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Thanks in advance for your insights
I gotta agree that a year and a half isn’t a mistake, or a lapse in judgment.
It literally negates the legitimacy of y’all’s relationship, as difficult as that might be to hear. Half of your relationship he had a relationship with someone else?
My guess is they had some problem and now he wants to make sure he’s got you on lockdown as a result.
If he had any conscience, or cared about you at ALL, he would’ve come clean or tried to change weeks into cheating on you. A year and a half?
Fuck. That.
Okay so two things:
It sounds like she really does care about you and likes being in a relationship with you. So I don't see any parallels of her behaviour to your not caring in your last relationships. You most likely make her feel very loved and secure and that's why she has no reason to worry or be jealous. You should just ask her if it bothered her that your friend acted that way. It probably did bother her and she was just sure enough and trusted you enough to know you would deal with it and that you're not interested in anything more than friendship with that girl. And that's what you did, you shut her down and even ended the friendship. You did all the right things without your girlfriend ever having to say anything and i'm sure she knows and appreciates you for that. Hence no jealousy, but just talk to her about it, she is the only one who can truly tell you what she thinks.
It's a major red flag and I'd tell her we need to take a break and reevaluate this relationship. That's some BS coming from you're future wife and I'd need some explaining tbh. Good luck tho and dont rush anything.
You sound like an insufferable asshole. It’s Christmas Eve, you should be a good husband and help your wife with any chores she has and spend time with YOUR family on a holiday. Go drink with your friends on not one of the special family days. The best part is you think inconveniencing your neighbor to come help your wife was a solution? Your family is not your neighbors responsibility, it is yours! She was nice enough to help and told you off deservedly.
I guess I didn’t see it as fighting back more like him giving me a taste of my own medicine but yeah this sucks
Does he also think you shouldn’t poop? I think he took the bit the girls don’t fart too seriously. I’m surprised you dealt with that for 10 years. It’s the little things
I wish you the best!
“Guess he forgot the “in sickness and in health” part of the vows. either he's committed to the marriage or he isn't. As much as you might love him, If he chooses to do this, I wouldn't take him back
Maybe she’s not that comfortable with it. At 20, a lot of people, especially women, are still figuring out what they want out of sex and what feels wrong or what feels OK. She probably isn’t very familiar with this dynamic as a non theoretical, IRL thing. She's young and a lot of women don't have exposure to this kind of thing. In her shoes at that age I'd be freaked out.
Are you Dwight from The Office??
You’ve only been with your boyfriend six months, it’s way too early to expect him to commit to marriage. Like, I guess if all you care about is finding someone willing to marry you, go ahead and get back with your ex. But I wouldn’t leave a promising new relationship for a previously failed one just to get a ring on my finger.
So I can see from your post history that you've posted about this 11 times in the last half-a-month or so.
Clearly your religious upbringing has severely fucked you up and deluded you about the facts about modern sexuality, and you should very seriously consider talking to a professional about this.
Ok, not judging here, but why did you lie to her with the “some people” comment rather than be truthful that it was one woman? I mean, if you felt like it was a white lie to not upset her, then why switch to the truth when she asked again?
Either way, it's not your job to walk on eggshells cause of her ex. But some of your “it was because we left as a convoy” comments seem like a weird truth by technicality.
Not being too harsh. Childhood trauma does not make you piss on people. He is turning himself into the victim. What he did was abusive, and if he “can't control” himself, he needs to check in to the psych ward.
We are talking but I’ve talked about a lot of stuff with the first guy, we’ve connected over childhood stuff and talked for hours every night and really opened up. He’s been helping me strive to be better and I’ve been using a lot of my therapy lessons in this “relationship”
Great! That sounds promising.
These things happen. Its okay to let people down. Its a risk we all take when it comes to dating. We make ourselves vulnerable for a shot of love. Being let down is a part of the process.
What's the alternative? You keep the connection ongoing when you're not really into it? Does that sound fair to him? Building up false hope the longer it goes? That is how people become even more hurt.
It's better to let someone down earlier than later.
And you said that you want to do things right with the other… putting an end to the other would be the right thing to do for everyone involved.
Paternity test, therapy, support your wife, the kid is also 50% your wife, so focus on that. You can’t give up on your wife or the 50% that is your wife.
Sure a monster is part of it, but your wife is in there too, making the kid someone you can love. Also, its not the kids fault, its an entirely different person and is in no way responsible. You are saving the kid from the monster.
