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“I like you more than I thought I would, I'd like to try exclusivity with you to see where it goes, let me know your thoughts”
Don't offer casual. You don't want casual and will only be setting yourself up for hurt down the line. If there's a choice between serious and casual, most likely he'll go casual, so don't put it on the table. This is an all or nothing situation.
(Don't tell me that's not an option due to distance.) Don't come to reddit and knock back every idea due to something you didn't say in your post
Sounds, like you took the correct action. Just because someone is drunk doesn't mean they can treat however they want.
Becoming a parent (even if you’re already a parent) is a big life change. It means living differently. It means months to years of shit sleep, another humans bodily fluids all over you, disposable income gone, intimacy with your partner gone, etc.
Even if he wants a kid with you, doesn’t mean he wants an unplanned kid because of the massive changes it means for both of you. He may have things he wants done before he gets back into being a parent for a young child.
No one should be forced into parenthood before they’re ready. It’s your body and you get to make the choice of what happens now but understand that you may be making a choice between your relationship or this pregnancy. This isn’t about a pretense relationship or future family making. This is about you and him and now. Ignore all else and focus on that. He doesn’t want to be a parent right now. If the roles were reversed how would you want him to treat you? Would you want him to push you into it without behind ready? Would you want him to understand you weren’t ready and support you and to make a plan for a family when both of you are ready?
Literally looking for a more confident thing. I want to say something. He said he was down for casual but the minute I told him I was visiting for a wedding He didn’t respond by only read it.
You're a terrible person. I hope he wakes up and breaks up
Damn you are right, his current gf does need to know as he’s done it once with you so there’s every chance he may do so again. If you’re able to reach out to her directly so it doesn’t get intercepted and filtered by him. Happy to discuss further if needed. ?
It's not cheating as long as you've never made any commitment to the one you're talking to. However, you probably should let them know you are dating other people. When they want to make it exclusive and you agree, then at that point it would be cheating.
Totally agree man! Yeah be mad for like a few min cause it hurts but get over it after that and it becomes a huge inside joke or something.
That guy is crazy…. glad he left!
“The best prediction for future behavior is the past” You are not her therapist, stop walking on eggshells, go live and enjoy your youth!
I am seeking therapy and starting soon. I'm excited. Maybe my therapist will help me end this relationship once and for all too. Been tryna break up for 3 months now and he will not let go. I don't want to end up hating him in the end but it's starting to look like that. I wish he didn't have such a tight grasp on me.
First, he cheated on you multiple times. That’s unacceptable. You should start, as quietly and behind the scenes as you can, planning to get away from him.
Beyond that, I don’t know you, but I’m sure you’re beautiful, and there’s someone out there who doesn’t care if you’re physically perfect. AND, more importantly…some, if not most of that, is fake. What you’ve got is real.
Then you are being unreasonable.
You need him to change to be happy while he’s doing the same thing he always did.
You need to decide if this relationship can actually meet your needs.
You left this decision late in your life
Equity. That's what he's asking for. She's denying it because she values bio kids over step. This is not about her being a SAHM, it's about her valuing only her children and him choosing to consider hers as family.
OP's wife is throwing up major red flags and some of you are blinded.
My spouse did this and when I approached the subject and told him how uncomfortable it made me feel he was apologetic and stopped. Respect is so so important!! You deserve someone who will respect your boundaries.
If the two of you are no longer compatible and you are not happy in the relationship, definitely end things and move on. Sounds like she is not getting what she needs out of the relationship either. However, if you do want to stay with her, you will need to give the relationship more attention. And it doesn't really sound like she is asking for too much from you. She wants you to set aside more time to talk to her and she wants more attention.
Thanks for the response. Ugh definitely triggered some self conscious / relationship conscious feelings.
I do feel like the friend has been having some struggles adjusting to living/dating in a new city and have been thinking this might be a factor and might be more about him…
I understand that about culture and religion. But I am referring to ppl in western societies that don’t particularly partake in arranged marriages. How do they differentiate gf and wife material
My father behaved like this. He was an alcoholic. It was awful. I wished so much that my mother had left him.
OP says it's insulting and embarrassing every time her husband does this, but is defensive of his reasonings. Other commenters have also pointed out why a man may want to do this. So it seems like the issue here is the way OP's husband is going about it.
For example, is he asking for the test as soon as she gives birth before he asks about the health of mom and the baby? Is he blurting it out at the nurse without any context? Is he taking care of OP's physical and emotional needs, especially after having had a baby? Whether or not he trusts her, OP just gave him another child. He should be putting on her a pedestal and doing everything he can for her right now. If a pat test is absolutely needed, he should ask for it in a way that's respectful to his family.
