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Which I doubt…
Lol and you ended up with him. Internalised racism? I’m not even Asian and I just laugh at this shit. Every man of colour does.
Honestly contracts is the best route in my opinion because it protects everyone involved. Not to mention in bdsm which has a wide array of kinks. Contracts and consent is essential and a safe word is an absolute must because your trying and experimenting with things you haven’t experienced and you don’t know how you will react in the moment she could wake up and love it and you guys have sex or she could wake up freak out and hit you in the head. A contract is good idea not just for consent but it can protect against liability as well because if she did hit you and you don’t forgive her for whatever reason then you could get her arrested for assault ( not that you or she would this is just an example). Things like this are pushing boundaries and so it always has to be in a safe and responsible and respectful place and a contract is a way to make sure everyone is protected. I understand her feeling upset but this is tough topic because no one wants to think their partner thinks they are capable of like claiming something like SA but it’s happened many times I just read a story about it on Reddit where a guy broke up with a girl and a couple months later claimed during their relationship he sa’d her and all his friends believed her and he was called a ra**st and someone killed his dog so he moved as soon as he turned 18 and he found out through old friends (who wanted to reconcile kinda) recently that she not to long after he left town admitted while drunk she made it up because he broke up with her and he was her first love or something like that. So I mean you never know how someone will react in any given situation so in one where your fight or flight response might kick in. Something I on-line by is it’s always better to be safe than sorry
That’s such a bad take.
You are allowed to not date anyone for any reason. If his amount of drinking bothers you then don’t go out with him. He may drag you into alcoholism and I don’t think you want that. But I know it is naked to change someone and I don’t think it is worth it.
Ouch. I’m glad you said that. I never thought about it that way. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
She says I stretch topic for too long? So should I stop talking abruptly?
Oh, friend. He’s not just treating completely innocent and autonomous creatures without care or thought, but he’s actually denying and invalidating your feelings on the matter, manipulating you by getting angry that you have feelings on the matter, has essentially left you with the responsibility of taking care of the second cat he decided to get, and has completely disregarded your wishes and concerns when introducing them. I don’t know how loud we have to say it, but he does not respect you. At all. Like you said, you are both young. Being young means making mistakes. He’s one of them.
Have you talked to him about all this, and if so what was his response?
It can be very tempting to let yourself get carried away with thoughts about all of the surgeries that could “fix you”, but would you ever forgive yourself if you changed your body permanently like that? Especially to make yourself “better” for someone who has never even asked for you to do that?
But why not just watch a video if it's what you enjoy? Some partners aren't comfortable with sending nudes, so going to the internet one can solve that issue real quick and move on. Also citing erotica as a better alternative is kind of funny considering how much toxic and downright rapey most erotic novels are.
pay off( or down your mortgage)
I think his response is one of an innocent person! Also, if I was hooking up with someone in their car I really don’t think I would forget to put my bra back on afterwards. That just seems like I weird thing to forget, and I think it being his sisters sounds more plausible.
No, OP, you did not handle it well. You should have walked up to her, slammed her laptop down and yelled, “This is MY wine bar/coffee shop/library. Skidoodle!” You should looked towards the nearest exit, even if it was a fire exit, and just ran and never give either of them any explanation at all. You should move two states away after terminating every relationship, even if it's just a few hookups, so you never have to experience this again.
From someone who works in family court…
Keep all communication saved between you and him and get a court approved parenting app.
Only discuss the child NOT the girlfriend. This was your mistake. I understand you are frustrated but he’s the one broke the promises he made and who is allowing himself to be manipulated. DO NOT contact the girlfriend. Yes, you seem bitter from what you wrote to her. Again, I understand what you are saying but you contacting is helping their arguement.
File for child support and custody immediately. The courts are not going to grant him full custody.
In these apps show that you try to work with him. Discuss times he can see the child even if you know it won’t work. This will show the courts you tried.
Please understand he’s not going to help you or be what you want him to be. Don’t hold onto any hope. He’s showed you the type of person he is. If he doesn’t want to be around don’t force the issue. You won’t win and you will hurt your daughter with someone in and out of her life.
You're a very considerate and loving spouse.
That's a shitty road to have to be on
Leaving work/retirement parties are generally for employees only, not partners.
She sounds unbothered. You on the other hand sound like an asshole.
It’s not that easy. In my state, they won’t even terminate parental rights for someone who is in prison, charged with over 10 felonies (mostly violent) and two violent felony strikes.
