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So you had an agreement, and he broke it? You need a serious talk about it with him, and a serious think about your future together as that is not how good relationships work.
According to your logic, having sex with other people would have to be allowed either, otherwise you are taking ownership of their genitals.
A relationship is trading in some autonomy for the benefits of a partnership. You just need to find a common ground.
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I think I'm just venting. He's great in so many other ways – he's completely made me part of his friend group/family, he calls me daily, he plans days out with me, he generally cares for me. We've been together just over a year and I'm his first girlfriend.
However when he's on a night out with his friends, I've asked that I get a quick text just to say everything is good or at least a text when he's home to let me know he's okay. I don't care where he goes, who he's with (within reason obv), how long he's out – I just want that one text so I can go to bed knowing he's okay. If I'm being more honest with myself I'd probably love if he was a drunk texter – I'm used to being in relationships where the guy texts me how much he misses me etc when he's out but I don't get anything like that from this BF, but I've just had to accept that's his character.
He knows my brother got seriously beaten up on a night out in our town a few years ago – it completely shook me up and maybe it's affected me a bit. Also my mum is nervous about us going out and we need to reassure her that we're okay probably more than most parents would need – and I might have got it from her.
Last time he promised he would text me from now on because I went into full on panic mode (he hadn't replied to my text from about 10am that morning and he didn't reply to my texts/phonecalls until 4am that evening. I didn't start texting/phoning til about 11pm as I knew he was going out so didn't want to pester but I did start to panic in the end). So the next day he acknowledged it and said he'd be more mindful.
Last night was his first night out since that fall out and…. no text. I remind him this morning that he promised he'd let me know he's okay and I got angry outbursts of “i'm not used to someone keeping tabs on me” “you need to give me more freedom” “i'm not a child” which I completely get but at the same time – I'm asking for what, 10 seconds of your night to reassure me??
Am I making something out of nothing? Have I got a valid point? He's refused to apologise for making me worry again last night as he's “fed up of waking up from a night out with an angry girlfriend”.
I know I probably sound whiny and anxiety-ridden, but it literally only is when he's on a night out that I need that bit of reassurance. We can go hours with no contact otherwise.
EDIT: So many more responses than I expected so thank you. Struggling to get through them all. I think it's clear to see that it's divided opinion though so I either need to ease up or be with someone more compatible.
How can you hate weight lifting? It's one of the most fun things? Try to get a private trainer to show you deadlifts. You will never go back.
wow really? Please dont cut your penis, or your kids. There is absolutely no reason , its not ugly , its normal, there is nothing wrong with it.
Look up Manti Teo. Watch the documentary about him if you can. He also fell in love with a girl in an online-only relationship. They would chat, text, even talk on the phone. She told him she was in and out of the hospital, she faked friends and relatives that he talked with as well. Ultimately faked her own death, then “came back” from the dead. Turned out this girlfriend was a man, it was all a lie, and the fall out destroyed his career.
You’re in love with the character this person has created. But they are not that character. They could be a man, or 50 years old, or anything other than what they’re presenting to you. This is so obviously fake and very unhealthy for you. Please, get out of it right away.
Alright reddit go to sleep now. You're done.
Well, there's really no easy way to do it. Somebody gets hurt, no matter what. It's just life. Say, “This just isn't working out for me. I think I need a break from this.” Of course, he says whatever he says, and you say, “I think I want to date other people.” This is reasonable.
It sounds like depression and unfortunately having everything someone could want isn't a cure for it. Try to stop feeling so guilty about it and focus on getting help that works. The therapy you've had so far didn't work, so maybe you need a different therapist or maybe you need meds or something else. Maybe start with your primary care doctor or a psychiatrist.
If they matter to me and are in my inner circle I explain it to them, but if not, I don’t bother and just brush it off
Reddit is not the place to get answers about this. It’s skewed against trans people and all the complexities being trans comes with.
He kept something from you and that’s not okay. But it’s a lot more complicated than that. You need to check in with yourself and read up on this from other people with trans partners.
You may be more open to this than you realize and have just been blindsided. Think about how much you care for him and what matters most. If that means splitting, that’s okay. But the answer doesn’t have to be break up. Strap ons exist, for starters. Bottom surgery is not a necessity.
You’re both very young. I hope you handle this with an open mind and open heart.
I am glad hugs
right. i guess it is because they just settle. they do not respect themselves to think they deserve a better man. a man that knows how to properly clean himself. ??
Apologize for what you didn’t do anything wrong he did maybe start making him pay half the rent half the utilities doesn’t matter if your parents are paying for it let him pay have to on-line there see how he likes that.
She believes him and she keeps telling me how I should too since her ex (also our common friend) didn't try to work on relationship with her and moved across country but he is.
So by your logic…
If you have a spouse, you have children, you have a mortgage, and you don't have the financial resources to easily absorb a catastrophe like divorce… but if you have suspicions, you should just walk away rather than investigate?
Brilliant.