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Quit lying to yourself
gaslighting
You don't know what that word means. The key part of gaslighting is getting someone to question their own sanity and ability to accurately reason situations, not just turning things back on them or disagreeing with them.
I get why you might not understand it because it is probably the most misunderstood term on the internet but it's a disservice to actual victims of gaslighting to trot it out everywhere. Reddit can downvote me all they want but talk to any psychologist worth their salt and they'll tell you the same.
If you constantly turn someone else's complaints about what they feel is wrong in a relationship and deflecting it back to it being their problem it is a form of abuse.
If you actually read the examples OP gave it's more accurate to say the guy just doesn't accept responsibility. Sure, these thing could be a smaller part of a pattern of behavior if there is a more severe trend but with the examples presented it's absolutely a reach to call it abuse.
Ya'll can downvote me all you want but I work with domestic violence shelters every day and there's a reason why I push back against the over-use of abuse terminology in pop culture; treating abusive situations vs not abusive per say but still shitty require different tactics and insight.
Nope. Again, she believed he cheated on her due to what the ex told her. No one wants someone who cheated on them in the delivery room. I guarantee that she would have preferred to not have been put through the emotional turmoil of thinking the father of her child had cheated on her and wanted her loyal partner in the room to support her when she was at her most vulnerable.
The ex hurt them both and is the only one who should be blamed for this.
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thats what the average person would think but there are lots of people with strange interpersonal skills and that are awkwardly forward.
All he did was bring up a casual discussion regarding how a proposal wouldn't be as much of a surprise if there was a timeline and you reacted as if he just told you he never wants to marry you, so it feels like there is a lot of information missing from this post.
I have gone through similar situations. My wife and I are in a good financial situation. She stopped working 10 years ago. Her Two sisters are terrible with money and constantly ask to “ borrow’ money. we made a mistake one time and actually lent the amount, about $4000.00…..months went by, with no attempt to repay…..At a family event I approached the sister about paying me back and it turned into a whole fuck you, how dare you. I left , went back later to pick up my wife and told her I’m done with her family. To this day they have not paid a nickel. The story now is that it was a gift, and I am a prick for asking for it back. To the OP….do not ask your husband to help in this, it will go nowhere . If you want to give your sister money, go ahead but make the assumption it’s a donation. Your husband already knows this
After a big conversation, we came to the following conclusion:
If we meet up in the island after all and go through with the vacation, MIL can't come. If we can't pull off the island, we will likely go visit my parents directly. She REALLY didn't want to go but after explaining that I left my family so she could be with hers, she finally got it.
OP….you’re 34…… are you really this easy to manipulate?
Does it matter if you’re disloyal at this point? He’s a cheater and a liar. HE’S disloyal. You should’ve left when you first found out.
Why are you hanging onto this and being this naive
I’m sorry you’re in this situation. Hanging up after that comment is a huge, BURNING red flag. I hope you end up happy and your gut seems to be right based on the info you gave. I wish you luck. My situation is similar-ish.
I’m kinda sorta seeing a woman and it occurred to me that I don’t have to feel needed but I do think feeling wanted is a reasonable expectation so I’m making it a point to make it clear the ball is in her court. It’s nude because I feel very strongly for her, but I think my expectation is reasonable and I’ve reached the point whereas I may be alone but I’m not lonely.
Good luck.
Record the threats and go to the police. I'm sorry that you ended up in this fucked up situation, but it's better to try to get out than staying. If you get out you don't know the outcome, if you stay you know that you'll be abused and most likely killed some day.
He wasn't even going to tell you.
Ask yourself what other dumb shit has he maybe done that he's never told you about?
This isn't something that can be a compromise. Its either you both want kids or neither of you want kids.
This isn't gonna work
But you did do it intentionally. There was clear intent in step along the way, particularly in bringing it up again in front of a group. You did INTEND to bring this up to a group with the INTENTION to be proven “right.”
And what you wanted to be proven right about was that your girlfriend is less nude than your ex. Do you really lack so much common sense that you can't figure out that trying to get a group of people to agree with you that your ex is hotter is malicious?
Come on dude.
I feel that so much, I dreamt my first would be my last and I was 21 when we met and 24 almost when I ended it. I realized in hindsight I was trying to make myself okay with what he was like and how I never came first ( he almost moved across the country on a whim without me) because I didn’t want to let go of my ideal that I wouldn’t ever have to break up and find somebody again. For me I just wanted the family I never really had and I guess I was so eager to get it in a guy. But I’m relieved I didn’t settle for that, as nude as it is. He didn’t have a kid, but overall, as humans, I know that there’s not a lot we can’t get through if we’re determined to heal.
I responded to “cuss him out”.
Don't date him. That's the advice. An almost 30 year olds dating a barely legal teenager is the red flag.
You’re pissed over a disappointing sex life that is “amazing.”
I am super confident here.
Is there any chance you would like to move back to your hometown? At least for some time
You clean the house, and pay the bills? That sounds like some weird equality shit. My wife and I share every penny, in the same accounts. We never fight about money ever. There is always plenty when you scrape together in my experience. When we have less than usual, we just work nude to make more… no fights about who does what. (We own a store together, so naturally I do most of the physical work) we have 3 under 4 years old, so someone has to be with them, so usually that is her! That’s the naked job honestly. Sounds to me like you guys are roommates that are having sex.