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I think before you make the decision to kick him out, you need to have a really deep conversation with him on how you feel, and tell him that he is addicted. I don't believe you want to leave him, so I'm going to assume that throwing in the towel on this marriage and calling it a wash is not an option.
You need to make it clear to him that the only reason you'd leave him is if he doesn't improve, and that getting rid of the console (and by rid of, I mean in a location only you know about) for an indefinite amount of time. The next step would be boundaries. Tell him that you'd like to go out on dates, get into a show, go on walks, go to the gym together, etc. Have meals together without him watching twitch. In fact, I'd probably say limited twitch usage. Maybe only in bed, and only if he doesn't watch it all night.
What is your timeline and what is hers? Ask her straight away because she definitely already has an answer. If you don't like it leave, seriously, because there is no future you'll both want.
But yeah, testing the waters, living situation etc, way too early. She has already decided that you have the capabilities to be a father and husband and is now and will in the future pressure you to follow her plan.
And for as long as you need to decide to break up or not, use condoms that you bring yourself and don't leave them out of your sight. Her behaviour is a bit of a red flag I wouldn't risk getting trapped.
Please don't go to his house he blocked you it's over move on. That's what happens when you play dumb ass games instead of taking things out like an adult
It says male enhancement like something you get from gas station…
Yeah I saw that one a bit after commenting! I don't become angered or frustrated easily, but this person's habits get to me. The sheer volume of posts they've created and ways they've exploited abuse survivors is harrowing to me, and they've actively wasted enormous amounts of commenters' time and resources. I only hope no one has ever given them money or shared personal confidential information with them in attempts to help them.
He’s going to have to stop doing that they’ll never stop because I keep paying him they’ll keep doing it. I would just tell him to on-line with it and let it go and not do it again pretty seen the whole universe is going to have nudes on the Internet.
17 days ago you were on this same sub thanking someone for telling you to leave him and saying you need to realize your self-worth.
Two and a half weeks later you’re back on the same sub getting the same advice.
I mean this kindly, but when exactly are you planning to follow the advice you keep asking for?
..but people let their horny do the talking for them and they end up in situations like this and suddenly their relationship is shot to shit.
Also goes for cheating. At least I've got the impression that plenty of affairs aren't premeditated, they kind of just happen when one partner is presented with an opportunity and decide to indulge the horny temptations rather than resist them. Then hindsight hits like a truck.
My god
Your right thats what he said but he told me he told them welive together and the do ask about me but idk for sure. I haven't seen anyone he works with since November and so all I have is his word which isn't making me feel very confident. But he could have told everyone we broke up for all I know and I know some of his coworkers are older with kids close to our age and daughters who are single whom he mentioned in the past they tried to set him up with?
He's having a breakdown.
“For better or worse”, well this is one of the “worse” times.
Be there with and for him. Talk. He needs you now more than ever.
She might be facing low estrogen and very early perimenopause. If you have atrophy, no amount of lube will change that. She's young but on r/menopause there are a few women in their 30s with symptoms.
I’m confused how you’re stuck between med school or your bf… you’re not even done with your Bachelor’s yet.
Let’s take things one step at a time dear
The way you get her is the same way you will lose her. If she cheated on her boyfriend to be with you, she will do the same when she is with you. If you want to take this seriously, don't engage with her until she is single.
Perfect. It is personal and small.
I’m worried I might be unknowingly ruining other people’s relationship. They seem romantically involved with each other and I don’t want to be a side hoe or anything
You should let him re-home the dog with someone else. This is on him, and he's not a good pet owner. And stop bailing him out for rent or anything else. If he can't make rent he can sell his PS 5
100% did the right thing by moving on. This one area you need to be in the same page for
You are more fixated on breasts than most people in this thread
No, he assumed.
I’m not expecting him to be all mushy over me I just needed something, to this day I have no idea how he felt about me because the most he was say is ‘I like you’, he’d only see me the odd few hours here and there, in 8 months I think we’d only spent one whole day together. It was his whole indifference towards me and lazy attitude towards the relationship. I didn’t really feel secure or safe. I’m quite independent and I don’t need reassurance or to see each other all the time but he was such a low effort guy it started to get to me.