It seems like she is micromanaging and making herself a victim based on her history of abuse. She's seeing things caused by financial strain as abusive because that's what she is used to (IF the telling of this incident is accurate). Try and sit together to come up with some budget ideas. If she wants to work, support that choice, if she has to resit some uni stuff because it doesn't balance, that's her choice. Sell a few bits for bus fairs and encourage her to invite people over if travel costs are an issue.
Definitely be open when things break as this obviously triggered her and hiding it (even to make it known later) in this situation will play into her fears.
The fact she doesn't want you to take more hours as you won't see each other says to me she does want to be around you, you're both just under tremendous pressure.
Good luck. And do check that tax rate – it's outrageous and surely can't be right.
I understand your point, but if we continue this house analogy I simply do not get what I want from this house. I do not have many sexual preferences, but this is one of them. And if I ask my girlfriend to clean her pipe because that is what I need to like being a guest here, but she will not do it, I do not enjoy being in this house and feel the houseowner doesn't care if I like her house.
Boyfriend doesn’t pay a set amount, just whatever the mom or grandparents need / ask him to. My guess is around $600-800 a month. Bf and babies mom broke up in June bc the mom cheated on my boyfriend and moved another guy into the house
The child ended up going to on-line with the grandparents during this in KY, as my partner had to move from WV back to OH to find a place to online. They took in the child full time during this going on to try and make it easier on the kid having to move around
Bf and mom both signed the papers saying they are the parents; but not custody agreement has been met legally.
Thank you so much, I’m going to go to the careers advisor and see what they say. I wish I had a passion or even remotely an interest in anything so I wouldn’t be in this position. But everything feels like a chore more than anything. Good luck to your son I’m sure he’ll be fine with a mom like you!
If someone cannot comprehend how you would want to be with your family … even if it means not spending her birthday with her … they aren’t someone you should be spending your time with
Yeah my parents got married around the year mark and it wasn’t a good foundation for a relationship. ?
should keep fighting for this
No.
The capabilities of someone's love for you isn't demonstrated when you're easy to love.
The extent of their love is demonstrated during times when you're hard to love.
He picks and upholds the easy things, but refuses to help carry the heavy ones… except, the heavy ones are what actually matter in a reletionship.
You need a partner who is capable of carrying your full weight, not one that is only capable of holding your hand.
Your reletionship is sucking the life out of you and depressing you. That is a good indication that you should seriously reconsider things.
thank u, I'll try to think about it this way! its easy for me to lose sight of things so this helps 🙂
Guy seems gross and I would NEVER date a coworker but where is the risk with a 10 year difference with 30 and 40?
How do you know he didn't think about it before getting with you? But that's all they are, thoughts. He literally loves you and wants you, if he didn't he would of told you when he came out. Doesn't change anything. He was just comfortable enough accepting it and telling you about it.
Sociopaths are not harmful, you should have seen the sings before, nothings changes in the relationship between you because of a diagnosis. Maybe now you can just understand and make some sense of his actions more clearly. Sociopaths are capable of love. Everything is gonna be fine.
She's keeping the baby?
I agree, he should have a conversation with her, maybe something along the lines of “hey, remember when you said I should be open with you about my feelings, well when I did and I let my emotions out you didn't say anything or do anything to comfort me, is there some reason for that”? May as well get to the elephant in the room straight off the bat.
Kinda sounds like you're justifying it if she did cheat pinning it more on his issues. But who knows maybe she didn't and there just old condoms
You are with him because the only thing that would make you more lonely than your current situation is being single. But that’s not fair to him. You need to tell him and end things. Learn to on-line on your own until you find someone who shares a similar lifestyle. Sounds like if you can’t go a few hours without him, poly might not work either once you see your partner with other people. You have to figure out your emotions.
How many times have you cheated on your current bf?
Do you cheat with new partners or do you have like a second boyfriend?
You bring partners into the apt or go to theirs or?
Yeah maybe not the best way to say it for sure. But who hasn’t been to someone’s house where they have a mangy old cat or a jumpy loud dog that won’t leave you alone?
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He is telling you something about himself. Listen!!
When he does things for other people he views it as transactional. If I do this for you then you to that for me.
| “It feels like I am taking care of a child”
Yeah, that’s because it’s exactly what you are trying to do. You’re trying to be his mother and “save” him, not have a co-equal adult relationship with him.