If he is doing all that and OP cant help feeling insulted by a request that she's defending, she should just suck it up.
Once he signs the birth certificate he is entitled to a paternity test. She wouldn’t have to entertain it for him to get the test done
So she's in a relationship and emotionally cheating with you, and you know she's in a relationship and are going along with it. This is pretty shitty of both of you. Is that the kind of person you would want to be with? A cheater who strings along their “best friend”. Like others said if she wanted to he with you she would be, it sounds like she's using and manipulating both of you. You for attention and support and the boyfriend for a place to stay and financial help. If you are a decent person send the bf screen shots and block her but I don't think you will.
So she’s pregnant, has 2 STIs, HIV and you’re adding in that a guy who could be 25 is a kid?
Yeah, no. Good luck with the bait post.
You are not going to the same university so she isn’t really competing with you. You still feel insecure around her, but you are 18 now and setting up your own life. You will make new friends at school and you won’t be seeing her. If she tries to stay friends or brag about her accomplishments, say you don’t have time to talk. In a way, the fact that she is doing what you do means she actually feels insecure around you and is jealous of your passion in life. Feel sorry for her that she can’t live her own life and has to copy yours.
This! I am convinced this is the entire reason they were so popular. Parents and clueless partners could have an easy gift forever.
Pls, pls pls, get away from this man. It's not your responsibility to soothe his pain and you continue to hurt and not heal. You're not an emotional punching bag. You therapist is wrong and they have become emotionally attached to your suffering. Yes, you're suffering. Don't you want to know freedom? Only YOU can free yourself. Don't tell him you're going to leave, JUST LEAVE! Send him a goodbye text, telling him you love him but his love hurts you and you can't take it anymore. Tell him, it's not his fault his mom left but you can't be held responsible for her decision and that you're no longer willing to be punished because of what she and others have done to him. Then block him. Plan it out properly though.
It's a win either way. Either Laura gets offended and her brain makes a connection that “Oh, names do matter” and 2.0 gets a different name or you get a loveable version of Laura and cover for when you say “That b-word Laura” about the human version.
Are you fucking insane?
Please don’t mistake bi-polar with abusive behaviour. He is not taking accountability for his behaviour and it acting selfishly. If he can’t respect you in a relationship he shouldn’t be in one.
If his family and friends know about you, you have nothing to worry about. There are guys that post their girlfriend and still cheat, it doesn’t mean anything. I’ve seen it myself. I don’t think he is hiding you from his social media, he just doesn’t post. I understand how you feel but try to give him a break, social media isn’t everything.
he started living in my town less than a year ago, he still doesn't have any friends outside of work. His mom only came to visit him once since I've known him, before we started dating, but I've never seen this behavior before dating.
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Men have been envious of women since the beginning of time. He’s an ass. You’re allowed to be proud of your skills AND giving to people at the same time.
You aren't unreasonable for wanting to know why she broke up with you. She isn't obligated to give you a reason though.
And at some point, you just have to accept they broke up with you. At the end of the day that matters more than the reason.
She didn’t let it slip so to speak. She told a friend, and it got back to me. When I confronted her about it, she then admitted that the relationship with him had begun prior to her leaving me.
It's a troll. They make multiple weird ass made up scenarios and post them. They always write the same.
Tell him you're not waiting for him to pass the exam. It needs to get better NOW. Spending quality time together is good for unwinding with all the stress from job / studying
The quote was pulled from your response to me, On that my bad.
Go home, resume your life where you can make your living and live your life.
Staying where you are is going to be a fight you are not going to be in control of.
You had a text buddy. That’s all and they found somebody else to text with and possibly be with. Just move on and try to forget about it.
Damn. Just cut your losses. As someone that can also hold insane grudges and is going to therapy, this would not be salvageable.
I know her wanting her money back sounds very callous, but like I'd want to have some money for my future. I'm so sorry this happened. I mean your mom sounds not so great either, and I wouldn't want to be around her either, but also not fair for you to cut off ALL of your family.
This is just really unfortunate but at least it can be untangled somewhat quick. Really sorry man.
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Normal is just a setting on a washing machine.
yeah after reading this i’m gonna side with the fiancé. i had a similar situation with an ex and a horse – he had a horse he constantly ignored and his horse got jealous of my horses because i was always fussing over them so he started being a total dick to deal with. when i told BF to either start paying attention to his horse or get rid of him he had the balls to tell me giving the horse attention was somehow my problem.
um, no. and i’m not dealing with being kicked at during feeding time because you can’t be bothered giving your horse time. he finally did sell him but held it against me for “making him get rid of his horse” probably until now.
good riddance.
