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Very fishy you need to research their relationship more
Take pictures. Email it to a few trusted people with a message not to tell your husband and delete the pics. Call the cops. Leave. As soon as he is asleep, leave.
He’s known this dude 2 hours at the most. He said “he might be lonely I don’t want to brag about having a girlfriend”
Dump his leeching ass.
Girl it would be his sperm! The risk of genetic defects goes up as the father ages too, and you should remind him that next time he wants to run his mouth and blame you.
Glad to hear you're safe. I hope you forget him soon and find a decent life partner. But don't waste this experience. Learn from it. Don't rely on other oeople, ever. No matter how much you love them or trust them, always have your stash (money, documents, emergency bag). Always have a backup plan for being safe.
what would you say to someone else after reading this? Girl, love yourself more and leave this piece of shit of a man.
Rights you would argue in civil court. But it wasn't where you were living. You were staying somewhere else.
You lied when you said you currently lived there. You didn't. You had rights to that you could pursue in civil court but you decided to pick a fight instead.
Now you got a restraining order so you can't go through civil court to online there. Good job.
At least that made it easy for your ex to settle it.
This doesn’t seem like it’s about the holidays. She’s having some serious concerns and doubts about your relationship. Find out what they are.
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Have you not seen his coments saying that makes 'girls' (not women, apparently) 'low IQ'? This guy's eother a troll or just hopelessly sexist, don't give him the time of day.
Write it off as a one off thing. You guys talked it through, both of you landed on the same mutual feeling, and from here on it's probably best to take it easy on the substances while you're around them.
A second time is something you'll want to avoid. If she actually has feeling (or you do and you aren't acknowledging it) stuff will get weird, but the only way stuff goes back to normal is if you act like it is.
If either of you does end up with feelings, it's probably best to put the friendship on hold for a while, but if someone has feelings, it's on them to own up to it.
Does it really matter OP? He's cheating on you, do you want to be married to someone who is not trust worthy and NOT loyal to you?
Because he's a bloody idiot
Oof. You messed up. 1. Don’t ever question her sexuality. If she’s identified as bisexual, that’s exactly what she is. It doesn’t matter how many men she sleeps with vs women, and as a bisexual, I can tell you: we face rampant judgment from the gay community when dating. Many, many women who identify as lesbian won’t even consider dating a bisexual. It’s not as easy developing a connection as you might think.
If you wanted to open the relationship and expected her to only date or mostly date women, you should have set that ground rule from the jump. It’s not her fault you’re now having regrets because she’s been with men.
Inviting other sexual and romantic partners into a relationship as a cure-all for varying sex drives seems like a pitfall. Instead of working on your relationship’s issues, you’ve literally invited countless issues into your relationship.
Sounds like you nude sold your wife on it instead of accepting her initial answer. I’d be SHOCKED if she wasn’t resentful about the whole thing.
I really wish you could time travel and undo this mess and figure out a way to make your relationship work with one another, but I feel like you’ve crossed lines now you’ll never be able to cross back. Sorry, just seems like unless you have a bond to survive the ages (and it doesn’t sound like you do), I just don’t see this working out in anyone’s favor.
I don't get it. On one hand you're saying you have a beautiful life, and on the other you say there's emotional abuse.
To me, it sounds like your partner is struggling mentally. Probably because she suffered a severe injury like you said. Maybe you can talk to her about her behavior. She could be depressed and needs professional help.
As far as your colleague.. it's highly inappropriate. Why would you allow yourself to talk to her outside of work for hours. Especially since you're saying your kind of her manager. Does she know you're in a relationship? If she does know, that should tell you all you need to know about her integrity.
And have you thought about what would happen if this blows up in your face? What kind of consequences do you think there will be workwise? You're in a power position as her manager.
My advice; be a professional and stop engaging with your 22 year old coworker outside of work.
Also tell your fiance what you've been up too. See what she has to say about it. Let's see if she wants to continue this “amazing life with a beautifully furnished house in the most amazing location”, with you.
Based on your comment, your bf needs to say. “When I'm at OPs house I'm not going to tell you everything I'm doing while there. I will call you once a day though.”
She should be able to accept that. even with helicopter tendencies, she's still getting her call once a day then.
This^
it happens and is valid short term. Gender disappointment is a thing. There's a life you picture with your little one and gender plays into that. If it's been more than a week and he's still struggling, then therapy and getting to the root of why needs to be addressed. And all feelings need to be settled long before baby comes and support for you should never waver
You’re on the wrong subreddit
Damn. I'm sorry you and your wife are going through this. Sorry for saying, but her family must all big peices of shit to treat her like that, and her sister seems to purposefully trying to stir shit up. I'm sure you're working in it, but if my wifes family was like that, I wouldn't have anything to do with them. Or be in contact in any way. It's as if they want to sabotage your rwlashionship and bring her down to feel better about themselves because they will never get to her level intellect and brilliance.