You might seek some counseling to figure out why you feel the need to date people you have to “save” and not people who don’t need saving.
Because here’s the dirty secret – either he will always need saving, meaning you just adopted a grown-ass man-child, or he will become independent and you will get bored or he will feel smothered and the relationship will end badly if you don’t get your head around your own issues
You know what happened bro. Trust your gut.
Thanks man your comment seriously helps and I can def say I’ve been fantasizing about her a LOT more often compared to when we started dating and this has been feeling like less of a problem to me lately
OP , 2 happy homes is better than 1 home full of resentment and mistrust.
Unfortunately there are an alarming number of people on here that don't have a problem with this woman dating this very young man.
well i wasn’t okay with this which is why i told him to cut her off completely or don’t come back to me. he did tell her he wasn’t over me and out of respect for me he will not talk to her anymore because she did continue to text him even after rejecting him
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Thinking you'd be stepping on your male friend's toes is the same as trying to make a decision for your female friend. Let her be the one to determine if she's interested in either of you that way. It's possible she feels the same way about you. It's possible she doesn't think you like her that way, so would only know if you tell her. It's also possible she likes your other friend. It's also possible she doesn't like either of you that way.
If you are turned down, it doesn't mean it would harm your friendship with her. Many people stay friend's with others who express romantic feelings that are not reciprocated.
If your male friend has a problem with it, he needs a reality check. There is no calling dibs on romantic interests.
Let her know how you feel!
Yep, it’s tough Bc you just want to move past it but it’s not something that is just over. This might affect her for the rest of the relationship to an extent.
We’re definitely on the same page about that stuff. BC is a no because I have issues with mental health and I think BC could very easily plummet my mental health. The plan if we do have sex is to use a condom brand that’s very difficult to break, and a plan B immediately after sex. On the very slim chance I did get pregnant, it’d go for adoption or we’d keep. No abortion. We don’t agree with that. Yes, we both masturbate and we’ve done heavy letting. We’ve explored our bodies together as well. We’ve only ever done what we’re both comfortable with. Fingers and tampons have gone in easily for me. Things like dildos, never. But maybe a small pen or 2 before.
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I’m sorry ❤️ I’m sending you so much love. Just know that you deserve so much better & whatever happened and whatever happens- none of it is your fault. He is simply projecting his own issues and insecurities on you. I hope that you can find that love and peace that you deserve.
Both.
Thing is though is that he’s used these dating apps before, so he had them before we even started dating. It’s how he got with his last ex. So ngl I’m not entirely surprised that he forgot about them being a thing, but also still suuuuper not trusting him because he told me he used Tinder when he was swiping while we were in a rough patch.
I just showed him the Hinge account and photo he forgot about. So he was using at least 2 of them. Definitely still nasty.
Ahhh she triggered the bully to get a response so she could be seen as a victim. Nods. It’s a tricky situation. Being the way I am I would tell her while I understand that she was being bullied that I don’t agree with her actions. That you are there to support her when she needs it but you can’t just be on her side now.
Nope still his problem for being insecure and controlling. She can wear what she wants and feels comfortable in.
He should’ve been there for you. You were in a situation that troubled you he should’ve calmed you down and reassure you. He will never have your back unless HE judges it’s worth it.
Not a good partner you took the right decision to break up.
You have wasted her time for four years
Yea yea whatever. She didn't seem to be disturbed by the age part at all until it was pointed out. This is just rage bait anyway so cool it mrspreto. Happy cake day
I love it when men cry in front of me because it shows me that they’re sensitive, which is something I find extremely attractive. It also shows they’re comfortable being emotional and vulnerable and having difficult conversations. Also all attractive traits in a partner. If a guy told me he never cried I’d be put off.
If, at age 20 and after three years, you have lost your enthusiasm for your boyfriend, you should probably break up and try someone else.
Healthy relationships yes – abusive ones nope. You can communicate all you want, he’s just testing your boundaries and will go further and further with the abuse. RUN. Do NOT sink your life with him.
Would she not notice the smell herself if it was an infection? Unless she’s got that post covid nose going on. If she doesn’t notice it herself I’m thinking it’s more her natural scent and so she’s used to it. However I couldn’t think anyone’s natural smell would be so bad it would make you want to gag?♀️
just get a test and show him done . then he can sincerely apologise to you
You’re being abused, girl. He’ll never stop. Get rid of him and don’t ever out up with that cr@p again. If you can, prosecute him, get some justice.