I'm worried about the repeated no-es. This is not about inexperience – inexperience is being awkward and not knowing when to stop by yourself, or maybe being too rough once, but this has happened multiple times. You gave him honest feedback and communicated openly, and he still keeps on doing this. Not stopping when someone told you no multiple times is not an issue of lack of exposure to women and sex, it's just… kinda scary, tbh. And seems like a He-problem, not a Lack of experience-problem.
I think, if you really like him so much, you could have one more talk with him. A serious one in which you tell him you understand his lack of experience, but he has been sexually overwhelming multiple times and ignored your no-es multiple times. And that you feel like, at this point, he should when to stop and how not to be that rough. And that you expect it not to happen again because it's unacceptable. And then give him an honest chance. BUT JUST ONE. Just one conversation, and just once chance. And if even after this it does happen again… I'm sorry, but it will not get better. This is who he is. He is sexually aggressive and selfish, and does not respect you. And you should gtfa bc that never ends well. Let's not forget he's 30, not 17.
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Your mom sounds intelligent, you should listen.
It's a trap.
This post is a bait (J told me so)
I'd do nothing. I can't control this situation, brother ex girlfriend and mother are all free to do what they want. If it where bothering me I'd go see a therapist to figure out why I'm so, insecure about this and work on ways to deal with it without expecting other people to change their life.
Yeah, he's testing your limits to how much you will put up with.
That's almost sadistic behavior.
Go on the trip and see how things go from there. Just be yourself, pay attention to what she says and her body language. Just be yourself, be playful, tease her and a bit flirty. Pay attention if she's always near you and if she keep touching you. If there's sexual tension, then you'll know she's into you. Then you make a move. Good luck.
because I don’t feel safe telling him
then he shouldn't be your boyfriend.
Could you call a local church or community centre, local voluntary groups? Maybe they could get a key from your father (from a safe distance) and drop some shopping off for you?
He won't change his mind. He's stalling.
I don’t think I have Asperger’s syndrome. I don’t have special interests, and I am not overstimulated by things. I’m actually a highly well spoken individual, I’m good at conversation until I went through this depressive episode. When I’m feeling happy, I’m 100 percent normal, chatty, build good relationships, but I just feel down in the dumps lately. Maybe I’m just depressed.
I don’t think I have adhd I am not hyperactive and I am a focused individual
Tip toeing around his insecurity frankly isn't my problem, just as it's not his problem to babysit me when I shouldn't have been relying on him so heavily.
Tip toeing around his insecurity frankly isn't my problem, just as it's not his problem to babysit me when I shouldn't have been relying on him so heavily.
I totally understand you. When I first said I was moving out from my parents’ house, my mom freaked out. And just like you I always wanted to live alone bc of her behavior. She has always been very controlling with my life and my stuff. When I made my first tattoo (I was 20 at that time) with my own money that I made working a full time job in a very good company, she also freaked out. She said she would no longer help me to pay my college etc. I tried to remove my tattoo with a grater. She never apologized. Anyway, she will freak out, but you need to be very consistente and sure. Maybe she will say things you don’t want to head, but in some days she will act like everything is normal. If she is such a kiddo like mine, she won’t help you with the boxes and stuff, but as soon as you get in your new home she will come around. Anyways, my tip: Just be quick when tell her. Do not hesitate, you are a grown girl and you have the right of moving out. Let her know you are in charge of everything, you have made your own decisions. Do not let her blackmail you with her feelings. Good luck 🙂
My thought exact. This should be the anvil that breaks the camel's back. This could be an out for her; she'll always be second.
I'm still hung up on the “let me take your emotional support pets and give them to my brother. You know, your PETS. Living beings.”
Taking her meds, talking about their potential kids like that. Nothing is hers. Nothing is theirs. Absolutely fucking not
I think she sees this as a commitment issue and thinks you’re at that stage where you’re more serious.
I think you need to decide at what stage you’ll introduce her. Saying “eventually” isn’t helpful to the other person in a relationship, as it might mean that you’re not willing to make it serious with them. I think a realistic, but firm timeline is the best idea.
I can understand you’re from a strict background, but it does seem like you’re allowing your dad a good amount of control. I don’t know whether you’re still in India, which is nude to advise if you are. But if you’re not, it’s totally ok to have boundaries within that relationship also.