This comment should be higher. OP, this is not the girl you want to marry if 18 days ago you were still hung up on your ex.
There will be other people who will be “the love of your life”.
His mom is in the picture, he's just living here and came here for his education. He will be going back during vacation time & after he's finished with college.
Drop them all. They aren't friends.
You don't.
He's not going to change.
Time to take a good long look at your future. Is this how you want your life to be? If not, it's time to go your separate ways.
There’s not even a whiff of chemistry maybe for you, but maybe she senses there is on her husbands side
Personally, I don’t stick around where I’m not wanted, and it very much looks likes she’s trying to tell you you’re not wanted
We established early on that watching porn was cheating.
Actually the other way round — if he gets it, then he's gonna reference that in future as “the best time in our relationship”, and he will guilt-trip OP into thinking she's a bad girlfriend.
OP, please leave that guy, he just told you what he wants from you and this doesn't include you being a person with your own feelings and boundaries. Like, he wants himself to be the center of your life no matter what, giving nothing in return. And you are not allowed to complain.
Or it could be all in OP's head and she doesn't understand the difference between friendly and flirting.
I do. I've never been electrocuted.
They shouldn’t even be together imo , op playing a dicey game either way
Honestly you're putting too much significance on your wedding day. I know that sounds weird considering the planning and money that goes into these things, but they're usually over before you know it. It's really difficult to enjoy much of it as a bride or groom. What you think you missed out on isn't as magical as the movies make you believe. With that said, you have all right to be upset and you definitely lost some magic on that day but it's not as much as you think. You'll make way better memories than the wedding.
He litteraly went one way with his aniexty and now he's projecting in back onto you. HE HAD THE DISTRUST NOT YOU. HES IS ASSUMING YOU HAD THAT DISTRUST THAT WAS NOT THER.
so in short He is still giving into his aniexty in a way by projecting it onto you and basicly saying “you don't trust me becouse I dident trust you” that is not how life works.
but why? what is an apology going to do? an alology doesn’t change the lack of respect he has toward you or erase what he did. what will an argument do if he doesn’t apologise?? why put urself through the stresso
Lol size don’t matter my guy. I’ve dated a dude with a dick below average that was great on bed. I mentioned the size of his dick cause it really is huge. Like I didn’t think dicks like those existed… other than his dick size he’s just good in bed. He’s amazing at oral… foreplay, massages. Like he does it all
From what I'm hearing, it sounds like your issue is not necessarily rooted in the porn itself but in your insecurities about what he might be thinking when watching it, am I right?
Like, you watch straight porn and you're less conflicted about that because you knowexactly how you feel about the actors, the scenario, the premise…
You know that your feelings about the erotica you're watching don't take away from your attraction to him, but you're concerned that you don't have definitive proof of the same from him.
Am I still on the right path?
I would argue that the fact he's watching lesbian porn is not necessarily because he's looking at women to mentally replace you, but to remove himself from the fantasy altogether.
Let me explain my thinking.
So when we see a sexy scenario, usually most people would probably think: “Wow, how good would this feel if it was happening to me?”
Right?
But not all people think like that all the time because sometimes they don't want to think about themselves when they're trying to imagine something unbearably sexy because they don't see themselves as unbearably sexy.
Adding our own flabby/achy/greasy delete as appropriate bodies makes the whole thing unsexy for us, so we look for scenarios that are sexy but that couldn'tpossibly include us!
There is also the emotional component.
Some people don't feel comfortable fantasising about something that feels dishonest. The pornstar might be sexy as all hell, but they're an honest and loyal partner who doesn't want to picture themselves cheating!
Well… can't cheat if you're not even in the fantasy, can you?
Furthermore, some of us need some quite emotionally complex stuff to add flavour to our fantasies. Romance! Double-crosses! Enemies to Lovers! Dom-Sub dynamics!