Yea my initial thought was “bf is an insecure ahole.” Subsequent comments have me rethinking that.
Thank you. I didn’t think about it as being such a small part of the bigger picture. It was the most intense thing I’ve ever experienced and I think I’m just scared I won’t ever feel anything so strongly again.
It sounds like you want to try to date but you're worried he might not like you. FWB is not going to be good for you, it's not what you want. You have to communicate what you actually want.
There it is. They wanted her to marry the money or baby trap you. Kind of like prostitution, but not the same.
Thanks for the advice. He explained that he was deep in a porn addiction that was spiraling out of control, so he was needed more stimulation or something along those lines.
Other than this recent information, all has been good.
I did forget to make mention of his habitual masturbation to my social media photos that he admitted to, including sharing certain pictures with his friends at the time, who are now somewhat mutual friends. It can't really separate this from how I view them now.
“The fact that we are communicating about this and trying to resolve this is evidence to suggest” – she clearly asked you to be consulted and also for her side of the story to be heard. In my opinion it's a reasonable thing to ask (for normal people). Now, if you are being abused then it's a different story. You can't reason with an abuser, you can't resolve things with an abuser, you can't change the abuser and make them not abusive anymore. If she's abusive, why are you not escaping? Why staying in abusive trauma bonded relationship?
“I’m not dismissing her this whole post is designed for me to try understand her point of view?” – you are dismissing her request for discussing the issues with her before going to tell them to your friends.
You are saying NO to her request “No. I’m not willing to do that.” – that is exactly dismissing her and not doing what she asked you to do.
“Do exactly what she asks me to do” ???? “Elaborate on this one please. Not sure what you mean by that.” – Is something wrong with you? I meant the paragraph that I copied where she's asking her to talk with her before talking with your friends… She asked you, you said NO and now you are not sure what I mean by listening to her… Even if I take your word for her being abusive, something is definitely wrong with you too…
For gaslighting, try to understand that you are gaslighting yourself! Not aware of the situation. You are only focused on doing what you think is right, you don't want to try and understand her, you are refusing to try at least for a month to do what she asks you and see if anything will improve… Basically you are so focused on your feelings about the subject that you have a tunnel vision, completely dismissing how she feels, how you make her feel by saying that you are a victim, how she's abusive… You are trashing her character, making us think that she's crazy but at the same time you on-line her so much, you are 6 years together, you want to work on the issues with her…. But at the same time you are doing everything against her.
Why don't you ask here, how can I help my girlfriend to feel respected by my friends?
Your friends think that you are in a abusive relationship, you are telling them about being abused, telling them how your girlfriend is horrible AND YOU ARR HURTING YOUR GIRLFRIEND BY DOING THAT, you are a weak person so you can't leave the abuse but instead you want to destroy your girlfriend's reputation by telling everyone how horrible, abusive and shitty person she is.
I'm pretty much sure that you are the abuser here because you do exactly what all abuser do and that is making a victim look crazy!
“I do usually talk to her first, but that’s not the issue” – ok so here we have an issue created by YOU! YOU ARE dismissing what your girlfriend asked you to do. Instead of trying to listen to her (in my opinion a reasonable thing to ask) YOU ARE CREATING A PROBLEM, MAKING US THINK THAT SHE'S CRAZY for asking something reasonable, you don't want to listen to her, understand her, respect and do what she asked you to do. Where your toxicity and abuse comes from is for having your opinion on what's right, dismiss her completely, not trying to show her this thread and let her write her side of the story…. You are afraid that if she tells her side then you will be EXPOSED as being the abuser so that's why you are gaslighting her and doing everything so that her side of story is not known.
“I’m allowed to decide for myself who I talk to about my own feelings. No?” – Yes you are but you are not allowed to talk bad about her, destroy her character, make people think that she's stupid, abusive, crazy…. If you love that person then you wouldn't do what you are doing!
“She has a general issue with me talking to my friends at all” – If she's the abusive one, after first 6 months of the relationship you would have no friends. After 6 years you still have your friends and you are trashing her to them.. I can guarantee to you that she's not the abuser.
“She has a general issue with me talking to my friends at all” – you have an issue of her talking to your friends and not the other way around!