There's NOTHING to be ashamed really, of course you were uncomfortable, there is only a little number of people that can go through a threesome, especially in a committed relationship. Don't be afraid to tell NO and STOP at any time, the next time.
Try to have a long talk with your girlfriend and see if there's anything you can do together to gain confidence again. Don't worry about telling her your true feelings if you're also feeling angry or jealous, she may help.
I’m confused… knowing what a douche is doesn’t seem like a strange thing to me nor does it seem “creepy” that he learned about it in middle school…
This sounds like someone out of touch with reality
i'd suggest you break up with a 19 year old who only sleeps with you when she's drunk. you're just getting taken for a ride my friend.
Yeah, bar is super low for that one. Plus he has no romantic interest and from the sounds of it, is fine with months of no contact.
A relationship with no contact is not a relationship. Move on.
Thank you for your response. No I don’t speak the language. I’m in Language classes though. Only been one week. I paid for these before I showed up (student visa) so I’m doing this now because it’s the only thing I can do at the moment.
I don’t think he will physically hurt me in anyway. He’s never shown violence that way. Just verbally an asshole. I don’t know what to do with the kindness he’s showing me now.
Yes he had signed a paper saying he was supporting me and was financially responsible for my accommodation and food. I’m also registered to his address with his government.
I didn’t know about these resources and will look into them.
One or two nights catch-up sleep isn't going make a huge difference though. Did this start before or after kids? Was her quality of sleep bad before they came along?
Do masseuses get this too?
Physical touch promotes the release of oxytocin. It's one of the great benefits of being able to see a massage therapist for a little extra touch, if your life is missing it from people closer to you. But as you say it is extra important to understand the boundaries there.
(This to say – yes, I am sure massage therapists get it too.)
What she couldn’t take a day off,
What she couldn’t take a day off,
Your roommate is jealous of your girlfriend, and is acting out on purpose to drive her away . I would bet dollars to donuts that she has caught feelings for you.
Hey. Internet mom here. I don’t tolerate needy but that’s me. It does sound as if it’s really wearing on you. I do understand not wanting to hurt her but isn’t dishonesty hurtful? What is bound to happen is that sooner or later, this will drive you apart because she’s driving you nuts. You can’t be her everything. Two halves don’t make a whole. 2 whole people choosing one another is magical. It’s time to have a very adult conversation. If you don’t this will probably end very painfully for her. Be kind but be honest.
What do you think a relationship contains especially long term? Is it just the spark? There is values, behavior, respect, responsibilities (especially financially), intelligence, wisdom, humor, compatibility, and many other aspects of a person you would want to be in a relationship with. I'm not saying you don't need love. I'm saying if you are purely just going of a spark and have none of these things, then it won't last. Feelings is only a fraction of what makes a long term relationship as a whole. You can't tunnel vision that the honeymoon phase is everything because that's only in short relationships. Long term has more things you need to last.
You were putting the fruit away while she was outside waiting… like couldn’t you do it after you pick everything? She got tired of waiting in the cold (or waiting in general) and she thought to come in to say hello since you left her outside WAITING.
Even your excuse she is usually in a hurry and doesn’t come in is invalid since you were putting the groceries away. It’s not a 2 sec task
Yes. Kiss your friendship and relationship goodbye
If he can't appreciate it, don't do it again. Sometimes people forget to say thank you, which is frustrating but it can happen. It is more of an issue if it is a reaccuring thing. However if he shows no appreciation for you helping him out, just don't help him out with that stuff. It is not your problem if his desk is a mess.
He's being abusive to keep rubbing salt in the wound this way. I think you should break up with him. Congratulations on being more moderate with your drinking!
I agree. This is not a trauma response.
Nope you are not wrong. It speaks to how he perceives your character. To me it seems along the lines of insisting on going through your partners phone to see if they are cheating. Given your description of him, it seems like he has control issues, or that he needs a b c d. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. If that makes sense. Very orderly very anal to be honest.
Yeah, welcome to my world.
He can get a toothbrush for literally like a dollar ??? that’s a very sad excuse for him being a fully functional (seemingly) grown adult who chooses not to brush his teeth
This is the “i have absolutely no idea and at this point im too afraid to ask” situation ?
I'm also autistic and just everything about starting conversations FREAKS me OUT i don't know how to ask ?
Do you think that if a woman is infertile, that its the equivalence of them lying about an STD if they don’t disclose that to a partner before having sex?
If you want fidelity in a relationship you should probably not date someone who has not yet seperated themself from their wife.
My grandma use to say “judge a person by their actions not their words, words are just sound that passes through the lips, actions are reality”. He is clearly very much still together with his wife no matter what he says. Don't become involved with someone still undertaking the separation process.
