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No. I will say my best relationship, happiest, healthiest, most stable and current one is based on honesty.
We rarely fight. We talk all the time. We really do enjoy being with each other. We have only come close to breaking up once over a miscommunication. Early in the relationship. But again, honesty. And we talked thru it.
100%❗❗❗
Shes like a sister. Famous last words. My ex said the same thing when I said I was uncomfortable with his relationship with a coworker. He ended up having an affair with her. Do not believe him. He downplaying it and loves the attention. He's cheating.
I think this info might of needed to be in the original post, as I was about to reply with not to waste time someone who doesn’t care about you.
However, knowing he has autism and it’s severe changes my reply. As typical advice doesn’t apply, his brain literally works differently. The way he processes information and emotions is very different to the average person. He’s not accountable for that, it’s not his fault. Sure he can receive advice and coaching from professionals to help, but in the end he’s a victim of his own mind.
I think the decision you need to make here needs to be based on the relationship itself, are you otherwise happy in the relationship? If not, then I agree to part ways. Otherwise if all is well and this is an isolated incident then you can try communicating to him in a way that works for him to understand how it made you feel.
Final advice – any reason is a valid reason to break up with someone, never feel like you have to justify yourself.
My guy you seriously need to work on your issue i understand having insecurities but man you just cost your relationship. Welcome to the single life now better get that problem fixed or you going to stay single forever
You’ve done everything you can. And what do you mean he “gets defensive” he cannot reasonably defend his smelly, shit caked ass crack. If you had a pet that was tracking shit on every surface their butt touched you would take them to the vet and you wouldn’t leave without the vet without a solution. You tell him to wash his nasty ass and you tell him that you told the internet that he is one of those unwashed, dookie trailing mongrels. You have to embarrass him into washing his ass
He asked them
Talk to him tell him thats a private valentine day gift not a Christmas gift and he needs to get you another gift. Family will want to know what he got you and you'll end up telling them nothing he got me nothing..
Tell him that will be a welcome to the family killer.
If he does not get you another then sounds like he is about the sex and not about a solid future.
Thank you for the advice, I will take it into consideration.
Your wife already destroyed your relationship. There is no coming back from this. Find someone who actually values you and your child.
What was it that you couldn't stand?
I don't understand. She treated you horribly, and you're wondering if you should re-establish contact? How about you tell her you're not interested and to never contact you again?
Incredible how someone can miss the point so profoundly
Look you gotta respect and understand her wish. people need space for themselves to manage and organize their thoughts and issues sometimes, even from close friends. and that doesn't mean there is anything wrong going on in your friendship. as long as you assured her and told her that you are there to support her whenever she needed then that's all you could do. you can't simply force yourself into others problems. too much pushing while result in her in pushing you back.
“What are you doing father-in-law?”
Should I still at least go on the 2nd date and tell him? I don’t think the age gap is a problem and we are only 5 hrs away and he works from home/travels a lot.
This won’t end well for you. Doing dirty won’t make it even or get you clean. It’ll just render you thrice sullied. You will nevva gain clarity in someone else arms specially when you’re under management. Go be a free agent first!
If you truly like this person. Put it on the back burner. Get yourself together. Put your affairs in order. Officially end your current relationship. All of this is for you. So that you can hold your head high. Give yourself the respect you wish he had. You are not him. And dammit if he can’t respect you or your marriage you effing should. (After all isn't this why you continue to hurt?!) Don’t be a slouch!
And if you really, really like this other person, give that relationship the opportunity to be something better and wholesome for you. As he is a coworker you must exercise greater caution. Never poo where you eat. Never ever poo where you eat. Never poo where you eat!
I can say that it doesn't feel very intimate when someone will jerk off every single night if you say no, so in either way, they're dumping a load and it doesn't matter how they do it as long as they do it.
I can almost guarantee that is how she feels.. like she's just somewhere to dump.
Thank you for sharing. Yes it’s really tough, I’ve never been told I’m an insecure person (truly not trying to brag but just painting a picture: I do often get compliments from strangers when I’m out and the people around me tell me I’m a catch). But these interactions make me feel terrible and doubt my own worth.
I’m not naturally good at being cold to people, I’ve mostly to this point just observed the interactions and tell my boyfriend how they make me feel after. But maybe I need to take a more active approach while it’s happening.
You have to learn to get over this. Your competition isn’t even interested in women. It’s perfectly fine for someone to be interested in someone else because something didn’t work out for them and it doesn’t mean you are less-than, it’s simply life. If she is treating you well, just relax and enjoy the relationship. Think about the moments with her. Life is fleeting so you need to stop thinking about what-ifs or maybes. Just relax and enjoy the relationship and realize it’s okay she didn’t think of you first, it was kismet!
If you are that dead set on divorcing her and every time you have brought it up, she gets a panic attack……
Then you have to be cold about it and just start packing your clothes whether she screams, cries, begs, is on her knees and pleads with you not to do this.
Or…..treat her into a dayspa….so while she's getting massages, her hair and nails done, it buys you time to pack your clothes and LEAVE.
But I'm going to ask something that hasn't been addressed: WHY WAS SHE COLD EVEN WAY BEFORE SHE STARTED THE AFFAIR. Did you guys go to counseling for her behavior? Because as fucked up as this sounds, it was the affair and the aftermath that made you guys open up about your marriage. Made you guys confront the issues THAT LED HER ON THAT PATH. And if for 11 years she has been nothing but great, open with you and comunicative…..then the issue here is you working on forgiveness. But if forgiveness is nude for you….what's going to happen when your daughter in law calls you in hysterics that your son has been screwing another woman? Are you going to tell her to go to therapy and work on the issues that led to him being unfaithful or are you going to tell her to divorce him….and mind you they have little kids. Or reccomend stay miserable being married until the kids ? graduate high school?