In my opinion you are abusing her! She's not crazy but you seems like you are! Totally delusional, afraid to be exposed, tunnel vision… No empathy, need analogy to understand something basic…
I feel sorry for her… Also I feel lucky for myself that I don't have to deal with you, argue in circles, getting gaslight…
Thank you
The guy lives at home. Surely he won't be financially fucked as he doesn't have financials to be fucked with
Advice for life:
Don’t double text people, especially people you’re casually talking to. If they want to talk to you, they will. If you don’t hear from her in another day, just unmatch. You’ll feel a lot less desperate if you maintain some communication standards and stick with them.
What does she honestly do for you though? What does she do to make you happy?
Urgent care is useless. Go to a pediatric ER or trauma center
He met them a few times, indicating you had this guy around that you were emotionally cheating with AT YOUR HOUSE when you were still married?
Monkey branching is so shit.
And this isn't going to last.
The high won't last and you'll find yourself just as unhappy as you did before.
Only a matter of time until he hates you too, and when he does it will go poorly.
You cant make that ask. She is trauma bonded and asking would likely just push her toward him. Is she in therapy, she will need it badly.
All you can do is reiterate that him not being blocked makes you uncomfortable and she can have no positive interaction with him so why even leave it a san option.
But frankly dude she sounds like she needs to be single. You guys have a rough patch and she goes right back to him. This is going to be reoccurring. Protect your heart. Enough red flags here for a communist parade.
Yeah she cheated
And that's how you know you're being used.
Absolutely! I will give her the chance to work things out, if it doesn't play out like that then we can break things off.
Thats called context, and it usually helps people put things in perspective. I'm not the asshole for you not providing context. Maybe you should take a break from relationships until you're in a better physical/mental state to make life decisions. Being in a relationship isn't always helpful.
Your bf is a walking red flag. However, you did ask your friends not to call you late at night. Your friend ignored this request. Unless that call was an emergency, why did he call you? For many reasons, you should leave this guy.
Give him a chance to warm up to you! At a certain point he needs to do some of his own research, not knowing where the clitoris is is pretty basic, but next time maybe let him go down on you and give him really clear instructions (up a bit, down a bit, right there, just like that, slower, faster) and give him lots of praise and positive reinforcement when he does something you like. Another trick an inexperienced man actually taught me is to draw letters on ur clit w his tongue until he finds the one you like. It’s important that you take the lead a bit as the more experienced one and he’ll appreciate the kind advice. It sounds like you guys have good chemistry outside of the bedroom which imo is more important and more rare than inside the bedroom (unless he’s a total asshole in the bedroom which doesn’t seem to be the case here).
Giving that little bit of gentle instruction can mean the world to him and give him the confidence and arousal to stay hard. He doesn’t sound like the type who wouldn’t listen.
I’ve got nothing against prostitution! Wouldn’t ever date a prostitute though, even if she’d stopped. A lot of men feel that way So keep that in mind. But if both are consenting I wouldn’t say there’s anything wrong.
How is taking my life and putting it on hold being “incredibly selfish and immature”, especially when I’m doing it to give back to the world and community?
Litter boxes should be scooped out daily. For 2 cats you need 3 boxes. Most cats prefer boxes with tops where they can feel protected. Are the cats sterile? Do they have health issues? The other thing to try would bea different type of litter
Why does it even matter?
If you have a super toxic relationship, that is not a relationship. Just hell. So leave. Everyone will be happier.
And leave the kid alone. It is bad enough he has grown up in amongst this toxic relationship. Don’t ask him about possible cheating to add guilt to the mix that maybe him telling you broke his mummy and daddy up. You relationship should have already ended. Just bite the bullet so everyone can move on and try to find your happiness.
Why can't you leave your rapist boyfriend?
It doesn't… really matter what he responds with at this point. You don't trust him, and that's the problem. He's probably given you other reasons not to trust him: the kind of thing that gave you reason to look in the condom drawer.
You don't trust him because you know he's cheating on you. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Take your time, and keep it together.
On the surface, I’d say to just let this go and give it time. You made a joke, it didn’t land, and you apologized. There should be nothing more that needs to happen.
However, clearly there’s something else behind this. I can only guess at the inferences he’s making though because you didn’t give us a lot of detail. Why is it so gross to joke about sex? Why does he think it’s disrespectful? Does he think your past sexual behavior is gross and disrespectful? Is he repulsed by bodily fluids? Is he so insecure that he can’t deal with the fact that you’ve had sex with other people before?