I would suggest it is a pretty damn bad fight. One to never repeat
Here's a simple rule for you:
If you withhold information from someone because you know they might decide not to have sex with you if they know it, you're the asshole, not them.
“How do I approach this situation?”
Remind yourself that having a small child near a pedophile is dangerous.
Therapy isn't one size fits all. Sometimes it takes a few tries to get the right therapist. But even that isn't a magical fix. You have to put in the work. Not just talk but actively use the skills and insight your learning. It's nude work; rewarding when the changes come but still hot.
Parents were young, loose, and crazy once. I wouldn't tell your dad tbh. No need to destroy your family for something that happened a long time ago. Sooo are you Japanese, Korean, or Chinese?
She's banging him. Your marriage is over.
Block him on everything. If he walks up to you walk away. If he calls on another line, hang up when you hear his voice.
I didnt say he do worse on purpose. Signing up for different categories doesn't affect him.
There is nothing wrong with asking him to not forget about her. She clearly says THEY as a group get invited. If hes letting all the attention stay on him he's not being supportive. That's not a healthy relationship. Especially as shes asking for common feelings.
“Do better” is the lamest advice from a bully. You do better.
I didnt say he do worse on purpose. Signing up for different categories doesn't affect him.
There is nothing wrong with asking him to not forget about her. She clearly says THEY as a group get invited. If hes letting all the attention stay on him he's not being supportive. That's not a healthy relationship. Especially as shes asking for common feelings.
“Do better” is the lamest advice from a bully. You do better.
I'm not proud of those feelings whatsoever. It makes me feel gross because it's something I can't control. I'm BEYOND proud of my husband for the work he's made and the commitment that he puts into his work. But that's why I'm in therapy; to figure out why I get these awful feelings of inadequacy and jealousy. Hopefully, I will learn to do better.
Was thinking the same. Lots of good info and follow up questions here. No response
I have talked to a couple friends about this, I decided on the following plan. I am going to ask her to dance this Friday, then after we’re done dancing, I’ll invite her back to my place for drinks.
Well ufc is simple. He doesn’t really drink or do drugs of sorts. Often time men will try and over drink and see who can get the most fucked out of everyone. This usually leads to the exclusion of people who don’t drink much as often times drunk people figure they won’t want to hang out with them, and as an extension, don’t want the possibility of ruining vibes in either party. I went to ufc on Saturday and most of the party were on the one guys ass for not drinking that night (I was thankful because saved me a taxi ?$. I could see how if he weren’t a main part of the group already tho why they would choose to exclude him. And then keep it a secret as-well. Clearly they care about the guy and didn’t wanna hurt his feelings.
She definitely needs therapy for this. I’m glad that you didn’t take the offer to do this because it would be traumatic for you too as this is not something you want to do. Therapy will help and assure her that she won’t ever be violated like that again and can heal. Just keep assuring her that you love her and her body belongs to her and she can feel safe.
Good riddance! You did well! Spared yourself and the wedding party.
Thanks. I want to figure out a way to get him help if needed without giving him the idea to claim psychiatric issues as an excuse for himself. I don’t want to have to hear that I can’t blame him and have no right to be upset because he can’t control it, if there ISNT actually anything wrong. You know?
You’re getting so hung up on watering the plants that I’m starting to suspect that you don’t see how big the issue is.
Your husband knows that he’s hurting you, overwhelming you and not pulling his weight. What sort of adult “begs” for someone to make dinner? My nephew is 9 and he won’t beg for food, he’ll just go and make himself a sandwich.
Take the plants out of the equation. He gives zero fucks about helping you and participating in the household life. Let that sink in.
Agreed. A doctor visit would be a really good idea.
finances are one of the leading causes of divorce. There needs to be honest talk, starting with you OP! You say you make $500 more. $500 what??? per hour, per day, per week, per month, per year, 500k more – where's the context????
You've only recently started living together. Presumably your wife paid her own bills while living separately?? If you two have been together 4 years and started living together less than a year ago, guess what, your wife is not “using you.” The two of you are just having some difficulty managing the transition from living separately to living together. It sounds like you're not really on board with mingling finances as most married couples do, and are trying to treat your wife like a stranger sharing an apartment with you. That won't work, and you need to stop.
