, and that's absolutely 100% not okay. It's something I'd leave him over, and I'm just so grateful that you aren't disabled and unable to work and don't have a child.
It does!
I'm sorry OP but it's a bigger fuck up than I think you yet realise. Not only did he burn that entire industry, and every adjacent industry, (for examplr, if he's in construction, he's also just burned any supplier based job, cause words gonna get around about it) but he's likely burned his entire career….good luck getting hired anywhere without a reference from your last employer. Hell, even if he had it in writing and had signed a contract, this is something he could have been fired over instantly at the new place.
And fwiw, there is no chance in hell that his previous work place will hire him back, no matter what he does or says. That opportunity is long gone.
Frankly, I'd feel like he broke my trust too, if this was my spouse. Not just that, but it shows his character in a pretty gross way…everyone wants to do that, but the people that are dumb enough to actually do it, at a place that hasn't treated you like shit, have a basty streak in them.
Good on your old roommate btw. The fact that your husband didnt tell you what he did, should be proof enough that a) he knows it was wrong, and b) he knows you wouldn't support it. He hid it from you for a reason.
Well, there goes any fucking defense lol. She's lied, she's cagey, she's insecure. Idk why you're with her. This one is a non-starter, don't start officially dating just give the whole thing a miss at this point.
I’d like to know too. How is this a good deal for the girlfriend? She could have her own place, it would be clean all the time and only have to take care of herself. Then she can find someone who actually values her above being the on-line in maid/cook/dog carer and burden bearer. And it would cost her less.
Does she have PMMD by chance?
You seem to already understand this isn’t a sustainable dynamic. That’s great. So tackle it head on man.
If this blows up your relationship, frankly it was never going to work out.
But you might be surprised that it’s not as big a deal as you’re imagining.
Yes.
Indeed, if he wants the rights he needs to take them. No need for you to make it easy for him. It could also be he didn't want to be a father anyway.
i did everything i can to be a really good partner. Changing my job, giving up my dreams, friends, social life (he doesnt want me to go out much and i have a curfew with him, because what kind of decent woman goes out after 9 pm), giving up my pets, adjusting to his time and his wants
This isn't being a good partner.
If my wife had asked me to get rid of my pets or quit my job before we got married, I'd have told her to take a flying fuck at the moon
Na let her go man. It’s not the fact she got gang banged people explore and experiment but she SAVES the video it’s like she’s reliving the experience the fact it’s in her phone would stress me tbh. And you don’t even know if it was from before you or after you? That’s crazy man I get it a year in and you’ve invested so much but this is crazy that she had the experience saved. Doesn’t seem healthy in a long term relationship man I would cut my losses.
Lady, just because it works for you, it doesn’t mean it works for everyone, doesn’t mean one way or another is better, people have boundaries and preferences.
You don’t vibe with everyone, and that’s fine, you and your husband would not be my friends and I would not be yours, that’s fine 🙂
You seem intrusive to me and I seem whatever to you, that’s the beauty of life, we can be cool with it, you do you and I do I.
I don’t share my friend’s business with my wife and I don’t expect her to share her friends.
I have a bunch of women friends, she has a bunch of men as friends, I don’t even think I know them all or her mine, we’re both ok with it. We choose to be with each other every day and that means that we trust each other, to the extend that I don’t need to know everything she does or what she talks during a day, cause we trust we are loyal to each other
Wrong sub, this relationship advice not AITA xD
Hmm so has your girl introduced you to her old friend group? Or is she treating you like an outsider?
I’ve met guy friends of girls I’ve dated and that helped cool off any uncomfortable feelings once I could understand the dynamic. Being friends or at least friendly with your girls friends makes things a lot easier and it builds a lot more trust.
If you girl is limiting access to her friends, prioritising them at every opportunity, and being secretive-especially with guy friends, I would feel insecure. At the end of the day, you can’t control anyone. Tell her how you feel and if she’s dismissive, inconsiderate, or lies at any point break it off. The least she can do is reassure you and make an effort to show that nothings gonna happen. Still the situation is shaky enough that something might happen even if that’s not her intention rn so I’d pay extra attention when she comes back.
Your fiance sounds very Indian or south Asian.
The fact you was crying and screaming and he didn't help makes me so sad for you. Non of them respected your boundaries specially your bf and I'm so sorry but that isn't ok. The texts of accusing you ext is just nasty and he's not being a good bf at all. I'd be devastated if that happened to me and my other half did that. You deserve a bf who will protect and care for you not that pratt who sides with his friends over something like this. You deserve better.
Your gf actions was theft. She’s 22 not 12 she should know that. Your gf giving you big eyes and saying “maybe I did some thing wrong, I don’t know”while twirling her hair is making you second guess yourself?
I wonder how many situations like this has happened were she’s manipulated you into thinking she just made a mistake she didn’t know better. Does she apologize? Does she make it right? Will you get your money back? I hope this is a isolated event. If not you have been played again.