Hey OP. I get your point of view. But I think you assumed your bf had a hell of a lot more familiarity with your ENM world than he did.
It’s not his world. He likely needed you to say “being my boyfriend means x: do you agree to this?” Where things went wrong is that you explained a whole lot. You tried to educate him. But at no point did you get his affirmative consent for romantic exclusivity and sexual ENM. So what actually happened here is that you messed up the ethical part – explicit consent.
This was your second attempt at an enm relationship. Your first one was with someone clearly already interested in that. So I think you assumed more people are open to this than there are, and didn’t adjust your communication to reflect that reality.
Your bf was probably trying to sound “worldly” when the two of you were dating. And you did a good job introducing the topic. But you never closed the circle by getting explicit consent.
If he talks with you again make it clear to him that this is the kind of relationship you require. And that while you hope he would like to still be with you, you don’t want him doing anything he is uncomfortable with. (Another discussion you didn’t have).
If I were you I’d post in r/ENM for advice on how to avoid this in the future. You have a good understanding of how you want an open relationship to work. But you need a better understanding of how to communicate with non-ENM potential partners.
Okay so I’m going to try to avoid the classic “just break up!” advice that is the common default in this sub (and it’s usually correct advice). But I can’t say, as a partner, I’ve never acted this way so I thought I could probably shed some light on why she might be acting this way.
First and foremost, across the board, she sounds insecure in your relationship. To be more specific, it sounds like she believes you don’t like her or you’re getting tired of her, and you are probably ready to dump her at any moment. This is probably not you specific, it’s probably a very insecure attachment style from relationships and abandonment that have traumatized her in the past.
That’s the reason for the 12 hour barrage. She’s seeking assurance; or, she was at first. But then when you didn’t respond “right,” it turned into anger, then it turned into embarrassment over getting so angry and (probably) feeling stupid for the whole thing, so she might as well keep seeking assurance because she’s dug her hole this deep, why not keep going.
Similar reasons can probably also be applied to responses you think are short and sweet that she reads as short and curt. A lot of women have a really REALLY mean inner voice that they use when they read messages that aren’t flowery. Example: ??omg hi babe! I’m so sorry, I really wish I could but I’m still stuck at this party!!?but I’ll let you know if anything changes! Love you!! ?? Otherwise they read it like “I don’t [fucking] know how long I’ll be at this party [you stupid bitch].” It’s very annoying, but it’s not unusual at all and is just usually a result of socialization as a woman. I have broken the habit in adulthood but, as a woman, I have had other women (like, female managers) say that I was “bitchy” in an email merely because I didn’t pile on the “if not, no worries!!” And “I’m so sorry for asking!” ? it’s exhausting.
In short, it seems like she’s having insecurity issues that probably have less to do with you personally and more to do with an unresolved fear of abandonment. You aren’t a jerk in this situation but she’s not “crazy” per se either (at least from this occurrence alone). I think she just needs some confidence.
Sounds like you 2 just aren't compatible, she deserves to post the content she wants, but at the same time, you deserve a girlfriend who takes your thoughts and feelings into consideration. Maybe you should see other people.
Yup.
OP is here asking for advice on how to change her mother, the first step to fix a problem is to understand that there is a problem to fix.
But, based on OPs narrative, it seems even OP is not seeing an issue with the way mom is acting. So, OP should face the fact that mom has issues and work on distancing herself so they can set healthy boundaries
Oh, well, I hope my fiancee's point of view is extreme like this one but I get your point. Thank you for sharing.
If he’s asking you this, then he likely already has his eye on someone and just wants to be able to have sex with them without being labelled a cheater.
It also means that even if you say no, odds are he’ll sleep with them anyway.
Your choices as I see them are: 1. Decline as you value monogamy but be alert for the fact he’ll likely cheat on you anyway since he’s actively wanting to have sex with other women. 2. Accept his proposal but only on the basis that you can be with other men as well (it’s nude for previously monogamous relationships to survive this but it can be done, but a one sided open marriage, where only he can wander, will certainly fail due to animosity and a lack of respect). 3. Decline and leave him as he’s going to sleep with another woman regardless of your answer and you deserve more than that.
So not a great choice of options. Sorry he’s put you in this position for his own selfish wants.