“I understand the car payments as it is my car so I'm not worried about that.” Oh well isn't that big of you /s
You admit your wife pays half the rent. So she does contribute financially. Rent is often one of if not the biggest bill people face, so stop downplaying that. I notice you haven't said anything about other bills she pays, you've just focused on whinging about paying some utility and grocery bills, including the baby essentials. Why are you complaining about paying for your child's food and other needs?? You are legally responsible for supporting your child, full stop. Did you pay child support to your wife after the baby was born, before you two moved in together?
for the rest of it, you need to sit down with your wife and negotiate a budget/arrangement. Keep in mind that you are married, you are not room mates. Typically if both spouses work, they negotiate a split of joint expenses which takes differing incomes into account. Sometimes they allocate the bills among themselves, husband pays this one, wife pays this other one.
This is a conversation that you should have had with your wife before moving in together.
Child care is a whole other issue. Who pays for day care? Who sacrifices work for child care (such as doctor's appointments) in your household? If it's your wife, then this is another factor where you need to contribute more dollars because your wife's work/career is being sacrificed to some extent for child care. I find it weird that you don't even mention day care. That's usually a very large expense for new parents if the mother goes back to work.
Stop treating your wife, who is also the mother of your child, like a tenant or room mate. And stop with the sugar daddy attitude. It's utterly ridiculous. That's you being controlling and cheap.
I would really like to hear your wife's side of this story. Your post comes off extremely one sided and unbalanced.
It's typical of people to jump to conclusions. I hope that wasn't the case and that the commentor was just replying in the proper spirit.
Does he give you hand massages?
She has to ask you to go on dates with her ? Sorry. That's sad. That was the part that jumped out at me, sorry bro
She's relying on you being a gullible sap, and you're playing right into her hands!
You came here years ago, ignored the advice given, and the exact thing they said would happen clearly has.
“Fool me once…”
Send the pictures to his Mom.
Some of these responses are wild to me. I do understand what you're saying, but it's only being privvy to this info in the first place that makes people insecure. Me and my current partner haven't discussed our past partners at all, except for the contact he has with his ex who's the mother of his child. He hates hearing anything about my past – so I've tried telling him I'm friends with exes. He doesn't want to know. So, one of my best friends is a guy who's dick I sucked before. I have a few friends who's dick I've ridden and we still speak. Completely platonically. And my boyfriend trusts me so doesn't care or want to know about it. If he did know, then I'm sure he'd feel how you describe, but he's old enough and mature enough to realise that those people are my PAST and so completely irrelevant to our story. He's also a strong enough person that if he found out I did cheat or did anything sus, then he'd act on his boundaries and leave.
Your comment is super misogynistic btw.
For a moment lets forget all the other problems this relationship has.
What kind of answer do you expect when you ask someone a question like that? Like DUH of course he would have been with his ex if they hadn't broken up. What did she expect him to say – no bae, even if she hadn't cheated I would have magically fallen in love with you the moment that I saw you?
FWB? Date? Or are you just jealous of K?
Obviously, worst case is you ruin the friendship
I think you should directly ask him – so when will me meet? Or more indirect, like – I am going to go to (place you both previously enjoyed) on Friday, do you want to come? I have to say, his lack of asking to meet you doesn’t look promising. But you deserve to know either way. If he does not quickly say yes to a meeting … he is not interested.
People shouldnt act like that no matter the age
His female friend sounds like such a NLOG. “She's one of the guys!” I'm sorry this happened to you, and I think your bf should become an ex. He didn't have your back. He doubled down on his awful behaviour, and he didn't stand up to his friends. Shame on him. Good luck x
You are shining in this pic and he said that shit bc he's insecure. Dump him and find someone else. He's clearly lusting after your sister. That doesn't sit right with me.
Do not tell her it’s because of the sa.
Tell her she’s an alcoholic and that’s she’s abusive. And yes she is an alcoholic, if she needs it and cannot give it up, even when it turns her into some dark, evil creature, she is an alcoholic.
Tell her you’ve checked out of the relationship already and you don’t believe her promises.
Tell her it’s too little, too late.
And then tell her it’s over.
And then leave.
You didn't withhold anything important. It's entertainment. You have a heavy job and understandably want reading material that's a bit lighter when you get home. It's mind boggling that this would be an issue to anyone. This is by far the dumbest thing to get angry about.
Yeah, these posts pop up occasionally, on the vein of, “my bf won't wipe his butt because he believes it's gay, how do I let him know he stinks of shit without upsetting him?” and my go to advice is to bluntly tell him that he stinks and ni one likes his eau du turd fragrance and shame the mf into adulting hygiene.
This case sounds like OP is missing the first for the trees. Do be compassionate, but do bring it up. Tell your friend that you are worried that she's not taking care of herself; ask her if she would like to talk about it to you or anyone else; emphasize that you don't want her to feel judged, but that you fear for her well-being.