You might feel your loyalty compromised if you start fantasising about such emotionally deep feelings with other people, so you just sort of… remove yourself from the picture.
You're still mentally picturing the fantasy and getting your motor running, but you feel comfortable and safe because you're not putting yourself through those feelings.
You know who the biggest consumers of romantic literature involving male-male pairings are?
Heterosexual women.
Think about that in the context of your boyfriend's appreciation of lesbian erotica, because the answer might be more complex than you initially thought.
How do you feel about being her back up plan? Her failsafe? How do you feel about this being repeated in 8-10months for the next guy?
With the timing it is likely that the brother knew you are dating. He may be a jerk who gets off on hitting on his brother's girlfriend. You could ask your bf if he let his brother know you were dating, and tell him after he answers about the chat. Please tell him. If it was a set up with the two, which I doubt, that is groas.
It's only been 10 months, smell, pheromones are a big deal. Enjoying you partners smell is kind of important. Maybe its time to think about breaking up.
I've had partners, that when they would get smelly, their BO would really be a turn off, would really stink, it was gross…. AND other partners, after long day, or gym session, they would would have BO and it was the most attractive shit ever. Want to get all wrapped up in their smells.
For your partner: diet and exercise are a factor. So is the soap and deodorant he uses.
Me personally, in my late 20's, my body odour went WAY down once i switched to natural soaps and deodorants.
It's textbook manipulation.
I really admire you. I truly do for putting up with all this for so long and writing so calmly about it. What I miss here is what do you do for yourself, and does he do anything for you?
I understand his frustration, but that is no reason to take it out on you. Therapy for him would help him realise it's not your fault. But he has to want that. Until then you need to tell him that and make it clear you know he is in pain and frustrated. You went through that yourself. But he needs to show you love as well.
Can you get him a punching bag and stress balls for his temper? Something like a fidget spinner that would help him physically let out his stress on something other than you?
You are truly an angel for going through all this. hugs.
he does it to you bc he knows that he can with no repercussions
I want to point out also that you do not have dreams about being in a thruple multiple days in row. He is trying to make you open the relationship to have sex with her anytime he wants.
Yeah as soon as I told her in front of her partner I was getting married she said y didn't u tell me and I said I am telling u now I asked her to marry me and she said yes then she proceeded to say I wanna walk u down the isle and buy all the flowers for ur wedding stupid comments I was a little confused like I'm not yours to give away as I thought to myself…I felt the weird sense of ownership.
Seconding this. The smaller issue here is that the two women are rude and not good friends, but they were also put in an awkward position of having to throw someone they don’t know that well a bachelorette party. The larger issue is.. why doesn’t your fiancee have any friends? Sure she had a bad childhood or whatever but what about the other 20-ish years? Has she never had any close friends?
Imagine she went to a hens night and got fingered. Would you want to know?
Oh my bad, I thought you meant since it's in her account it is all hers.
Depending how they did their finances, it may be really challenging to figure out what is hers and what is his in a quick enough time frame for her to safely exit, so unless it is going to be a vast majority one or the other, I'd say just go half.
Not only are you supporting your friend, she thinks a lot of you to ask you. She is inviting you on a once in a lifetime type of holiday/vacation. Me personally I would go and just get through the year having used up PTO/annual leave as it’s only for one year!
Good luck whatever you decide.
Oh for sure!
You're gonna be a bridezilla, aren't you?
Even as an intrusive though it’s extremely unusual. I have OCD and I have very intrusive thoughts, never had one about violent murder. Not saying it’s not possible but I’ve never met another person who was like that except ONE man, who went on to abuse his partner. Luckily she left.
How did your conversation go? What is your gut saying? Was he very willing to discuss it? Was he honest? This isn’t a 10 minute kind of talk, it’s a long talk where he apologizes for scaring you, saying he understands how his words are frightening. Saying he will consider therapy. Literally so much needs to be known. You need to know EVERYTHING after a conversation like that and he needs to be willing and open to share all of it .