The part that’s weird to me here is that you made a joke you thought was funny and then when your boyfriend didn’t like it you totally spun out and reversed course, like of course he would think that was gross and you never should have joked about it and you really messed up. There’s something about that dynamic that feels odd to me but I can’t quite put my finger on it. The only two explanations I can come up with are 1) your humor is a consistent sticking point and you know your bf doesn’t like gross out jokes but you make them constantly anyway to provoke him on purpose, which makes you a jerk. Or 2) your bf regularly has such over the top responses to your innocuous comments that he’s trained you to immediately bend over backwards asking for forgiveness every time he gets upset, which makes him a jerk. Does either of those patterns sound familiar?
he told me it was too early to discuss it.
Uhh, if y'all were in your 20's sure, but 3 months is well within the timeframe to mention that. It's critical at your ages, actually. I bring that shit up on date #1 because yes/no on kids is a dealbreaker for basically everyone.
That is a surprising attitude for a 47 year old who thinks this is going to be a serious relationship.
You're definitely not a woman who plays games.
It's one thing when the target of bullying tries to resent and say something, and it's a completely different thing when other teammates oppose bullying and report that it is unacceptable in a game with them.
Lol
Certainly
Your place is not below him. In fact, your place is not WITH him. This is abusive behavior from him. Insulting you, controlling you, demanding your attention, etc. It means that you are free to leave and be happy by yourself and make room in your life to meet someone who is good to you.
A partner who loves you would not treat you this way.
It's easy to say, but just break up. You're young still, no need to waste a year on a guy who hardly wants to see you. You're having a rocky relationship because you feel like he doesn't put in any effort, so all I can guess is that there's more lacking than just the lack of facetime.
I think you need to re-evaluate your moral compass if this isn't a deal breaker for you. That is just fucked up.
It'd be sad if he's more mature at 18 than you at 23.
And have their baby in between them.
Are you making up for the lack of intimacy with masturbation and porn? If so, I suggest going cold turkey from that for one month. Make it a challenge and see if it helps you rebuild your sex drive and interest in intimacy.
This is a major culprit in this era of streaming porn. Sex feels like work when instant gratification is so readily available. Add in stress from work – the trade off seems reasonable. But it damages your relationship.
Give it a try. If you care for her, realize this likely has nothing to do with her.
I understand the other commenters’ perspectives and do agree that you shouldn’t be controlling your brother. Your husband however has a right to not want the dog in his home if it makes him uncomfortable. If he ends up not feeling comfortable with the dog in his home or around his baby, I would support that. His boundaries are just as important as your brothers.
Good luck OP. Feel free to reach out if you ever need a friend to talk to. You are about to go through some difficult moments. You need to bring out the lioness in you and face what is heading your way.
…and get your go bag on the ready. Change passwords to your phone, email, etc. Know where all the bank accounts are and get some $$$ in the go bag. Find all the documents you need passports, social security, birth certificates, insurance policies, marriage certificate etc — stuff you need to go.
I wouldn't date anyone who's even mildly overweight personally.
If you have to write a post this long and detailed on your friends relationship, you really need to just stop and take a step back.
RemindMe! 5 days swimsuit
I’m sorry, your boyfriend seems clueless. Not only is he clueless, he tried to flip the script and be insulted that you would relish the opportunity to on-line in places that have very little diversity. I would think long and very hot about marrying and/or having a kid with this man.
It doesn’t matter is the point. Why do you dare, you’re not together? Who she dates isn’t your business and you should stay off her social media.
Your current boyfriend absolutely unblocked your ex to see what would happen when the ex contacted you. The only thing that fucked his plan up was that the ex messaged you so quickly after getting unblocked; if Facebook hadn’t specifically pointed out you just unblocked the ex (an act you know you didn’t perform) he’d gaslight you into thinking you never blocked the ex or unblocked the ex and don’t remember it.
Your current bf is a manipulative piece of shit performing psychological abuse. Don’t fall victim to the sunk cost fallacy. You’re still young and there’s no reason to graduate from this petty insecure high school mind game nonsense to whatever other abusive methods he’s brewing in his toxic mind. Seriously: you need to get away from this man.
Was the baby planned?
This was where my brain went first. Not having a job lined up and moving in? Yikes.