100% this has to be an AI. The replies are so robotic and weird
honey youre 22 watching stranger things is normal and your gf has mental issues
You've explained enough. She gets it, you get a kick out of seeing her picutures but it makes her uncomfortable. Leave her alone and stop being so selfish and get your thrills elsewhere.
She was literally examined by a doctor and OP was told her injuries lined up with sexual assault. Why the fuck is everyone questioning her?
The first three were relationships. OP probably didn’t feel the need to make a paragraph about her ONS.
I think you need a new man as this is one is still playing the field. I wonder if he cheated in his marriage that leads to divorce.
I mean, you need to speak up, otherwise you will wake up one day 10 years from now, with a SAHM wife and 3-5 kids and wonder what is going on.
I never said he couldn't do that. I simply consider it a matter of respect that when you said you're doing something with someone, you either keep your word or at least let them know if things changed. But each to their own.
Yes that’s also true.
Here OP and her boyfriend need to talk it out and get on the same page. Is there really a financial issue? Do they really not spend enough time together? Or is he just being weird and controlling and jealous about this? There isn’t enough info to know, and what I think ultimately doesn’t matter – they can either find something that satisfies everyone or they can’t.
I m so happy for you that this AH is you ex.
That has to him either not paying attention to the order, the restaurant they’re getting from is screwing it up, or both
I would probably consider getting a divorce. Don't lie to her and just be unhappy to stay with someone who doesn't want the same things out of life as you.
That’s a good point.
Seriously!!! The fucking work-around of claiming his coworker had the cat and getting his coworker to play along and refuse to give it back all to try and make it impossible for OP to get her cat back from the shelter in time… that's some psycho shit. This was so premeditated and cruel it 100% speaks to who he is as a person.
OP when you read this: be careful of what she puts in your food. The way her mind runs from not being overweight while she clearly tells you to gain weight, sounds like she already decided you have to gain the weight..
Just ask him, is it still married?
What kind of quality time are the two of you spending together and how often?
I’m the person who wants more space and independence in my marriage too, so trust that my question isn’t coming from a place of judgement. It’s just that people like us really can neglect our partners without realizing it, because we simply don’t notice the lack of quality time the way they do.
It may feel to you that you’re already giving all you have to give, yet it may look to your husband like you’re giving time and energy to everything except him.
Is it possible that were you to set aside a reasonable chunk of time each week for just the two of you, that he wouldn’t be “up your ass” so much? Like, if he could count on every Saturday night being date night (for example), maybe he wouldn’t be trying to find ways to hang out throughout the week?
You don’t have to go for walks after work or join him at the gym. But there do need to be some parts of your week that are dedicated to quality time together — is that possible?
I'm with you on this one. I also have a very high body count, I've never had an issue not wanting sex and I've been with the same person for more than a decade. I want him just as much today as I did that first time.
I suspect that she's just using him for something else- security, comfortable, I don't know, but I do know its not for sex.
Lie by omission. Not cheating but perfectly normal to he upset about it and even divorce if you can't deal with it. 100% her fault. Most people wouldn't date someone who fucked their sibling and her lack of openness about it didn't give you the opportunity to make a choice.
If this happened while she was extremely intoxicated, she probably has some deep feelings of shame. Realize her intoxication means she was unable to coherently consent and this could be considered rape. She most likely deeply regretted it happening when she sobered up and most women that this happens to want to forget about it and push it out of their minds. Please realize that she is most likely the victim as well.
I am not saying I wouldn’t be a bit Icked out by this, but have some empathy for her as well. She was at the very least taken advantage of by your brother, and most likely raped. She may have some trauma involved with this.
This is definitely the behavior of a creep. It’s highly inappropriate of him to be acting like this!
Your sister is 26 not 16. She’s an adult! For heaven’s sake, your parents need to butt out and let her live her life and make her choices!!
Tell them “Sister, is an adult. She will make her own choices and you need to respect that.” Repeat like a mantra.
Ok, but please consider how you would feel if you were in this position and a man you cared for ditched you for your friend. Take it easy on your bf and just stay away from this whole situation because it won’t end well. You can find another guy you’re crazy about that will also care about you.
He cheated because you were sad from your dad dying and you're like “what would y'all do?”
You know, dude. You know. Now the question is: what will YOU do?
You're appreciative, no such thing as too many compliments
I begged for 5 years for even half of this. If she hasn't mentioned an issue, continue doing it.
One of the best comments here. Will be renting for a bit that’s for sure.