If saving yourself from abuse seems mean then so be it.
I would tell her that if she wasn't willing to have a candid conversation then you will cut her off, if she doesn't, then just avoid her. Stop talking to her unless absolutely neccessary. Block her on everything, the whole nine yards.
To back up and tell you about me for context, I'm a guy and I'm happily married. Now, of course everyone's going to have different thoughts on the matter, but personally, I'm not really seeing a huge issue here.
Obviously context is everything and we have very little of it, but with just what was provided, I could see myself doing the same thing depending on the given circumstance and how comfortable we were. I think you're overthinking about him “caring.” He's having fun with the situation and also would enjoy a double date situation.
As for him focusing on his friends sexually, that might also be fine, but that's where I'd certainly agree with you in the sense that I'd take pause about it.
I don't think him putting his hand around your waist has to mean anything at all. It's nude to opine on that with no other context.
Now, what you can do is talk to HIM. I wouldn't suggest talking to her at this point because it's currently a non-issue. But you could possibly clear it up with him and move forward. If anything you said “ruined” their wedding, then their relationship was already dead and you'd have did them a favor.
You need to have a conversation with him and explain that this causes so much stress for you that it's potentially a dealbreaker. I can understand he may be carefree and obviously he considers this a non-issue but he needs to know how this makes you feel.
Setting up a direct debit can be done on banking apps in minutes, there's no excuse.
This is already a red flag to me (being 28) but if you talk to him and he still doesn't bother then you'll know he won't ever change.
My partner and I do not share towels. But none of the concerns you listed are really an issue for us either. And I luckily have a Mirena so no periods anymore which is fucking fabulous.
The issue here really isn’t towels though, it the fact that she doesn’t respect his boundaries.
She is still married? What about you?
Your response made me laugh. How little you know about us. I am more than my retroactive jealousy
Then you need to think about this rationally.
Would you want to walk into a room full of strangers at your own wedding?
It seems that there are very few friends invited to this wedding. Can the two of you sit down and think about the people you see in your every day lives and look for a way to compose a more balanced guest list?
Planning a wedding is an opportunity to figure out how your marriage is going to work. Expressing that it is very important to you to include all of your aunts, uncles and cousins at the wedding is perfectly legitimate provided that you are actively close with those people and see them at least once per month. Announcing that they are coming whether she likes it or not is a very bad way to start things out.
Right or wrong, people say stupid shit about people they care about. I don’t really understand it.
I know ?
This is a preview of the rest of your life … At least, as long as you stay with him.
If you want to be his mom forever, go for it. I can tell you from experience, this doesn't get better.
Him saying “what are you going to do about it?” is his way of telling you he doesn't think you will ever leave, so he doesn't need to put any effort in.
Do not move across the country with him unless you want to continue to online like this. I dumped a manchild over a decade ago, and he's still in the same filthy rooming house he moved into when I dumped his ass. Your boyfriend has zero intentions to change — except maybe to get worse.
Hey jw if you heard of Al-Anon? It's a support group for you (the family members/ friends of alcoholics). It's free. Meanwhile, you can establish some boundaries to protect yourself and avoid enabling her, like:
Don't offer to be her designated driver, because it encourages the alcoholic to plan on getting drunk
Don't buy her any alcohol
Dont drink with her
Don't lie for her, minimize her behavior, or help cover up for her in any way
Don't bail her out or pay her fees if/ when she gets arrested
With this disease, she will get help when she decides to, and not a moment before. You cant make her get treatment and you cant love her enough to make her stop. Thats the sucky part. But you can focus on yourself and meeting your needs, because thats whats in your control. If she decides to step into recovery, be wary of relapses, because shit happens.
It's also ok to be honest if at some pt you know you just can't do this anymore- it's really really nude to be the partner of an addict.
I wouldn‘t call this an assumption, I‘m just drawing a conclusion to very obvious implications.
I'm sorry for your situation now. I would wait until morning, and in the meantime stay on the couch. Wake him up early. You could even be nice and bring him coffee in bed before you lay the bombshell on him.
So first, try to calm yourself. I know that's nude, but you want to be as clear as you can be for this conversation and not let it get into a screaming match. I understand that you are angry, but be calm. After all, you've made your decision, and there is no going back. You can start and end the conversation with “(Name) text last night and wants to know if you nutted in her. You can go tell her in person, and do not come back. Ever. We will arrange a time and date for you to pick up your things.” If he starts to argue, you tell him you are calling the police to have him evicted. Have the phone in your hand.