Lol if it’s a problem IT IS that serious. Some of y’all really need to learn about relationships and communication and respect in general.. just because it doesn’t bother you doesn’t mean it’s the same for her clearly. You’re rude and oblivious and not respecting the fact it bothers her, so much in fact that she wants to leave your goofy ass the next time you do it. You’re 34 years old and you act as if this is your first relationship. Get your shit together.
Many of us know, however, if our partners had a snowballs chance in hell with any of those beautiful women they'd be with them instead. They're only with us because we're as good as they can get.
Why are you SO sure she’ll lose in court, he’s been an absentee father (if he even proves to court it’s his) and the court doesn’t look kindly on that shit.
What church are they from? I’d go and be incredibly disruptive. Go over and over. If they somehow kick you out, sit in the parking lot blaring your car horn. Bonus points if you buy an air compressor for the car and get a train horn
UPDATE:
Just want to set the bachelor party scene a little better. My fiance was taken away for the weekend and his groomsmen hired topless waitresses and 1 lap dance with 1 of the girls. I've been told the lap dance was more of a show / humiliating act in front of the entire group. My fiance was not part of the party planning procedure. This did not take place in a strip club.
My fiance and I have had a big discussion. I let him know my boundaries. I explained that it's not the fact that he got a lap dances that's upset me, it's that he first said he didn't touch her breasts and then admitted he did. I was clear that I'm secure enough to have him watch but touching is absolutely off limits.
He was very remorseful and said he was sorry for hurting me. To give him credit, he was upfront and honest about having a lap dance in the first place (I know that's bare minimum).
I really do trust my fiance. He's never given me a reason to not trust him. He doesn't flirt with other women and can barely make eye contact with people in general. He can be awkward with getting physical touch from strangers so we can't even get messages together. He said that the whole dance was really uncomfortable. I let him know that next time (he said there wouldn't be a next time) he has to sit on his hands.
I also let him know I thought it was weird that his groomsmen thought of getting strippers as none of our other friends had ever had them. I told him that I felt a little disrespected that it had taken place but also understand that they may of just assumed I'd be comfortable with it because I have openly shared interest in accompanying my partner to a strip club.
Take away access to your keys. He can fix his car and do what he want with his own car!!
Time to tell him to leave too!!
That’s a really good idea. I honestly didn’t even consider that, I have a Best Buy and apples store 45 min away
If you stay with him, be prepared to accept that he will never change. If you have a kid with him, it will be your second kid cos he is your first.
The person deserve respect, the belief structure does not. These are two separate things and before you jump me that goes for all “belief structures” we don’t owe anyone to feed in to “belief”. Morons believe Covid is made up, do we have to respect that? Morons believe JFK Jr is alive, do we need to respect that? Nah.
There is no real problem here. Lots of people don't like wearing rings or jewellery in general.
Go on Amazon and order yourself some chlorophyll pills. It takes away your body odor. Even your periods will be significantly reduced in smell. You won't have armpit odor either.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
If you want to compromise talk about getting a dog trainer to evaluate your dogs potential to on-line with a cat. Be prepared for either answer and to do some work if training is possible.
If his wrote his post like OP, I think it wouldn't be too bad. A little harsher or more direct responses perhaps.
Idk if I should go for the guy (I have confused feelings for him at this point but I wouldn't mind dating him) just so I could be in the same rela as my friend.
Wtf are you doing here OP?
Are you even poly?
Who do you even like here?
You need to figure you out before you try to jump into a poly relationship because of your confused feelings of just “wanting to be in a relationship with my friend”
Like what?
munches pork rinds, popcorn style
Sounds like she didn't expect her “stay friends” to be respected, was surprised by it, and was hoping to be pursued instead. That looks like attention seeking, which would for me be a red flag.
While it may be a hard lesson for her that words can have consequences, I wouldn't feel bad about it; it was she who rejected you, not the other way around.
The literal definition of ‘captain save a hoe’
As in the person you replied to saying you don't care about your opinion. Open relationships are an excuse to cheat you.whalemonger
Making a major life decision without consulting your partner is a gigantic ? Sounds like they're taking advantage (you'll be the only breadwinner when she's on maternity) or think that you'll just see this baby and magically change your mind and love it and want to care for it. (In my experience being a childfree person, this kind of mentality is very prevalent)
You're so young, get out, enjoy your life, learn who you are. Her emotional state is not your responsibility, what happens to her or her baby after you leave is not your responsibility. Take care of yourself.