I agree. Like women who don’t give head are all bitches
/s
Lab results don't take 4 months to process usually! I know labs can get backed up but 4 months? Is anyone a lab tech that can verify normal processing times?
You should repay him in some way, small rent , restaurant card.
> but if the shoes were reversed and your fiance had done the same, do you think you would just be like “oh yea no big deal, I'm glad you posted my image to strangers in a public forum to verify that I'm not an asshole”?
He is a MAN with a good 50-60 pounds over me. Women are way more vulnerable to domestic abuse than men, so let's not pretend these are even remotely similar situations.
Honestly, it's pretty risky to wait to have penetrative sex until marriage. If you're not compatible in that department it could really mess things up. Couples get divorced because of this all the time. Your decision, but it's probably worth it to make sure you're a good fit.
she dump you? good as you still didn't learn your lesson well.
you might as well be single in your entire life if you can't stay loyal offline & on-line.
you need to grow up. you don't love her bcoz if you do you won't be cheating.
He’s cheating and he’s lying once again. Stop putting up with it. When you didn’t leave him the first time, you taught him to treat you like a doormat who has no self worth.
He’s cheating and he’s lying once again. Stop putting up with it. When you didn’t leave him the first time, you taught him to treat you like a doormat who has no self worth.
she dump you? good as you still didn't learn your lesson well.
you might as well be single in your entire life if you can't stay loyal offline & on-line.
you need to grow up. you don't love her bcoz if you do you won't be cheating.
Yes exactly. The cycle is the real him. The abuse plus the nice is the real him. He can’t do one without tbr other. He will always do this except the abuse will get worse.
Yeah, I won't lie there are so many benefits outside of the relationship to buy at the mo.
Have you actually observed that he’s an insensitive jerk who’s acting like a toddler that doesn’t know any better.
He's abusing you. He will NOT change. Download a free PDF of the book Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. It could change your life and give you the perspective and courage to leave your abuser.
You have to end it. This relationship is horrible and it is torturing you and making your miserable.
This guy insulted your mom, doesn't care about your feelings, and makes you feel neglected and unloved. He is not going to change.
Of course it is hot to break up! He's been such a big part of your life for two years, it feels like losing a part of yourself. That's why you had such a rough week when you took a break. You are also afraid of being alone. But I promise it is the best thing for you. It's better to be alone and work on building yourself, and forming new healthy connections than to stay in a toxic miserable relationship.
You are young! You have so much life ahead of you, potential for relationships that aren't shitty. I've been where you are and it feels like you'll never have another connection like this again, but I promise you will and it will be so much better.
Break up with him and cut contact completely. Dive into your hobbies or pick up a new one. Work out, read a book, watch movies. You say you don't have friends and that sucks – time to put yourself out there. You can sometimes make friends through hobbies!
So you are together since two years, but in your post 8 months ago, you go through an ugly divorce, are togoether since 10 years, have two children…
mentioning all these issues you haven’t caused in order to minimize the ones that you’re currently doing is laughable. just bc you’re the father, doesn’t give you a pass to do childish bs like this. i understand why she’s leaving you. you see it as “making posts on a message board” but you literally made disgusting and objectifying comments about women, on the internet, behind her back. that’s not “i’m ready to be a father/husband” type behavior
For a 55 year old male he sounds a bit immature. Going away on weekends is good for you and your relationship. Does sound controlling so I'm not sure you'll ever be able to say anything to him that'll get through to him. I don't think you need help articulating, I think you need help deciding wether everytime you go away with your girlfriends it'll be a big deal and can you on-line with it?
Wow, I am so sorry you are going through this. The first few comments are spot on. Frankly both of these guys sound kinda bogus.
sure! ive added a TLDR and paragraphs, sorry it was kinda messy before
Just tell her that things aren't working out, and that you think it'd be best for the both of you if you split. There's no easy way to have this conversation, but it will become harder the longer you sit on it.
Fuck you and your horrible opinion. Exit the internet.
I didn't read past 'he puts his hand on my knee' that is an immediate, do not pass go, do not collect $200, go straight to HR and complain about sexual harassment.
He's a creep and he's going to keep pushing boundaries until one day you find yourself held hostage in a meeting room while he tells about how he wants to move your 'relationship' to the next level
Well TBF it sounds like OP would possibly be the strange man.
But still. I love the rare late night out with my coworkers and would 100% stay in that hotel. Totally reasonable. Sounds fun.
She’s not being professional, whether he knows it our not there is a very unbalanced friendship which she will always be in power and a history that goes beyond friendship .very inappropriate of her .I would report her regardless ,if she is actually breaking code .
I think she's just scandalized that he was somehow related to polyamory.
Ah, she’s sensing that something’s off and she already told me that if we break up again, this time we’re done for good, we wouldn’t talk anymore. So breaking up with her is out of the picture, i can’t lose her.