And then you are done with him. But not with you emotions, obviously. I can only tell you you are better off to find out now then later on. And you can move on with your life because now you have space to heal and find someone better. And it will get better. Hugs.
Why can’t I see the comments ?. I’m getting mails for them, can see them on the commenter’s page, but not here
Sounds like he did. So just go with it , no need to ask
As someone else said, I wouldn't be in the wedding of someone who's friends with the person who ruined my marriage, and called me rude and demanding for setting boundaries with said person.
You were not rude nor demanding. Alice was an asshole to say that. You set your boundaries with a guest with whom you already have a bad history with.
Bob is just showing his immaturity, but I also think he's playing the long game here. He's setting a precedence that he won't be going to events you're invited to, thus making friends pick between the two of you.
This will either result on friends alienating you, since you're the one who “started it” by sending the message, or friends pressuring you to make amends with him to keep the peace.
He may even try to approach you and breach boundaries just so you'll be stuck between enforcing your boundaries and getting labeled as the difficult one, or putting up with him.
In your place, I'd just let it go. Don't engage in anything regarding Bob anymore. You've made your boundaries known, don't budge on them. Bob's attendance to events and his relationship with Alice and Steve are not your responsibility.
Sorry, you are right, let me clarify “from your boyfriends perspective I would think you are a bad person”
Look if you broke up with him because he was abusive etc I guess we could say you went looking for a palette cleanser or somthing but you didn't say you tried to get a date or started a hinge profile you said “I text someone looking for a hookup” that is not a very positive statement to make. You walked away from a committed relationship and tried to get filled by a rando the same day…. it looks terrible from his perspective.
I explicitly addressed it with my dad about it. He asked me if she’d convert. I said no. He said “okay”.
You’ll find good advice over at r/TryingForABaby
You can’t solve his problem. It is a mistake to believe your efforts, or words, will make him different. He does not sound like he wants to change this. Elvis Presley had this same issue and never slept with his wife again after she gave birth.
What would accepting this new reality look like for you? Could you online with the benefits you describe from this relationship that give up your expectation of sex? An open relationship is unlikely to work in the circumstances, as it is not a relationship support aid, and is more likely to weaken your bond with your partner.
Or could you temporarily stay with him? Assuming you will not have sex with him again, could you remain with him for a year or two while your child is very young? Would a platonic coparenting relationship be acceptable for those early childhood years?
If not, it sounds like the relationship is over.
Don’t fear being alone. Being a sole parent has many advantages like ease of decision-making. In time, you may wish to date again and find a compatible partner.
Bob was okay with excluding your fiancé from an after party so he should have no problem with Sarah being excluded from the wedding. Support your fiancé like Bob supported Sarah. If you’re conflicted maybe you’re not ready for marriage. You’ve watched Sarah treat your fiancé like crap and never said a word to bob. Bob let his wife treat your wife like crap. Tell Bob his wife is not welcome at the wedding and let Bob decide what he wants to do.
Honestly? Both. My family knows my sister is gay and they can’t do anything about it, and my sister knows our family doesn’t accept her and she can’t do anything about.
You dodged a bullet. Take the win.
Wait what? He wants YOU to do the laundry?! Why would the solution here be for you to do more work? That’s genuinely ridiculous and I hope I’m misreading.
It is not a full time job for him to do the laundry. I literally use the laundry to be productive. Put a load in, job search for the 45 minute cycle. Move to the dryer, do another hour of work while I wait.
You’re working full time and supporting him financially. He can find the time to apply to jobs and do laundry
Theyre all co workers ?
We’re in a long distance situation. He also has a half arm sleeve and another mid sized tattoo on the other arm. We’ve looked over google photos for reference and I’m not too keen of liking the full body idea.
Sounds like I enjoyed the attention, yes.
Has she ever had a hip replacement?
He’s a friendless loser. Is he the prize here?
We have talked it out, he gets me and I understand myself a little more.
He wasn’t upset that I didn’t want to go with his group, he’s upset that I wouldn’t want to go with just him after. I stand by how I feel though, that’s not changing
You will start to heal after he is gone from your life.
Ghost and block him everywhere.
Do not follow him on social media.
You are grieving the person you thought he was (not him).
Finally there's self help books on codependency.
Cheaters don't care. You are NOT at fault. Cheaters only think about themselves. Stop this toxic rubbish that it's in any way your fault. The ONLY thing you did wrong it take him back, he was not really remorseful. Cheater cheat because they can. Block him. He is trash. Now he becomes someone else's problem. He will cheat on them, do sad puppy eyes… he is what he is – a self-centered, me first, piece of trash.