This is not a healthy relationship and there's no compromise or apology that can fix it. You're being forced into something you don't want and your partner doesn't even respect you enough to talk through your feelings. RUN.
Yikes, those are all strong words and you’re probably right.
You deserve these harsh words, you're an adult woman who can't regulate her emotions enough to respect her boyfriend's bodily autonomy.
This has to be a troll post. Nobody is so dumb.
Also I don’t think he would get mad if I was on his phone and “accidentally” saw it so I can say that…
If the first therapist doesn't work for you, keep looking.
If you have insurance that covers in-person visits? I suggest giving that a shot.
Congrats on finding out that you have a partner in your situation.
I absolutely agree. I have been practicing being alone and other things along with my therapy. I’m not perfect and I’m not mature yet. I know that much. I felt like I was making the right decision, especially because my family agrees. And they even said they like him more than any of my previous boyfriends. But I guess I’ve been getting swept up in all of this.
You've clearly grown apart and she is clearly abusing you financially and disrespectful to you. People grow and change, when you love someone, you want to be better with them.
Consider your life without her as your partner.
I love the idea of being her partner but I wouldn't be angry at her if she found someone better because I've always wanted what's best for her.
You are allowed to leave the relationship if you want to. Even if you have kids.
Talk to a lawyer and find out what your options and next steps are.
For real I don’t think there is any level of self awareness in OP.
Just wants to feel loved by a partner
“They just want people to think they do”
Ouch. This is exactly it though you’re so right
Preserve the evidence. Screenshot everything you can. Even if you’re in a no-fault state it will help you if she trues to spin the narrative to blame you for the breakup.
If she wants to leave because of this then you should let her. There’s plenty of crazy people of there who will give her a baby with no plan for the future, luckily that just won’t be you.
He didn’t make these changes when you were with him cause he didn’t face any consequences. He didn’t have any consequences, so he didn’t have the push to make those changes. Once he lost you, he was probably sad and hated himself for pushing you away like this. So now he’s putting in the work so history doesn’t repeat itself.
You move on by blocking him everyone, and telling friends/family not to update you on him. The fact that you even know he’s in therapy and reading on-line means you’re still able to keep tabs on him, which will never let you move on.
He stresses out around her because she cheated on him, he can't get over the anxiety.
He says he wants kids.
He's 100% lying.
If he really wanted kids, he'd have a strong plan for you getting pregnant in the next two years or so. Sorry – time is not your friend.
Time for an ultimatum. You need to know now if she can prioritize you above dirtiness.
This is to show you how much power he has over you. He can pin you down. It's abuse. Please get yourself safe. He's escalating because he thinks you're trapped by marriage and pregnancy. It doesn't get better from here.
Missing info: where is OP living now? Is there any reason that she and BF can’t get a place within reasonable distance of mom, where she can continue her care?
I doubt he’d move in with you without appreciating what y’all have right now.
My .02 – just keep doing what you’re doing and y’all will evolve into a routine of sorts naturally.
Whether it’s the same amount or more because y’all are together more often, it’ll be whatever is comfortable with y’all.
You’re not his exes. This is a new relationship. It’s good to know what happened in his past, but don’t use it to compare yourself to others. He chose you. He’s with you. He wants to MOVE IN WITH YOU NOW. Lol. Remember that.
I didn’t want it to be too long of a read but I shall
He doesn't want you anymore.
Sad, but true.
good luck, and wishing you strength!
No. It has to do with birds, farmers considered the ones with yellow breasts, or bellies, to be cowardly. There is also a suggestion from Christianity that yellow was Judas' color. Also, back to the bird thing, another suggestion is that it is to do with the yellow color of a chicken egg yolk, and chickens are also pretty historically linked to cowardice.
Your sister picked up the trash you put to the curb. We should feel bad that her self esteem is really that low.
I mean it’s not great if you’re not a fan of PDA, but she isn’t.
I don’t know about the whole flirting with guys thing in terms of what you’d define as that. Anger isn’t exactly a great thing in response to that as there may be a lot of Mis understanding.
The other thing is idk what your expectations are for being a healthy partner, but it sounds like there’s two issues.
One is adding pressure to yourself to be a “perfect partner” and the other is a compatibility issue.
Also your response to stress, become cold and detached, also is valid, however, it’s very important to have a strong sense of communication where you two can talk about it later.
Therapy baby