She already knows, spare yourself the stress and suffering and find someone who doesn't isolate you. You've broken up before, you were friends during that time and it was goin good but you went back to the relationship. Tell her how she broke her promise to change and it's just like before, and you'd rather stay friends.
Hanging out a lot doesn't make you clingy. You're fine with it, turns out he'd like to dial it down a bit. Fair enough. It only becomes clingy if you start to cling on. ie: he wants a bit more time to himself/friends etc… and you demand/try to deny that. THEN it'd be clingy.
Also, 4 days a week isn't too OTT or anything, if he wants to dial it back, maybe not a huge deal. Mostly importantly, your parents really need to mind their business.
Don't immediately assume your father is wrong and your mother didn't do this. Go get a pat test.
You, good sir, are incredibly attentive to detail lol. Yeah, I don’t really love partying the way that she does and I think I do somewhat bring the mood down, although when we have gone to parties together before I can fake it decently well because I want her to feel like she can let loose and not worry about me. I think you’re right though and this is just one of those things she likes to do more than me and that is totally okay. Thank you for this new mindset
OP drunk AF and responding how his drinking doesn't matter ?
He doesn’t have any intention of marrying you. He doesn’t even have any intention of moving out of his mom’s house. Rip off the bandaid and find someone else
Dude man grow a pair and throw her to the curb. Be in a relationship where you don't have to question this.
We did have some discussions about options but they all cantered around him moving home. I think it’s something he just feels like he needs to do. But I’ve made it clear I will never move, and he hasn’t broken up with me. I love my job and have built a career here but it’s in healthcare, so I am required to go into work every day, he can work remotely. I told him my job is the main reason I won’t move but the more I think about it, it’s the thought of leaving everything behind as well. And I can’t ask him to do something for me, that I’ve already said I won’t do for him (make a home 4 hours from his hometown).
Toaster? Are you 5? Stalk you? Aren’t you on my profile too hun? Whose stalking who ?
This could definitely be a time to just continue letting the relationship you have bloom more. I know it sucks waiting, but it might be for the best she doesn’t fall into another relationship quickly.
This dudes been bullshitting you for 6 years that’s crazy
Well she tells everyone we are divorced but she's still using my name, so I guess that also leads me to believe that divorcing her won't stop her from using my name, that is my main worry because I feel like she's up to something illegal.
Whenever he offers you something either decline or ask him “how much is this gonna cost me” I'd ask that every single time.
This may be exactly what I need, thank you, I'm going to spend tomorrow reading through.
That’s also fair, I’ve seen that happen. Maybe op can get an admission from his wife in text form and have proof. Either way, if she chooses to believe him or not is her choice. Personally I’d want to know, I know a lot of people would.
People are going to watch it, it's just going to happen. You give everyone an internet device that fits in their pocket and Pornhub is free, so… it's gonna happen. He's a grown man, he can do that if he wants. It's only problematic if you or he have religious terms that explicitly forbid it, if he's watching illegal/underage content, or if it has negatively impacted your sex life. If you have a problem with it, leave. If he says he will try to stop, he probably won't because… it's not really that big of a deal. No one's forcing you to stay in a relationship you're uncomfortable being in. Always remember – “NO” is a complete sentence.
That being said, I hear the phrase “I have so much trauma from my past where someone did _______ to me…” that's fair, that happens, and I'm sorry you had to put up with that. But your boyfriend didn't do that, so don't hold him to certain standards because someone in the past did something awful. He didn't do that; they did. Hold THEM accountable for their actions; not your current partner. I can't tell you how many stagnant/unhealthy relationships continue despite obvious incompatibility… based solely on “past trauma” and “insecurities because of an ex.” Guess what? If you're still making decisions based on issues with past exes, you reeeeeeeeeeally shouldn't be in a relationship with anyone. Get to a healthy point where you can love someone without having pre-requisites. Your poor boyfriend needs therapy and you're quite literally invalidating his trauma and labeling your own issues as more important/more valid than his. Don't do that. Not a good look.
It sounds like there is a lot going on that you aren’t comfortable with. You are under no obligation to move in or get married if you aren’t ready. If you aren’t sure if you want to continue, say no to those things and take it slower. If he respects you then he’ll wait until you’re ready. If he doesn’t then I think you’ll have your answer.
Agreeing with those who say speak to him. I have OCD as well, and it often manifests as intrusive, disturbing thoughts. These thoughts are often not true but I get concerned that they COULD become true and then obsess over it (including google searches). If he struggles with OCD, these could be unhealthy and intrusive thoughts. I’d also suggest he see a therapist, it’s helped me control this immensely.
We get it, you don’t have strong morals, have zero emotional intelligence and you don’t care if people do shitty things as long as you’re not affected.
Yes, you go. Being diplomatic is part of adult life. You are not the morality police. Your job is to be a good person and a good girlfriend. Also, it's a bad sign that your boyfriend had to talk to you about this. You might want to work harder in your maturity and social skills so he knows he doesn't have to “manage” you.