This. No God I’ve ever heard of or prayed to goes around sending rapists to ruin innocent women’s/couple’s lives with unwanted children. I understand your wife is looking to make some sense of this and using her religion to do so but I just don’t think that applies here. Of course it’s not for me or you or anyone else to tell a rape victim how to cope with their rape. As other have stated, please remember that while you have a duty to support your wife as best you can, you also have the right to online your life on your own terms and choosing not accept responsibility for/love the child of your wife’s rapist DOES NOT make you a bad person, not does it mean you’re making this about you. My sincerest condolences and best wishes to you and your wife during the awful time, I genuinely hope you both come through this as close to healed and whole as possible, your wife especially of course.
Thanks! I think we’d welcome any suggestion that is within our boundaries of monogamy
Well, she is def cheating on you. Sorry but that’s the truth. You could do so so much better. And it sounds like you need a lot of trust when dating a girl who works there but she’s clearly cheating.
You shouldn't have to accept a man being rude and hurtful to everyone. Maybe he was different when you first got together because he hid that side of him, but that still doesn't mean it's okay.
If he treats you like crap and won't get his shit together, that's not your problem. Leave him and find someone that cares about you and your feelings.
It just sucks so much because our relationship is so good and literally everything else is so good. I just feel like I have this big hole in me
Don’t play video games. Will make it worse.
Think of depression like a tricky little rodent that likes to burrow. It can creep around and hide, leaving mess and smell behind. It’s very hot to catch. It’s nude to get rid of.
You can sweep up the leavings and scrub away the dirt, and wait to see if it pops out of its hole again. If it doesn’t, you might think you’re cured. And sometimes you are!
But sometimes, the tricky rodent is just biding its time. It waits until all is quiet, then begins to creep around again.
It could be that your wife has been feeling strained, but hoping that your youngest going to school would make her feel better. When it didn’t, there was no longer a light at the end of the tunnel.
It can be really nude to convince someone suffering from depression to get treatment. Sadly, part of the condition can include an unawareness of how sick they are.
My advice is to try to encourage her to go back to the doctor. If she absolutely will not go, then you might need to sit down with her and ask her how she thinks she can improve the relationship. At some point, you have to see some participation from her, even if it’s only showing up.
Don’t blame his Mom for not marrying. She can say… words… but he made the choice not to propose. It doesn’t sound like he wants a child or a wedding. You have to decide.
Right. She married him, so clearly he's no longer responsible for a single one of his own actions, she is now solely responsible for everything he does, he never has to consider how his actions impact anyone else, ever again, including his own child, because she married him, so now whatever he does is her fault. Did I get that right? Because it's the dumbest take I've seen all day, and I've been hanging out on reddit. Does this incredible theory work both ways? Is she now also free to do whatever she wants, no matter how badly it hurts him, so long as he knew she liked doing it before he proposed? Or is it only the man in a marriage who gets to online utterly free of any accountability?
You are defending a guy who set a fire in the house where his pregnant wife was sleeping, then got mad at her for calling the fire department instead of risking her life to cover his ass.
Guys that won't commit but want you to aren't in love with you, they are using you as a placeholder til “better” comes along. Let him have better because, sis, you're the best! Forget him, focus on living your best life and be at your best when your king comes to claim his queen!
You know that situation where one person is unhappy and the other person just isn’t picking up that there’s a problem until they suddenly find themselves with divorce papers?
I feel like that might be you, op. ‘Cause that joke just isn’t funny. That sounds like a message to me.
She wanted to assault not only you, but whoever this fictional hookup was. That's literally a CRIME and she can't see that she OBVIOUSLY fucked up?
OP, there's no fixing what's wrong with your relationship unless your wife commits to thorough and long-term therapy. Interrogation of any kind is wrong, but specifically about you cheating? Multiple times per month? This is critically unhealthy. And soon, your daughter will start seeing it and realizing what it is.
Your daughter will grow up thinking it's normal to verbally abuse someone, throw lamps or furniture at people, and accuse partners of constantly having affairs. For your daughter's sake, do not continue this living situation. One stable parent raising a child is always better than a couple in an abusive relationship raising a child.
Yes tell her. If she didn’t say all that shit and you caught her that’s one thing. But yeah doesn’t need to put fear/guilt on you for her fuck up. Man some parents…?
He’s a creep. You can do a thousand times better and I would bet real money your next relationship is more successful than his.
Dump him asap
I am very much humbly insecure ??
I said “I love you” to my boyfriend first and he didn't say it for a while. We've been together for 5/6 years now and he said it in February while I had said it sometime early 2022. I didn't want to pressure him to say it so I let him say it to me when he felt ready. Just give him time!