You’re absolutely correct on this. My son’s mother (my 2nd wife) tried to contact my 1st wife with the intention of (in her mind) gaining an ally against me during the divorce proceedings. My 1st wife, whom I hadn’t communicated with in years, called me hysterically and cussed me out, demanding that I tell the estranged wife to, under NO circumstances, try to contact her again! She was traumatized by the experience. The estranged wife even laughed at her for being so defensive and being mad at her for contacting her. Just totally disrespectful. OP has nothing to do with that situation at all. IF he has a criminal history, there are plenty of avenues to gather that information. Leave the ex alone.
Summary: I am dating a total insecure fucking asshole and treats me like shit and gaslights me. Should I stay with him.
No
You are here looking for validation on leaving a cheater.
Fucking congrats everyone supports you. But you didn't forgive, and I'm sorry but the time to fuck doesn't mean shit. So what she put out fast? Ppl cheat with one night stands bro. It's a strange thing to focus on.
Normally I would be sympathetic but that was years ago. Stop wasting your life and choose. Move on one way or another.
Seriously I hope you get through this. Sorry.
Because some times GFs aren’t in the mood, or in this case asleep. Is he suppose to just stick it in her just because she is beside him? Sometimes a guy just needs to bust one. He might jerk off after she goes to sleep in another to not disturb her.
Hair and beard are honestly not the same ??
We’ve been together for a year though in a month. I wasn’t thinking of the fact that he never talked about a future with me before I read what he wrote to her knowing they were only together for a few months, like 2-3 months I don’t remember exactly.
definitely not pregnant— I felt sick because of nausea caused from antibiotics
Is she lonely? Does she have a pet? Is your other parent around?
You don't have to make any decisions right now.
All you have to do is handle each day as it happens.
None of this is your fault.
First things first….COMMUNICATE
Also the whole intimacy thing is going to be a problem especially when mixed with your insecurities.
You want her to use the ‘boyfriend card’ because you think the the other man will back off. That’s perpetuating stereotypes of men only respecting other men and not the woman.
BTW men don’t always back off and why should she have to hide behind a man?
Yeeep! But at the risk of “reaching” I decided not to go there. Looks like OP did not like what he say and deleted the post.
Thanks for your response because I was trying to decipher what it is. I used to think it was emotional immaturity too… I forgot to mention lack of accountability in my post. That and that he’s distanced himself so much from the cheating that he can’t see my pain that’s clearly still attached to it. I think he feels regret but not remorse and I’m just realizing it.
Completely? I have never heard of it completely going away.
Unforgivable to you, got it
1000% need to dumb him, he either sleeping with her or trying to.
Either way he 26 years old acting a fool, dump him tell him he now free to act single without dragging you down.
And block him everywhere
Yeh your right. I have no doubt she is going to deny deny deny. I’ll show her on her phone the evidence after I spoken to her but I’m sure she will still try say something to deflect It.
The issue is he's dating a younger person, a student, who's in a way more vulnerable position both mentally and financially.
Yet he's trying to paint it as if he is married to a full time working woman his age and she's doing nothing.
He wanted a young inexperienced student? Sorry, that's exactly what he got. And for some wishes you have to pay.
He said he has 300k SAVED up… we’ve had this convo so many times…. I would know what he meant. I know it’s his brothers now through other people and overhearing conversations.
I actually grew up in a million dollar home, it was actually quit lonely. I very much prefer a small bungalow that has a more homey feel. It’s the Fiancee who grew up in a dingy home and wants a million dollar home now which is quit the opposite of me.
But I bet you would never respond back to this post cuz you would rather very much believe your own narrative of me being a gold digger.
I appreciate your opinion of me thought.
I’m due July 2nd and my last period started end of September, I ovulated in Oct. and got a positive pregnancy test end of October.
but you're not throwing a birthday party? You're telling him to do all the organizing. Start your own group chat with his friends that he wants there. Tell them the dates and the location. Tell them everyone is responsible for their own food, bev, and transportation. Ask who plans to attend
It's a camping trip. It should be chill and easy. No one wants regimented cake and games on a camping trip.
Don't quit your job. Do you have somewhere to crash other than home?
It’s very well can be true! I’m not sure? When I asked him about this I was honestly just trying to come from a place of understanding, like I said he isn’t a bad partner, I just want to know if it was me or something else. The only thing that worries me is his work has been consistent and there’s not a lot of variation in the schedule or his responsibilities since we started dating (he even tells me he enjoys his job because it’s not a lot of work or stress just longer hours) and he was at one point initiating a lot of s*x/pda in the beginning of the relationship
If you don’t find some way of overcoming this you will lose her.
You’re smothering her and it sounds like she’s getting fed up with you.
Maybe they are friends and you are being insecure?
Pack her shit nice and neat and place on your front porch after you've changed the locks. Then as she's losing her shit, contact his so.
She doesn't deserve easy break.
I stand by what I said & I didn’t make the comparison out of spite but to make a point since they were so adamantly ignoring how the other person felt about the comment
Are you the evil twin?
you are being a bit naive to be honest – but he is the one she needs to be angry with.
I'd distance myself from him tbh – this is not leading anywhere good