Why would you wanna marry someone who cant save money?
The Legal Benefits of Marriage Employment benefits—health insurance, family leave, bereavement leave. Family benefits: Adoption rights and joint foster care rights. … Government benefits: … Tax and estate planning benefits: … Medical and death benefits: … Consumer benefits—discounts to families or couples.
people are coming at you pretty harshly so i want to empathize with you over what is a pretty shitty and difficult situation. at the same time, i think you need a bit of a wakeup call about your boyfriends behavior. steve is 1) racist and 2) actively antagonizing you by continuing to do something that upsets you. and your boyfriend is doing absolutely nothing about it. he’s completely complicit with his friend’s racist morals and bullying. this is NOT a small thing at ALL. my bet is that if you were truly honest with yourself you’d see a lot more examples of how your boyfriend is not treating you how toy deserve to be treated
OP’s younger sister is 20
Bet she planted some kind of polyamory seed in his mind.
This right here. I think there's even more to this story than OP even realized and they are likely working together to get op to be okay with this.
Well if he was expected to pay it back in the first place then I would expect it back. I wouldn’t believe he will pay it now because y’all are broke up. So he probably isn’t going to pay it and it’s not worth going to court over. So mom will probably have to deal with it or you pay for it since he’s your ex.
Sometimes it’s nude for me to tell if I’m seeing things clearly or if I’m making it a bigger deal than it should be. I’ve just been feeling so uncomfortable there lately, only when his moms around. I don’t think their dynamic will ever change if he doesn’t move out. And I don’t think he’d ever move out.
His mom also homeschooled him. And she’d tell me that they spent pretty much every second together when he was growing up. They’re so enmeshed I don’t think he’d ever even be on my side if there were ever arguments between me and his mom. He’d always side with her.
Today after she gets home from work. That way she has her 4 day weekend to figure out how she wants to move forward. We have a spare room she can sleep in but idk if it's wise to let her be alone even.
I don’t deny that I’m at fault here in some capacity but I do believe what she said is unacceptable. I’m kinda shocked how many people think what she said is fine and not abusive. She has a pattern of saying stuff like this so that’s also why I put it in the category of abuse.
I am curious if me being a man has something to do with how people are perceiving this situation ?
Dump your gf, KEEP THE FRIEND! That's a good human being. Tell them you value her friendship despite breaking up with your soon to be ex. You need more good people around you like that friend
Yeah plenty of scientists who work in labs have a lot of friends… these are all just excuses.
Nope. He would be the problem if he was tricking you. But you are fully aware of what's happening.
Not only do you know what he is doing – but you willfully and continuously participate in what he is doing.
Oh absolutely 🙂
I once heard about “potential relationship”.
You see someone, you are attracted and you know there could be something there. From both sides. Then you decide what you do next. Play with fire like you said or make sure no fire gets lit EVER if I might say it that way? Does it make sense? Like limit interactions to the minimum, keep it as professionnal as it can possibly be if at work. If in a group of friend, make sure to not get alone with this person for example.
Has she ever been in love? For some people they may never get the butterflies that they believe are supposed to signify LoVe, but they want to put in the work of a healthy relationship.
Does she treat you well? Does she want a future with you?
It’s not easy to dump her I really love her ?
As was she, so they already have one thing in common.
OP, talk to her. Try to become her friend. Usually, once you open up to someone/ they open up to you, it's possible to find some commonalities and something to like in most people. And she's probably introverted and shut off because she was raised in a misogynistic society that didn't allow her to develop a personality. Encourage her to further her education and develop some interests. Really talk to her. You're probably both unhappy, maybe she has ideas what you could do to improve the situation.
And, in your place, I'd also go to your parents and confront them – tell them you're unhappy to the point of unaliving yourself, and ask them if they are happy with the results of forcing you into a marriage you didn't want. Really let them have it, maybe that will save one of your siblings from a similar fate.
Y’all are young as hell, of course he wants to try other people, I’m surprised you don’t if I’m assuming this is maybe the 1st or 2nd guy of your life. I suggest you two break up and live life a little you are way too young
This man wasn't listening to a single word OP said in the last 6 months. Didnt take any interest at all.
claiming his penis is pay back
I'm sorry, WHAT? I'm furious on your behalf here, but this line is just comedy gold.
I wouldn't give you another chance.
This wasn't just one mistake, it was a series of lies and deceptions.
The fact that you continue to downplay your actions and try to excuse them, rather than owning up to the massive fuck up you orchestrated, would seal the breaking up deal.
I don't see how he could ever trust you again.